Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > 20 Dollar Love Game
Rae's POV
My hands were shaking as I scurried down the hall, trying to find the right room. There were too many people in here. I felt nauseous. I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to turn around and just run back home. I could smell the sick and awful odour of alcohol, blood, needles and medicines. I sucked in a huge deep breath and just held it for a few minutes, trying to eliminate the sickening smell. I slowed down as I saw a few people, crying in the corner as they talk to one of the doctors. My knees almost gave in at the sight of this.
I hate hospitals.
I glanced around me, trying to search for the right room. I was lost. I didn't know where to go. This place makes me sick. I wanted to runaway from here but I can't. . .my sister needs me. I held back my tears and just kept on glancing around. A nurse suddenly came passing by and I quickly asked her for some help. I grabbed her on the shoulders and gripped, tightly.
"C--can you tell me where room 120 is? Please. . . I just. . .I--I just need to get there really fast" I pleaded while waiting for her response. She calmed me down for a second before she gave me the right direction.
"Just turn right and walk straight ahead. . . Third room to the left" She stated and I nodded, letting go of her.
"T-thank you" I muttered and quickly ran down the hall. I turned right and just walked straight ahead. I glanced to my left, searching for the third room. I exhaled heavily as I saw room 120. I grab a hold of the old metal doorknob and just opened the door, real wide. I walked in and there, I found my sister, lying on the hospital bed. I scurried inside and mom rose up from her feet, engulfing me with a hug. She cried a little and just gripped on me.
"W-what happened?" I asked and she shook her head. I stared at my mom, waiting for her to tell me what's going on. Her eyes were already red from crying and her hair was a mess.
"The doctor says that she's getting weaker. Her body is giving up from the treatment and all of her organs are failing. Her disease is rapidly devastating her body. She wouldn't be able to make it" My mom sobbed as she sat on the chair beside Lily. I gaped at her and absorbed all the words in my mind.
I knew this day would come. I just never thought it would be this hard to accept it. I thought she was strong. But then again, I realized that she was just a child. I haven't noticed that her time was slowly running out. I was too preoccupied to notice that my sister is slowly dying.
Or was I just too afraid to admit the truth?
"Are you okay, mom?" I asked as I sat beside her. She was crying. I never saw her this sad. I felt so weak. I don't know if I could move on without my sister.
"No. . . I'm not okay. Why do we have to suffer like this?" She sobbed while looking at me, searching for some answers. I stared back helplessly, trying to hide the tears that was threatening to spill from my eyes. She looked like a lost child. I didn't know what to say.
"Mom, I know it's hard" I whispered while taking her hand. She cried and just stared at Lily, not wanting to meet my gaze.
"Sometimes. . . You just have to accept the truth because it will set us free. And I know, Lily's suffering right now. I think it's time for her to be at peace" I mumbled as she sobbed harder. She hugged me and I just sat here, trying to hold back tears. I inhaled deeply as I thought that I have to be strong for my mom. I don't want her to see me cry because I know it'll just make things much worse. I have to stay strong.
"You're tired, mom. Go home and rest. I'll just stay here and watch Lily" I mumbled and she just slowly nodded. She rose up from her feet without saying anything. I sighed.
I know she's taking this whole thing really hard.
She grabbed her things and looked at Lily one more time before she kissed me goodbye. She trudged out of the room, leaving me here all alone with my sister. I exhaled heavily, glancing at my sister as she lay peacefully on her hospital bed. The room was silent and empty; the beeping sound of monitors and machines were all I could hear right now. I slowly took her hand and just watched her. All the tubes that were attached on her body was making me feel hopeless. I know that her life is slowly fading. I know that anytime, any day. . .her body would give in. I buried my face on the white cold sheets of my sister's bed and just closed my eyes.
I couldn't cry because I know I'm stronger than that. I just didn't know how to deal with this. It was hard but I had to face it. I actually saw it coming, but I didn't know it would happen this fast.
"Hey. . . ."
I slowly opened my eyes and tilted my head up. I met Lily's tired eyes, staring in despair. I looked at her and she was empty, her face was terribly pale and her lips were chapped. I held my breath for a moment and tried my best not to break down in front of her. She might have noticed my reaction because she suddenly squeezed my hand.
