Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > DAYS WEEKS MONTHS
9. LIFE STORY CENTRAL
Crystal sat down in William’s empty chair.
She passed me the envelope.
It was addressed to Pete.
Dearest Trixibelle,
Oh fucking Jesus!
Trixi dollface, I saved up all my savings from the past few years at high school, ran away from home (we always said that remember!). I ditched my family, my entire life, but it was worth it. I'm away from the bullies now! There's no fuckwits trying to beat me down around every corner. No fakes. Underline fakes in your head for me.
I don't really know what you're thinking towards me right now. Yeah, I know it was "A DREAM" to be a writer for me, but you always should have known I wanted to be a musician more. I would never tell anybody anything about what's happening (whatever is). Just let me in again.
I want to see you everyday, hang out and talk about our murder plots like when we used to when you kept sneaking into my room.
I truly miss you like a sister.
I can't say your family has changed too much but they occasionally call and see if I've got any information for them from you. Not that I would ever tell them. I get too scared to speak to your parents anyway. Especially since your Dad doesn’t let your mum know that he calls. He misses you, we all do.
There's one thing you need to know, that is really important:
About a week after you left, Jackson and his band got signed! They were going to make it big. I guessed that you had just gone for a couple days, you know, that you’d be back soon. But Jackson made me take him to your parents’ house to tell you the good news.
He was going to propose you know?
After he found out you left and that you were in your delicate condition, yes, I know now, Zara let it slip when she was screaming at Jackson to leave the property.
Then I found a letter from you-know-who under the couch at your place.
I couldn’t believe it.
He took off into nowhere, said something about finding you and bringing you home, I’ve never seen him so torn up I tried to stop him but he just drove off. There was no way I could catch him. After a week everyone had given up, and then the next week they found his car in the lake. No body. We've lost hope. I'm sorry I had to tell you.
Regardless of whether or not you want to go 'home' (still calling New Zealand a shit hole), I'm staying in NYC. I've got a job that's paying the rent and I got into a band (YAY!), so I'm doing fine here and it would be too hard to get another visa to get here. If you don't want me to come and find you, I won't (promise).
Keep plotting. I just want at least one answer: To know you're okay and doing fine.
I was too sad when you left. Nobody had an answer to say. Nobody. There was just a rumor going around school they put you in the mental ward.
Yeah another one of those rumors.
I’m hanging in LA for a couple of weeks after I send this. Ring me back if you want to talk.
Love you always Santi,
xoxo
C.H
I folded the letter up and looked at her.
“I’m sorry.” I said. “I’m sorry for the secrets and the leaving…” cue the tears “and I’m sorry for Jackson, I never meant to hurt anyone, I thought it would be easier that way…”
She reached out for my hand.
“I know. I know… too bad all of our plans always turn to shit huh?”
I nodded and smiled through the tears, “I’m so sorry Crystal, I missed you too.” I pulled her into a death grip hug, and held her there like I did with Pete.
She was my little sister, the one that I always wanted and pretended that I was related to. So many people believed us…
“it was weird, “she said as I slowly released my constricting grip on her head, “because I was going into a studio to meet with these people that were going to sign us maybe, I was waiting, reading this article on the wall, when I turn around and fucking Pete Wentz was standing there. I wanted to grab him by the throat and demand he tell me where you were, but instead I shook his hand and demanded instead.” She laughed quietly, “he said you were spending the weekend with Bilvy, he said Bilvy!”
She shook her head in disbelief and kept going, when Crystal got a head of steam there was no stopping her, “so I fully had to self hi-five because both of our dreams were coming true. I had my music and you had your rock stars running around after you. But I wanted to talk to you so badly, then Pete fully whips out the letter that I wrote you last week and brandishes at me saying ‘you’re Crystal? You’re the kid that’s had me up at night praying for my family?’ I must admit I was kind of impressed that he knew my name, and I guessed that you had got the first letter.”
I nodded slowly, it sounded like she needed to get this out.
“So then we’re in our meeting, then we do a demo. We were just about to sign the contract and all, when his phone rings. I mean holy fucking Jesus I’ve never seen anyone go so pale so fast.
I was like ‘dude? Whats up?’ he kind of grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out the door with him. Then I was like ‘dude! rips hand out of grip tell me what the fuck is going on!’
“Then he told me what Bilvy had said on the phone, and then I was the one dragging him.”
She was folding the corner of the letter over and over and over, her hands were shaking slightly, but she kept talking.
