Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > I Only Think of You Always
Things were way off. My phone was shut off, not letting me send texts or make phone calls. And my parents wanted to have dinner with me…again, twice in one week. But this family isn’t right, we’re twisted. So something serious has got to be up.
I was contemplating my options as I paced around my room. After a few moments, I went upstairs and grabbed the home phone. I dialed Ryan’s number and counted 4 dial tones before he finally picked up.
[On the phone]
“Ryan?” I said, my voice surprising me. It sounded frantic.
“He’s in the can, what’s wrong though Kenny, you sound shaken up?” Brendon said.
“Oh, I just needed to ask if he could go somewhere with me tonight.” I had relaxed slightly.
“Oh, you’re finally going to ask him on a date, huh?” I could tell he was grinning on the other side of the phone.
“No I’m not Brendon. And what the hell do you mean finally?” that part caught my eye.
“I don’t know, forget it.” He said.
“I’ll find out soon enough Brendon. Either way, you think you guys can come?” I was hopeful and I couldn’t help but sound like it.
Before he could answer, I could hear Ryan telling Brendon to give him back the phone which Brendon was trying to not do. Stubborn boy Brendon was.
“Hello?” I heard Ryan answer.
“Oh hey Ryan, it’s Kensington.” I sounded dumb. How could he obviously not know who was calling when he had me in his contacts?
“Yeah I can see that, what’s up though, Brendon was saying you sounded a bit loopy.” Loopy? Firsts he asks if I’m finally going to ask out Ryan and now he’s calling me loopy?
“Could you guys come to Kang’s with me? Today? At like 7?”
“Uh yeah, sure,” he sounded a bit taken back at me asking both of them to come but went on, “But why do you sound all scared and worried?” did my voice really let that much out?
“My parents wanted to take me out to dinner again.”
He laughed, “And that’s why you’re having a heart attack?”
I let my silence answer for me.
“Okay so you have a point, your parents aren’t exactly the ‘family time’ kind of people, but don’t you think they just want to eat with you alone?” he raised a point.
“Not really. The last time, they kept going outside to answer work calls and beepers. And when they were eating with me, all audible noise was the sounds of the forks scratching against the plates…” it was a very awkward dinner.
“Damn. So, you said 7, right?” I smiled.
“Yeah, that’s in what? About, half an hour?” 34 minutes to be exact.
“Yeah.”
“Were are you?” I asked.
“Brendon’s apartment.” He answered simply.
“I’m coming over.” Blunt and to the point.
“Okay, you want us to walk your way a bit?” he always asked that.
“Yeah please.” He was sweet.
“Okay, we’re off. Bye.”
“Bye Kid.”
[Off the phone]
I put the hone back in its place and walked down my stairs. Mutedly, I grabbed my keys, useless phone and wallet. I Slipped on some clean enough shoes and was tempted to bring my skateboard but decided to not.
---
I looked up as I walked towards Brendon’s Apartment and was disappointed. In a city like this, you could hardly ever see stars. If you could spot a few tiny ones, you’d be lucky, but here, the sky was like a blank dark blue canvas.
Once focused again, I heard some footsteps behind me. I wasn’t necessarily one of those ‘Oh my god, they’re following me!’ type of people, but in this situation, felt like this guy was following me.
Secretly, I laughed to myself. I passed an alley and couldn’t help but think that the guy behind me was a vampire about to kidnap me from an alley. Sparing me and then falling in love with me while one day, we have a half vampire/half human love child.
“Hey.” The guy said. I took that chance to check him out. Blue eyes, medium length black hair, and wore purple very well. “Hi.” I said smiling.
“You go to Palo Verde High School right? Art class 8th period?” He seemed to be remembering me. “Uh yeah, senior class right? Jason?” I think his name was Jason.
He gave me an earth shattering smile and said, “No, Jasper. But close enough. You’re…uh…don’t tell me, Kennedy?” I laughed, “No, Kensington, but close enough.”
“So where you walking to?” he asked adjusting his hair.
“Dinner at Kang’s with the folks.” I said with a quick arched eyebrow. “Oh, I love Kang’s. Then again, my favorite food type is Chinese.” He shrugged casually.
