Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Would You Be There Should I Stumble And Fall?
Chapter 5 - Heaven Help Us Now
Every time the phone rang, every time there was a knock at the door my whole body tensed. It had now been a week since my step-father and mother came round. I was never allowed out on my own, I couldn’t even go to the shop, which is less than a minutes’ walk away alone, just in case they were there, waiting for that one moment when I would be alone. I couldn’t take much more of this, waiting for what I knew was going to happen, it was slow, painful torture and it wasn’t just me that it was now affecting.
I’ve thought of just going back home, it would be easier, but I’m never on my own long enough to get my things packed. I don’t deserve this...protection, I deserve everything beating, every punch, every kick, every bad word said about me, every cut, and every bruise. I don’t understand why Bob wants me to stay here; I’m just in everyone’s way. I go to the bathroom, and sink down to lean against the wall, tears now streaming down my face, I shuffle over towards the toilet, and stick two of my fingers down my throat until I sat staring my stomach contents that were now in the bowl in front of me. I looked down at my rapidly shrinking stomach, and yet it still wasn’t enough, I still needed to lose more weight, doing this, it wasn’t enough.
I went to the bathroom cabinet, and found my bag were I kept all of my toiletries, and right at the bottom I found what I was looking for, a tiny blade that was centimetres long, such a tiny thing, could cause so much damage and devastation to one person’s life, and, so I’ve heard, to the persons family and friends but I would never know that.
There were so many things, that people didn’t know about me. Things I kept bottled up inside, no-one knew about me self-harming, how I thought or even what I thought. There was two main reasons why no-body knew, 1) they wouldn’t care and 2) saying them out loud somehow made them real, like it was actually happening...to me... and I didn’t want that. Nobody wanted the burden of my problems, hell even I didn’t want the burden of my problems. You see people, walking down the street, or walking around the mall they’re happy, care-free, no problems at all...and then you see me riddled with guilt/problems and regrets. Different, is what some people call it, I, on the other hand call it completely fucked up. Bob deserved better than this.
I looked at the tiny blade that I was touching with the tips of my fingers, I pulled up the leg of my left trouser to real the red marks and fading white scars that would be with me forever. ‘Just another couple to add to the collection’ I thought as I pressed the shiny, cold, red-splattered blade against my skin.
A loud bang behind me made me jump and drop the blade and it landed with a tiny clink on the floor, I knew by the sound that it was the bathroom door opening, but I couldn’t understand why nobody had said anything...usually when you walk in on someone in the bathroom you automatically say sorry and quickly leave. Before my thoughts could proceed into anything else, and before i got the chance to pull down my trouser leg before who-ever it was saw the brutality of the cuts, I felt something small and cold press up against a hole in my back and someone leaned in against my ear and whispered...
“All alone, sweetheart?”
A/N: hey guys, really sorry I havn't updated this in MONTHS, I kinda lost track of everything and stuffs... I wouldn't blame you if you've abandoned this story, cause quite frankly I had until I just had a random thought to update it tonight, lol.. anywho's id be really grateful if anyone is still reading it to R&R, cheers guys!
Every time the phone rang, every time there was a knock at the door my whole body tensed. It had now been a week since my step-father and mother came round. I was never allowed out on my own, I couldn’t even go to the shop, which is less than a minutes’ walk away alone, just in case they were there, waiting for that one moment when I would be alone. I couldn’t take much more of this, waiting for what I knew was going to happen, it was slow, painful torture and it wasn’t just me that it was now affecting.
I’ve thought of just going back home, it would be easier, but I’m never on my own long enough to get my things packed. I don’t deserve this...protection, I deserve everything beating, every punch, every kick, every bad word said about me, every cut, and every bruise. I don’t understand why Bob wants me to stay here; I’m just in everyone’s way. I go to the bathroom, and sink down to lean against the wall, tears now streaming down my face, I shuffle over towards the toilet, and stick two of my fingers down my throat until I sat staring my stomach contents that were now in the bowl in front of me. I looked down at my rapidly shrinking stomach, and yet it still wasn’t enough, I still needed to lose more weight, doing this, it wasn’t enough.
I went to the bathroom cabinet, and found my bag were I kept all of my toiletries, and right at the bottom I found what I was looking for, a tiny blade that was centimetres long, such a tiny thing, could cause so much damage and devastation to one person’s life, and, so I’ve heard, to the persons family and friends but I would never know that.
There were so many things, that people didn’t know about me. Things I kept bottled up inside, no-one knew about me self-harming, how I thought or even what I thought. There was two main reasons why no-body knew, 1) they wouldn’t care and 2) saying them out loud somehow made them real, like it was actually happening...to me... and I didn’t want that. Nobody wanted the burden of my problems, hell even I didn’t want the burden of my problems. You see people, walking down the street, or walking around the mall they’re happy, care-free, no problems at all...and then you see me riddled with guilt/problems and regrets. Different, is what some people call it, I, on the other hand call it completely fucked up. Bob deserved better than this.
I looked at the tiny blade that I was touching with the tips of my fingers, I pulled up the leg of my left trouser to real the red marks and fading white scars that would be with me forever. ‘Just another couple to add to the collection’ I thought as I pressed the shiny, cold, red-splattered blade against my skin.
A loud bang behind me made me jump and drop the blade and it landed with a tiny clink on the floor, I knew by the sound that it was the bathroom door opening, but I couldn’t understand why nobody had said anything...usually when you walk in on someone in the bathroom you automatically say sorry and quickly leave. Before my thoughts could proceed into anything else, and before i got the chance to pull down my trouser leg before who-ever it was saw the brutality of the cuts, I felt something small and cold press up against a hole in my back and someone leaned in against my ear and whispered...
“All alone, sweetheart?”
A/N: hey guys, really sorry I havn't updated this in MONTHS, I kinda lost track of everything and stuffs... I wouldn't blame you if you've abandoned this story, cause quite frankly I had until I just had a random thought to update it tonight, lol.. anywho's id be really grateful if anyone is still reading it to R&R, cheers guys!
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