“Picked Ollie up and we came straight here. He drives like a psycho I was sure we were going to crash. Your kid is so cute, I told him I was Aunty Crystal, hope you don’t mind. Smart kid, he kept asking where we were going. Pete wasn’t talking so I had to tell him that you were hurt and in the hospital.
That’s when her tears got too much for me, but I still couldn’t stop her.
“He started screaming ‘Petey! Petey! STOP PETEY I WANT MY MUM!’ then Pete pulled over, seeing those two hug, and see Pete console him, anyone could see it… it’s so obvious. I’ve never seen someone combust in front of me before, it was heartbreaking. He couldn’t drive for like twenty minutes, and then when we got here we had to wait in the room. I hate hospitals, especially when I’m waiting to hear if my sisters going to live or not. Doc came out, told us that you were on the recovery that you were pregz too. Talk about bombshell. Pete died inside until he was allowed in here. He spent like an hour in your room just talking… he didn’t want to come in before.
“Do you remember when you stalked that guy Asher from Jackson’s band in high school?”
I nodded; half smiling, yes, that was a funny stage of my life.
“And you told me that the only reason you thought he talked to you was because he didn’t know you, and that it was easier to bare your soul to people that didn’t know your past, to people that didn’t know you at all because then you couldn’t care, you couldn’t judge them? Well I think it’s true. He told Gabe to look after Ollie or he’d burn his house down, then we went for a walk and I never knew that anyone could be so… … so torn up inside. He couldn’t come and see you with all of the people. The guys got feelings, and he’s a bit jealous I think.”
She sighed, “I never thought I’d meet all these people under these circumstances. I told them all I was your sister by the way.”
I smiled, “that’s ok. Congrats on getting signed, drummer?”
She nodded happily. “The band is thinking of relocating from New York to LA.”
“Great! I need a babysitter I joked.”
She shrugged, “yeah, you might with another on the way.” She scanned me with her eyes, “you really did get your dreams didn’t you?”
“Only half,” I reminded her, “I’m still saving up for film school.”
Pete popped his head around the corner with Ollie in his arms.
He wandered in slowly, not knowing if he was interrupting or not. I had guessed that Pete and Crystal had come to a silent agreement. Crystal was smarter than Pete had given her credit to start with, she didn’t need anything else than the letter that she found under my couch which didn’t say anything. She did everything we were going to do. She saved up and she ran. I bet as soon as she got her passport and visa all sorted, she was gone. Her parents were none the wiser.
Pete let Ollie climb up onto my lap and lay down. He curled up at my side and started asking questions.
Pete answered them all for me. I didn’t have to say a word. Crystal sat there looking as awkward as Crystal does in situations like these.
After asking about fifty questions, Ollie fell asleep. Crystal had absolute adoration in her eyes while she watched my little boy sleeping.
Pete just sat on the corner of my bed, looking kind of sad.
“I can't believe I’ve wasted two days of my life in hospital.” I mumbled, “Pete, have you called Ashlee?”
He looked at me and nodded, “she said she hopes you recover and that you’re coming to ours for dinner on Saturday.”
I smiled, “I’m there. We haven’t caught up in a long time.”
“I’m going to go get a coffee, want anything guys?” Crystal asked getting up from her chair.
Pete shook his head and looked at the floor.
“No thanks Crystal,” I said.
She left and as she did she closed the door. She always knew when people needed privacy.
“Pete? Talk to me.”
He got up from the corner of the bed and sat in the seat after pulling it as close to my bed as it would go.
“When I got Bill’s call, he told me in a way that made me believe that you were already dead. I couldn’t feel anything, and it made me realize, that you’re more to me than I ever let you know.”
“Pete, you don’t have to—”
“I have to get this out; I have to let you know.”
I sighed, “Ok… I’m listening”
“I hated you for the first six months I really did, I couldn’t stand seeing you get bigger and bigger, I couldn’t stand Bronx wanting to play with you over me sometimes, I couldn’t stand it when Ashlee and you were friends, and I couldn’t stand it whenever you went anywhere without me. I suppose it was just me being too controlling, but whatever it was… it drove me insane.
“So you moved out, and I started hating myself. I thought that you thought that I didn’t want you there when actually you were keeping me together. And over the past four years, whenever I came over to your house, or you rang or we hung out. I just felt so happy,
“I started picking fights with Ashlee so that I would have a reason to crash at your place. I made sure that you were at every Christmas with us so that my parents would start to feel like you were part of the family, Hell, my brother told me that he would have totally asked you out if we weren’t so close, my sister loved you and my parents did end up thinking you were family. They wanted to come down here to see you but it was too far for them. So I promised that the week after next you’d come up with me. Sorry.
