FicWad

A/N---- Ok, so, PLEASE forgive me. I've been super stressed lately. And...I seem to be losing my writing ability. Seriously. I write a little then like; loose all interest in writing. This chapter is kinda a filler of fluff. Don't melt too much into it though. The story's gonna start getting dramatic again. Maybe.

Yeah, it will. It'll be a mix of drama and fluff. Yay.

xoxo Tabi

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Ch.29-- I Love Being Around You (1,2,3,4 Plain White T's))

Frank's POV

So by the time that Christmas rolled around, everything had died down again. Ray had gone to stay with his family and Bob went to his, getting Cassidy on Christmas after some time with Amy. Brian had left after that weekend, making us promise not to kill each other. Gerard still stayed with me and after some bitter persuasion from him, I agreed to let Mikey stay with us for the holidays since their parents decided to travel and it really sucks being alone on Christmas.

Mikey's been better but I'm not letting him trick me again this time. I talk to him when he talks to me but I try to limit emotion and I don't ever get close to him. I can tell he feels out of place here but he has every right because he is out of place. I really don't want him here. Call me a saint for opening my home to my ex-best friend after all the shit he did; again. I'm starting to think his behavior is worse than how Gerard treated me before.

It's currently Christmas Eve. Snow is softly drifting down from the cold night sky and the lack of wind makes the thick white flakes very visible through my somewhat frosted glass window. Gerard's laying on the bed as I sit on the desk, my guitar in my lap and my hands slowly along the strings as I create a soft, relaxing tune as it comes to my mind. Gerard really wanted to hear me, see me, play instead of watching past performances of ours so I dug my guitar out again and convinced myself to play.

I started to get lost in my own world again as I played. The soft tune floated around the room as Gerard's eyes followed my fingers. He had a blanket curled tightly around his shoulders and was sprawled across the bed, taking up as much room as possible, not saying a word or moving a muscle. The only things that showed movement were his eyes and his chest which moved slowly with his soft intake of oxygen. I kept my eyes for the most part on my fingers as well; just thinking.

A soft knock on the bedroom door, which was partially closed, caused me to look up but not remove my fingers or stop playing. Mikey stood in the doorway, a blanket held tightly around his thin frame as he abandoned his makeshift bed which is the couch. "C-can I l-listen?" He asked quietly and hesitantly, his eyes looking at me with apprehension. I stared at him for a moment then just nodded my head slowly, figuring that it wouldn't kill me to let him since Gerard was awake and able to witness his every movement.

Mikey smiled and pushed the door open a little more, sliding into the room and then walking to sit on the floor when Gerard moved himself over to one side of the bed and patted the other side, telling Mikey to get on it. I really didn't want Mikey on my bed but I was in a relaxed state from my guitar and really didn't feel like arguing or creating any problems; especially with it being Christmas Eve. Mikey hesitated but slowly got on, sitting Indian style with his blanket consuming his entire body.

I lowered my eyes to my guitar again, taking slow, deep breaths and shutting my eyes as I just listened to the noise I was creating. I love my guitar and it felt so good to just forget about everything and play it. I had tried right before Gerard's accident, which worked well, but it wasn't the same as it was now. Right now I felt like I was exactly where I belonged and nothing else in the entire world mattered. Right now I felt like nothing could hurt me and I felt invincible; just creating soft music to relay the same feeling to everyone listening.

Normally I play loud and hard, putting my entire heart and soul into my playing. Momentarily I'm not playing loud and hard, but I know my heart and soul are still in it. I feel connected to my guitar; almost as though we are one thing. It reminds me of the comic character Gerard once showed me when he decided he wanted to start his own comic. It was this girl, all white, whose body was like a violin. I felt like her, only my body being my guitar. I felt that just like her, when I play, I have the ability to tear people apart with my music.

I remained in my world until a hand gently ran along my cheek then below my chin, lifting my face and causing my eyes to open and see Gerard standing in front of me with a gentle smile. He used his head to motion towards the bed and I saw Mikey fast asleep, curled up in a ball and hugging the blanket as tightly to his body as he could. "I think he needs it." Gerard told me and I nodded, my fingers no longer running over my guitar but rather assisting in gently laying it beside me on the desk. "Come one."

