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Ch.28--- I've Put My Trust In You ((In The End Linkin Park))

Gerard's POV

I quietly shut the door when Frank was asleep, going back out to the living room and sitting down. "He fell asleep." I told them and everyone but Mikey had an expression of relief. "He's really confused and doesn't know what to do about anything." I said quietly with a slight sigh as I sat cross legged on the couch with my hands in my lap. "Why Mikey?" I asked my brother suddenly. "I know I still don't have all of my memory but I know we were close. He's your best friend and I'm your brother. We were happy until I made poor choices but we're fixing that. Why are you trying to destroy it again?" There was stress in my voice as I stared eye to eye with Mikey.

"I have my reasons." Mikey said quietly, looking to his lap.

"What kind of reasons could be good enough to make you destroy Frank?" I snapped suddenly. Mikey shook his head which only angered me more. "Tell me Michael James Way! You can't play bipolar and not explain why!"

"Just drop it!" Mikey said sharply.

"How the hell can I drop it when Frank, you best friend, my boyfriend, is crying himself to sleep with angst and confusion?! Do you think he doesn't have enough shit to deal with right now?!" I was close to yelling but controlled myself so I wouldn't wake Frank up.

"Gerard, calm down." Brian told me sternly so I took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Try to contain your anger so thing's don't get out of hand and more blood gets shed." He said and I nodded, biting my lower lip as I glared at Mikey; waiting for an answer.

"Please help us understand you motives Mikey. Frank isn't very stable right now; can't you see that? He's getting over an eating disorder, he's dealing with my coming back into his life, he's trying to get back into a normal daily routine again and now you're fucking with his mind? He thought you were his best friend but he doesn't know what to think about anything or anyone anymore. How will he ever be able to trust anyone again?" I asked with frustration, clenching my hands into tight fists to try and control my anger.

"Why am I the only one who sees this?" Mikey asked with angst, looking around. "You all know what happened last time! Frank almost fucking died!" He all but yelled, trying not to wake Frank up. "Your memory is coming back to you and you say you won't let it happen again but how can you know for sure?" My anger suddenly seemed to vanish as Mikey stared at me, looking like he was going to cry. "It didn't take much for you to fall the first time so it could easily happen again. I know Frank's weak and that's what scares me! If things start to repeat themselves he'll lose all will and let himself die! I would rather have him never talk to me again then fucking six feet under!"

"Mikey, no one will let anything happen to Frank." Ray said calmly. "Bob and I will both-"

"You did a fucking amazing job the first time!" Mikey sarcastically snapped as he turned to Ray. "He still got the cuts and bruises! He still ended up in the hospital! How many times have you found him half dead?! How many fucking times have you painted over the blood splattered across these walls?!" I suddenly felt nauseous as I pictured the white walls in blood; Frank's blood.

"Frank promised me he wouldn't put up with me hurting him again. He promised to leave me for good upon the first signs of my stumbling down that road again should I slip." I told Mikey hesitantly.

"Do you honestly think he'll do that?" Mikey asked with raised eyebrows; folding his arms over his chest.

"No." I replied quietly. "I'm afraid to be around him because I don't want to hurt him but I really do love him."

"Then you better make sure you don't fuck it up." Brian told me a little warningly and I nodded. "I will kick your ass if you put that poor man through all that shit again. I didn't want to get involved the first time but I'm not standing back anymore to watch him wince at your touch or lose heart in performing."

"I know." I said with a small hint of annoyance. "Ray's already threatened to kill me, I'm sure Bob will," Bob nodded and cracked his knuckles, "and I don't know what the hell is going on through my brother's mind but I'm sure his intentions are positive though his methods are very unorthodox."

"The safest thing for both of you is to just stay friends." Mikey mumbled. "He doesn't get abused and you don't ram another car into a tree in attempted suicide."

"W-what?" I suddenly asked him with shocked confusion. Mikey looked at me apprehensively before taking a deep breath and playing with his fingers, staring at his lap as he did so.

"The night of your crash you called me. I could tell you were wasted or something by the way you rambled. You went on about how you messed up, how you hurt Frank, and how you love him but couldn't have him back because you hurt him; only in a hell of a lot more words." Mikey stopped and shut his eyes, taking another deep breath. "Then you went on to basically give me a verbal suicide note. You apologized over and over then told me to tell the others that you were sorry. I begged you to stay put until I could come over but you were out of it so you didn't listen." Mikey's voice became shaky and he started wiping his eyes as though he was crying. "You hung up and I called mom but she wouldn't answer her cell and when I tried the home phone, I got the busy signal so I knew you had the phone off the hook. Your cell went straight to voicemail.

"I grabbed my keys and rushed to mom's house but your car and obviously you were gone. Panicked, I called everyone I could think of, including two people in this room," Ray and Bob looked towards the ground, "but everyone's cells were off. I even tried Frank who wouldn't pick up but I found out he was in the theater with Jamia." Again Mikey wiped his eyes, no doubt replaying the night in his head. "I got back into my car and drove around, almost for half a hour, when I found your car totaled into a tree and you laying unconscious about fifty feet away." Ray got off the couch and sat by Mikey, hugging him to calm him down. "I thought you were dead." He cried and I really felt nauseous. I had tried to kill myself; just like I had a few months ago in front of Frank. "You didn't remember what my name was or anything!"