“That night, that I stayed and you woke up and felt me there, then you started screaming… it made me think that I was being totally insane, that I scared you and that you didn’t need me as much as I wanted you to. But then, when you went back to sleep… you’ve always had a terrible sleep talking problem, I’m sorry but its true, that’s half of the reason you lived in the pool house, but you were whispering in your sleep and I thought you were awake, so I whispered back and then you asked me for muffins then I knew it was sleep talking, so I said, ‘what flavor?’ and you said ‘your flavor’ and you kissed me while you were sleeping.”
I closed my eyes tightly; I didn’t want to hear this. I had made my mind up who I wanted, sort of; this was making it all too complicated.
“So,” he was almost finished, but he was going to finish with a finale, I could feel it, “I went away and I thought, then I came back and William was there. I can't tell you what that was like for me. I actually felt like my heart had stopped beating for a minute, and then I told myself ‘let her go, let her have fun’ and I did. But I didn’t like it, I wanted you to fall asleep on the .couch with me instead. Then two days ago I got the phone call that almost ended my life. And now your fine, and you have your sister here, you have another guy that loves you and you’re going to have another kid, so forgive me for feeling pretty un-needed right now. But I guess, for the last four minutes that I’ve been talking, I really only wanted you to know, that you’re my best friend, I never regret a single second of my life that I’ve known you and I love you… I think that’s it.”
“Now can I have my turn?”
He nodded.
“When everyone else on the planet abandoned me or I abandoned them, either way I was alone. You came through for me and I have never felt like I have made up to you for that. Then you put me up, you took me in and you let me in your life. You are my best friend as well, and I love you too, maybe more, because I always have. Since the night you helped me throw up in backstage concert toilets I fell in love and it’s only grown bigger since… but I know that you love Bronx and your wife more than you love me. I know that if I had never written to you, you would never think twice about me and I blame myself for in some ways ruining your life.
“Then there was William. And there is just something about him that I need, there’s that little piece of him that makes me want to explode with happiness. I’m not saying I don’t need you Pete, of course I need you, and you made me who I am, but the way that I love you is not the same. I’m sorry, but I’ve blocked it from ever getting to that point because of what you already had before me. I promised myself I wouldn’t ruin you. And I’m trying very hard not to.”
“So…so where does this leave us?”
I squeezed his hand tightly, “Best Friends for Life.” I said half laughing
Crystal sat down in William’s empty chair.
She passed me the envelope.
It was addressed to Pete.
Dearest Trixibelle,
Oh fucking Jesus!
Trixi dollface, I saved up all my savings from the past few years at high school, ran away from home (we always said that remember!). I ditched my family, my entire life, but it was worth it. I'm away from the bullies now! There's no fuckwits trying to beat me down around every corner. No fakes. Underline fakes in your head for me.
I don't really know what you're thinking towards me right now. Yeah, I know it was "A DREAM" to be a writer for me, but you always should have known I wanted to be a musician more. I would never tell anybody anything about what's happening (whatever is). Just let me in again.
I want to see you everyday, hang out and talk about our murder plots like when we used to when you kept sneaking into my room.
I truly miss you like a sister.
I can't say your family has changed too much but they occasionally call and see if I've got any information for them from you. Not that I would ever tell them. I get too scared to speak to your parents anyway. Especially since your Dad doesn’t let your mum know that he calls. He misses you, we all do.
There's one thing you need to know, that is really important:
About a week after you left, Jackson and his band got signed! They were going to make it big. I guessed that you had just gone for a couple days, you know, that you’d be back soon. But Jackson made me take him to your parents’ house to tell you the good news.
He was going to propose you know?
After he found out you left and that you were in your delicate condition, yes, I know now, Zara let it slip when she was screaming at Jackson to leave the property.
Then I found a letter from you-know-who under the couch at your place.
I couldn’t believe it.
He took off into nowhere, said something about finding you and bringing you home, I’ve never seen him so torn up I tried to stop him but he just drove off. There was no way I could catch him. After a week everyone had given up, and then the next week they found his car in the lake. No body. We've lost hope. I'm sorry I had to tell you.
Regardless of whether or not you want to go 'home' (still calling New Zealand a shit hole), I'm staying in NYC. I've got a job that's paying the rent and I got into a band (YAY!), so I'm doing fine here and it would be too hard to get another visa to get here. If you don't want me to come and find you, I won't (promise).
Keep plotting. I just want at least one answer: To know you're okay and doing fine.
I was too sad when you left. Nobody had an answer to say. Nobody. There was just a rumor going around school they put you in the mental ward.
Yeah another one of those rumors.