"I'm. . . .fine. . ." She answered breathlessly. I looked away and took a deep breath, trying to find enough courage inside me. I felt a huge lump forming in my throat and I just couldn't speak right now. I wanted to runaway so badly but I can't do that. I can't leave my sister. I have to stand by on her side.
After what seemed like eternity, I finally glanced up and just cracked a small smile. I stared and tried to convinced myself that it's going to be alright.
"You're going to be okay" I whispered and she shot me a small smile.
"I. . .know. . .everything's going. . .to. . .be alright. . ." She breathed out and I exhaled heavily. I hate seeing my sister like this. She was really weak now. Even her breathing affected her. She was no longer lively and happy.
"Yeah, because you're strong and you're not going to give up" I mumbled quietly and she just sighed.
"That is. . .not true. . .I am weak. . .I just know. . .everything's going to be okay. . .because. . .you and my mom are. . .with me" She said in between her breaths. I frowned and stared at her.
"You can do it. You're not going to give up. Promise me, that you'll live" I replied weakly
"I. . .can't. . .promise you. . .that. . ." She replied quietly and I closed my eyes.
"No, you'll live. . . Just trust me. . . You'll live"
I gripped on her hands and rested my head on her bed, gritting my teeth as I held back tears.
I was just lying to myself. I know she wouldn't make it.
As I lay here with my head, resting peacefully on the bed. I heard the door opened and light footsteps echoed around the room. I didn't care who it was. I focused my mind on my sister and just drowned my thoughts with hopes and wishes that this is just a horrible nightmare.
"Brendon. . . . " Lily breathed out and my head quickly shoots up, glancing around the room. My eyes landed on him and I scowled.
"What are you doing here?" I hissed and he shifted around nervously.
"Uhhh. . . .Your mom just told me that Lily's in the hospital. So, I might as well pay a visit and just say hi to her. . ." He trailed off, staring at Lily apologetically. I could tell he was surprised on how bad my sister's case is. He gulped and I just looked away.
"Hi. . . Lily. . .how are you?" Brendon asked uneasily as she stood on the other side of the bed, smiling softly.
"I'm. . .okay. . " She croaked and smiled at him.
"Good, 'coz once you get out of here. We'll take you to the park again" He said and my sister's lips curled up into a wide smile, almost reaching her eyes and gleaming with happiness. My heart crushed and just held my breath.
"I. . . .would. . .love that. . ." She breathed out. I glared at Brendon, knowing that it wasn't possible. He's ruining everything.
"Where. . .are. . .the rest. . .of. . .your friends?" Lily suddenly asked and Brendon just sighed.
"Well, they still didn't know you're here. . . .But I'll tell them as soon as I get home" He promised and she smiled.
"I. . . .want. . .to see. . .them" She breathed out and Brendon just smiled.
"You'll see them soon. I promise."
I let out an exasperated sigh and intervened, "Lily. . .you're tired. I think you should rest" I quickly said before they could go further with their conversation. She exhaled heavily and slowly nodded before looking at Brendon, smiling at him softly.
I dragged Brendon out of the room as soon as my sister closed her eyes. I was furious and mad at him. How could he just barged into my sister's room like that? How could he promised her a thing, that I surely know wouldn't happen? How could he just talked to her like everything is alright?
He was staring at me with wide eyes, probably surprised by my sudden outburst. But it was clearly evident from his face that he was scared.
"What did my mom tell you about my sister?" I hissed and he shifted from his feet nervously as he scratched the back of his neck.
"I. . .well. . She just said she's in the hospital. So, I--I quickly came by to see her" He muttered while looking down and I inhaled deeply, resting my back on the clean white wall of the hospital. I bit my lip before I opened my mouth to speak,
"So. . . You knew?"
He tilted his head to look at me, his forehead creasing with confusion.
"I--I don't know what you are talking about. . . .I just came here to see her. I don't exactly knew what's wrong with her" He stated and I abruptly looked at him, my eyes piercing with sadness and he swiftly looked down.
"I--I'm sorry. I shouldn't have busted in like that. I didn't know you were here. Your mom just told me she was in the hospital so I quickly went here and then I just saw her on that bed. I don't exactly know what she-----"
"She has Leukemia" I whispered and he stopped rambling. His body stiffened while staring at me with shocked and sadness. I brought my gaze up and just shrugged.
