FicWad

It's been too long, I know. I don't really have any excuse except I just kept forgetting to get 'round to it. Hope you like...

23.

Everything was fine. Nothing was wrong. That's what I kept telling myself. Gerard and I aren't together anymore. That's fine. Now I can get back to being myself. No more sneaking around, no more worrying about going to Hell, no more sin. No more Gerard. I mean really this solves all my problems. Before Gerard I never even considered or so much as thought of fucking a guy. Now I can just pretend like he never even happened. This was perfectly fine.

I didn't speak or even see Gerard for the rest of the day. I walked home with Mikey, shrugging off any questions to do with Gerard. It was over, I knew that much. Gerard said I couldn't fight for him. And I'm not, instead I'm running away and avoiding even talking about him. But this was good anyway, no more Gerard; no more sin.

The next day Gerard sat with us like normal. But he didn't sit anywhere near me. I avoided looking at him the whole time as he babbled on as usual like I never even existed. He never even so much as said 'bye' to me as we parted when the bell went. In the afternoon he walked home with Mikey and I, balancing on the gutters as we walked, no more piggy backs. When we arrived at the Ways, Gerard went down to his room, leaving Mikey and I to play the Xbox by ourselves. "So I take you and Gerard aren't together anymore." Mikey said emotionlessly. "We're not." I confirmed, still focusing on the screen as we played. "You wanna talk about it?" He asked, biting his lip as he jerked his controller, the game becoming intense. "No."

And that was the last we spoke of Gerard for the night. He ended up leaving before dinner anyway, he had a party to go to. Mikey didn't seem to care he was not asked to go, but I couldn't keep my mind off of what he might be doing. Firstly, Gerard's nuts, he could be doing anything. Secondly, Gerard's fucking sexy, so he could be doing anyone. I was trying to pay attention to the movie Mikey and I were watching, but for all I know we could be watching a documentary about a man with five testicles. If Mikey could notice my lack of attention, he wasn't saying anything. That was one of the good things about Mikey, he doesn't press an issue until your ready.

I was half asleep on the couch when Gerard came home. The door burst open and in stumbled a giggling Gerard. Mikey woke up at the same time as I did, looking around for the noise that had disturbed him from his dreams. He rolled his eyes when he saw it was Gerard. "Sorry Frank, why don't you head off to bed, I'll take care of him." I nodded in response, but I wanted to go over there and see Gerard. See how bad he was, ask him what bad things he had done. But instead I silently headed upstairs to Mikey's room, pulled out his spare mattress, and curled up in the blankets.

This turned into a routine. Gerard completely ignored me at school. Then after school he'd go off to random parties and get drunk and high, coming home late so that Mikey then had to look after him and put him to bed. Tonight he was particularly bad. He was being held up by Bob and Ray as they entered the house and then he proceeded to vomit in the hall as they attempted to drag him down to the basement. I ended up helping to clean it all up with Mikey, while Ray and Bob helped Gerard in the bathroom. I looked over at Mikey as we wiped down the floorboards on our knees. Mikey saw my concerned look. "He's been worse." He simply said and continued. I sighed and kept cleaning to. Mikey must have seen a lot of bad things in his time. He was never surprised at Gerard getting into fights, doesn't even bat an eyelid when Gerard comes home in the middle of the night drunk and high. "Mikes I think you should talk to him, this is getting out of control." I said quietly. Mikey didn't look at me when he answered. "Since when has Gerard ever been in control? Besides, he's done enough talking to last him a lifetime." And with that Mikey stood up and left me alone.

I sat on my old swing in my backyard. I was swaying back and forth slowly as I smoked a cigarette. I was trying to work out and understand what had been going on, but I just kept arriving at the same conclusion, life's gone to shit. I didn't even bother hiding my smoke when my father came outside. His yelling was almost like background noise to my thoughts. I walked straight passed him giving him a "Whatever" as I walked into the house, stomping up the stairs and slamming my bedroom door shut. I just couldn't be bothered anymore.

Gerard keeps hanging out with Travis now. Our drama club queer. Fuck I hated him. People had started to notice that I'm not Gerard's Frankie anymore, we're never together anymore so I should have expected it. At the moment people aren't sure though, so I'm only getting insults, but eventually they'll work their way up to a substantial beating.

Mikey hadn't woken up. Gerard had managed to make his way home again, by the look of his scraped arms and dirty jeans, it had been quite an adventure. He virtually fell through the door but Mikey hadn't woken up. So I silently made my way over to him, he had his back to me and was trying to reach the door handle so he could shut it. I moved in front of him and did it for him. "I wass gettin' therrr." He slurred to me and then tried to turn away quickly but fell. I grabbed his arm and helped him up, fully aware that this was the first time I had touched him since that morning he slept over before it all was ended. That felt like a lifetime ago, when in reality it had only been a few weeks. I began to lead him down to his room, he didn't argue, just simply followed along like a lost puppy while he mumbled. I couldn't understand what he was mumbling, something about prickle bushes and then the word fuck a lot. When we got into his room I turned to him. "Gerard, do you think you're going to be sick?" I asked. I watched him as he tried very hard to focus on my face. "No, don't think so." He said. "Okay well I'm just going to get you a bucket incase.." Gerard leant his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. "Just stoppin' this room from, doing um, the spins, incase?.." He questioned with his eyes still shut, with his forehead still against mine, with his lips inches away from my own. "Incase you need to be sick. Okay?" He nodded, causing us to brush noses. I gently pulled him by his arms and sat him down on his bed. I left him and brought back a bucket, only to find him asleep in a ball on top his bed. He had vomited on the floor in front of him. So I cleaned it up while he slept.

Comments always appreciated as usual.

Rae.