FicWad

DISCLAIMER: See the Prologue.

/CONGRATULATIONS/ to SarahtheBardess for guessing correctly! I got the idea for that from the myth of Bellerophon and the Chimaera! Also Congratulations to ChrismKing208, who at least knew which myth I was talking about, and Dementist, who also knew the myth!

/DANG IT!!!/ I forgot to add the Blast-Ended Skrewt in the last chapter! (Should I go back and put it in there?)



Chapter 11: Quiet Christmas

Harry regained consciousness two days later in the infirmary.

He was wondering what he was doing there as it all came back to him.

'Shit,' he mentally cursed.

The majority of his worst memories and fears had been reflected in the doppelgangers of all those people and monsters (most of which he hated), except for those last four, whom he couldn't destroy because he didn't have it in him...

That bought his mind back to another issue: Exactly what happened that caused the black ooze to do that? Did his hatred or something somehow give it life?

Wincing as he got up, he saw that he was still in his altered uniform, except that his gloves and boots had been removed. Looking over the side of the bed, Harry could see that his gloves had been placed on the bedside table and his boots were on the floor.

A moment later, Xavier came in. "Well, Harry, you certainly pushed yourself far in that session. You've been out for two days. I honestly cannot help but wonder if you have an affinity for hospital wings..." the Professor mused with a small smile, hoping to cheer up his newest recruit.

Harry remained silent, sitting on the bed soundlessly. "Everybody now knows about what happened? Some of my fears and nightmares?" he asked in a deadpan voice.

Xavier's expression switched to grave. "Unfortunately, yes. However, they have all promised not to speak of what they saw. Besides, they're too grateful to break their promises."

That confused Harry. "Grateful? How?"

Another small grin found its way onto Xavier's face. "We're still in the process of repairing the Danger Room, so the other students are grateful that their normal training sessions have been delayed for another few days at the least. I'm afraid that Logan, however, wasn't quite as happy."

Harry winced a little. "Er, sorry."

"It's really nothing to apologize for. Worse things have happened around here. Besides, Forge is fixing the equipment even as we speak."

Harry knew about Forge, so he merely nodded.

Finally, Xavier got to the root of the problem. "Harry, I know how you feel about holding responsibility for what happened to your parents, classmate and godfather. Firstly and most importantly, none of it was your fault. You should not be taking the blame for circumstances and events beyond your control. I'm afraid that habit comes from your... /relatives/." (Here, Harry could very well discern Xavier's opinion of the Dursleys.) "You are in no way responsible for what happened to anyone whose shades attacked you in the Danger Room. You were not responsible for your parents' murders, you did not set up the death trap which killed your classmate, and you are not the one who killed your godfather. I may not have known or even met any of them, but I can tell they would not blame you for their fates."

Harry knew these were not empty words meant solely to comfort him and make him feel any better. He silently nodded, for lack of a better response.

"I also know about the prophecy that was made concerning yourself and Voldemort. While I may not have the experience of your former Headmaster and mentor, I can still provide training which will prove useful in the end. Besides, one of these days, you will have to return to your world if you want to accomplish this."

Harry willed himself not to think about that at all.

"Anyway," Xavier said before he encountered any more upsetting topics, "I recommend you stay here for another day or so, just to recuperate. Is there anything else you would like to talk about?"

Harry thought about that for a moment and finally shook his head in the negative.

"If you need me, I will most likely be in my office." With that, he departed.

As Xavier left, he knew Harry's unwillingness to talk about such matters and to refuse admitting any weaknesses. 'It's a shame,' he thought, 'that this young man should have such incredible power and talent, only to be held back by such painful memories.'



Most of the students who had originally planned to take the day off somehow winded up talking about what they had witnessed in the Danger Room, seeing Harry's worst memories and fears being used against him like that.

Some of the students were able to sympathize with him in different ways. Scott lost his parents (and, for a time, believed the same thing happened to his brother), Tabitha and Ray had come from broken families, Rogue had been tricked into doing a bad guy's dirty work, Kurt had been shunned most of the time for what he was, Damian had seen a loved one die without being able to do anything about it... the list went on and on.