Gerard uncovered one hand from his blanket and offered it to me so I slid my hand in his and let him pull me off the desk, lowering me gently to the ground but still keeping a tight hold on my hand. Gerard led me out of the room, pulling the door quietly shut so we wouldn't disrupt Mikey, then leading me through the house and to the front door. "Gee; what are we doing?" I asked with confusion but Gerard didn't reply. He just opened the door and pulled me out into the cold night air so we were on the porch.

"The snow's so pretty." Gerard said, pulling the door shut so the heat stayed inside.

"And cold." I commented, throwing my arms around my body for attempted warmth. Gerard laughed a little and pulled me towards the porch swing, sitting down on the wooden bench which began to sway a little then pulling me down into his lap. Gerard positioned me on his lap so I was sitting normally while he sat sideways, knees pulled up some and kind of making a chair out of himself. He threw the blanket around both of our bodies then put his arms around me, the swing gently rocking back and forth.

"I still think it's pretty." Gerard said, kissing my head which rested comfortably on his shoulder as he held my body close to his.

"I used to love sitting in it." I said, watching the little white flakes contrast the dark surroundings as they lowered to the ground to join those already covering the frozen ground.

"I know." Gerard said, laying his head on top of mine as we slowly moved back and forth with the soothing rocking of the swing. "I used to have to pull you out of snow banks then drag you into the house, warming you up before you got sick." I laughed quietly and nodded, smiling at the fact that he had a good memory because I really didn't want a repeat of my birthday.

"If you laid in it long enough you'd get numb and feel free." I commented, sliding my arms around Gerard's body and pulling him closer to me for more warmth. Except for my face, I was rather warm. Then again I love this blanket because it traps body heat very well and it happens to be surrounding two bodies. "It really is pretty though."

"I know Mikey isn't exactly your favorite person right now, but give him a chance." Gerard said softly.

"I have." I replied a little bitterly. "And look where that ended us last time."

"He has problems." Gerard said and I scoffed a little. That was an understatement. "No doubt about it." Gerard exhaled deeply and held me a little tighter. "But his intentions are good. He's worried about you."

"Yeah well I'm tired of everyone worrying about me." I mumbled, my eyes shutting as I was being lulled to sleep by both Gerard's sweet voice and the rocking of the swing which Gerard would keep going by occasionally putting his foot on the ground and pushing on the porch so the swing would rock a little faster, slowing down and keeping that gentle rocking motion. "'m twenty five."

"That doesn't mean people can't worry about you Frankie." Gerard answered, kissing my head again. "He just doesn't want to see you hurt anymore." There was a little pain and fear in Gerard's voice as he spoke to me. "Mikey, in his mind, believes that he can protect you. He figures if he can try and break us up, I won't hurt you anymore." I hugged Gerard a little tighter because no matter what his bi-polar brother does, I'm not giving Gerard up this time. "What he doesn't seem to comprehend is that I'm not going to hurt you anymore."

"Exactly." I said into his warm shirt as I buried my face in his shoulder, desperately trying not to fall asleep. "He needs to worry about his own affairs like his girlfriend." I mumbled. "Leave me 'n you 'lone." Gerard laughed a little, his head resting on top of mine again.

"You're falling asleep." Gerard said quietly and I just made some sort of noise with my throat, too lazy to force real words out. "It's ok. If you're tired, sleep." Gerard said and I found myself greatly losing the battle to stay awake as it was. It was quiet for a little while, just the slight squeaking noise of the swing that was only noticeable because snow seems to muffle the rest of the world and create a quiet, relaxing atmosphere. Just as I was about asleep though, I heard Gerard's soft voice and felt the low vibrations from his chest as he quietly sang to me, pushing me completely into dreamland.

"What's this? What's this? There's color everywhere. What's this? There's white things in the air. What's this? I can't believe my eyes, I must be dreaming. Wake up Jack! This isn't fair. What's this? What's this? What's this? There's something very wrong. What's this? There's people singing songs. What's this? The streets are lined with little creatures laughing. Everybody seems so happy. Have I possibly gone daffy? What is this? What's this?

There's children throwing snowballs, instead of throwing heads. They're busy building toys and absolutely no one's dead. There's frost on every window; oh I can't believe my eyes. And in my bones I feel the warmth that's coming from inside...."

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I was woken to the repeated smacking of my face which didn't exactly hurt but was rather annoying. I opened my eyes to see a chubby face with big blue eyes and a few blond curls smiling joyously at me. "Hello there." I said quietly, using my arms to push me into a sitting position and blinking not only the sleep but the confusion out of my eyes. "You must be Cassidy." I said, looking at the little girl sitting on the bed next to me.

