Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > And I'll End This Direst: a Frerard story
Gerard’s POV
“Hey,” Bob spoke. “I need to get gas; just letting you know.” He signaled into a gas station and got out. It was nighttime, and the florescent lights of the gas station hurt my eyes. I watched all the bugs fly around and bump into the lights above us. Stupid bugs, but sometimes that was all you felt like doing. Flying around and running into things.
“Why did you do that, Frank? Tell him where you were, I mean,” I finally asked.
“I can’t take it anymore, Gerard. I’m going home.”
“Frankie, please don’t. You won’t be safe. I brought you out here because I wanted to protect you.”
“You mean, you wanted to protect yourself.”
“That’s not true,” I said, too quietly to hear. “I don’t feel tired anymore. Do you want to switch places with me so you can sleep in the backseat?” He sat there for a second, and then unbuckled his seatbelt. I got out and walked to the passenger’s seat, ignoring Bob’s confused look as Frank brushed past me.
Bob eventually got back in the car, and we were soon on the road back to Belleville. We were two days away. I rested my head against the cold window, and soon I fell asleep.
In the morning, I felt strangely grumpy. I looked over at Bob, who was still driving. “Damn,” I said. “Bob pulled an all-nighter.”
He laughed, phenomenally not tired. “I made seventeen stops for coffee last night while you were asleep,” he said. “I’m not even exaggerating.” And indeed he wasn’t; empty coffee cups covered the floor and the backseat, where he’d been throwing his cups at Frankie. I couldn’t even see the floor mat anymore.
“Aren’t you tired?”
“Actually, not at all!” he said, grinning. “I feel like I just woke up.”
“Damn,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “Bob’s the man. Well, when you crash or want me to take over, just let me know.”
“Will do,” he said, and we kept driving.
Frank didn’t wake up until around lunchtime, which surprised me. Not only did he usually wake up very early; he also slept from lunchtime yesterday until nighttime. Then he slept all night.
“Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Bob joked, looking at Frank through the rear-view mirror.
Frank made a face. “Morning, magic pumpkin carriage driver,” he retorted, stretching. He didn’t bother telling me good morning, I noticed.
“Excuse me, that’s the wrong story. I believe Cinderella had the magic pumpkin,” Bob laughed.
“Whatever. Forgive me for not spending my time analyzing Disney princess movies, like some,” Frank grinned back. God, I missed his smile. I missed holding him close. I missed having someone that actually gave a damn about me.
“I… shut up, okay?” Bob laughed, refocusing on the road.
“So you admit it?” Frank said, eyes wide and full of smiles.
“No… I said shut up, Iero!” Bob and Frank both cracked up at this, and I couldn’t help but feel alone. I needed Frankie back.
“Frank, now that we’ve had this little fun moment, Gerard’s got something he wants to tell you.”
I blinked. “I do?”
“Yes, you do,” Bob said, looking at me.
“Uh… what is it?” I whispered.
“What is it, Gerard?” Frank asked, the smile gone from his face.
“I’m, uh, sorry?” My answer was more of a question directed at Bob. What did he want me to say? I already tried apologizing to Frank; what else was I supposed to do?
“Are you?” Bob asked me, as if to answer my question.
“Hell yes I am, but he won’t listen,” I said.
“Well, tell him anyway.”
“Um…” I turned back to Frank, who was now glaring at me. It felt as if someone was stabbing me in the heart, but I didn’t know what else to do. I took a breath: “Frank, I don’t—”
“Save it, Gerard. I’ve had enough.”
“Listen to him, Frank.” Bob shot him a look that made Frank fall silent.
“What the hell are you, some kind of therapist? I don’t expect anything to be truthful anyway,” he said.
“Bob, stop the car,” I said, and Bob did as he was told, pulling over. I got out and joined Frank in the backseat of the car. “Frank, we’re not going anywhere until you listen. I did this because I was scared. It’s hard to deal with someone you love not being with you anymore. That’s never happened to you, thank God, but it’s a memory that haunts me every day. That’s why I ran away with you; I got scared.”
“You got drunk, you mean,” Frank said. “After telling me you quit a long time ago. So was all that a lie too? Bert and your seventh grade boyfriend? I bet he never existed, you shitty liar!”
I froze; he had hit me where it hurt the most. Bert and my seventh grade boyfriend was no lie; every experience I’d ever told Frank was the truth. The thought of Bert and my boyfriend being lies nearly killed me; I found myself almost wishing they had been, but I stopped myself. For once in your life, I told myself, be strong. This was my burden to bear. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, and I struggled to keep them back.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just mad. Just blowing off some steam. I’m listening.” I noticed Frank wasn’t making any movements to reassure me, like he usually did.
“Oh, God, Frank. You must hate me. I’d hate me if I were you. God knows I hate myself.”
“No, I don’t hate you. I just want answers.”
“Frank, I want you to know that you are the only one I’ve ever told the whole truth to. Besides Bob, he already knew some of it, since he knew Mikey in Chicago.”