“Yeah, I mean my favorite type isn’t Chinese, but they do have good food.” He smiled. “What? Is my hair frizzy? Food in my teeth?” he laughed and then gave my face a quick glance.
“No, it’s just that I’m remembering all the things people say about you.” My attitude flipped, “Look, all that stuff about how I’m dating Ryan and how I’m the biggest slut in school—” but he didn’t let me finish, he continued saying, “Actually, I was just trying to say that they’re not true. Well, at least from what I see. They say you’re a cutter.” He looked at my arms, “Doesn’t seem like it.”
“Yeah, I think they also said I’m like, a huge bitch and that I’m crazy and talk about killing people all the time.” I laughed at that one. “Well, I wished we could have gotten to know each other better, you seem pretty cool.”
He gave me a quick look. “Oh…oh, you like me.” I really do have a problem with being discrete and blunt. “How can you tell?” he said blushing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you…I’m just too blunt about things.” I laughed.
“Well yeah, I do kind of like you. But for know, cest la vie!” he laughed and stopped walking. I stopped as well. “Oh, this is where we part huh? May I ask why?”
“Well for one, this is my house. And two, I can see your two buddies watching us in the car.” I turned around and saw Ryan’s car coming. “You’re like an eagle kid. Well, bye.” And as I was about to urn, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into him.
“You will end up with one of those boys one day you know?” he whispered into my ear. “How do you know.” I whispered back.
“I can see it. And just to give them a run for their money, may I kiss your cheek? I promise it’s for science purposes only. They’ll both go insane.” He looked down at me. I felt normal sized around him.
“Go for it.” I said. He pulled away a bit and kissed my cheek. His lips felt soft and warm…and well, I don’t have much experience with boys so that kiss felt so holy.
“See you at school tomorrow Kennedy.” He said. But before I could correct him, he said, “And I know that’s not your name. But I can be your Jason if you can be my Kennedy.” I gave his coy smile and nodded. “Bye Jason.”
Ryan honked at me several times but I just stood there for a while.
“Earth to fucking Kensington!” Ryan said pushing me a bit violently. “Oh…uh, sorry.” My feet started one after the other, but it felt like my feet were 100 pounds heavier. Deep down, I knew I didn’t like him so. But, for now, that being the closest I’ve been to a boy that wasn’t my friend. And that being the basic kind of kiss I’ve had….I was a little flabbergasted.
---
“Who was that Ken?” Ryan asked a little annoyed. You’re not serious, is this Ryan? Is it? Cause I’ve never seen Ryan being jealous before. Especially when it evolves me in the mix.
“Just a guy I just met don’t worry.” Wrong choice of words.
“You just met him and you’re all on each other?” he yelled. I looked at Brendon but he had his arms crossed against his chest and was glaring at me through the mirror.
“Kang’s is right there.” I said as he almost passed it. “I know where I’m fucking driving! Don’t avoid the damn question Ken!” he yelled, if possible for Ryan, even louder.
I shrunk in my seat and said, “You’re blowing this out of proportion…” I piped in. I felt like a small child as he yelled at me. “Out of proportion? Jesus ken, I thought you were a down to earth girl with good intentions but you’re just a sleaze!”
The tears filled my eyes but I quickly blinked them away. He had stopped the car by then so I opened the door and walked out and was hit in the face with the hot air.
“I thought you of all people were different. Just another whore.” He continued as we walked into Kang’s.
“Name please.” The waiter said. He sounded bored and ready to shoot the next person that came up to him with a complaint. “Allen.” I said feebly. His eyes scanned the lightly tanned paper until he finally made contact with my dad’s sir name. “Right this way ma’am, sirs.” He said leaving his podium looking thing.
“Hello Kensington. Nice to see you boys.” My mom said nicely as she saw us.
Brendon sat to my right, I sat in the middle and Ryan sat to my left as we slid into the booth’s seat. “Your in a good mood today mom.” I said.
“There’s nothing to be in a good mood about.” She said looking at my dad. She wore the look adults get when they know something you don’t. Something that they’re going to tell you eventually.
“May I take your orders?” every one of us ordered something. Except Ryan. “I’m not hungry. No thank you.” I gave him a look but he openly ignored me.