I’m hanging in LA for a couple of weeks after I send this. Ring me back if you want to talk.
Love you always Santi,
xoxo
C.H
I folded the letter up and looked at her.
“I’m sorry.” I said. “I’m sorry for the secrets and the leaving…” cue the tears “and I’m sorry for Jackson, I never meant to hurt anyone, I thought it would be easier that way…”
She reached out for my hand.
“I know. I know… too bad all of our plans always turn to shit huh?”
I nodded and smiled through the tears, “I’m so sorry Crystal, I missed you too.” I pulled her into a death grip hug, and held her there like I did with Pete.
She was my little sister, the one that I always wanted and pretended that I was related to. So many people believed us…
“it was weird, “she said as I slowly released my constricting grip on her head, “because I was going into a studio to meet with these people that were going to sign us maybe, I was waiting, reading this article on the wall, when I turn around and fucking Pete Wentz was standing there. I wanted to grab him by the throat and demand he tell me where you were, but instead I shook his hand and demanded instead.” She laughed quietly, “he said you were spending the weekend with Bilvy, he said Bilvy!”
She shook her head in disbelief and kept going, when Crystal got a head of steam there was no stopping her, “so I fully had to self hi-five because both of our dreams were coming true. I had my music and you had your rock stars running around after you. But I wanted to talk to you so badly, then Pete fully whips out the letter that I wrote you last week and brandishes at me saying ‘you’re Crystal? You’re the kid that’s had me up at night praying for my family?’ I must admit I was kind of impressed that he knew my name, and I guessed that you had got the first letter.”
I nodded slowly, it sounded like she needed to get this out.
“So then we’re in our meeting, then we do a demo. We were just about to sign the contract and all, when his phone rings. I mean holy fucking Jesus I’ve never seen anyone go so pale so fast.
I was like ‘dude? Whats up?’ he kind of grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out the door with him. Then I was like ‘dude! rips hand out of grip tell me what the fuck is going on!’
“Then he told me what Bilvy had said on the phone, and then I was the one dragging him.”
She was folding the corner of the letter over and over and over, her hands were shaking slightly, but she kept talking.
“Picked Ollie up and we came straight here. He drives like a psycho I was sure we were going to crash. Your kid is so cute, I told him I was Aunty Crystal, hope you don’t mind. Smart kid, he kept asking where we were going. Pete wasn’t talking so I had to tell him that you were hurt and in the hospital.
That’s when her tears got too much for me, but I still couldn’t stop her.
“He started screaming ‘Petey! Petey! STOP PETEY I WANT MY MUM!’ then Pete pulled over, seeing those two hug, and see Pete console him, anyone could see it… it’s so obvious. I’ve never seen someone combust in front of me before, it was heartbreaking. He couldn’t drive for like twenty minutes, and then when we got here we had to wait in the room. I hate hospitals, especially when I’m waiting to hear if my sisters going to live or not. Doc came out, told us that you were on the recovery that you were pregz too. Talk about bombshell. Pete died inside until he was allowed in here. He spent like an hour in your room just talking… he didn’t want to come in before.
“Do you remember when you stalked that guy Asher from Jackson’s band in high school?”
I nodded; half smiling, yes, that was a funny stage of my life.
“And you told me that the only reason you thought he talked to you was because he didn’t know you, and that it was easier to bare your soul to people that didn’t know your past, to people that didn’t know you at all because then you couldn’t care, you couldn’t judge them? Well I think it’s true. He told Gabe to look after Ollie or he’d burn his house down, then we went for a walk and I never knew that anyone could be so… … so torn up inside. He couldn’t come and see you with all of the people. The guys got feelings, and he’s a bit jealous I think.”
She sighed, “I never thought I’d meet all these people under these circumstances. I told them all I was your sister by the way.”
I smiled, “that’s ok. Congrats on getting signed, drummer?”
She nodded happily. “The band is thinking of relocating from New York to LA.”
“Great! I need a babysitter I joked.”
She shrugged, “yeah, you might with another on the way.” She scanned me with her eyes, “you really did get your dreams didn’t you?”
“Only half,” I reminded her, “I’m still saving up for film school.”
Pete popped his head around the corner with Ollie in his arms.
He wandered in slowly, not knowing if he was interrupting or not. I had guessed that Pete and Crystal had come to a silent agreement. Crystal was smarter than Pete had given her credit to start with, she didn’t need anything else than the letter that she found under my couch which didn’t say anything. She did everything we were going to do. She saved up and she ran. I bet as soon as she got her passport and visa all sorted, she was gone. Her parents were none the wiser.
