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Chester Bennington my number 1 fan part 5

"Your up early! What's wrong with you"
Brad asked Chester as they walked along the hall in the hotel.
"So are you!"
Chester told Brad with a big smile on his face.
"Yeah but only because you woke me. What's going on. You wake us all up for coffee. And your grinning like some demented cat."
Shit he knows there's something going on. What the hell they all will in a minute.
"I just thought it would be nice to have coffee together."
"Your lying I know you are but I will play along."
Brad said as they walked into the dining room to meet the other guys.

"Morning guys"
Chester said beaming from ear to ear. As he joined the other guys at the table.
"So what's going on Chaz?"
"All in good time. Can I get some coffee first?"
He told Brad as he ordered.
"Is that all your having?"
"Yeah I've got plans for breakfast."
He said as he took a drink of his coffee.

"Right then guys I guess you want to know why I got you all up so early. Well there's two reasons so lets get down to it. First the not so good news. Me and Talinda are getting a divorce. We tried to make it work but it didn't."
"Oh we're sorry man."
All the guys told him. But he was still smiling.
"Right then the good news. Its kind of complicated so I will just tell you how it is. I have just found out I have another child. What do you guys think."
"Congratulations Chaz."
Mike said across the table smiling at him.
"How did that happen?"
"Well if you need me to spell it out for you Rob. When a man and a woman love each other very much."
"Ha ha very funny. I mean with who."
"Well you guys have met her. My daughter is Shannon."
"What Ella's Shannon?"
"Yeah Ella's Shannon. I found out yesterday when we went to see her."
Brad looked confused.
"So your telling us that when Ella used to hang out with us. You and her were an item. We all knew you loved her but we thought it was all one sided."
"Well you guessed wrong didn't you Phoenix. We only spent one night together but it was the best night of my life. Why did you think I was so unhappy when she left. I would have followed her if Mike hadn't stopped me."
"Mike knew. Why didn't you tell me?"
Anna said looking pissed off. Mike looked pissed off as well.
"I didn't tell you. Because it was none of our business it was there's . If they had wanted you to know they would have told you."
"Well why did they tell you? She's one of my best friends."
"They didn't tell me I caught them."
"Its true Anna I even tried to lie to him. The reason I told you all now is because Shannon and I are spending the day together. We need to get to know each other and make up for all the lost time. I just didn't want it to be an issue while she was there. Today means so much to me. So please support me. I need you guys"
"Ok we will. Does she know about you?"
"Yeah me and Ella told her last night."
"Is she happy about it."
Brad asked him. It was what they had all wanted to ask but only he had the nerve to do it.
"Yeah she is. She thinks I'm cool. She wont call me dad though. But I guess she will want to in time. She is such a great kid."
"We're happy for you. But how does Ella feel about things?"
"Better now I hope. We kind of screwed things up a bit. But we can make it right. We have to for Shannon I think we're over fighting now. We hurt each other for no reason ,But I think we can go back to being friends even if its only for our daughter."
Chester said as he looked at his watch.
"Right guys I'm out of here. Charge all this to my room."
He said as he got up to leave.
"Where are you going Chaz?"
"For breakfast with my daughter"
He said with a smile as he walked out of the room.

"Are you ok honey?"
I asked Shannon as she sat on the sofa watching a blank tv screen.
"Mom do you think he will come?"
I knew he would be here, he would never let her down. He was one of the most reliable guys I knew. If he promised her something he would keep it.
"Yeah he will be here. Its only early honey. Not everyone is up as early as we are."
Just then there was a knock on the door. And Shannon was up in a flash. And at the door before I could stop her.

"Mom he's here"
 she said jumping up and trying to unchain the door. She was so excited.
"Hang on then let me get the door. Come on Shannon move. We cant keep your dad on the doorstep all day."
I said as I tried to get to the lock. He smiled at me as I opened the door I could have melted right then and there he just looked so handsome.

"Morning Chaz. Your up early."
"Well I couldn't wait for my pancakes"
He said as he walked into the room. Shannon was bouncing all over the room. She was so happy.
"Do you want some coffee Chester?"
"Yeah I think I'm going to need a bucket full to keep up with Shannon."
He said with a giggle. As he walked over to the sofa to sit down.
"So are you looking forward to today honey?"
He asked Shannon. He was blind if he couldn't see just how excited she was.
"Yeah I cant wait for your show. Mom let me listen to your new Album today... Even with the naughty words."
She told him. She felt so grown up when I let her hear it.
"Your mom has our album?"
"Yeah she has them all. She has the dvd's as well. She said we could watch one. But she was to busy to get them for me."
"Aw that's not good. Shall I ask mom if I can get them. And we can watch one together.?"
"Yeah please"
She said bouncing around the room again.
"Ella can Shannon watch one of our dvd's. She said you was going to let her but you didn't have time to get her one."
"Yeah if you want to. There on the top shelf in my bedroom. Just go in and get one."
I said to him as he walked out of the kitchen.
"Shit! Chaz wait I will get it."
I said as I ran out of the kitchen hoping to catch him before he got to them. But I was to late.