---
We had all just about finished our food and not one word had been said. I was a ticking time bomb and I was about to blow. “If you’re not going to fucking support me then just get the fuck out Ryan! At least Brendon is tolerable and isn’t being rude but you’re just being a little fucking brat!” I said pushing him so he could fall to the ground.
“Kensington!” my mom yelled. The restaurant was now watching us. “No, fuck this. I know your going to give me some bad news and I brought this little bitch here to support me but he’s acting like such a dick! He can take those longs legs that carry that little head of straight black hair out of here. I can’t take it anymore!”
I stormed out the door and began to walk toward the car.
“Kenny, Kenny, stop!” Brendon called after me. I immediately turn my fury with Ryan on him, “Stop calling me that Brendon okay? I don’t like being called that and I’m just so—uh!” I yelled. “Don’t go off on me Kensington! Okay, just cause you and Ryan are on the rocks!” he yelled back.
“Why don’t you take your emo looking ass back in there?” I didn’t mean it, but he still seemed un-phased. “Emo? You’re going to call me emo? Listen Kensington, we’re not enemies and we’re not lovers. That being said, took a look in the fucking mirror sometime okay? Your boobs are huge, your hips are wide and you’re fair haired! You should be running off with the other sluts that look just like you.” I couldn’t hold myself back.
I slapped Brendon. “Listen here okay. That guy was so sweet to me! He knows me! And he likes me! And for the one time a guy besides you two give me attention, you flip out and ruin it. I am the biggest loser in school and not one guy has ever asked me to prom. I always go with you guys. You know how sad that is? If I’d run off with the rest of my slutty friends, I’d a least hang on to someone’s arm the whole night.” I didn’t cry. I didn’t show emotion. I stood there staring at Brendon as he rubbed his cheek.
“You really are clueless aren’t you?” he said laughing a bit. “What do you mean?”
“Guys always talk about you. They want you. But they want to mess up what’s between you and Ryan. And before you protest with your whiny ass, I know there’s nothing there.” I smiled. “I’m sorry.” Without notice, he pulled me into a hug.
And there we stood, hugging for what seem forever. But we pulled apart and the awkwardness just hung in the air. “We should…uh…go back inside…” he said breaking the silence. “Yeah, sorry about that again you know?” I said rubbing his cheek. He stared at me and I pulled back my hand.
---
I and Brendon walked back in but Brendon continued walking as Ryan pulled me to the side by the door. “What do you want?” I said calmly.
“Look I want to apologize on how I went off…” he said fixing his hair. I didn’t say anything. “Don’t do that Kens…” he said. I stared at him for minutes. “Come here.” He said pulling me farther into the shade. “What Ryan...what am I doing now that has ever so pissed you off?”
He looked at my face and I felt his hands settle on my hips. The space between us was closing and he was bending down. And that’s when he did it. Our lips crashed. He began slowly and gently but then we started getting more into it. His hands rested on the small of my back and my arms wrapped around his neck. The always say ‘the first kiss lasts forever.’ But in this case, I had to put forever on hold and go back to dinner.
I broke from the kiss and Ryan started looking at me like he never had before. He seemed to be actually looking at me, like, really looking. His eyes went from my face, to my chest and back to my face. He tugged at the edge of my shirt with his bony fingers.
But I walked around him and went back to dinner. Brendon sat there with a grin on his face and a handprint on his right cheek.
----
“Well, the reason we’re here Kensington is to tell you some great news.” My mom said. “What are you pregnant?” I asked rudely.
“No, your father and I have decided to separate.” They both had great big grins on their faces. “What is this a joke? You guys are all happy and shit.”
“Well, there’s a very good deal on your part as well.” My dad said. “Yes, well, we’re separating, and your mother is moving to Los Angeles while I got to New York.”
“And what about me?” I asked. “We’re letting you have the house. Here, in Vegas. We’ll pay your bills all the way until you decide you’d like to live somewhere on your own.”
I was dumbstruck. “When are you leaving?” “I leave for LA at midnight and your dad leaves for NY at 5am.”
“Today?” again, flabbergasted. “Yes, that’s why we wanted to get you in for dinner. But now, we have to get going. Get packing. Have a nice life Kensington; you’ve grown into a wonderful woman.”
