FicWad

By the time my eyes finally dared to open the next day, my hangover was already hitting my brain full force. I winced the moment the sunlight hit my face and groaned, shifting to force my face into my pillow.

“Awake yet, or still dreaming bout’ me?”

I mumbled into my pillow at Nate’s voice and brought the blankets higher over my head to block out the light.

“I’ll take that as awake,”

The bed shifted and I sighed as his hand met my back, softly rubbing at my shoulder. I then thought about the day, and the time.

“What time is it?” I asked, taking my mouth away from the pillow so that he could coherently hear me. Nate hummed in confusion before shuffling and smirking.

“One-”

“What?!”

I jumped up at this and threw the blanket off me, it landing over Nate. I stood up quickly and started searching for my phone, but paused when I noticed Nate holding it in one hand, the other clutching the cloth.

“What’s the rush?” Nate asked, extending my phone to me. I grabbed it and looked down to see I had no new messages, and paused, slightly confused.

“I’ve got to get backstage!” I announced. Nate grabbed my shoulder as I turned and whipped me back around. “What now?” I asked eagerly, not having the time for his shenanigans.

“Didn’t you hear me earlier when you got up to use the bathroom?” I creased my eyebrows together.

“When did I use the bathroom?!” I asked, confused. Nate chuckled and let me go and shrugged.

“I guess not,” he skewed his mouth to one side. “Show’s cancelled,”

My heart skipped a beat before I frowned, feeling slightly angry.

“Why? Is Gabe too hung-over?” I snapped.

“Aye mamasita! Calm yourself!” he joked back, pushing me to the couch towards the front of the bus. I chewed on my bottom lip and let him try to control me. “Gabe’s voice cracked out and isn’t coming back as quickly as it should,”

I sighed and nodded, understanding.

“Is he ok?” I asked timidly. Nate raised an eyebrow with a flattened expression.

“You still care about the jerk?”

“You just called your best friend a jerk,” I pointed out. Nate shrugged.

“He knows he’s one, so it’s ok,” Nate explained nonchalantly. I rolled my eyes.

“I’m just making sure that his voice comes back so I can talk to him properly,” I let my head fall, my eyes making contact with the picture on my blackberry background, which just so happened to be the one Gabe left on my laptop desktop all those months ago. “Last night he was too drunk,”

“Yeah, so were you,” Nate mumbled, and after I shot him a glance, he half-way closed his eyes and slung his arm around me, pushing his face towards mine. “Oh, Nate. Your eyes are like the ocean, because when I look in them I get lost at sea!”

My face heated up and for the next moment, Nate fell away in laughter while I blushed madly.

“Oh god,” I frowned and Nate sighed, wiping pretend tears away from his eyes. He saw my disappointment still and nudged me.

“You can go to the other bus, but I’m telling you now, it’s a battle field over there,”

“Why?” I questioned.

“You’ve got a pissed off Vicky, Ryland and Alex with a hung-over Gabe-”

“And Abigail,” I continued. Nate nodded, his eyes a little widened.

“Who’s just scary on her own,” he voiced.

I smirked at his comment before standing up, and walking towards the mirror near the bathroom. After cleaning myself up a little bit, I changed into more sociably acceptable clothing and figured I might as well make sure Gabe didn’t get killed by Team Aurélie. Nate caught me right as I was about to leave the bus and I looked up at him.

“Yes?”

“Just be careful, ok?” he assured. With that, I nodded and found myself outside, already feeling solemn about where this day was heading.

*

I had to sneak on Gabe’s bus after nobody answered my knocks, and was met with not such a pretty sight. Gabe was sitting on the couch, tissues piling up next to him, which were mostly covered in blood with both Vicky and Abigail standing in front of him, arms in the air and yelling over each other reprimanding him. Ryland sat saddened in the breakfast nook right next to the couch and Alex stood in front of me in the aisle, blocking me and my view to the rest of the bus. Right as I stood up on the last step, Alex turned to me and widened his eyes and I leaned around him to see Abigail getting closer to Gabe and held my breath as she raised her hands.