"She won't make it"
His face went pale and he just shook his head. He glanced at me apologetically and spoke quietly,
"I'm sorry"
My eyes casted on his face, glowering with sadness and agony. I tried to talk but there's a huge lump forming in my throat. So, I stayed silent and just sunk back on the wall. I looked at him and smiled weakly before choking out a few words.
"It's destiny. . ." My voice cracked a little bit. I could feel his intense gaze on me and I just looked away. I can't be mad at him, right now. I have to ignore him and just try to get through with this without arguing with him because I know Lily would appreciate that. I shouldn't have dragged Brendon into this. I shouldn't have dragged people with my problems.
"Please. . .just leave" I muttered and he sighed.
"No. . .I'm staying here"
"Brendon, I don't have time to argue with you, right now. Please just leave" I said exasperatedly, looking at him with pleading eyes. He stared at me for a moment and just nodded.
"Yeah. . . I'll leave" He quietly said and started to back off. He glanced at me one more time and just smiled apologetically.
"I'm here. . . If you need anything" He muttered as he turn around to leave. I watched him as he trudged down the hall. His head was hanging low and his hands were safely tucked inside his pockets. I slowly looked down, staring at my worn out shoes and the dirty white marbled floor.
I didn't know he cared about us. I didn't know he was nice. I didn't know he was a kind hearted bitch and most importantly,
I didn't know Brendon Boyd Urie had a heart.
I trudged back inside Lily's room and found her sleeping quietly on her hospital bed. I walked in and sat at the small wooden chair beside her. The beeping sound of machines are drowning my ears and I couldn't help it but to bury my head on my hands and cry silently to myself, a million train of thoughts ran through my head.
I hope everything's going to be okay.
I wish everything was just a dream.
I know, I'm just lying to myself. Who am I kidding? This is reality. This is life. This is the truth. . .and I know that reality sucks, life is bitter and truth hurts.
Now, I'm just hoping and wishing.
Hoping and wishing for a miracle.
A/N: Comments? Suggestions? Any violent reactions?
My hands were shaking as I scurried down the hall, trying to find the right room. There were too many people in here. I felt nauseous. I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to turn around and just run back home. I could smell the sick and awful odour of alcohol, blood, needles and medicines. I sucked in a huge deep breath and just held it for a few minutes, trying to eliminate the sickening smell. I slowed down as I saw a few people, crying in the corner as they talk to one of the doctors. My knees almost gave in at the sight of this.
I hate hospitals.
I glanced around me, trying to search for the right room. I was lost. I didn't know where to go. This place makes me sick. I wanted to runaway from here but I can't. . .my sister needs me. I held back my tears and just kept on glancing around. A nurse suddenly came passing by and I quickly asked her for some help. I grabbed her on the shoulders and gripped, tightly.
"C--can you tell me where room 120 is? Please. . . I just. . .I--I just need to get there really fast" I pleaded while waiting for her response. She calmed me down for a second before she gave me the right direction.
"Just turn right and walk straight ahead. . . Third room to the left" She stated and I nodded, letting go of her.
"T-thank you" I muttered and quickly ran down the hall. I turned right and just walked straight ahead. I glanced to my left, searching for the third room. I exhaled heavily as I saw room 120. I grab a hold of the old metal doorknob and just opened the door, real wide. I walked in and there, I found my sister, lying on the hospital bed. I scurried inside and mom rose up from her feet, engulfing me with a hug. She cried a little and just gripped on me.
"W-what happened?" I asked and she shook her head. I stared at my mom, waiting for her to tell me what's going on. Her eyes were already red from crying and her hair was a mess.
"The doctor says that she's getting weaker. Her body is giving up from the treatment and all of her organs are failing. Her disease is rapidly devastating her body. She wouldn't be able to make it" My mom sobbed as she sat on the chair beside Lily. I gaped at her and absorbed all the words in my mind.
I knew this day would come. I just never thought it would be this hard to accept it. I thought she was strong. But then again, I realized that she was just a child. I haven't noticed that her time was slowly running out. I was too preoccupied to notice that my sister is slowly dying.
Or was I just too afraid to admit the truth?