Wait, wait, wait! Too fast, what? I have a house? My parents are gone and divorced? I kissed my best friend? I might be into Brendon in the slightest bit? I am so confused right now.
I was contemplating my options as I paced around my room. After a few moments, I went upstairs and grabbed the home phone. I dialed Ryan’s number and counted 4 dial tones before he finally picked up.
[On the phone]
“Ryan?” I said, my voice surprising me. It sounded frantic.
“He’s in the can, what’s wrong though Kenny, you sound shaken up?” Brendon said.
“Oh, I just needed to ask if he could go somewhere with me tonight.” I had relaxed slightly.
“Oh, you’re finally going to ask him on a date, huh?” I could tell he was grinning on the other side of the phone.
“No I’m not Brendon. And what the hell do you mean finally?” that part caught my eye.
“I don’t know, forget it.” He said.
“I’ll find out soon enough Brendon. Either way, you think you guys can come?” I was hopeful and I couldn’t help but sound like it.
Before he could answer, I could hear Ryan telling Brendon to give him back the phone which Brendon was trying to not do. Stubborn boy Brendon was.
“Hello?” I heard Ryan answer.
“Oh hey Ryan, it’s Kensington.” I sounded dumb. How could he obviously not know who was calling when he had me in his contacts?
“Yeah I can see that, what’s up though, Brendon was saying you sounded a bit loopy.” Loopy? Firsts he asks if I’m finally going to ask out Ryan and now he’s calling me loopy?
“Could you guys come to Kang’s with me? Today? At like 7?”
“Uh yeah, sure,” he sounded a bit taken back at me asking both of them to come but went on, “But why do you sound all scared and worried?” did my voice really let that much out?
“My parents wanted to take me out to dinner again.”
He laughed, “And that’s why you’re having a heart attack?”
I let my silence answer for me.
“Okay so you have a point, your parents aren’t exactly the ‘family time’ kind of people, but don’t you think they just want to eat with you alone?” he raised a point.
“Not really. The last time, they kept going outside to answer work calls and beepers. And when they were eating with me, all audible noise was the sounds of the forks scratching against the plates…” it was a very awkward dinner.
“Damn. So, you said 7, right?” I smiled.
“Yeah, that’s in what? About, half an hour?” 34 minutes to be exact.
“Yeah.”
“Were are you?” I asked.
“Brendon’s apartment.” He answered simply.
“I’m coming over.” Blunt and to the point.
“Okay, you want us to walk your way a bit?” he always asked that.
“Yeah please.” He was sweet.
“Okay, we’re off. Bye.”
“Bye Kid.”
[Off the phone]
I put the hone back in its place and walked down my stairs. Mutedly, I grabbed my keys, useless phone and wallet. I Slipped on some clean enough shoes and was tempted to bring my skateboard but decided to not.
---
I looked up as I walked towards Brendon’s Apartment and was disappointed. In a city like this, you could hardly ever see stars. If you could spot a few tiny ones, you’d be lucky, but here, the sky was like a blank dark blue canvas.
Once focused again, I heard some footsteps behind me. I wasn’t necessarily one of those ‘Oh my god, they’re following me!’ type of people, but in this situation, felt like this guy was following me.
Secretly, I laughed to myself. I passed an alley and couldn’t help but think that the guy behind me was a vampire about to kidnap me from an alley. Sparing me and then falling in love with me while one day, we have a half vampire/half human love child.
“Hey.” The guy said. I took that chance to check him out. Blue eyes, medium length black hair, and wore purple very well. “Hi.” I said smiling.
“You go to Palo Verde High School right? Art class 8th period?” He seemed to be remembering me. “Uh yeah, senior class right? Jason?” I think his name was Jason.
He gave me an earth shattering smile and said, “No, Jasper. But close enough. You’re…uh…don’t tell me, Kennedy?” I laughed, “No, Kensington, but close enough.”
“So where you walking to?” he asked adjusting his hair.
“Dinner at Kang’s with the folks.” I said with a quick arched eyebrow. “Oh, I love Kang’s. Then again, my favorite food type is Chinese.” He shrugged casually.
“Yeah, I mean my favorite type isn’t Chinese, but they do have good food.” He smiled. “What? Is my hair frizzy? Food in my teeth?” he laughed and then gave my face a quick glance.
