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Ch.30--- Hearing Those Words It Makes Me Weak

Gerard's POV

"You're sure you want to be doing this today?" Frank asked, having borrowed Ray's car to drive me to my parent's house even though they wouldn't be home. Mikey had just gotten back with Alicia and, seeing the way Frank suddenly started receding into himself, I asked Mikey if he had a key to our parents so I could grab a few things. Of course he did and Frank voluntarily offered to take me but since he didn't have a car, wasn't going in Mikey's, and didn't feel like getting Bob's out of the cramped area in his driveway, we had to take Ray's to get there. At least Frank knows where he's going because I'm clueless.

"Yes." I answered with a nod, twisting the little metal key between my fingers, my heart beating a little faster than normal. I have no idea what I'm looking for or if I'll even find it there, but I just have this strong feeling I need to try. "Thanks." I quietly said as we traveled the white, vacant roads. Everyone was with family now and not on the roads which, without the warmth of traveling cars, were lightly coated in soft white snowflakes which continued to fall.

"Anything to help with your memory." Frank said, removing one hand from the wheel and sliding it into mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I know it's hard to believe, but everything will be ok." He told me and I just nodded again, swallowing hard because the closer we got, the more on edge I found myself becoming. "I'm not sure what we'll find here. I haven't been in your basement room since right before the band, if it's anything like before, it won't be much of a pretty sight. You don't clean worth shit." His voice held some teasing, a smile playing with my lips and as he went to take his hand from mine, I held securely to his palm, afraid of letting him go suddenly as though I would lose all contact forever.

"What was I like before?" I asked quietly, desperate to know suddenly. "Before I lost my memory; I mean, I know I was an asshole but what was I like before that?"

"Perfect." Frank sighed, fighting back pain with both his eyes and voice. "You were everything I, anyone, could ever ask for. You cared about me, down to the very last detail, and you rarely made a decision without asking me first. When I was sad, you were there to make me happy. When I was sick, you were there, regardless of other obligations you had, doing whatever you could to make me better. If I needed something, you got it." I could hear his heart crack a little and I winced. "I knew it was too good to be true."

"Why do you want to be with me still? I know I've asked you probably a million times but, after what I did to you, how can you want to be with me at all?" My own voice hovered between a few different levels, my body wanting to just twist into a small ball and rest in a dark corner.

"I've told you a million times and I'll tell you a million more if I have to;" Frank firmly replied, holding my hand tightly. "When you love someone, you never stop. I love you, I have since that night in your bedroom, and nothing, not even the world greatest supply of drugs and alcohol, is ever going to change that." As the car stopped at a light, Frank lifted my hand up and softly kissed my knuckles. "Don't think about any of this right now, ok? It's Christmas. Worry tomorrow."

"Yeah; ok." I managed a small smile again, the tears slowly falling back into my head. "I love you too." I may not know a lot of things still, but I do know that I love Frank and I know I have for awhile. It's like that love had been held hostage and was suddenly being let free.

"Welcome home; sorta." Frank smiled, releasing my hand to place his back on the wheel and turn the vehicle into the driveway of a quaint little home. The pathway was all covered with snow and it looked lifeless, sending shivers through my body. "Want me in or here?" He asked, turning the car off and looking at me.

"In, of course." I answered, rolling my eyes and unbuckling myself. I noticed my hands were shaking.

"Just making sure." Frank replied with soft happiness, undoing his own seatbelt and pushing his door open, stepping onto the snow-covered driveway with a crisp 'crunch' noise breaking through the silent air. I left the car as well, the sharp ridges of the key nearly cutting into my palm as I squeezed it tightly. "Do you remember your way around your house?" Frank asked as we made our way to the door, my eyes locked on the sparkling frozen water beneath me.

"I think so." I answered, slowly pulling my legs along until I reached the door, taking a deep breath and sticking the key in. "You don't have to come to my bedroom, if you don't want. I-I remember a few things about that night...when...you know." I avoided Frank's eyes as I twisted the key in the lock, listening to it click undone before slowly turning the knob. "Just please don't leave."

"I'll be here as long as you want me." Frank responded, rubbing my shoulder a bit as I shoved the door open, warmer air than outside, but not quite as warm as Frank's house, hitting me in the face. Another deep breath got me through the doorway and into the house, Frank following then shutting the door after fighting with the key a bit to remove it. "Want me to see if your parents have anything to drink like coffee or cocoa or something?" Frank suggested, sensing that I would prefer him not to be in my room.

"S-sure." I hesitantly replied, looking towards the stairs I knew lead to my bedroom. My old bedroom at least. My current bedroom is with Frank at his house in a nice big warm bed and him right by my side.

"Ok." Frank smiled, kissing my cheek and setting the key down before unzipping his coat and wandering off towards the kitchen. You can do it... I tried to convince myself, slowly undoing my own coat. Just go down there...look for boxes...anything to help you remember... I nodded to myself, shuffling forward towards the stairs and placing my hand on the railing. It was stone cold, making me shiver more. Still, I had to do this. I had to do it for my own sake.

As I made my way down the stairs towards the brown door at the bottom, I heard Frank rummaging through the cupboards and I knew without knowing he was there, without knowing that there's still human contact with me here, I wouldn't be able to get even this far. The door seemed so ominous and it took a decent amount of convincing on my part to finally get my hand around the golden knob, turning it enough to crack the door and let the small change in temperature balance my body temperature, pushing the door all the way open and walking inside.

