FicWad

Axl walked down the empty street, around midnight. The pale moonlight glinted on his auburn hair and gave him a faint glow. His eyes were averted to the sidewalk. The superior way in which he usually walked had disappeared completely. That arrogance in his demeanor had gone.
It was times like this when he thought about her, about what could have been. The only person he’d ever loved in his life . . .
Vanessa.
Where was she now? He had returned to Seattle for a gig with Chinese Democracy. At times when he felt vulnerable he always thought about Vanessa. He cursed his addiction and shook his head.
Swallowing, his blue orbs flitted towards the heavens and he wondered if she was somewhere else looking at the same dark sky as him. He’d treated her so badly, and as he had matured he realized the error of his ways. He’d destroyed something which could have been so perfect.
Other times, when he was happier, Axl would think about how lucky he had been that she had escaped the relationship and he had become so successful in the music industry. He still yearned for those days in the studio with the gang, working on the CDs. Life was so carefree back then. He smiled at the memory.
Slash and Steven . . . he hadn’t spoken to them in an age. Although he saw Izzy almost regularly, things just weren’t the same. Seeing as he was back in town it might be a good idea to get in touch with them, he decided, kicking a leaf out of his way.
Trudging back to his hotel room, where he was temporarily staying, he could almost imagine Vanessa standing at the steps waiting for him. He’d wanted to fall in love with her so much that he’d convinced himself out of it. He cursed his stupidity as he slid the key into the lock.
Sitting on the couch of the hotel’s dark living room, he thought about his other girlfriends. Not one of them had compared to her. She was beautiful, elegant and smart. She was who he imagined every time he designed a ballad. It was she who he had dreamt of at night when he was young. She was the person who had inspired him to become who he was. She was his muse; she was almost part of him. And yet he’d never told her any of this.
Why?
Because nobody ever truly knows what they’ve got until it’s gone, just like what Cinderella says. He thought that Vanessa was just another girl until they first made love after they found each other again. Until they first argued on the stairs of his manor. Until he spent that first night on his own after they fought. He’d done so many stupid things during their love affair, and now he felt both guilty and foolish. He could never get her back.
He’d heard that she married Duff, and that their second child was a girl. If he remembered correctly, they named her . . . Aura Cymbeline. Vanessa always did like Shakespeare. He closed his eyes and remembered that day which he’d seen the two of them together, before he and Vanessa had even been together. Hell, Duff had been the one to introduce the two of them in the first place. She was smiling and laughing, and blushing lightly. Duff was walking next to her, smiling contently and laughing too. Her eyes when she’d seen Axl had suddenly lost all their happiness. It was almost a dread of seeing him. He could never forget that look. Even on the day it had cut him deeply. He felt as if he’d been let down, but she and Axl weren’t even together then. She’d called out his name after he’d passed by, but Axl couldn’t turn around for fear of shedding a few tears. He’d felt as if his whole world was crumbling.
Damn her, why did she have this effect on him! And after all of these years, now they both had their own lives and . . .
His thoughts trailed off and he fingered his cell phone softly, turning it around in his hands. He didn’t want to call her . . . but if he could just see her one more time . . .
He dialed a number and placed the receiver to his ear, biting his thumb nervously. There was a voice at the other end. Axl smiled slightly and ran his hand through his hair smoothly.
“Hi, it’s Axl,” His heart sunk into the pit of his stomach when he heard the next line,
“This is Vanessa and you’ve reached the answering machine of Duff and Vanessa McKagan. We can’t come to the phone right now, we’re on tour in Europe, but if you leave your name or number or call one of us on our cell; we’ll get back to you as soon as we can. Thanks, bye!”
He closed his cell phone and put it back in his pocket. He didn’t know what stung more. Their happiness . . .
Or Vanessa’s last name.
*
This city, this urban jungle of concrete, with the smell of burning gasoline and human sweat, a city that Vanessa loved. Her name is Vanessa McKagan nee Hudson, famous in her own homeland, but only a brief whisper outside of the US and Europe continent. Coming the end of this month, she’ll be turning twenty-seven, which to some would be the beginning of their work lives, but for her, in her line of work, it would be one’s prime. She is a model now, those pretty dolls you see walking on those bright walkways and shown in magazines, but she doesn’t see herself as a doll. Men fantasize about her in their dreams, women both envy and adore her, but she doesn’t really care. She doesn’t really give it heed, because she is complete. Her heart swells in pride when she sees her husband, Duff, jamming on stage with Velvet Revolver, a numberless horde of groupies backstage, but his eyes seeing only Vanessa. When she see’s their daughter, Aura, take her first steps and says her first words. When she see their son Brandon, bring home a straight-A report card and he doesn’t even have to try.
Once upon a time, she fell heads over heels over supposedly one of the few Rock Gods on the planet. His name was Axl, a supposed blue eyed sex god (or at least that was what he was in his own mind), and he was as smooth as the Devil himself. With eyes an icy blue and hair of auburn and hands softer then any other man she knew, he was someone she felt could mold her ever so perfectly. But they had their own lives, and they drifted apart. For that reason, she never could stop and cry, because it would rip apart that unstable path she had carved out for herself. But sometimes she found herself wondering . . .
Did he really love me?
“Vanessa! We’re ready!” A voice called Vanessa from her own musings and she put on that happy smile of hers as she responded. Don’t get her wrong, she does love modeling, the rush, the outer worldly feeling one gets, and of course the pride in knowing that you are the thing that everyone aspires to be. It was a cold morning, but nothing would stop her, she promised herself that.
After all . . .
If her husband could play shirtless in freezing Norwegian weather . . . so could she.
*
A few days passed from her first cold shoot, and she found herself in a overly imposing bank right before her next photoshoot, a piece of paper in her hands and all eyes on her tall figure, so recently freed of baby weight. Ignoring the stares, as per usual, she deposited the check in her account. The amount enclosed came close to a little more then six million American dollars. Two million less than Duff’s.
At least with this amount, if either of us managed to fall, break every bone in our body, and loose all chances to continue Vanessa’s modeling career, or Duff’s musical career; we’d be set for life (as long as we both played it safe). Neither of us wouldn’t be happy, but we’d be all set. A few minutes walk and a few hours worth of makeup and outfit changes, she found herself on a busy street, selling those cloth dreams and fantasies to watching eyes. The director motioned for her to look away from the camera, and she followed dutifully, giving the camera one last glance. The cold wind ripped through her, chilling her to her very bones, but she took it in pride. She could hear the muffled gasps of the spectators (honestly, who does a shoot in the middle of a public place in this day and age?), and she shot them a seductive glance, sending some of the men scuttling away to find a place to breathe, but as her eyes moved away, they caught onto another’s.
Stunned, she abruptly stood up straighter. The director started to shout but apparently found something catching in her stunned look and the camera started to click rapidly, but she paid no need to it. Her hand moved of it’s own accord to cover her mouth in a attempt to smother out the words it knew she would gasped out.
“Axl!”