Even though most of those present had been in the fight against Apocalypse, even they couldn't imagine going up against some of the things Harry had. A dragon? Giant spiders? Books capable of possessing people? Traitors who helped kill your family and friends? Even Damian, who was closer to magic than any of them, couldn't see himself facing any of that, and his mother's death was bad enough.

This led to the question of what they should do. Jean, who had inadvertedly heard Harry's thoughts from time to time, knew that he would have hated pity. In the end, it was decided to try to console Harry if anything else happened, and if the instructors needed their help for it.



Damian came in to visit Harry not long after Xavier did. As Xavier's "magical advisor" (since he was the most and only really experienced person in the matters of magic), he explained to Harry that the overuse of his powers and all the negative emotions he was putting into his attacks somehow caused the machinery to reflect his worst memories and experiences, sort of like a boggart. Of course, this was all in theory, but either way, Harry would have to hold back in future training sessions to prevent this event from repeating itself.

Harry kept all this in mind, and after the two teenage wizards chatted some more, Damian left to go do something.

Later that evening, after Harry took a shower, he collapsed in bed almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. Not long afterwards, memories began to flash through his mind...



It was after a meeting at Hogwarts, where Dumbledore collected evidence against Umbridge and healed all the students of the scars from her detentions. All the other students had left, except for Harry, whom Dumbledore wanted to speak to about a different and much more serious matter.

"How are you holding up, Harry?" Dumbledore asked quietly after they went up to his office, which still had the extra room after the /incident /Harry wrought on it.

Harry only glanced at his Headmaster before looking away. "What do you think?" he asked in a flat voice, not really caring any more. "I miss Sirius."

"Harry, I -"

Harry once again couldn't help but snap at Dumbledore after losing his patience. "What does it matter anyway, as long as the precious Boy Who Lived is safe and sound!? Does it really matter how many other people suffer and die for his sake so he can kill Voldemort?" Harry yelled sarcastically.

Dumbledore seemed unfazed by Harry's outburst, although the portraits on the wall looked indignant. Phineas Nigellus started saying something when Dumbledore cut him off with a motion of his hand.

"Harry," Dumbledore said with honesty which everyone could sense, "Don't think for a moment that I /ever /wanted you, or anyone else, for that matter, to have this fate and be constrained by a prophecy. I wish such circumstances didn't exist, so then I could have done away with Voldemort all those years ago and have let that be the end of it. I may not have been flawless with all my decisions in the past, but never let it be said that I never wanted the best for you. I think it would be rather unfair to accuse me of not caring about what was best for you."

"Then why have to run everything behind the scenes and be so manipulative?" Harry challenged, realizing a moment later that he had gone too far.

Dumbledore didn't even so much as flinch at that accusation. "While I may have the potential to manipulate a great deal of people, that doesn't mean I like doing it. I shouldn't have to be working behind the backs of a corrupt government to fight and suppress a Dark wizard in addition to managing this school. Just because I have the potential for a certain talent, that doesn't mean I like that talent or want to use it. In my experience, everyone has at least one talent which they do not want or like."

More quietly, Dumbledore then told Harry, "I have never had to train a student in your kind of situation before, and I rather doubt that any other Headmaster in the history of this school has had to either with any other student. I have tried to help you as much as I can, and I will continue to do so. Apart from Sirius' death and a few other tragic events that have happened during your education here, I'd say you're doing relatively well."

Harry just looked at the Headmaster with that dead look in his otherwise vibrant eyes before glancing away.

Dumbledore sighed. "Trust me when I say this, Harry: Sirius would not want you to do this to yourself. He would have also never forgiven himself if something happened to you. Don't do this to yourself; it won't bring him back."

"I was wondering about something..." Harry said. "Even /if we had managed to clear Sirius' name and he was still alive, would you still have sent me back to the Dursleys?"/

There was silence for a moment, and Dumbledore finally said, "In all honesty, Harry, I really don't know what I would have done. Things never did come to that."

Harry merely nodded, and not really wanting to talk anymore, he took the Portkey back to Privet Drive...



Harry tossed in his sleep as yet another dream began...



