FicWad

Author's Note: Holy shiznit! You guys are seriously amazing. I don't really care that this story is "Unrated" in the eyes of Ficwad anymore. All but one of the chapters has at least 1 rating point, and the last chapter has 5. You have no idea how excited I was to see that. Fo' real ;)

THANK YOUS
somethingorother: Jack knew that Paul liked Chloe close to the beginning of the tour because he was trying to get them together before he found out about Alex.

I really love 'Weightless.' It's ridiculously catchy, and I can relate to the lyrics.

ash360: lol. Jack has known for a while. Gossip spreads quickly among boys. Especially when alcohol is involved. Aorry if that wasn't clear, but I wanted to keep this story strictly in Chloe's POV and I couldn't really come up with a way to imply that very clearly.

Yes, I've heard the Party Scene album. I'm actually listening to it on iTunes right now ;)

tryingtohard_x: Paul is trouble for anyone on Team Alex.

F-A-S-D: Maryland sounds like a pretty cool place. If I ever have the means, I'll definitely visit.

Hmm, not sure how much you'll like this next chapter, but I hope it's satisfactory.

doyleangel: Again, sorry about being vague about what Jack knows. Since the beginning of tour he'd been trying to get Paul & Chloe together (references to it in ch 29: Green-Eyed), but then he stopped when he found out about Alex.

Tissamy: You'll find out whether or not she stays in this chapter.

everyone who reviewed and or rated: Since a lot of you haven't heard 'Damned' yet, here's a "link":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xJdHkQkBTo for it. THANK YOU again from the bottom of my digital heart. Your feedback means the world to me.

STORY BELOW.

According to glowing red digits on the clock, it was 3:27AM.

It had been an hour since Jack fell asleep, and 2 hours 14 minutes since he had successfully convinced me to stay on tour.

And before you ask, I’ll tell you. While I was with Alex, a small part of me had (and still has) feelings for Paul. Was/Is it wrong? Yeah. But do I feel guilty about it? No.

No one can control who, when, or why they fall for a person. That’d be the equivalent of telling the sun not to rise, or the ocean to turn into cherry coke.

Despite this, not once in our relationship did I ever think about leaving Alex for Paul, or any other guy, for that matter. Sure, I had a tiny crush on DiGiovanni, but I was truly happy when I was with Alex. I meant it when I said I loved him. And from a cynic like me, that meant a lot.

To me, Paul wasn’t an “if only.” He was more of a “what if?”
And now that Alex had broken my heart, that “what if?” just became a lot more plausible.

But don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not trying to justify a relationship Boys Like Girls’s lead guitarist.

Reasons that I’m not going to do that:

1) I’m not anywhere near being over Alex. At this point in time, getting into another relationship would just be asking for a disaster.

2) I’m not even sure that I want to get over Alex. Like I said earlier, I’m still in love with him. I admit that it’s fucked up, but part of me wishes that we could move past this and get back to where we used to be.

3) Paul is one of the sweetest guys I know. He deserves to be more than just a rebound.

“If you don’t plan on getting with Paul, then how was Jack able to convince you to stay on tour?” you ask.

Well, the keyword there is ‘plan.’ Although I’m not planning a relationship with him right now, but I’m not going to pass up the opportunity if it arises in the future.

The bottom line is this: I don’t want to leave the tour thinking about what could have been.

Like in 52 pick up, I’m letting the cards fall where they may. If that means forgiving Alex and getting back together with him, then great. If that means forgetting about Alex and getting with Paul, then wonderful. If that means having an epiphany and realizing that I’m lesbian, then spectacular.

Is it going to be tough? Yes.
It is going to be messy? Yes.
Could it end in disaster? Yes.

But I need to know that I let it all play out.

With all these thoughts running through my head, sleep was impossible even though I was exhausted. So in efforts to take my mind off the current situation, I reached over my brother’s sleeping form and picked up the TV remote.

Infomercial. Infomercial. Telenovela. Infomercial. Evangelical sermon. Weather report. Infomercial…

Realizing that there was nothing worth watching, I gave up on my quest for entertainment and decided that a date with maryjane was in order. Glancing around the room, I noticed a smoke detector in the corner. So with a sigh, I grabbed my purse and made my way to the balcony.

I reached for my bong, but came across my cell phone first.

58 missed calls. 25 new text message(s)

That’s what I get for leaving my phone on silent.