The light switch was located on the wall right beside the door and I flipped it up, instantly chasing away the shadows of the room with a yellowish light, forgetting how small my room actually was until I was standing in it again. The bed was unmade and there were broken shards of glass in various areas on the carpet so I knew it was best to leave my shoes on. A couple of empty pill bottles lay scattered on the floor and I had to shut my eyes, mentally telling myself this isn't my life anymore, before I could handle the sight again; in small portions.

I decided to ignore the vast majority of my room and go to the little wooden closet door to the side to see if that held anything of great importance inside it. The door slid back without a problem and I found a variety of monochromatic clothes, mostly black but a few shades of gray, hanging inside. Below the clothes were stacks of comic books and a few boxes, more boxes being located on the shelf above them. When I first got out of the hospital I came here and went through a few boxes, that's how I found Frank's hoodie, but at the time I didn't remember all the horrible things I had done. Now I do and it changes everything.

For whatever reason, a box on the upper shelf, surrounded in sloppy strips of tape kept my attention and I felt that I had to open it. I reached up and pulled it down, surprised at how heavy it really was, and stumbled towards my bed to place it on the unmade mattress. In thick, black sharpie, I'm assuming I had written 'Do not open; Ever' in various spots, underlining them a few times as well to emphasize the phrase. Of course that only increased my curiosity to its contents and I walked towards the larger shards of glass, picking one up to use to slice through the tape and get into the box. The edge was sharp and with some applied pressure, I managed to get through the thick gray duct tape, opening the box.

I pulled the cardboard flaps back, eager to know why I had wrote never to open it all over the place. Before touching anything though, I sat down on my bed, afraid that my legs would suddenly give out or something on me if I remained standing. On top of the haphazardly thrown contents of the box was an old magazine where our band was on the cover. I pulled it out and mindlessly skimmed through the pages until I came to the main article where I stopped, reading the highlighted quotes mostly from myself and looking at the few accompanying photos which seemed to be mostly Frank and I; doing rather provocative things on the stage. I couldn't stop myself from smiling as I looked at the pictures because we were just messing around yet at the same time, I could tell we meant every action.

Below the magazine was a rubber-banded stack of envelopes, letters really, all addressed to me. I pulled them out and yanked the rubber band off, turning the already opened envelope around and sliding the paper out. Gee, I miss you so much! It's so strange with you being in college and me stuck in high school still! I hope you don't find anyone to replace me with because that would make me very sad. :'(

I hope you're enjoying your time there and getting an education worth being separated from me. If you wake up some night and I'm there, it's because I can't sleep, function even, without you babe. My band is starting to take off here so it's something to distract me a little but please come visit whenever you can!

I love you Gee.

xoxo Frankie

The other letters were similar in the sense that Frank sent them to me when I was at college and he was still in high school. A few talked about things going on at home, others talked about school, and some were just full of rambling where he told me how much he missed me. Those ones were definitely worth keeping because even a short little letter is enough to remind you how much someone cares about you. I stuck the rubber band around them again and set them aside, going back to the box to finish my search.

Beneath the letters was a bunch of small items which covered the bottom of the box. There were some photos of us taken in a photo booth, a ring of keys, a few small jewelry boxes, and a little blue box that had about a dozen rubber bands yanked around that. I tipped the box upside down so everything fell onto the bed, setting the pictures and keys aside for later, starting with one of the little jewelry boxes for now. Inside was a golden chain, thin, necklace with a cursive 'G' resting on the bottom. "That's one of the first gifts I got you." I jumped, almost having a heart attack, and looked up to see Frank standing with a mug of what smelt like coffee, a sad smile on his face.

"You scared me." I pointed out the obvious as Frank walked over, handing me the mug and sitting on the bed beside me, picking up the letters and laughing a little as I drank a bit of the coffee and set it on the table beside me. "They're all from high school."

"Yeah, I remember." He said as he set them down again. "I always wrote them during a class I didn't feel like paying attention in. I'm amazed you never got freaked out by some of the shit I would write in there."

"I think it's cute and I probably did then too." I replied, Frank's face seeming to lose a little of its sadness. "Can you give me that little blue box?" I asked, pointing towards the object beside Frank.

"You, uh, really don't want to open that." Frank said, his smile quickly disappearing.

"Why not? I want to know what it is." I pouted a bit and Frank just shook his head which only increased my curiosity even more about its contents.

"Trust me, Gee, you really don't want to know what it is." Frank's voice was quiet, distant, and even pained. He picked it up and turned it in his hands, almost looking as though he was going to cry, but remained calm on the outside as he stared at the box. I snatched it from his hands and set to taking the rubber bands off, Frank getting off the bed and heading towards the door. "I'll be upstairs."

"Frankie, wait. It can't be that bad." I said too quickly, snapping the little box open to discover a small golden ring that instantly made my insides tighten so much I thought I was going to just disappear. "T-this is...isn't it?" I asked so quietly I couldn't even hear myself clearly, eyes glued to the shining band.

"You asked me to marry you." Frank said, opening the door and refusing to look at me, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. "And I said no."






A/N--- OMG I'm sooooooooo sorry I haven't updated this since -cough- April 16 -cough- Forgive me? I couldn't think of anything to write but then I did but it's short and I'm sorry. I'm hoping to get this back into semi-more regular updates. School ends after next week then I only have to show up for finals so a lot more writing time ^^

and, I got the internship at the hospital I was really hoping to get so...guess my good mood allowed me to do updates.