Harry and Lupin were walking through a park in Surrey, talking to each other. In a sense, they were spending "quality time," when in fact they were consoling each other since Sirius' death.

"Harry, please don't push yourself like this over what happened to Sirius. It's not worth it, and it's not what he would have wanted."

"How can you be so calm?" Harry countered a rather dead-sounding voice. "Doesn't it bother you that I played a role in what happened to your last best friend? Shouldn't you be angry with me?"

/Lupin looked a little shocked at Harry's... /desire for self-flagellation.

"Listen to me carefully, Harry. You did not trick him into coming to the Department of Mysteries, you did not kill him, and you had no malevolent intent towards him whatsoever. You're not at fault in any way."

Harry couldn't answer and just looked away. Lupin put a hand on Harry's shoulder and faced him. "Harry, he was your godfather and guardian, the closest thing to a parent, right? He knew the risks when he took that role, and he was doing his job. Besides, he couldn't have lived with himself if anything happened to you."

"Just because people care about me, that doesn't mean they should be lining up ready to sacrifice themselves for me!" Harry protested. "I don't /like /people getting hurt or killed or whatever because of me!"

Lupin sighed. "I know what you're thinking, Harry. You're thinking that if you had never met people, or hadn't loved them, they'd be safe and alive. That's not true, Harry. No matter how much you blame yourself, it won't fix anything."

They sat down on a park bench, and Lupin put an arm around Harry's shoulder and comforted him with stories about the Marauders at Hogwarts while Harry sat there, letting a few tears leak from his eyes...

It was sunset when Lupin returned Harry to Privet Drive, and as Harry went to his room, he felt the weight in his chest loosen a little.



The memories shifted again...



It was the eve before his sixteenth birthday, and Harry was staying at the Burrow. The beautiful sunset was bringing a close to the hot summer's day, and Harry was sitting in the garden, on the grass in front of the pond. Some of the light was reflected off the water's surface, but Harry paid it no heed as he just gazed off into the distance.

Behind him, a stunning young woman walked up to him, her red hair flowing behind her.

Only when she was right next to him did Harry see her reflection in the water: She was dressed in an off-white T-shirt and wearing a denim skirt and walking in sandals.

Harry looked up at Ginny as though acknowledging her, and just looked back into the distance again.

She knelt beside him, looking at him with concern and worry on her face as she moved some of her hair out of the way.

"I'm sure this has been said to you before, Harry, but Sirius' death was /not /your fault."

Harry remained silent, and Ginny elaborated, "Voldemort set you up to get the prophecy and that awful Lestrange woman killed him. It's as simple as that."

"Ginny -"

He was cut off as she suddenly began to lose her patience. "You think I'm impressed by your heroism and attitude? You've been so wrapped up blaming yourself for Sirius' death you've neglected to notice that no one else does! Why do you keep cutting yourself off from everyone who tries to help you?"

"So I can keep everyone alive?"

"Even at the cost of being alone?" Ginny countered, sounding rather hurt at the implication.

Harry sighed, not really knowing what to say.

"So you think that being here for us gets us hurt and put in danger?"

Ginny cupped Harry's face in her hand so he could face her (Harry was so depressed right now that he wasn't even that shocked at this physical contact), and posed a question that Harry had never considered. "Well, what if you /hadn't been there for us?"/

When Harry didn't answer (not that she honestly expected him to), she continued, "If you hadn't helped us all those times, Harry, who would have? If not then, then when? As little as you may want to admit it, you have been a godsend to us. We've always been grateful for how you've come to our aid, and we always will be. You will always be friend and family to us. Besides... V-Voldemort would want you to act this way. I know how he thinks. Don't fall into this trap."

If Ginny didn't know any better, she could have sworn that the light in Harry's emerald eyes, which had dimmed since Sirius' death, was beginning to return.

"You're quite handsome when you're not moping around, you know," she whispered, a small smile starting to adorn her face. "By the way, I never did properly thank you for when you saved my life..."

Ginny's face came closer, and before Harry could move away...