"Hi." Cassidy said merrily, crawling closer to me the falling over, her head in my lap and her tiny arms going over my legs. I laughed and rubbed her back, looking around to see that I was alone. I was also in my bedroom. I remember falling asleep on the swing with Gerard. He must have carried me back into the house and kicked Mikey off the bed or something. All I know is right now it's just me and a thirteen month old little girl.

She does look a lot like Bob. She's got the same piercing blue eyes and his blond hair. Cassidy has a few blond curls and is wearing this adorable little velvet colored dress along with these little white stockings that had little sparkly candy canes and black Mary Jane shoes. Around her head was a headband with a little bow that pretty much matched her dress and she looked adorable. "Where's your daddy?" I asked Cassidy, not really expecting a reply because she's only a year old.

Cassidy let go of me and sat back up, throwing her arms up and making grabbing hands towards me. "Up!" She commanded and I laughed, sliding my hands below her arms and lifting her off the bed. With Cassidy awkwardly in my arms, I slid to the edge of the bed then stood up, adjusting her so she was on my hip. Cassidy's tiny fingers poked my neck, right where my scorpion tattoo was, obviously entranced with the ink on my skin. Luckily I had long sleeves on so she couldn't see my arms because I'm sure she would have been harassing me more.

Walking to the door, I kept one arm tight around Cassidy's body then used my other to open the bedroom door, walking out towards my rather good smelling living room where the television showed me bright computer graphics of some video game. I'm not surprised. Cassidy was drooling a little and had moved on to playing with my hair now. "You know, this isn't exactly who I wanted to wake up to on Christmas." I said with a smile as I walked into the living room, everyone looking at me.

"Oh god! Sorry!" Bob said, pausing the game and putting the controller down, standing up and walking over to me to collect his daughter. "I didn't think she would be awake so soon."

"I woke up to her smacking my face." I said with a little laughter, handing Cassidy over to her father then sitting down on the couch beside Gerard who put his arms around my waist and pulled my onto his lap while Bob went back to the chair with Cassidy. "She's really cute Bob."

"Thanks." He said with a smile, sitting down and situating Cassidy in his lap. "I hope you don't mind I brought her. I have her until tomorrow and figured you guys would want to meet her."

"Nah it's fine." I said as he resumed the game, holding the controller away from Cassidy. She wasn't too amused by that though and tried to grab it. Bob however was good at keeping it away from her; no doubt because he does it at his own home. "Exactly why was she in bed with me anyway though?"

"Well she was asleep and I thought she would be for a bit longer because she had only just fallen asleep when I arrived like an hour or so ago. I figured it would be quieter in your room and more space to lay her down. It was your boyfriends idea." He added, not removing his eyes from the television as he played with Ray.

"You all abandoned your families to come harass me?" I asked, leaning back against Gerard and watching them.

"I can only take so much of them." Ray said with an amused smile. "Plus figured you would want some family." I smiled because they are my family. You're supposed to spend Christmas with your family.

"And I didn't feel like hanging around Amy's boyfriend." Bob said. "Plus, I wanted to have Cass meet her other family instead of being smothered by Amy's side constantly." He kissed Cassidy's head as she proceeded to play with his lip ring. Her little fingers grabbed it and pulled a little, letting go once his lip got far enough away from his teeth. Bob didn't seem all that bothered by it. What a softie.

"Mikey went to get Alicia." Gerard told me and I turned my head to look at him. "I thought it would be nice to have them here too. Plus, he needs to be around her a little more." Gerard said the last part a little quietly and I nodded. If Mikey was around his girlfriend, he wouldn't be constantly harassing Gerard and I. Plus, I haven't seen Alicia in awhile and I like her. She's sweet and funny.

"And Alicia can cook." Ray said to lighten the mood, causing all of us to laugh.

"Cassidy, stop." Bob said, obviously getting annoyed with the little girl.

"She's probably bored." I told Bob, watching Cassidy scowl at her father for scolding her. "Can she walk yet?" I asked.

"Sorta." Bob answered, pausing the game again. "If she has help or support then she can." He put Cassidy on the ground, letting her grab a hold of the coffee table. "Go play with Uncle Frankie, Cassidy." Bob said so I pulled away from Gerard a little, sticking my arms out towards Cassidy who giggled hysterically then slid her hands along the table, moving her feet as well while Bob resumed his game. Upon reaching the end of the table, Cassidy contemplated the situation carefully before letting go and managing to walk on her own, which was only a few steps, until locking her hands around my fingers.