“You did?” Frank glared at Bob accusingly.
“Hey, we hated each other,” Bob said hastily, and Frank turned back to me.
“Well, I hadn’t had a drink since seventh grade, you know that. But the second day I knew you, I had some alcohol. I went to your house so you could pick up some clothes and stuff, remember? You brought Pansy so you could play for me and Grandma.”
“Yeah,” he said, nodding. Then realization crept over his face. “You mean you took my mom’s alcohol?”
“Yes,” I said quietly. It was embarrassing to be admitting this to Frank. He was the last one I wanted to have ashamed of me, but that shot to hell when I started this damn conversation. “I couldn’t help myself. It’s the only friend I’ve ever had, Frank. You don’t understand, but that’s the truth. I’ve had some since then, and you found me with some before we drove out here. That’s all, and that’s the truth.”
He hesitated, and then turned to Bob in the driver’s seat. “Did you know any of this?” Bob shook his head, and Frank looked back at me. “I believe you, Gee. You should have told me when you started drinking; I could’ve helped you.”
“You were part of the reason I was drinking,” I confessed quietly.
“What!?”
“I thought you hated me, so I drank. You were the only person I could turn to, and when I thought you abandoned me, I had to go back to liquor, the friend that made me so much better a few years ago.”
“Why would I hate you, Gee? I thought you were mad at me.”
“I was, because of what you said to Eric about gay people. Now I know you would never mean anything like that. But now—”
He leaned in towards me, wrapped me in his arms and pressed his lips to mine, shutting me up. God, I’d been waiting so long for this. He ran his tongue across my lip, and we sat there, going to town right there in the backseat of Bob’s car. And you know what? It was better than paradise.
Mikey’s POV
“Whoa. Nice knife.”
“Thanks. Got it just for the occasion,” Alex grinned, proud of his contribution.
“Hey, who’s that on the side of the road? I’ve seen that car at school before…” Eric asked.
“Hey, I knew that kid back in Chicago! I hated him; his name’s Bob,” I said with hatred.
“Looks like he’s got company. We’ve found your brother and his boyfriend,” Eric said disgustedly, pointing.
“Where?” I asked, not seeing anyone else in the passenger’s seat.
“God, they’re in the backseat. Fags,” Eric continued.
“Backseat?” I squeaked. Ew.
Alex screeched the car to a stop, pulling over to the side of the road. He brought the knife with him, and Eric and I followed, crossing the now empty street.
“Hey,” Bob spoke. “I need to get gas; just letting you know.” He signaled into a gas station and got out. It was nighttime, and the florescent lights of the gas station hurt my eyes. I watched all the bugs fly around and bump into the lights above us. Stupid bugs, but sometimes that was all you felt like doing. Flying around and running into things.
“Why did you do that, Frank? Tell him where you were, I mean,” I finally asked.
“I can’t take it anymore, Gerard. I’m going home.”
“Frankie, please don’t. You won’t be safe. I brought you out here because I wanted to protect you.”
“You mean, you wanted to protect yourself.”
“That’s not true,” I said, too quietly to hear. “I don’t feel tired anymore. Do you want to switch places with me so you can sleep in the backseat?” He sat there for a second, and then unbuckled his seatbelt. I got out and walked to the passenger’s seat, ignoring Bob’s confused look as Frank brushed past me.
Bob eventually got back in the car, and we were soon on the road back to Belleville. We were two days away. I rested my head against the cold window, and soon I fell asleep.
In the morning, I felt strangely grumpy. I looked over at Bob, who was still driving. “Damn,” I said. “Bob pulled an all-nighter.”
He laughed, phenomenally not tired. “I made seventeen stops for coffee last night while you were asleep,” he said. “I’m not even exaggerating.” And indeed he wasn’t; empty coffee cups covered the floor and the backseat, where he’d been throwing his cups at Frankie. I couldn’t even see the floor mat anymore.
“Aren’t you tired?”
“Actually, not at all!” he said, grinning. “I feel like I just woke up.”
“Damn,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “Bob’s the man. Well, when you crash or want me to take over, just let me know.”
“Will do,” he said, and we kept driving.
Frank didn’t wake up until around lunchtime, which surprised me. Not only did he usually wake up very early; he also slept from lunchtime yesterday until nighttime. Then he slept all night.
“Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Bob joked, looking at Frank through the rear-view mirror.
Frank made a face. “Morning, magic pumpkin carriage driver,” he retorted, stretching. He didn’t bother telling me good morning, I noticed.
“Excuse me, that’s the wrong story. I believe Cinderella had the magic pumpkin,” Bob laughed.
“Whatever. Forgive me for not spending my time analyzing Disney princess movies, like some,” Frank grinned back. God, I missed his smile. I missed holding him close. I missed having someone that actually gave a damn about me.
“I… shut up, okay?” Bob laughed, refocusing on the road.
