Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Oh Baby!

What The Eff Is Lamaze?

by shehadtheworld12 11 reviews

Lamaze class....the joy.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor,Parody - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2009-07-07 - Updated: 2010-07-03 - 1359 words - Complete

5Original
As Ray, Gerard, and Frank were already up for the day, poor Belle and Alicia had problems getting their men up for lamaze class that should be no more than two hours away.

"Mikey, get up."

"ivnownnago." He mumbled.

"What?"

"I don't wanna go."

"Why not?"

"Cause it's early and Jax is still tired."

"Damn it Mikey, quit bringing Jax into everything, he's sleeping already. Get a move on, or you'll be giving labor, and when poor Jax is stuck, you'll be wishing you listened to me and went to the class. Do you really want that on your mind while giving birth?"

"No.."

"Good! Now that we understand eachother, you'll get up and get your butt in the shower, before I have spray you with the hose again" Mikey sat up fully straight and glared at her.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me." She said seriously.

"Okay!" He shrieked and ran into the bathroom, while Alicia laughed as she recalled the one morning, Mikey was snoring so loud and wouldn't get up, she grabbed the outside hose and went firewoman on his ass. Good times....

~~

"Bob. Oh Boooob. Wake up." Belle said softly, to her best friend. Now most people are suprised that duo live together, it's only necessary for the baby right? Bob and Belle didn't mind at all. They were eachother's support system, hence the words 'Besties for life'. Belle sighed as Bob showed no intention of moving or waking up.

"Bob. Up. Now." Belle said firmly. He groaned then his blue eyes suddenly opened and he yawned.

"Why?" He whined.

"Because, lamaze class starts in two hours, and we need to be dressed and ready."

"I no wanna go." He yawned again.

"Come on Bobert."

"No." He pouted.

"Please?"

"No."

"I'll give you an oreo." She pleaded.

"Not convinced, keep trying Bubbles."

"Please, with a cherry on top?"

"Umm...No."

"Damn it Bob! Stop being so stubborn and get the hell up. I have breakfast waiting for you, and if you don't go, don't blame me when our child is being born and you don't have a single clue what to do, you hear me?!" Her voice raised, and he fully awoke.

"Okay Belle! I'm up, I'm up."

"Good boy." She smiled, while he flipped her off from behind.

"Things never change." Belle shook her head and went back to the kitchen.....

2 hours later.

"Hellooo people, Gerard Way is here. Let's get this started." Gerard said regally as he entered the room, receiving several looks from two other couples in the room.

"Gerard. Knock it off." Lindsey giggled.

"Frank, why are you wearing your tiara in a classroom?" Ray said confused.

"Cause I can Raymond."

"Smug Bastard." Ray mumbled.

"Alright mommys and daddys, welcome to lamaze class, i'm your teacher Brian S." Several 'good mornings' filled the air and he smiled. It's not everyday you see a male teaching this class. Then again, what is normal?

"Now, today we're gonna go over the basics of birth. Breathing of course, but more importantly we're gonna learn how the couple works together during delivery. Both point of views." His voice soft like clouds, his eyes were shiny and his hands moved as he talked.

"Have a seat on the blankets please." He waited as the fathers took their seats on the color coated blankets.

"Lindsey, some help here." Gerard said as tried to sit down, he never had to sit so low before. Lindsey put her hand behind his back and gently sat down where he sighed in relief, and grabbed his tummy.

"Thanks babe." She smiled as she put pillows behind him for support.

"Okay, I think we're ready. Now when a mother..or father gives birth, it's important for the parent to feel secure, or supported. Often the parent might be scared or terrified, but if your partner is there, you can lessen those chances by 50%. We're gonna start with a loving warm up. I want the mothers to look at the fathers and imagine you are giving birth right now, what would you say to calm your partner down?"

"It's okay hun I'm here." Christa said softly.

"It's gonna be alright peach." Lindsey smiled to Gerard.

"Frank you're doing fine, don't bitch okay?"

"Mikey, you're doing sooo good!"

"Yay Bob! You're doing great! Yay!"

"You're not really gonna say 'yay' when I give birth are you?" Bob stared at Belle who just shrugged.

"Depends. But if it annoys you, then you bet your ass, I am."

"How did I get so lucky with a best friend like you?" He said sarcastically, she just grinned.

"Very good, parents. Now on to the breathing. Are you ready?" Brian grinned.

"To make this more realistic, I have these to share with you." Brian turned around picked up a box of baby dolls. He came around and handed the dolls to the mothers. Belle smiled as she was handed a baby with a pink diaper while, Christa's was blue.

"Haha! Mikey's doll looks like a hobbit!" Frank giggled. Mikey frowned.

"He's does not! Plus, your child looks like sloth."

"Oh no you didn't!"

"Guys! Come on." Ray sighed.

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" they both yelled in unison.

"Parents please." Brian motioned to Mikey and Frank who glared at eachother.

"This ain't over Iero."

"Ooh. I'm shaking in my little spaceboots.".......
~~

"1.2.3. Breathe!"

"Breathe Gee!"

"Hoo Hoo, hee hee, Hoo Hoo, hee hee." Gerard practiced.

"Bob breathe!"

"I am lady!"

"Breathe Ray!"

"Oh my god, I think I'm gonna pop!"

"Breathe Frank!"

"Ja-MIA! I am!"

"Breathe Mikey!"

"Uh-oh." Mikey breathed and let loose his inner gas. Alicia groaned and plugged her nose.

"Mikey, breathe, not fart." Alicia said in a squidward tone, since her nose was covered.

"Sorry."
~~
The poor fathers were suffering the sickness of the birthing videos, they didn't think they stretch that far, or stretch at all for that matter. Most of them closed their eyes, while the wives, and Belle and were incredibly intrigued to nature of it. It was like watching a thunderstorm, scary, beautiful, loud. They began to ponder how the fathers would actually behave during delivery.

"Good class everyone, I'll see you again next week." Brian nodded and the guys and they began to get up.

"Help. Someone." Bob said trying to get off the floor, with great difficulty. Belle tried, but just couldn't do it. Jamia came over and helped Belle with much struggle.

"Okay, there you go, just alittle more, almost there, You know you love it..wait no!" His body shifted and ended up slowly falling downward, as Jamia tripped on the blanket.

"Going down!" Bob shouted as fell back on the floor.

"Okay, I think this gonna be a 'group effort'." Gerard sighed.

After several attempts to pull Bob up, Jamia and Belle wiped their foreheads as Bob was finally off the ground.

"Thanks guys." Jamia just gave a thumbs up, while Belle nodded.

"Okay, let's get down to the real issues, not the fact that Frank is a douchebag, but who's hungry?" Mikey clapped his hands.
~~
After the fathers ate and took a very long nap, Gerard Way was at home, watching movies, when he heard a knock at the door. He opened it to find a small girl with chestnut hair and brown doe eyes.

"Excuse me sir, but I'm having a fundraiser for my school, for cancer patients, would you like to buy some chocolate and donate?" She said in a meek voice.

"You're adorable! Sure." he smiled as she got out her notebook, and he got out his wallet.

"So two boxes then?"

"Huh? No one box please." He said softly.

"How bout two hundred?" She smirked.

"No one, hundred."

"Okay! Thank you!" She ran off before Gerard could register what happened.

"Hey! Get back here rugrat!" But the little girl was long gone..and so was his 20 dollars.

"Damn kids!" He yelled.

And that my friends, is how Gerard got tricked by a child...

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A/N: I'm having a hard time deciding Ray's child's gender. So would you like to pick? Just say Boy or Girl (: Thanks guys. Rates and Reviews are most appreciated xD
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