Right then Alex pushed me back but I fought and sighed when Abigail simply signed with her hands ‘be a man’. Unfortunately, Gabe took it as insult and waved his hands around sarcastically before flipping Abigail off, earning a hard right-hook to his jaw from her. I jumped forward, Alex grabbing my waist as I reached out towards Abigail, Ryland jolting up as Gabe stood up and towered over Abigail. Vicky turned to see me and widened her eyes and tried to help Alex with restraining me, but I pushed both of them off, only to be stopped by Ryland. I looked to Abigail, noting she was not afraid of Gabe.

“You wanna go pretty boy? You may be a foot taller than me, but I'll throw you all the way back to Ecuador!” she shoved her finger in his face, and just as Gabe was about to swat it away, I pushed Ryland off of me and leapt on Gabe, our bodies falling on the floor of the aisle. He groaned and was about to throw me off when he noticed that it was me and stayed down as I held his arms. I whipped my head to see everyone with wide eyes and pointed at the door.

“Get. Out.” I hissed, eyeing Abigail the hardest, knowing she would get my message. She flinched and turned, pushing Ryland into Alex and in turn into Vicky until they were all off the bus. I turned back to Gabe and softened my expression, but still held his arms. He creased his eyebrows together before hesitantly leaning up to sit up, my knees falling around him so I that I was awkwardly straddling his lap. I lowered my head and watched my hands as I let his arms go, and closed my eyes as they circled around me, him desperately trying to console me.

I held my arms around his waist but didn’t really hold him back, just let his hands rub against my back until he leaned away and picked up my head and frowned. I observed the blood resting on his lip and smirked lightly, grabbing the tissues next to me on the couch and handing them to him. He wiped at his face and I couldn’t help but push his hair back up in their small spikes.

“I’m sorry,” he squeaked, his voice very hoarse and barely audible.

“I know you are,” I answered, and adjusted myself up to sit on the couch. Gabe copied and shoved the other tissues away, coughing roughly in the process.

“F-” another cough. “Everyth-n-”

I furrowed my eyebrows together and watched his hands as they grabbed another tissue and he wiped the cough-up of blood that had just occurred.

“What’s going on?” I asked hesitantly. Gabe shook his head and locked eyes with me.

“Us is more important,”

“Us?” I raised an eyebrow. “You mean we are?” I corrected. Gabe shook his head.

“Us,” he paused to clear his throat, but it didn’t help. “Us,” he emphasized.

I lowered my eyes again and took a deep breath.

“Is there even an us?” I nervously locked eyes with him. “Gabe, I need to know what you are thinking,”

“I think,” he paused and turned more towards me, cupping his hand over mine. “What we have is good enough for me. Nothing too crazy or committed. We’re free to do whatever but at the end of the day we still have each other to be with,”

Wrong answer. My heart fell and I painfully closed my eyes, and when I opened them, there was a fresh glaze of tears over my eyes. Gabe chewed on his lip nervously and I slowly took my hand away.

“It’s good enough for you,” I pushed. Gabe frowned instantly. “Not me,” I shook my head slightly. “I was committed from day one, Gabe,” I eyed him as a tear slipped. “You’re telling me that even though you were on the pursuit of me and telling everybody that I was your one there were others?” I tried to keep my calm. Gabe lowered his head and I grabbed his jaw, him hissing due to the forming bruise Abigail had caused. I yanked my hand back, but he looked straight at me again.

“What do you want me to tell you, Aurélie?” he paused. “That I was sleeping with other women? Because I was, I was trying to see if I felt the same connection with them as I did with you,” he gulped as I let my expression fall. “I guess I was-”

“Shopping around,” I concluded. Gabe didn’t answer. I stood up and kept my back to him as I gripped the counter opposite of the couch. “You need to figure out what you want, Gabe,” I whispered.

“What?” Gabe’s voice cracked at the end, and when I turned to him again, he looked pained. He opened his mouth again but sighed as no sound came out, except for grumbles. His voice was gone. I felt cruel, but I needed to finish.

“I’m not sorry Gabe,” I closed my eyes tight to fight back the tears before locking them with his again. “Until then, you won’t have me at the end of the day,”
Gabe’s face fell, and before I could even turn around, he was turned around himself, a scorned expression resting on his features. I shook my head and stepped off the bus, only to find the entire gang waiting near the bus door. I held back my anger and closed the door.