"Are you okay, mom?" I asked as I sat beside her. She was crying. I never saw her this sad. I felt so weak. I don't know if I could move on without my sister.
"No. . . I'm not okay. Why do we have to suffer like this?" She sobbed while looking at me, searching for some answers. I stared back helplessly, trying to hide the tears that was threatening to spill from my eyes. She looked like a lost child. I didn't know what to say.
"Mom, I know it's hard" I whispered while taking her hand. She cried and just stared at Lily, not wanting to meet my gaze.
"Sometimes. . . You just have to accept the truth because it will set us free. And I know, Lily's suffering right now. I think it's time for her to be at peace" I mumbled as she sobbed harder. She hugged me and I just sat here, trying to hold back tears. I inhaled deeply as I thought that I have to be strong for my mom. I don't want her to see me cry because I know it'll just make things much worse. I have to stay strong.
"You're tired, mom. Go home and rest. I'll just stay here and watch Lily" I mumbled and she just slowly nodded. She rose up from her feet without saying anything. I sighed.
I know she's taking this whole thing really hard.
She grabbed her things and looked at Lily one more time before she kissed me goodbye. She trudged out of the room, leaving me here all alone with my sister. I exhaled heavily, glancing at my sister as she lay peacefully on her hospital bed. The room was silent and empty; the beeping sound of monitors and machines were all I could hear right now. I slowly took her hand and just watched her. All the tubes that were attached on her body was making me feel hopeless. I know that her life is slowly fading. I know that anytime, any day. . .her body would give in. I buried my face on the white cold sheets of my sister's bed and just closed my eyes.
I couldn't cry because I know I'm stronger than that. I just didn't know how to deal with this. It was hard but I had to face it. I actually saw it coming, but I didn't know it would happen this fast.
"Hey. . . ."
I slowly opened my eyes and tilted my head up. I met Lily's tired eyes, staring in despair. I looked at her and she was empty, her face was terribly pale and her lips were chapped. I held my breath for a moment and tried my best not to break down in front of her. She might have noticed my reaction because she suddenly squeezed my hand.
"I'm. . . .fine. . ." She answered breathlessly. I looked away and took a deep breath, trying to find enough courage inside me. I felt a huge lump forming in my throat and I just couldn't speak right now. I wanted to runaway so badly but I can't do that. I can't leave my sister. I have to stand by on her side.
After what seemed like eternity, I finally glanced up and just cracked a small smile. I stared and tried to convinced myself that it's going to be alright.
"You're going to be okay" I whispered and she shot me a small smile.
"I. . .know. . .everything's going. . .to. . .be alright. . ." She breathed out and I exhaled heavily. I hate seeing my sister like this. She was really weak now. Even her breathing affected her. She was no longer lively and happy.
"Yeah, because you're strong and you're not going to give up" I mumbled quietly and she just sighed.
"That is. . .not true. . .I am weak. . .I just know. . .everything's going to be okay. . .because. . .you and my mom are. . .with me" She said in between her breaths. I frowned and stared at her.
"You can do it. You're not going to give up. Promise me, that you'll live" I replied weakly
"I. . .can't. . .promise you. . .that. . ." She replied quietly and I closed my eyes.
"No, you'll live. . . Just trust me. . . You'll live"
I gripped on her hands and rested my head on her bed, gritting my teeth as I held back tears.
I was just lying to myself. I know she wouldn't make it.
As I lay here with my head, resting peacefully on the bed. I heard the door opened and light footsteps echoed around the room. I didn't care who it was. I focused my mind on my sister and just drowned my thoughts with hopes and wishes that this is just a horrible nightmare.
"Brendon. . . . " Lily breathed out and my head quickly shoots up, glancing around the room. My eyes landed on him and I scowled.
"What are you doing here?" I hissed and he shifted around nervously.
"Uhhh. . . .Your mom just told me that Lily's in the hospital. So, I might as well pay a visit and just say hi to her. . ." He trailed off, staring at Lily apologetically. I could tell he was surprised on how bad my sister's case is. He gulped and I just looked away.
"Hi. . . Lily. . .how are you?" Brendon asked uneasily as she stood on the other side of the bed, smiling softly.
"I'm. . .okay. . " She croaked and smiled at him.