Ginny kissed him on the lips, wrapping her arms around him. It was sweet and passionate, and Harry eventually returned her gesture, starting to feel something inside him which he hadn't felt before...

For a moment or so that after that, they just sat on the grass in each other's arms, Harry's head on her shoulder as he breathed in the scent of her hair.

"Thank you, Ginny," he whispered...



The memory dissolved, and Harry was slowly lifted out of his slumber and back into the present.

He just lay there, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about what had transpired over the summer...

It hadn't been easy, but he had gotten over Sirius' death. He was even able to suppress his desires and fantasies of hunting down Bellatrix Lestrange and killing her ruthlessly and painfully.

"Have a nice rest, kid?" came a gruff voice from the side.

Harry got up and looked to the side to see Logan, who was getting something out of a cabinet.

"You have no idea," Harry said after stifling a yawn.

"Well, the Danger Room will be under repairs for half a week. Let's just hope we won't have a repeat of... well, whatever you did to it, hm?"

"Rest assured, that shouldn't happen again."

"It better not," Logan said with a small edge in his voice, being his usual gruff self as he walked out.

Harry lay back in bed, resting for a while longer until he got his things together and moved back into his own room.



The weather got colder, and the winter landscape which the mansion and its grounds now were seemed to reflect Harry's new attitude: Quiet, but with some small happiness.

After what happened to the Danger Room, the other students thanked him for temporarily shutting it down, and even said it was worth it later on when Logan doubled their work-outs afterwards to compensate.

The newer mutants also used this spare time to improve their existing uniforms (they wanted to ever since finding out that Harry had done so with his).

Amara's uniform now had red flame-like patterns on it.

Ray's uniform now had neon blue lightning-like patterns.

Sam's uniform now had some think vertical blue stripes (reflecting his ability to fly), plus a transparent helmet like the one on Lance's "Avalanche" outfit.

Roberto's uniform now had some yellow on it in a strip running down the chest, like a ray of light (however, this was thankfully not evocative of a bee's pattern).

Bobby's uniform now had some light, icy blue, on the arms, legs, back and chest.

Rahne's uniform now had some brown mixed in with the dark blue of the default uniforms, which was reminiscent of her ability to transform into a wolf.

Tabitha's uniform now had more modesty than its previous design, and now had some dark yellow circles which resembled the pyrokinetic bombs she could produce.

Damian's uniform now had some of the red and green patterns as his dragon form did.

However, Jamie had yet to come up with something he liked, so he was still in the brainstorming process.

It was through chance that Harry formed a small friendship with pre-adolescent boy. Jamie was often left out of activities because of his age, and often saw Hank's "no powers" sports games from the sidelines because even the smallest bump could produce a few clones of himself. This left Jamie very eager to contribute and be part of the group. Being something of a "loner" himself, Harry spent some time with Jamie, doing something or another, which helped cheer up the younger boy.

However, even this opportunity to make new friends didn't stop Harry from thinking about his original friends. This was the time of year where families were supposed to be together, and Harry just hoped his surrogate family was still holding together...



As Christmas drew near, Harry was asked by several people what he wanted for the holiday. He just told them he really didn't matter and he really didn't need anything. While everyone else went about shopping and talking about what they would do with their families, Harry would just sit in front of the fireplace, letting his mind wander...

However, he still tried to get things for the others. After asking around, he found what people were interested in and was able to buy things that they liked (he had found some sort of employment, working at a bookstore in town).

It also still pained him that this would be his first Christmas without his family and friends. He missed them a lot, and his heart still ached from missing them. However, he had come to learn that he would need to be patient and wait before reuniting with them.

And yet his mind kept asking questions: Were Ron and Hermione all right? How was Dumbledore putting up with Fudge? What happened in regards to Percy? Was the Gryffindor Quidditch team doing well? From the serious to the trivial, the questions kept coming in his mind...



It was the last day before most of the students were going home to their families, and Beast was reading "A Christmas Carol" to everyone now ("just in case," according to Kurt). Harry wished everyone a safe holiday, and saw most of them off before returning to his own room.

It was amazing how one could live in a mansion with a few dozen unique people, and yet still be so alone.