“Aurélie,” Abigail started, and I held up my hand.

“Stay out of there,” I pointed to the bus behind me. “He’s better left alone right now,” I whispered, before turning and walking towards the venue.

“Where are you going?” Vicky asked. I shook my head and kept walked. Abigail’s voice was the last I heard.

“I think we should leave them both alone for a while,”

Smart idea.

*

I was sitting on one of the amps backstage when Ryland landed next to me, a sorrow filled expression invading his face.

“Didn’t you hear Abigail?” I asked sarcastically.

“I have this strange disease where I tune out information that I don’t give a shit about,” he joked back. I glanced up at him and sighed, lowering my eyes again. Ryland nodded.

“I heard,” he simply said.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “It’s over,” I concluded. Ryland shrugged.

“For now,” he pushed. I rolled my eyes. “You’re still Billy Jean to me,”

I smirked lightly and eyed him again.

“Thanks,” I mumbled. Ryland leaned back on his hands.

“So what are you gonna do now?” he questioned.

I shrugged but then though about the text messages I had been receiving from Dirty after I told him what happened.

“I might leave,” I whispered. Ryland shockingly didn’t flinch. I raised an eyebrow and he laughed slightly.

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” he leaned forward again and rested a hand on my knee. “You need a break from Gabe, and he needs a break from you,” he skewed his mouth aside for a moment. “Especially if you both want to heal,”

I nodded and looked back down at my phone, finding a new text message from the man himself. Ryland laughed again and stood up.

“Just remember to say bye to me so I can give you a bear hug goodbye,” I nodded and watched him walk away before ditching the texting and raising the phone to my ear. It rang a few times before Dirty answered.

“Sorry,” he simply said, right off the bat.

“It’s not your fault,” I voiced back, softly chuckling. Dirty sighed.

“Still,” he urged. “Are you going to take up my offer?” I gulped.

“What is it again, exactly?” I whispered, seeing some of my personnel walking around, probably wondering where I was.

“Well Pete has some intern stuff at Decaydance that he thinks would be perfect for you,”

“Intern?” I raised an eyebrow to myself.

“Ok, not intern, but I don’t remember the word Pete told me,” he cleared his throat. “You’d go to shows around Chicago, with me of course and we’d find bands that the label might be interested in, or kids that seem interested in the music industry,”

“You make it sound really dumbed down,” I muttered. Dirty pretended to sound shocked.

“Well it sure beats moping around and working around your ex!” he threw back. I narrowed my eyes.

“Watch it,”

“Watch what? If it’s the new Episode of House I’ve already seen it, and it was awesome,”

“Dirty,” I cut him off and he laughed.

“So you’ll come back to Chicago?” he asked finally. I closed my eyes and felt the sadness crawl over my heart but nodded. “If you’re nodding, remember I can’t see you,” I laughed again before rolling my eyes.

“I’ll schedule my flight now and let you know,”

*

I was remorseful as I walked to the buses that night, and knowing Gabe was probably passed out drunk in his own pity, I climbed on what used to be our bus to grab my stuff. My flight was surprisingly easy to book, and Ryland agreed to drive me to the airport that night so I could catch the Red Eye back to Chi-Town. The bus was dark, and I almost tripped over the bottles that littered the ground. I shook my head and frowned even more when I found Gabe passed out on the bed, a bottle that was still somewhat full near his lips but not spilling out. I grabbed it from him and placed it on the counter before gathering up what I could find. I placed it all at the front of the bus, before ripping a piece of paper from the notepad on the driver’s dashboard. Walking back to Gabe, I read it over and thought it was the only real way I could say goodbye to him. I left it in his hand and held back the regretful tears as I placed a hand on his cheek before turning and taking the long walk back to the front of the bus where surprisingly, Ryland was waiting with my bags, the front door open.

“Ready?” he whispered. I nodded once and followed him out, letting the door close. The sound was one that I knew would echo in my mind for a long time, reminding me what I was now losing. It was difficult not to just turn around and go back, but I looked to the future and hoped that Gabe would figure himself out. Who knew what the future held…

You were the one…

Billy Jean