“So you admit it?” Frank said, eyes wide and full of smiles.
“No… I said shut up, Iero!” Bob and Frank both cracked up at this, and I couldn’t help but feel alone. I needed Frankie back.
“Frank, now that we’ve had this little fun moment, Gerard’s got something he wants to tell you.”
I blinked. “I do?”
“Yes, you do,” Bob said, looking at me.
“Uh… what is it?” I whispered.
“What is it, Gerard?” Frank asked, the smile gone from his face.
“I’m, uh, sorry?” My answer was more of a question directed at Bob. What did he want me to say? I already tried apologizing to Frank; what else was I supposed to do?
“Are you?” Bob asked me, as if to answer my question.
“Hell yes I am, but he won’t listen,” I said.
“Well, tell him anyway.”
“Um…” I turned back to Frank, who was now glaring at me. It felt as if someone was stabbing me in the heart, but I didn’t know what else to do. I took a breath: “Frank, I don’t—”
“Save it, Gerard. I’ve had enough.”
“Listen to him, Frank.” Bob shot him a look that made Frank fall silent.
“What the hell are you, some kind of therapist? I don’t expect anything to be truthful anyway,” he said.
“Bob, stop the car,” I said, and Bob did as he was told, pulling over. I got out and joined Frank in the backseat of the car. “Frank, we’re not going anywhere until you listen. I did this because I was scared. It’s hard to deal with someone you love not being with you anymore. That’s never happened to you, thank God, but it’s a memory that haunts me every day. That’s why I ran away with you; I got scared.”
“You got drunk, you mean,” Frank said. “After telling me you quit a long time ago. So was all that a lie too? Bert and your seventh grade boyfriend? I bet he never existed, you shitty liar!”
I froze; he had hit me where it hurt the most. Bert and my seventh grade boyfriend was no lie; every experience I’d ever told Frank was the truth. The thought of Bert and my boyfriend being lies nearly killed me; I found myself almost wishing they had been, but I stopped myself. For once in your life, I told myself, be strong. This was my burden to bear. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, and I struggled to keep them back.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just mad. Just blowing off some steam. I’m listening.” I noticed Frank wasn’t making any movements to reassure me, like he usually did.
“Oh, God, Frank. You must hate me. I’d hate me if I were you. God knows I hate myself.”
“No, I don’t hate you. I just want answers.”
“Frank, I want you to know that you are the only one I’ve ever told the whole truth to. Besides Bob, he already knew some of it, since he knew Mikey in Chicago.”
“You did?” Frank glared at Bob accusingly.
“Hey, we hated each other,” Bob said hastily, and Frank turned back to me.
“Well, I hadn’t had a drink since seventh grade, you know that. But the second day I knew you, I had some alcohol. I went to your house so you could pick up some clothes and stuff, remember? You brought Pansy so you could play for me and Grandma.”
“Yeah,” he said, nodding. Then realization crept over his face. “You mean you took my mom’s alcohol?”
“Yes,” I said quietly. It was embarrassing to be admitting this to Frank. He was the last one I wanted to have ashamed of me, but that shot to hell when I started this damn conversation. “I couldn’t help myself. It’s the only friend I’ve ever had, Frank. You don’t understand, but that’s the truth. I’ve had some since then, and you found me with some before we drove out here. That’s all, and that’s the truth.”
He hesitated, and then turned to Bob in the driver’s seat. “Did you know any of this?” Bob shook his head, and Frank looked back at me. “I believe you, Gee. You should have told me when you started drinking; I could’ve helped you.”
“You were part of the reason I was drinking,” I confessed quietly.
“What!?”
“I thought you hated me, so I drank. You were the only person I could turn to, and when I thought you abandoned me, I had to go back to liquor, the friend that made me so much better a few years ago.”
“Why would I hate you, Gee? I thought you were mad at me.”
“I was, because of what you said to Eric about gay people. Now I know you would never mean anything like that. But now—”
He leaned in towards me, wrapped me in his arms and pressed his lips to mine, shutting me up. God, I’d been waiting so long for this. He ran his tongue across my lip, and we sat there, going to town right there in the backseat of Bob’s car. And you know what? It was better than paradise.
Mikey’s POV
“Whoa. Nice knife.”
“Thanks. Got it just for the occasion,” Alex grinned, proud of his contribution.
“Hey, who’s that on the side of the road? I’ve seen that car at school before…” Eric asked.
“Hey, I knew that kid back in Chicago! I hated him; his name’s Bob,” I said with hatred.
“Looks like he’s got company. We’ve found your brother and his boyfriend,” Eric said disgustedly, pointing.
“Where?” I asked, not seeing anyone else in the passenger’s seat.
“God, they’re in the backseat. Fags,” Eric continued.
“Backseat?” I squeaked. Ew.
Alex screeched the car to a stop, pulling over to the side of the road. He brought the knife with him, and Eric and I followed, crossing the now empty street.
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