“No, it’s just that I’m remembering all the things people say about you.” My attitude flipped, “Look, all that stuff about how I’m dating Ryan and how I’m the biggest slut in school—” but he didn’t let me finish, he continued saying, “Actually, I was just trying to say that they’re not true. Well, at least from what I see. They say you’re a cutter.” He looked at my arms, “Doesn’t seem like it.”
“Yeah, I think they also said I’m like, a huge bitch and that I’m crazy and talk about killing people all the time.” I laughed at that one. “Well, I wished we could have gotten to know each other better, you seem pretty cool.”
He gave me a quick look. “Oh…oh, you like me.” I really do have a problem with being discrete and blunt. “How can you tell?” he said blushing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you…I’m just too blunt about things.” I laughed.
“Well yeah, I do kind of like you. But for know, cest la vie!” he laughed and stopped walking. I stopped as well. “Oh, this is where we part huh? May I ask why?”
“Well for one, this is my house. And two, I can see your two buddies watching us in the car.” I turned around and saw Ryan’s car coming. “You’re like an eagle kid. Well, bye.” And as I was about to urn, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into him.
“You will end up with one of those boys one day you know?” he whispered into my ear. “How do you know.” I whispered back.
“I can see it. And just to give them a run for their money, may I kiss your cheek? I promise it’s for science purposes only. They’ll both go insane.” He looked down at me. I felt normal sized around him.
“Go for it.” I said. He pulled away a bit and kissed my cheek. His lips felt soft and warm…and well, I don’t have much experience with boys so that kiss felt so holy.
“See you at school tomorrow Kennedy.” He said. But before I could correct him, he said, “And I know that’s not your name. But I can be your Jason if you can be my Kennedy.” I gave his coy smile and nodded. “Bye Jason.”
Ryan honked at me several times but I just stood there for a while.
“Earth to fucking Kensington!” Ryan said pushing me a bit violently. “Oh…uh, sorry.” My feet started one after the other, but it felt like my feet were 100 pounds heavier. Deep down, I knew I didn’t like him so. But, for now, that being the closest I’ve been to a boy that wasn’t my friend. And that being the basic kind of kiss I’ve had….I was a little flabbergasted.
---
“Who was that Ken?” Ryan asked a little annoyed. You’re not serious, is this Ryan? Is it? Cause I’ve never seen Ryan being jealous before. Especially when it evolves me in the mix.
“Just a guy I just met don’t worry.” Wrong choice of words.
“You just met him and you’re all on each other?” he yelled. I looked at Brendon but he had his arms crossed against his chest and was glaring at me through the mirror.
“Kang’s is right there.” I said as he almost passed it. “I know where I’m fucking driving! Don’t avoid the damn question Ken!” he yelled, if possible for Ryan, even louder.
I shrunk in my seat and said, “You’re blowing this out of proportion…” I piped in. I felt like a small child as he yelled at me. “Out of proportion? Jesus ken, I thought you were a down to earth girl with good intentions but you’re just a sleaze!”
The tears filled my eyes but I quickly blinked them away. He had stopped the car by then so I opened the door and walked out and was hit in the face with the hot air.
“I thought you of all people were different. Just another whore.” He continued as we walked into Kang’s.
“Name please.” The waiter said. He sounded bored and ready to shoot the next person that came up to him with a complaint. “Allen.” I said feebly. His eyes scanned the lightly tanned paper until he finally made contact with my dad’s sir name. “Right this way ma’am, sirs.” He said leaving his podium looking thing.
“Hello Kensington. Nice to see you boys.” My mom said nicely as she saw us.
Brendon sat to my right, I sat in the middle and Ryan sat to my left as we slid into the booth’s seat. “Your in a good mood today mom.” I said.
“There’s nothing to be in a good mood about.” She said looking at my dad. She wore the look adults get when they know something you don’t. Something that they’re going to tell you eventually.
“May I take your orders?” every one of us ordered something. Except Ryan. “I’m not hungry. No thank you.” I gave him a look but he openly ignored me.
---
We had all just about finished our food and not one word had been said. I was a ticking time bomb and I was about to blow. “If you’re not going to fucking support me then just get the fuck out Ryan! At least Brendon is tolerable and isn’t being rude but you’re just being a little fucking brat!” I said pushing him so he could fall to the ground.