Scrolling through the list, I noticed that the one name I didn’t want to see was a recurring theme.

I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please talk to me.
I miss you.

As I skimmed through the texts, I couldn’t help but dismiss them all as bullshit.

He loved me, but only when we were fucking.
He was sorry, but only because he got caught.
He wanted to talk to me, but only so he wouldn’t look like an asshole.
He missed me, but only because of the sex.

Surprise, surprise.
Half of the reasons were sex-related.

You can go ahead and call me a cynical bitch.
But can you honestly blame me for thinking the way that I do?

My fingers moved on autopilot, quickly deleting everything he’d sent. Then I turned my attention to the remainder of messages in my inbox.

Travis: gkarth is a dick. just say the word, and i’ll beat the shit out of him.

Jess: ice cream and infinite hugs are waiting for you on the wtk bus.

Hunter: i swear to god, i’ll kill the bastard if your brother doesn’t.

Martin: talked it over with the guys. we all want you to stay.

John: please don’t leave over that asshole. we have an extra bunk!

Bryan: blg is on your side. we all h8 alex. we all love you. please stay?

Paul: i know you’ve probably gotten a lot of these messages, but i’ll be here if you ever need someone to talk to.

Although I felt guilty about exploiting his words, I really did need someone to talk to.

After pressing the call button, I held the slim device to my ear. It rang a couple of times, then went to his voicemail.

Hey. You’ve reached Paul’s voicemail. Sorry that--

“Hello?” a voice said, interrupting the recorded message.

“Hey. It’s Chloe. Did I wake you?”

“No. I’ve actually been up for the past few hours watching ads for the Bullet Blender. What’s up?”

“Just can’t get to sleep. It’s like my brain is on speed or something.”

“I know the feeling.”

Awkward silence.

“So…” I finally spoke up. “Are you guys really okay with me crashing on your bus for the rest of the tour?”

“Yeah. We wouldn’t have offered if we didn’t mean it.”

“Alright.”

I ran my free hand through my hair and looked around the room.

“Looks like I’m staying then.”

“I swear you won’t regret this, Chloe.”

“I’ll be holding you to that,” I replied, smiling at his enthusiasm. “But listen. Do you mind helping me move my bags and shit off the bus right now? In the morning I want to avoid--well you know…”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

“Okay.”

“Bye.”

I slipped the keycard into my pocket and out the door I went. When I got down to the first floor Paul was already waiting for me with the bags I’d left in their room. We quickly made our way to the parking lot and headed for the ATL bus. After typing a few numbers onto the keypad, the door clicked, signaling that it was successfully unlocked. We stepped on, and Paul followed me to the back of the bus.

For the most part, my stuff was all in the same area, so it wasn’t too hard collecting it all. Shirts, jeans, make up. I gathered the various items in my arms and threw them into a duffel bag, careful not to take any of Alex’s belongings with me.

As I did this, Paul took a seat on Rian’s bunk and patiently waited.

“Okay, I think this is all of it,” I said, zipping the large duffel shut.

“Alright.”

After giving the bus one last look, I locked the door behind me and followed Paul.

“Here, let me carry that for you,” he said, taking the bag.

“Oh, thanks.”

The walk to his bus didn’t take very long. Within minutes, he was unlocking the door.

“Welcome to your home for the rest of the tour,” he said, as I stepped inside.

Looking around, I noticed that it wasn’t much different than what I’d left. There was a spacious lounge area, a microwave, and a nice TV hooked up to an Xbox.

“Your bunk is underneath mine and across from Martin’s.”
“Cool.”

A tired yawn escaped from his lips as he set my belongings down on the neatly made mattress.

“Sorry for making you do this,” I said, feeling guilty for keeping him awake.

“No, it’s fine. I’m glad to help.”

“Let’s get back to the hotel before you pass out on me.”

He let out a chuckle, then led me off the bus. After sleepily locking the door, he walked me back to my room.

“Thanks for everything, Paul.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, wrapping me in a loose hug. “Good night.”

“Night.”

With that, I unlocked my door and Paul made his way back to his room.

+++
There you have it. Chloe will be spending the remainder of the tour on BLG's bus.
What does that mean for her relationship with Alex? With Paul?
Rate & review to find out.

Q&A #8: How do you guys define "love"?

I know it sounds cheesy as fuck, but I once heard someone say that love is "the closest we can get to magic," and I really took that to heart.