"I don't know what to say." I basically whispered. "Doesn't Frank know I tried to kill myself?"

"I don't know." Ray said as Mikey shrugged.

"Please don't let him find out." Everyone nodded, including Mikey. "I think I'm going to lay down with Frank for a bit to think. I want to be the one who tells him." I mumbled, getting off the couch. "Mikey, please stop trying to break Frank and I up. Let us figure it out on our own." Mikey looked to me with puffy red eyes.

"O-ok." He choked out, rubbing his eyes. I gave him my best attempt at a smile and returned it.

"All of you stay out of it unless things get bad." I looked to the other three who remained unresponsive. "The moment I hurt Frank, in any way, please just kill me because he doesn't deserve to be hurt and obviously I'm fucked beyond reason for doing so." Before anyone could anything back, I left the living room and went to the bedroom where Frank was still passed out on the bed. I carefully got onto the bed and laid beside him, staring at his peaceful face. "Don't do this to yourself Frankie." I whispered. "Don't settle for me. You can do so much better."

Frank made some sort of noise and moved closer to me until our heads were basically touching; still asleep. I smiled and shut my eyes, listening to the slow and steady breathing coming from the one person I would love to wake up to every day.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" I asked the picture in my hands, tears dripping from my eyes and onto the glossy surface. The little faded image was of Frank, when he was happy, and I couldn't go a day, an hour, without stealing a glance at it since the actual Frank no longer speaks to me. I don't blame him though. I hurt him; I hurt him bad.

Carefully, I placed the picture down on my pillow and grabbed the bottle of pills beside my bed, uncapping the top and dumping the little blue pills into my open palm. "And the blue ones help me fall..." I mumbled before titling my head back and dumping them into my mouth, using the half bottle of vodka that was left to wash them down. I blinked my eyes and grabbed the picture again, staring at how happy Frank used to be and how much I missed that smile. How much I missed the way his gorgeous hazel eyes would shine when he was truly happy. It used to be around me; now he's afraid to be near me.

Frank and I used to be in love; thought to be together forever. But something blinded me, allowing me to forget the fact that I loved him and causing me to spend my nights getting drunk and/or high in some way. Instead of spending time with Frank I would get drunk, go back to Frank when I was wasted, hurt him for annoying me when all he was doing was trying to help, leaving him for dead, then going back out to drink and repeat the whole process. It wasn't until he finally had enough and left me that my eyes opened and I realized how bad it all became. How much I loved him and how much I miss him but have pushed him so far away that he'll never come back. I wish I could go back in time and erase the pain.

Finishing the vodka, tears began to slide from my eyes as I thought about how perfect Frank was, is, and how much I took advantage of his love for me. I threw the empty bottle at the wall, listening to the glass shatter everywhere then laying on my back, staring at the ceiling for a few moments as I thought about it. Even if it wasn't legal, I had always wanted to marry Frank. Domestic partnership is all we would have been able to get. I used to think we would get married and maybe one day adopt kids. We already had the band plus I was starting a comic and Frank wanted his own business. Now that's all out the window.

Pulling out my cellphone, I decided to call the one person that still talks to me. "Mikey; where did we go wrong?" I asked, blinking my eyes as my thoughts were fuzzy and my mind spinning.

"Gerard, why do you only call me when you're drunk?" Mikey asked with some annoyance.

"You're the only one that will talk to me!" I whined a little. "And I'm not that drunk."

"Drunk is drunk Gerard." Mikey replied. "You only call me when you're drunk to question about Frank who I tell I have no idea about because he won't talk to me yet you refuse to listen. You know very well what went wrong and what happened so why must you call me constantly to ask?"

"I'm sorry." I said with a little bitterness. "You won't talk to me face to face."

"You won't leave mom's fucking basement again! It's just like when we were younger only now you drink." Mikey replied. There was silence as I stared at the ceiling, tears coming to my eyes as I thought about when we were younger and I stayed down here. That was fixed by Frank. "Tell me what's on your mind." Mikey said softer a few moments later.

"I miss him Mikey." My voice hovered over stable and complete breakdown. "I miss him because I love him and I want him back but I can't have him and it hurts." I rolled onto my side, holding the picture in front of me with my other hand. "I want to apologize to him but he won't talk to me and I know he won't let me near him. He'll get a restraining order or something. If I write to him he won't read it and, I just really miss him." Tears started to slide down my face and into my blanket.

"Frank doesn't talk to anyone but Ray anymore and I haven't heard from him in awhile so I'm not really much help to you." Mikey was trying not to be rude. "Why don't you just go to sleep and you'll feel better in the morning."

"I can't take it anymore Mikey! The only way I can get to sleep is by getting completely wasted! It's not right!" I almost shouted into the phone. "I'm sorry I hurt you with my drinking and I'm so sorry I destroyed the band. I really fucked up big time and I can't erase it or make it better because no one will talk to me or listen to me!"