“Kensington!” my mom yelled. The restaurant was now watching us. “No, fuck this. I know your going to give me some bad news and I brought this little bitch here to support me but he’s acting like such a dick! He can take those longs legs that carry that little head of straight black hair out of here. I can’t take it anymore!”
I stormed out the door and began to walk toward the car.
“Kenny, Kenny, stop!” Brendon called after me. I immediately turn my fury with Ryan on him, “Stop calling me that Brendon okay? I don’t like being called that and I’m just so—uh!” I yelled. “Don’t go off on me Kensington! Okay, just cause you and Ryan are on the rocks!” he yelled back.
“Why don’t you take your emo looking ass back in there?” I didn’t mean it, but he still seemed un-phased. “Emo? You’re going to call me emo? Listen Kensington, we’re not enemies and we’re not lovers. That being said, took a look in the fucking mirror sometime okay? Your boobs are huge, your hips are wide and you’re fair haired! You should be running off with the other sluts that look just like you.” I couldn’t hold myself back.
I slapped Brendon. “Listen here okay. That guy was so sweet to me! He knows me! And he likes me! And for the one time a guy besides you two give me attention, you flip out and ruin it. I am the biggest loser in school and not one guy has ever asked me to prom. I always go with you guys. You know how sad that is? If I’d run off with the rest of my slutty friends, I’d a least hang on to someone’s arm the whole night.” I didn’t cry. I didn’t show emotion. I stood there staring at Brendon as he rubbed his cheek.
“You really are clueless aren’t you?” he said laughing a bit. “What do you mean?”
“Guys always talk about you. They want you. But they want to mess up what’s between you and Ryan. And before you protest with your whiny ass, I know there’s nothing there.” I smiled. “I’m sorry.” Without notice, he pulled me into a hug.
And there we stood, hugging for what seem forever. But we pulled apart and the awkwardness just hung in the air. “We should…uh…go back inside…” he said breaking the silence. “Yeah, sorry about that again you know?” I said rubbing his cheek. He stared at me and I pulled back my hand.
---
I and Brendon walked back in but Brendon continued walking as Ryan pulled me to the side by the door. “What do you want?” I said calmly.
“Look I want to apologize on how I went off…” he said fixing his hair. I didn’t say anything. “Don’t do that Kens…” he said. I stared at him for minutes. “Come here.” He said pulling me farther into the shade. “What Ryan...what am I doing now that has ever so pissed you off?”
He looked at my face and I felt his hands settle on my hips. The space between us was closing and he was bending down. And that’s when he did it. Our lips crashed. He began slowly and gently but then we started getting more into it. His hands rested on the small of my back and my arms wrapped around his neck. The always say ‘the first kiss lasts forever.’ But in this case, I had to put forever on hold and go back to dinner.
I broke from the kiss and Ryan started looking at me like he never had before. He seemed to be actually looking at me, like, really looking. His eyes went from my face, to my chest and back to my face. He tugged at the edge of my shirt with his bony fingers.
But I walked around him and went back to dinner. Brendon sat there with a grin on his face and a handprint on his right cheek.
----
“Well, the reason we’re here Kensington is to tell you some great news.” My mom said. “What are you pregnant?” I asked rudely.
“No, your father and I have decided to separate.” They both had great big grins on their faces. “What is this a joke? You guys are all happy and shit.”
“Well, there’s a very good deal on your part as well.” My dad said. “Yes, well, we’re separating, and your mother is moving to Los Angeles while I got to New York.”
“And what about me?” I asked. “We’re letting you have the house. Here, in Vegas. We’ll pay your bills all the way until you decide you’d like to live somewhere on your own.”
I was dumbstruck. “When are you leaving?” “I leave for LA at midnight and your dad leaves for NY at 5am.”
“Today?” again, flabbergasted. “Yes, that’s why we wanted to get you in for dinner. But now, we have to get going. Get packing. Have a nice life Kensington; you’ve grown into a wonderful woman.”
Wait, wait, wait! Too fast, what? I have a house? My parents are gone and divorced? I kissed my best friend? I might be into Brendon in the slightest bit? I am so confused right now.
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