He took a nap, dreaming sweet dreams of being with the Weasleys...



Harry woke up after five in the morning after his "nap" (which ended up in going to bed early). He just sat there in the darkness, thinking as he waited for the sun to come up in a couple of hours...

There are some days when you just don't want to get out of bed.

Sleep was a very precious commodity to Harry, given all the nightmares he had suffered over the past year or so. There were times where he just wanted to sleep and never wake up so he could never have to deal with the world...

'Okay, now why did that not just sound right?' Harry thought to himself.

Deciding not to postpone the inevitable any longer, Harry got up out of bed, freshened himself up, got dressed, and went down to the kitchen to get something to eat.

The only other people there were Xavier, Ororo, Logan, Hank, and Damian. They all greeted him as he approached, and he returned the greeting with a small (but forced) smile.

"Do you have any plans for the holidays, Harry?"

Harry shook his head. "Not really."

"If you'd like, Harry, you could put on another magical disguise and go out."

Harry shrugged. "I'll consider it."

After a nearly-silent breakfast, Harry went back to his room to do some light reading before dozing off for a nap.



There were a few hours of sunlight left by the time Harry woke up again, and he decided to take advantage of that fact. He went for a small walk around town, merely enjoying the atmosphere. He also donated some money to a Salvation Army man working on the sidewalk (earning him a wink and a nod from the man).

He stopped for lunch at the same diner where he told off those FOH thugs and met the Brotherhood. After a warm, hearty meal, he felt renewed somehow as he made his way back to the institute.

He came back in time to see off Damian, who was visiting some friends but couldn't leave as soon as everyone else. "Merry Christmas, Harry."

"Same to you, Damian."



Harry was in a blissfully deep slumber that night, and as he woke up, he had a strange feeling of déjà vu...

Instantly, he remembered in his first year at Hogwarts how he didn't expect any presents and yet there was the small pile waiting for him on Christmas morning. Slowly, he opened his eyes and got out of bed.

After getting dressed, Harry went down to the living room to find some things for him under the Christmas tree. More than half of them were envelopes with his name on them, while there were a few boxes with his name on them.

"Thought you wouldn't get anything?" Beast asked with a grin on his face as he lumbered into the room.

"Nah, I guess I just miss them..."

"You can open them now if you want."

"Thanks." He opened the boxes first and found a couple of new shirts and pants, "The Lord of the Rings" and "The Hobbit," by J.R.R. Tolkien, and a few other fantasy books. The envelopes all contained gift certificates to various places around town.

Harry was about to collect everything and bring it all back to his room when he saw something he had originally overlooked. It was from Damian

Inside was what looked like an ordinary Snitch, but according to the note Damian included (in addition to the product's instructions), it was a special kind of Snitch which was for practice and had a device inside which the owner could use to "recall" it so it couldn't ever got lost.

This helped brighten up Harry's mood, and he hoped that Damian was enjoying his own gift.

As the rest of the day passed, he helped out his instructors with small things around the mansion. At the end of the day, Harry hoped that at least his friends back home still had a good Christmas, at they were still all alive and well during the war.

At least, he had to admit, he was fortunate to even be in Xavier's hospitality.



TBC...

A/N: How was this chapter? What did you think of Dumbledore's wisdom from the flashback?

Note about the Harry/Ginny scene: The romance in this, I think, will be slight HPGW. Also, the scene itself was modeled on a similar scene from the James Bond flick "GoldenEye," where Natalya tries to help James accept his friend's betrayal and move on. Good dialogue in that scene.

Note about what Harry bought everyone: I'm not going into detail of what Harry bought for every last person, and it's irrelevant anyway.

Next chapter is where Kelly or the new guy (I still can't decide who) gets a few potshots taken at him in a hilarious (for us) event... -Quillian



Note to the black ooze in the last chapter: I wouldn't know about the black ooze battle from the game which wana10 is talking about, and as far as battle scenes go, yes, they seem to be my forte. I think my brainchild fic "The Heir of Gryffindor" has some of my best work in that department.



EXTRA! I just found another HP/X-Men crossover! "Hogwarts Generation X," by The Haggard Azrael.