"Good job!" I praised her, lifting her off the ground and onto the couch with Gerard and I. "Tell daddy that he's supposed to want to play with you instead of spending Christmas on the XBox." I told Cassidy teasingly, pulling her into my lap as I still sat on Gerard who seemed as amused with the child as I was. He poked her stomach and caused her to laugh, her head falling into my chest which hurt a little.

"Why?" Bob asked, looking to me with a smile. "You're doing such a good job of amusing her for me." He teased me back, sticking his tongue out. I stuck an arm behind Cassidy and flipped him off; not that she would know what it meant anyway. "Cassidy loves meeting new people anyway."

"I might keep her." I joked, smiling as Cassidy laughed away from being poked, tickled, and just because she's a very happy little girl. "She's more fun than any of you."

"Get your own." Bob answered, having lost to Ray and quitting the game, getting up from the chair again. He walked towards us, grabbed Cassidy back and lifted her into his arms, Cassidy still laughing but kissing Bob's cheek and putting her arms around his neck to hug him. "This one's mine." Bob said and I smiled as I watched her. I would love to be a father but that'll probably never happen because I honestly can't take care of myself.

"I'm hungry." I suddenly said, wanting to take my mind off my sudden realization.

"Then go eat." Ray said, starting the game over on single player as Bob ventured off towards the bathroom with Cassidy; probably to change her diaper or something. "You know where your kitchen is."

"I'm lazy." I commented. "Go get me something." I whined to Ray who looked at me like 'are you serious?'. "Please Ray?" I whined some more, giving him my best pout. He sighed heavily and paused the game, setting it on the coffee table and getting up from his chair.

"I'm only doing this because I don't want to encourage your anorexia." Ray told me firmly, going to the kitchen. I smiled with satisfaction, Gerard laughing as he increased his grip a little around me. "What do you want?"

"Do I have any poptarts?" I asked and I heard a cupboard open.

"Yeah." Ray called back.

"Then one of those." I yelled. "You'll have to plug the toaster in. I kept it unplugged because we all know Mikey and toasters don't go together." I laughed, hearing Ray laugh from the kitchen and even Bob from the bathroom as well as Cassidy who was probably laughing for no reason at all. Gerard I believe laughed just to fit in but I'm not sure if he remembered or not. Mikey had attempted to use a fork with the toaster once, wanting to light up like a Christmas tree I told him. It was hilarious but after that, no one really trusts him to be around the electric device.

A few moments later, Ray returned with the two small poptarts on a plate and handed them to me, falling back onto the couch and resuming his game as Bob came back with Cassidy, sitting her on the floor and handing her some toys to amuse her for a little while. Once noticing I had food though, Cassidy pulled herself up and instantly appeared by the couch, smiling widely and making me laugh. "Do you mind Bob?" I asked and he looked to see Cassidy hungrily eyeing the poptart.

"Not a lot." He said and I nodded, breaking off a small piece and blowing on it because it was still rather warm before handing it to Cassidy. She took it and shoved it, along with her hand, right into her mouth. Cassidy had a few teeth that helped with the chewing and she managed to get it gone in no time; waiting for more. I couldn't help but laugh because it was adorable though it made me feel like I was at a petting zoo or something; feeding the animals.

"Hold on." I said, eating some myself before I got yelled at then breaking off a little more for Cassidy. Gerard stole a piece as well to eat but I really didn't mind because I wasn't terribly hungry. I had yet to get used to the feeling again and I knew that if I didn't voluntarily want something, I would only get it shoved down my throat in no time. "What does Cassidy normally eat?"

"Her baby food." Bob replied, reclining in the chair and watching Ray. "Amy buys these strange little Gerber meals with a bunch of dried fruit and all that which is easy for her to pick up plus helps her learn to feed herself. I'm the corruptive parent though, according to Amy, because I'll give her small parts of whatever I'm eating." Bob smiled proudly and I laughed. "She loves candy."

"Child after my heart." I said, handing another small piece of poptart to her. She had managed to get it all over her mouth; but drool tends to slide out of her mouth so the poptart mixes in with that.