Pete let Ollie climb up onto my lap and lay down. He curled up at my side and started asking questions.
Pete answered them all for me. I didn’t have to say a word. Crystal sat there looking as awkward as Crystal does in situations like these.
After asking about fifty questions, Ollie fell asleep. Crystal had absolute adoration in her eyes while she watched my little boy sleeping.
Pete just sat on the corner of my bed, looking kind of sad.
“I can't believe I’ve wasted two days of my life in hospital.” I mumbled, “Pete, have you called Ashlee?”
He looked at me and nodded, “she said she hopes you recover and that you’re coming to ours for dinner on Saturday.”
I smiled, “I’m there. We haven’t caught up in a long time.”
“I’m going to go get a coffee, want anything guys?” Crystal asked getting up from her chair.
Pete shook his head and looked at the floor.
“No thanks Crystal,” I said.
She left and as she did she closed the door. She always knew when people needed privacy.
“Pete? Talk to me.”
He got up from the corner of the bed and sat in the seat after pulling it as close to my bed as it would go.
“When I got Bill’s call, he told me in a way that made me believe that you were already dead. I couldn’t feel anything, and it made me realize, that you’re more to me than I ever let you know.”
“Pete, you don’t have to—”
“I have to get this out; I have to let you know.”
I sighed, “Ok… I’m listening”
“I hated you for the first six months I really did, I couldn’t stand seeing you get bigger and bigger, I couldn’t stand Bronx wanting to play with you over me sometimes, I couldn’t stand it when Ashlee and you were friends, and I couldn’t stand it whenever you went anywhere without me. I suppose it was just me being too controlling, but whatever it was… it drove me insane.
“So you moved out, and I started hating myself. I thought that you thought that I didn’t want you there when actually you were keeping me together. And over the past four years, whenever I came over to your house, or you rang or we hung out. I just felt so happy,
“I started picking fights with Ashlee so that I would have a reason to crash at your place. I made sure that you were at every Christmas with us so that my parents would start to feel like you were part of the family, Hell, my brother told me that he would have totally asked you out if we weren’t so close, my sister loved you and my parents did end up thinking you were family. They wanted to come down here to see you but it was too far for them. So I promised that the week after next you’d come up with me. Sorry.
“That night, that I stayed and you woke up and felt me there, then you started screaming… it made me think that I was being totally insane, that I scared you and that you didn’t need me as much as I wanted you to. But then, when you went back to sleep… you’ve always had a terrible sleep talking problem, I’m sorry but its true, that’s half of the reason you lived in the pool house, but you were whispering in your sleep and I thought you were awake, so I whispered back and then you asked me for muffins then I knew it was sleep talking, so I said, ‘what flavor?’ and you said ‘your flavor’ and you kissed me while you were sleeping.”
I closed my eyes tightly; I didn’t want to hear this. I had made my mind up who I wanted, sort of; this was making it all too complicated.
“So,” he was almost finished, but he was going to finish with a finale, I could feel it, “I went away and I thought, then I came back and William was there. I can't tell you what that was like for me. I actually felt like my heart had stopped beating for a minute, and then I told myself ‘let her go, let her have fun’ and I did. But I didn’t like it, I wanted you to fall asleep on the .couch with me instead. Then two days ago I got the phone call that almost ended my life. And now your fine, and you have your sister here, you have another guy that loves you and you’re going to have another kid, so forgive me for feeling pretty un-needed right now. But I guess, for the last four minutes that I’ve been talking, I really only wanted you to know, that you’re my best friend, I never regret a single second of my life that I’ve known you and I love you… I think that’s it.”
“Now can I have my turn?”
He nodded.
“When everyone else on the planet abandoned me or I abandoned them, either way I was alone. You came through for me and I have never felt like I have made up to you for that. Then you put me up, you took me in and you let me in your life. You are my best friend as well, and I love you too, maybe more, because I always have. Since the night you helped me throw up in backstage concert toilets I fell in love and it’s only grown bigger since… but I know that you love Bronx and your wife more than you love me. I know that if I had never written to you, you would never think twice about me and I blame myself for in some ways ruining your life.
“Then there was William. And there is just something about him that I need, there’s that little piece of him that makes me want to explode with happiness. I’m not saying I don’t need you Pete, of course I need you, and you made me who I am, but the way that I love you is not the same. I’m sorry, but I’ve blocked it from ever getting to that point because of what you already had before me. I promised myself I wouldn’t ruin you. And I’m trying very hard not to.”
“So…so where does this leave us?”
I squeezed his hand tightly, “Best Friends for Life.” I said half laughing
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