Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > A Heart On The Mend

7. Weigh of the world

by Firith 0 reviews

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres:  - Published: 2009-06-24 - Updated: 2009-06-24 - 1348 words - Complete


The babies of the PICU were silent. They always were, besides the quiet beeping of their monitors and the occasional whimper, there wasn’t much noise in the warm room. Nurse Aiyana Ross liked it, liked the peace that embraced her there. Maybe that’s why she liked working there so much, away from the noise of the other infants in the pediatric floor.

She had just finished feeding and checking the stats of the last baby when the door creaked open. It was too early for Dr. Urie to come yet, so she popped her head out and saw Faith on the changing room, leaving her backpack. Aiyana smiled and finished the chart she was scribbling in, leaving it on the desk.

“Morning, cousin!” She said with a smile, giving Faith a small hug. Faith rolled her eyes.

“Last time I checked, Ryan was your cousin, not me.”

“Yeah, but you’re together, so it’s the same.” Aiyana chuckled as both women sat on the nursery desk.

Faith shook her head, realizing how useless was trying to explain the current situation to her friend. If she didn’t get it after the millionth time, Faith doubted she’d ever will. As Aiyana picked up her abandoned chart to finish her daily scribbling, Faith took a small tour through the little cribs where the new borns laid. She watched them lying there, helpless and fragile… and she clutched her stomach again, feeling it empty. Faith sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Aiyana asked, without looking up.

“Nothing.” She said evasively and went to have a seat on the desk again, rubbing her face in the process.

“You’re telling me no, but something is obviously wrong… What’s bothering you?” Aiyana insisted

“More like, what’s NOT bothering me.” Faith roamed her pockets and got the US pics, handing them to Yana. “And Ryan doesn’t know, by the way…”

Aiyana’s eyes went wide open at first. “Wait, you’re...” Before finishing that phrase she did a double take and realized the egg was empty. Gulping an “Oh…”, she sighed and gave the pics back to Faith. “Have you decided to tell him at all?”

“What for?” Faith said shaking her head and burying the pics back in her pocket.

“Because, even if…” Aiyana’s eyes flinched and stopped for a moment. “I would still talk to him about it. What if he stumbles across something and finds out what you hid? And you can’t grieve alone, Faith.”

“I’m not grieving!” Faith said, obviously lying. Thinking how much she would’ve liked to have Ryan at least holding her hand when Spencer told her the truth about her pregnancy, cause it felt so fucking bad. “And I can--” Faith stopped and looked down. “It’s complicated.”

“Ok, so you aren’t grieving.” Aiyana rolled her eyes, clearly reading through Faith. “But I still think you should talk.” She continued, looking at Faith. “And I’m not just speaking as his family... I’m speaking as your friend.” She said sympathetically.

Faith swallowed hard, fighting to keep a stern voice. “There’s no point in it. He doesn’t have to know and everything can just stay the same.”

“Only, it’ll never be the same…”

“Really? Why not?”

“Obviously because there could have been another person involved! Unless you planned on hiding the kid too.” Aiyana crossed her arms as Faith glared at her. Cause it was one thing to hide a nonexistent pregnancy and a very different one to deny Ryan his kid.

“You really think I’d do that? Of course not! If there was a baby there, I would tell him… but-- there’s not.”

“And you should still tell him!” Aiyana said firmly. She couldn’t understand why Faith was keeping this from Ryan in the first place, seeing she’d run to tell if she was Faith, but shrugged it off. It wasn’t her problem to deal with and she knew Faith wouldn’t let her get involved either. Aiyana sighed and paused before asking. “Are you having the procedure?”

Faith nodded. “Spencer is getting it out this Saturday.” She clutched her stomach, thinking again how much she’d like to have Ryan there. And Aiyana seemed to read her mind.

“He could find out on his own, Faith… Then where would that leave you?”

“Then I’ll have to make sure he doesn’t.” Cause that’s something Faith didn’t wanna think about.

“Do what you have to do, then. But I still feel like he could help you through this.”

Being used to deal with shit alone, Faith had never needed someone there for her. This time, though, it was more of a ‘wanting’ than a ‘needing’ thing. Only she wasn’t admitting it. “I don’t need his help to ‘get over this’, or whatever you mean by that.”

“Ok, FINE, ice princess… if you say so.” Aiyana rolled her eyes in defeat and picked up her clipboard again.

Deep down inside, Faith knew Aiyana was right. Even if there was no baby, Ryan had the right to know and even share the blame of the pregnancy ending so abruptly. Guilt that, so far, Faith was taking all by herself.

“Where is your boo anyways?” She asked, trying to get rid of the dense atmosphere their conversation created. Aiyana blushed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Faith giggled at her as the PICU door creaked open, letting a cheerful Dr. Brendon Urie inside the room.

“Speak of the devil…” Faith said with a chuckle that quickly turned into a laugh at seeing Aiyana sigh and swoon.

“Shut up.” Aiyana said, giving Faith the evil eye.

“Haven’t said shit.” She said raising her hands.

“Good morning, ladies!” Brendon greeted them with a grin.

“Urie…” Faith said still wearing a smirk.

“Morning, Brendon.” Aiyana said with a wide smile, balancing the clipboard on her hip.

Faith shook her head, being careful not to be seen by any of them. It was a well known fact, in her inner circle at least, that Aiyana’s had the biggest crush on Brendon forever and was also common knowledge that he was, in Faith’s words, a manwhore. He knew how much attention he got from the feminine staff of the pediatric floor and he liked that attention, managing a few charming smiles and cute pouts to get everything he wanted, from a free breakfast to a quickie in the changing room. Faith could only laugh at it after being proved immune to Brendon’s charisma.

She waited for Brendon to start checking on the first baby to pull Aiyana to her side, and back from her daydreaming.

“I’ll leave you both alone now.” Faith whispered. “Just remember to wear a condom…” She added with a chuckle, covering her head from the slap Aiyana gave her.

“Just leave.” She spat with a glare.

“Keep your mouth shut.” Faith warned and Aiyana nodded before turning her attentions to Brendon again.

It was still early. Faith could still get home and have some sleep before going to the clinic, but her conversation with Aiyana got her mind out of control. Yana was right: Ryan should know about it. But how could Faith even begin to explain anything? Could she really tell Ryan about not only the fail pregnancy, but also about what she felt for him? How bad it felt to screw this up? That she actually wanted this and it had all gone to waste? Could she tell him about the doubts, the guilt and even her hopes?

How could she tell Ryan anything if she didn’t get it herself?

Maybe it was the easy way out, to keep it all a secret. To get the curettage, pretend that pregnancy never happened and have her relationship flow on its own speed instead of forcing it with the truth.

Cause if there was one thing Faith was certain of it was she didn’t wanna lose Ryan.
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