"What are all these Ella?"
"Oh nothing Chester don't worry about it."
I said as I tried to snatch all the letters he held in his hand.
"They’re all addressed to me. What are they Ella?"
"Its nothing just birthday cards. And letters I have written to you over the years. I always meant to post them to you. But I never got around to it please give them to me."
I said as he looked at the pile of envelopes in his hand.

"Ella why can't I read them. They were meant for me?"
"Chester its all in the past. There just letters I wrote to tell you about Shannon. And when I first left. I kind of used them as therapy to make me feel better. They wont make sense to you."
I said to him. I didn't want him to know how bad things had been for me when I left. I didn't want him to know how much I had missed him. Or how lonely I had been. But most of all how much I loved him. But I guess they belonged to him. There were photo's of Shannon when she was a baby. Pictures she had drawn for him. It was only right he should have them.
"Ella are you ok. I'm sorry I shouldn't have pried into things."
"Yeah Chaz you should take them. They are yours. There are photo's of Shannon in them. And pictures she drew for you School reports. I'm the one who should be sorry. I should have sent them."
"Chester did you get the dvd."
Shannon asked as she ran into the room.
"Yeah honey I'm just coming. Are you sure Ella"
"Yeah take them. Then maybe I'll be able to move on."
I told him. I really didn't want to though. I loved him so much. When I looked at him. I knew I had hurt him to.
"Ok Ella if that's what you want."
He said as he walked out of the room. A few minutes later I heard the music. And I lay on my bed and cried. I knew I was meant to be making breakfast but I need to be alone for a while.

"Why is it taking mom so long to make the pancakes?"
"I don't know honey. Do you want me to go and see?"
"Yes please"
She said as she sat watching her father on the tv.
 Where is she there's no noise in the kitchen. He thought to himself as he walked towards the bedroom.
"Ella?"
"Yeah just give me a second Chaz!"
I shouted through the bedroom door. Had I been that long. No matter how hard I tried to stop crying the tears kept coming. Then I felt someone sit on the bed. I lifted my head from the pillow and expected to see Shannon. But it was Chester who just sat there looking at me.  Then he put his hand on my shoulder trying to comfort me.

"Ella you can have them back. I don't want to see you so upset."
"No Chaz its not that. They're yours and you should have them."
"Then what is it. Do you want me to go. Is having me around that painful?"
"No Chester I don't want you to go. Its just a bit overwhelming that's all. Shannon is so happy to have found you at last. You can't go she needs you. I'm ok really I said as I sat up. Lets get on with these pancakes."

Breakfast was great. I had never seen Shannon so happy. When it came time for Chester to go. She even gave him a hug. Things were going really well for them. I wanted to be happy for them. But I felt so alone. I had already lost the only man I could ever love. Now I felt like I was losing my daughter. I know I sound so selfish but that's how it felt. She was all I had in the world.

"So Chaz how did it go?"
Mike asked as Chester walked back towards his room.
"Things are great with Shannon. She even gave me a hug. Its Ella I don't know how we can do this together. I'm going to go and have a lay down. Shannon has worn me out."
When he got back to his room he looked at the letters.
Should I read them. Or should I wait till I get home. Oh I don't know. But what can it hurt.
He looked through all the letters until he saw one that was dated three days after she left.
Well I guess I should start here.
He thought as he open the envelope.

Chester I'm so sorry I left you without telling you goodbye. But I couldn't have left if I had. I just couldn't stay and see you with her I love you. I guess I always have. You have always been special to me. It wasn't until after what Phil had done. That I realised how I feel about you. I just wish you had meant it when you said you would tell her about us. You will always be in my heart and always be the only man I will ever love.
                        Ella xxx

Poor Ella no wonder she didn't want me to read these. He thought as he looked for the next letter. There was one dated three months later.

Oh Chaz I wish you where here with me. I'm so scared I need you. How am I going to do this without you. Chester I'm having our baby.
I know its our baby because of what the police doctor said. Phil was careful he didn't leave anything behind it was us who wasn't careful. Oh Chester I wish you could save me this time. I wont get rid of it though. Its going to be my only chance to have a baby. Because there will never be another man for me. You're my only love.
   Forever yours Ella. XXX

He wanted to cry as he read letter after letter.
I should have looked for her. We could have been a family. But then I might not have had two of my sons. He thought to himself. Then he found a letter from 1999 around the time the bad had released there EP

Hi Chaz congratulations Anna told me you about your EP  I'm so happy for you. I know your band is going to be huge. I have some news for you to. You're the father of a beautiful healthy baby girl. I have decided to call her Shannon. I hope you like it. She looks like you. She has your nose. Poor thing ha ha. I wish you where here. I wish we could be a family. But I will give her the best life I can. And I will tell her what a great man her daddy is. And make sure she knows that she was made in love. I love you honey. Ps there is some baby pictures of Shannon enclosed in this letter.

I cant read anymore he thought Seeing all the smudged ink where Ella's tears had hit the page. All those years ago. Even though she had tried to keep the letter light. He knew just how much pain it had caused her. Shannon really did look like me he thought. She really was a beautiful baby.
I wish I could make all the years of pain go away. But how can I. I love her so much I always have. But that just is not going to be enough.