"Good, 'coz once you get out of here. We'll take you to the park again" He said and my sister's lips curled up into a wide smile, almost reaching her eyes and gleaming with happiness. My heart crushed and just held my breath.
"I. . . .would. . .love that. . ." She breathed out. I glared at Brendon, knowing that it wasn't possible. He's ruining everything.
"Where. . .are. . .the rest. . .of. . .your friends?" Lily suddenly asked and Brendon just sighed.
"Well, they still didn't know you're here. . . .But I'll tell them as soon as I get home" He promised and she smiled.
"I. . . .want. . .to see. . .them" She breathed out and Brendon just smiled.
"You'll see them soon. I promise."
I let out an exasperated sigh and intervened, "Lily. . .you're tired. I think you should rest" I quickly said before they could go further with their conversation. She exhaled heavily and slowly nodded before looking at Brendon, smiling at him softly.
I dragged Brendon out of the room as soon as my sister closed her eyes. I was furious and mad at him. How could he just barged into my sister's room like that? How could he promised her a thing, that I surely know wouldn't happen? How could he just talked to her like everything is alright?
He was staring at me with wide eyes, probably surprised by my sudden outburst. But it was clearly evident from his face that he was scared.
"What did my mom tell you about my sister?" I hissed and he shifted from his feet nervously as he scratched the back of his neck.
"I. . .well. . She just said she's in the hospital. So, I--I quickly came by to see her" He muttered while looking down and I inhaled deeply, resting my back on the clean white wall of the hospital. I bit my lip before I opened my mouth to speak,
"So. . . You knew?"
He tilted his head to look at me, his forehead creasing with confusion.
"I--I don't know what you are talking about. . . .I just came here to see her. I don't exactly knew what's wrong with her" He stated and I abruptly looked at him, my eyes piercing with sadness and he swiftly looked down.
"I--I'm sorry. I shouldn't have busted in like that. I didn't know you were here. Your mom just told me she was in the hospital so I quickly went here and then I just saw her on that bed. I don't exactly know what she-----"
"She has Leukemia" I whispered and he stopped rambling. His body stiffened while staring at me with shocked and sadness. I brought my gaze up and just shrugged.
"She won't make it"
His face went pale and he just shook his head. He glanced at me apologetically and spoke quietly,
"I'm sorry"
My eyes casted on his face, glowering with sadness and agony. I tried to talk but there's a huge lump forming in my throat. So, I stayed silent and just sunk back on the wall. I looked at him and smiled weakly before choking out a few words.
"It's destiny. . ." My voice cracked a little bit. I could feel his intense gaze on me and I just looked away. I can't be mad at him, right now. I have to ignore him and just try to get through with this without arguing with him because I know Lily would appreciate that. I shouldn't have dragged Brendon into this. I shouldn't have dragged people with my problems.
"Please. . .just leave" I muttered and he sighed.
"No. . .I'm staying here"
"Brendon, I don't have time to argue with you, right now. Please just leave" I said exasperatedly, looking at him with pleading eyes. He stared at me for a moment and just nodded.
"Yeah. . . I'll leave" He quietly said and started to back off. He glanced at me one more time and just smiled apologetically.
"I'm here. . . If you need anything" He muttered as he turn around to leave. I watched him as he trudged down the hall. His head was hanging low and his hands were safely tucked inside his pockets. I slowly looked down, staring at my worn out shoes and the dirty white marbled floor.
I didn't know he cared about us. I didn't know he was nice. I didn't know he was a kind hearted bitch and most importantly,
I didn't know Brendon Boyd Urie had a heart.
I trudged back inside Lily's room and found her sleeping quietly on her hospital bed. I walked in and sat at the small wooden chair beside her. The beeping sound of machines are drowning my ears and I couldn't help it but to bury my head on my hands and cry silently to myself, a million train of thoughts ran through my head.
I hope everything's going to be okay.
I wish everything was just a dream.
I know, I'm just lying to myself. Who am I kidding? This is reality. This is life. This is the truth. . .and I know that reality sucks, life is bitter and truth hurts.
Now, I'm just hoping and wishing.
Hoping and wishing for a miracle.
A/N: Comments? Suggestions? Any violent reactions?
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