"It's not like I give her pure junk food. She loves vegetables. Strange kid." Bob said and I laughed some more. We had already disposed of one poptart and were just about through half the other. I've only eaten half, Gerard eating a little, and Cassidy consuming the rest. It amused me greatly until the entire thing was gone and I had to literally hand over the plate to the child for her to accept that there was no more. She frowned at the plate then looked up at me, melting my heart with the frown.

"It's all gone." I said sadly.

"Cassidy; you've already eaten breakfast today anyway." Bob told his daughter. Cassidy looked at Bob, holding the plate out to him just as sadly. "There's no more. You were already told that." Cassidy, not accepting that it was gone, started to cry which really made me feel bad. Bob rolled his eyes at the little girl and took the plate, hiding it from her on the other side of the chair. "All gone."

"Awww..." I got off Gerard's lap and picked Cassidy off the floor, hugging her and receiving a small hug back. "Daddy's being mean to you." I commented as Cassidy got the top of my shirt wet with her light tears. "Let's get you cleaned up." I said, walking towards the kitchen with Cassidy who was starting to calm down. I grabbed a paper towel and dampened it, wiping off Cassidy's face and hand afterward. When she was clean, I carried her back into the living room.

"It's because she didn't get any sleep today." Bob said, looking at Cassidy who was almost down from her crying fit. "She'll probably pass out soon. Just put her on the ground and she'll amuse herself until she passes out." He said, grabbing the other controller again.

"You're very caring." I said to Bob, rubbing Cassidy's back as she sniffled a few more times. "I'm going to lay her on my bed again. She'll be more comfortable."

"Ok." Bob said, looking to me again. "Surround her with pillows or something in case she turns over. Keep her in the center of the bed too." He said and I nodded. I figured I would have to create a barrier for her anyway because she's a small baby still and could get seriously injured if she fell off the bed. That or she could die.

I walked into my room and climbed onto my bed with Cassidy, laying on my back with her on top of me. She seemed pretty calm now and occasionally would take a sharp intake of air while still getting over her crying attack. After a few minutes of laying there, Gerard quietly came into the room and smiled, shutting the door quietly behind him. "You're really good with kids." He commented, Cassidy's eyes just barely open anymore.

"I've always wanted them." I shrugged, rubbing Cassidy's back a little.

"Bob told me to bring you this." He held out a small pink pacifier which I took and held to Cassidy's mouth. Her small lips parted and gratefully took it, her mouth sucking on it and her eyes shutting all the way. I smiled and carefully slid out from underneath her, surrounding her by the pillows of the bed like I was instructed and finding a small pink blanket which I assumed was hers to lay over her. "I forgot to tell you Merry Christmas today." Gerard said, kissing me as I got off the bed.

"You too." I answered, putting my arms around his neck and pressing my lips to his. "Go back to the living room. I'll be there in a minute. I have an idea." I said with a smile and Gerard look at me curiously, smiling and kissing me one more time before releasing me and leaving.

I quietly walked to my closet, sliding the doors open then rummaging through my stuff until I found my box of things that I had kept to remember Gerard by. I grabbed the shoebox full of pictures then quietly shut the closet doors again, going to the bedroom door and leaving it half open as I made my way back to the living room with the others. My Christmas gift to Gerard would be helping him get his memory back; the good parts. We'll save the rest for later.

I leaned over the back of the couch and set the box in Gerard's lap. He lifted the cover and glanced at a few of the pictures, tilting his head back and looking to me with some confusion but gratitude because he knew what I was intending when handing them to him. Bob and Ray both abandoned the game to sit on either side of Gerard, randomly grabbing pictures from the box and laughing, going on about the memories they had of the pictures.

The one picture that Gerard selected made me smile. It was the first picture of us together as a couple. I draped my arms over his neck, listening to our friends converse about the 'good old days' but hoping that somehow Gerard would stop struggling with his memory problem and remember how much we used to be in love once by all the frozen moments of time I've kept hidden inside that dark shoebox for years.

At the very bottom, something I had completely forgotten about, Gerard found a small silver heart locket that was in the shape of the heart. "What's this?" Gerard asked, looking up at me again.

"A locket you gave me the first Christmas we spent together." I answered him, amazed that I even had it. I thought I lost it long ago. It was so special to me. "I love the picture that's in there." I said quietly.

"Where's the key?" Gerard asked, obviously wanting to see the image as well.

"I don't know." I said with a shrug. "You kept the key." I said, kissing his forehead. "The key to my heart."