FicWad

Less than thirty minutes later, Gerard and Dani were sitting next to each other in fourth period, Frank's presence long gone.

After a awkward, stubborn silence, Gerard spoke up. "What did you mean, at lunch today?"

Dani concentrated on the teacher, who was speaking in a monotone about a country in Africa. "Excuse me, I'm trying to listen. I find the history of Swaziland very stimulating."

He rolled his eye. "Look, Frank's gone now, and we really do need to talk," he said, frustrated.

Just then, the geography teacher swung around and glared at them. "Do I need to separate you two?"

"No," they groaned at the same time.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

In fifth period, there was a substitute filling in that gave them a free period to read or study in the library. Gerard followed Dani to an empty table, not sure if he should try a nice-guy approach or nag her relentlessly.

"God, when we fight, we fight, don't we?" he asked with the slightest tinge of humor in his voice.

She ignored him, sat down, and reached for a book.

He gently pulled the book out of her hands, even though she put up a struggle, and tossed it over to another group of kids. "I was trying to read!" she yelled.

"No, you weren't. You were using the book as an excuse to avoid me, like you have been all day." Gerard inhaled slowly and looked her in the eyes. "If it's what happened...after the funeral...I mean, I...I don't...expect anything from you." His face flushed, but he didn't look away from the girl sitting next to him.

Dani sighed and swept her bangs out of her face, trying feebly to stare back at him. "I know you didn't. It's not that...it's..."

"It's...?" he said. "It's what? Tell me what I did."

"Well, for starters, I found out about how you love to drink, which doesn't exactly work for me. Not to sound bitchy, but honestly, you can't keep doing it."

He had to look away. She just doesn't get it. She doesn't get how much I need it. Booze is the only thing that'll keep me sane, other than her...

"I know what happens when someone feels like they need it. When they can't control it..." Dani tugged on the sleeve of her shirt a little, showing him the bruises on her arm that was still trying to mend itself, now outside of a cast. "And it looks like this."


Gerard swallowed hard and ran his hands through his hair. "I'm not like him, though. I'm a pretty frickin' happy drunk."

"I'm not saying that you'll drain a bottle or two and then go hit your daughter with it," she said bluntly. "But I am saying...that it's a mess. A big fucking mess. And once you get to that point, there's no way out of it."

"There's been times," she continued. "When he couldn't even maintain enough energy to hurt me. It was all he could do to aim the right direction to land on the couch correctly so he could pass out for a few hours."

Gerard covered his face with his hands, ashamed.

She gritted her teeth, ready to throw everything out on the table. "And he told me you'd never love me."

"What?" Gerard jerked his head back up. "Why?"

Shit, I really am trusting this guy way too much."Well, I think we both know why he says stuff like that. But his reasoning was that I was a whore like my mom."

Fuck. Him. "It's not true. Any of it. He's messing with your head now, too. I don't know why the fuck he's calling you a whore, if it's anyone, it's him. I love you. How can you doubt that? I know I'm a fuck-up, but I'm your fuck-up."

She stayed eerily quiet for a few minutes, her calm demeanor still there. "My mom really was a whore. Couldn't care less about either one of us. And he loved her, he really did. Everyone loved her..." Dani's voice faded; she was remembering all of it.

"She wasn't some party girl wannabe, like he thought she was. She didn't want him. So she searched for someone she did want."

"He was such a workaholic, even then, so it was easy for her to bring home different guys whenever he wasn't there. I was maybe seven or eight when it all started. She'd give me candy and make me promise not to tell." Dani closed her eyes for a minute. "So I didn't."

"He knew. Everyone knew, her parents, Frank's parents, all their friends."

"So Issac-that's his name-pretended like nothing was wrong for a while. Then he would lash out at me every once in a while. I was ten the first time he ever hit me. It didn't hurt that much and I didn't think he'd do it again."

"Mom saw the mark on my cheek and freaked out about it." Dani saw Gerard's questioning look out of the corner of her eye. "No, no, like I said, it wasn't because she was worried about me or because she thought he needed help. She was scared for her own ass. She told me that."

"So instead of actually doing anything to either one of us, he tried to keep us contained. I guess he thought if he couldn't have her, no one could."

Gerard reluctantly cut in, still in a horrified trance because of her story. "Frank told me he tried to keep you all to himself..."

Dani nodded. "He didn't let me see Frank or any of my other friends or family. Same with her. He'd make us go out with him for some family time instead. Family time's fine, don't get me wrong, but eventually he didn't want us to do that either."

"She couldn't take it anymore after about a year. So one time when he was out of town, trying to catch some deal, she locked me in my room, packed up all her shit, and left. She took the car with her. I was eleven, almost twelve."

"Issac found me in my room. He asked me where she went, and I told him I didn't know. He wasn't sure if I was telling the truth. It was late at night, and I was hungry, so I asked him if we could have dinner. He screamed at me, because he realized then that she'd really left him. And locked me back in my room. I hadn't realized till then that he'd purposefully put the lock on the outside of my door, sometime before then."

"I was in there for three days before he let me out. I was dehydrated, starved, and there was piss on my floor. He let me eat and get some water, but that was it."

"A while went by. We moved to a smaller house, still in Belleville, but he told everyone else that we moved to Ohio. I guess he figured nobody would care enough to investigate. He was right, for the most part. I spent my twelfth birthday alone in my room, listening to some old Smashing Pumpkins albums and crying myself to sleep."

"A few weeks later, he...started doing what he does now, to put it into simple terms. I barely even knew what r-rape was, and it was happening to me."

"And some years later, here we are today."


I just typed out most of my whole fucking life right there. I don't know why I decided to write this yesterday, on my least fucking favorite day of the year, but I did. I keep telling myself that it's amazing I haven't become some teary mess...but I really just don't know. What happened here. I mean....it's over now. I never have to see his face again, hopefully. But....at the same time...
God, I really don't know what to say, so I should just shut the fuck up now.
Yes, Dani is supposed to be me.
Yet no, I didn't cry over this.
I've got to call my cousin...review if you feel like it, I'm satisfied with this.