"Gerard, calm down." Mikey said a bit worried now. "Why don't you go back to seeing a therapist? They'll help you work out our thoughts so you can fall asleep without the alcohol which isn't doing much for your liver anyway..."

"You don't get it Mikey!" I sat up and placed the picture back on my pillow, wiping my eyes. "I can't sleep because I miss Frank and all I can think about is hurting him! How could I do that to him? What did he ever do to me?"

"Gerard you really need to calm down." His voice was a little frantic now. "Look, I'll come over and we can talk about this."

"No;" I mumbled, shaking my head a little and rubbing my eyes again. "I-I'm going to go out..."

"Gerard you're drunk and not thinking straight. You can't drive!" Mikey said sternly.

"Tell everyone I'm sorry please Mikey since they won't listen to me." I got off my bed and grabbed a hoodie from the pile towards the side. "I'm so sorry I ruined everyone's lives. I would take it all back if I could."

"Gerard, don't you dare leave that house!" Mikey yelled at me.

"Mikey, promise me something." I cut off his yelling. "Promise me that if I ever come in contact with Frank again, you won't let me near him. Don't let me hurt him again Mikey." I pleaded with my brother.

"Gerard sit your ass down on your bed or in the living room. I'm coming over." Mikey remained stern.

"Don't ever let anyone hurt him Mikey. Apologize for me please. He's your best friend still; just go talk to him and he'll listen." I put my hoodie on as Mikey yelled through the phone but my mind wasn't focusing real well so I didn't hear what he said through the muffling of the hoodie as I pulled it on. "Protect Frankie Mikey cuz he needs someone."

"I swear to God Gerard if you leave that house-"

"I have to go now. Please apologize for me." I said, walking up the stairs from the basement and closing my phone before Mikey could reply. I turned the phone off and grabbed my head as pain started to shoot through it from the vodka that I had downed. I pushed the home phone off the hook so Mikey would leave me alone then searched the counter for my keys.

Upon locating them, I made my way out to the car, stumbling a bit along the way. I didn't know where I was going but I had to get away. I had to get away from the people that I hurt so they would be able to move on. I had to get away from them so I could move on. I got into my car and started it, forgetting to put my seat belt on, and backing out of the driveway. I started to lose clarity of my vision as I drove but never bothering to pull over because I had to get away. Tears still slid down my face as I kept my foot on the gas before everything just slowly faded to black and all I could see in my mind was Frank staring at me with the same smile in the picture I left behind.

"The hardest part of this is leaving you..."

I opened my eyes, my vision blurry from tears that kept falling down my face. "You're ok Gee." I heard Frank soft voice speak to me and I realized that my head was in his lap and his hands were slowly running through my hair. "Shh...."

"F-Frankie..." Was all I could choke out as I pulled my head from his lap and sat up to look at him directly. His eyes were calm and soothing while mine were frantic and red with tears. "I-I..." My breathing was rapid and Frank just smiled softly at me, pushing my matted hair from my face as I was sweating a little too.

"It's ok Gerard, you're safe." He said gently and I nodded. All I could think about was passing out while driving; knowing all along that by getting away I was telling myself to die. "You need to relax or you're going to get sick." Frank told me, pulling me close to him and holding my head against his shoulder, kissing my head. "Whenever you want to talk you know I'll listen." He whispered.

"Why are you so kind to me after all I did to you?" I asked him as I curled up against him. Frank wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me close, kissing my head again.

"Because I love you." He said softly.

"How? I've hurt you so much." I choked some more.

"Gerard, I've always loved you." Frank told me softly. "Nothing you could ever do to me will ever change that. No matter how much you've hurt me I will never stop loving you. Yes I can get very upset and hurt, ignore you all I want to make you hurt as well, but that doesn't mean I don't love you." He rubbed my shoulder a little then leaned his head against mine. "No matter what happens, good or bad, I will always love you deep down and you will always hold half my heart."

"I-I don't want to hurt you anymore." I choked a little more. "I love you and I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't." Frank said calmly. "If you really love me you'll find the strength to stop yourself from hurting me." He squeezed me a little tighter. "You really need to calm down babe. I can go get one of the others-"

"No." I said quickly, putting my arms around him. "I only want you." I looked up at Frank and instantly felt better as I saw that smile and that glint in his beautiful hazel eyes. "You're all that matters to me anymore." I whispered to him before kissing him on the lips and resting my head on his shoulder again.

"Prove it." Frank whispered back, resting his head on mine and humming some tune softly to me to calm me down. There's no way I deserve someone as wonderful as Frank, especially not after I fucked it all up, but I will definitely prove to him that I can change. He's given me his heart again and I'll protect it with my life this time.










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A/N--- I had to end it on a lighter note. All I'm going to say is don't think it's going to be straight up fluff for now on. I actually have some things in mind that will greatly piss you all off x3

oh and don't worry about Mikey. I'm having bipolar fun with him xD

xoxo Tabi