Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > A Heart On The Mend

8. The Second You Sleep

by Firith 1 review

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres:  - Published: 2009-07-05 - Updated: 2009-07-05 - 1279 words - Complete

The soft noise of the water running was lulling Ryan to sleep as he laid in bed in the semi darkness of his bedroom, looking at the ceiling. Faith had arrived little over an hour ago and after the Chinese all she wanted was to shower and get in bed. Thoughts of joining Faith went through Ryan’s head, but she was tired and he could wait.

Ryan sighed, cuddling the pillow and facing the television, even if he wasn’t watching. His mind wandered back to that morning, when he asked Faith if she was pregnant. Truth is, he’d had those suspicions for a few weeks now, but didn’t have the guts to ask and get the truth out of her. What would’ve he done if Faith was pregnant? Formalize their relationship? Which was something that he already wanted, but didn’t know how to. He’d have to admit he was a little disappointed that there was no baby, it would’ve made it easy to take that step; but also, he couldn’t stop thinking how much a baby would affect their lives, how many things would have to change, and couldn’t help but to feel a little relieved as well.

As he rubbed his face on the pillow, Faith came out of the bathroom toweling her hair. Ryan looked at her, thinking she still looked tired, and smiled reaching for her. Faith smiled back and left the towel on a nearby chair, walking to the bed and letting Ryan guide her down on her stomach. He hovered over her and massaged her shoulders.

Faith groaned.

“Take it as you like it.” Rays chuckled.

“Keep doing that and I’ll be asleep in 2 minutes.” She mumbled against the pillow.

Ryan said nothing and kept massaging her shoulders and her back, sliding his hands under her tank top, following the line of her spine, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. Her hair was wet and smelled like his shampoo. It was inevitable for him to think it smelled better on her, which was a really cheesy thing to think.

Ryan rolled his eyes at himself and rested his head on the back of her neck.

“Tickles…” Faith said with a shudder and a giggle.

“Sorry.” He said smiling against her skin and kissed her neck lightly. Faith sighed. Ryan did it again.

Faith smiled as Ryan’s hands slid under her tank top, this time not massaging her back, but peeling the article off her body. And she let him. After it met the floor, Ryan took his time kissing her every protruding spine bone from her neck to her hips. It made Faith giggle and Ryan smiled, knowing she was ticklish as hell.

Dragging his lips back up her back, Ryan bit her shoulder gently before leaning in and kiss her. Faith returned the kiss with a deep sigh as she rolled over and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Still tired?” Ryan asked, staring deeply into her eyes.

Faith smirked. “Not at all…”

He smiled and kissed her again.

Slow and gentle, he made love to her.

Making love.

Ryan didn’t know how everything evolved from ‘casual fuck’ to ‘regular sex’ to ‘making love’. But he didn’t question it that much. He knew his feelings had changed. Changed from being in love with Keltie, ready to marry her, and completely broken when he found out about her infidelities, to feeling like he couldn’t care less about Keltie as long as he had Faith with him. As long as he could hold her while she slept, limbs tangled around each other every night.
He was in love with her and he knew it, but he didn’t know how to tell her. Instead, Ryan tried to show her. In every kiss, hug and touch, he tried to let her know how much she meant to him, hoping she’d get it, hoping she’d understand that he could give her so much more than Mikey ever could.

Because that was Ryan’s biggest fear, to watch Faith going back with Michael. That’s why he hated their shared ER shifts, that single night a week when Faith wasn’t with him, but with Way.

Ryan didn’t like thinking about it, but that fear had grown stronger since he confronted the fact that he was in love. Still, wasn’t enough to push him to confess his feelings, probably cause he didn’t wanna hear a negative answer. He didn’t wanna hear Faith telling him she still loved Mikey.

Maybe if Ryan wasn’t so afraid and if Faith didn’t hide her feelings as well, both could’ve heard the ‘I love you’ that died in Ryan’s lips before they drifted to sleep.


Morning came early as every day and Ryan was already in the shower, singing a random tune that made Faith giggle and choke on the toothpaste.

“Oh, my God. Shut up!” She said. “I’m trying to wash my teeth here.”

Ryan popped his head out of the shower curtain and looked at her. “Why don’t you get in?” He asked with a half smile that turned into a pout when Faith looked at him.

“No, we’ll be late if I do and besides, I already showered.” She said, rinsing her mouth afterwards. Ryan stared at her, with a small smile appearing on his lips. Faith realized through the mirror. “What?”

“Nothing.” He said vaguely, fully smiling now. “You look a lot better this morning.”

“Let’s just say that I released a lot of tension last night.” She stated with a sly smirk, still looking at him through the mirror. Ryan giggled. “Hurry up.”

Faith shot him a smile as she walked out of the bathroom and made way to the bedroom, where she got dressed. Then, headed for the kitchen. As she fired up the coffee machine, the revolting feeling in her stomach was back, and she took a deep breath. Only 3 days and it will be over, she thought, encouraging herself to overcome the nausea, which faded a little after a moment. Leaving the coffee pot to warm up, Faith walked to the living room, where she had left her backpack and her coat, putting on the latter. That’s when she realized the US pics where in one of the pockets. The nausea was back.

Falling on one of the couches, Faith tried to breathe again, but looking at the blighted ovum the pics displayed didn’t help at all. Now the morning sickness was mixed with that empty and cold feeling in her womb.

“Great! Coffee’s ready!” Ryan’s voice snapped Faith out of her daze. She stuffed the pics between the cushions she was sitting on and stood up quickly, playing off like she was looking for something in her backpack.

Making a mental note to retrieve the pics later, she came back to the kitchen, where Ryan had already placed coffee for them both, along with the rest of their breakfast. But Faith wasn’t eating.

“Still feeling sick?” Ryan said with a worried expression.

“Something like that. I better take this to work; I always get hungry in the middle of the morning and never have anything to eat!” She said forcing herself to smile, like this was a normal thing. And Ryan seemed satisfied with it.

“So…” He cleared his throat. “Pick you up tonight?” He asked while he laid the dishes in the sink and cleaned the table.

Faith smiled a little more real this time. “Sure.”
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