FicWad

8. WILLIAM’S TURN

“And so here we are, four and a half years later.” I sighed, coming back to reality.
“Your family just ditched you?” he said in disgust.
I nodded, “well, my mum did. I guess I’ll never know what my dad had to say on the subject.”
“Why never?”
I shrugged, “the way I left… he, he was never a very healthy man…” suck it up Trix, remember, no tears, “and I just don’t know whats happened to him.” I trailed off quietly.
“And no one ever tried to find you? They just… let you leave like that? They didn’t care?”
I forced myself to stop staring at the floor and face him.
“My mum or dad, or my brothers or my sisters never tried to look for me, well, crystal was a sister, not biologically but she was, and she has been trying to find me. In fact, she um rang me the other day…” I was baring my soul to William.
His eyes kind of popped out of his head for a second.
“So… someone has been looking for you, what did she say? Is she coming to see you?”
I shook my head, “William, the more people involved the harder it’ll be for me to stay here. I had to hang up on her… I couldn’t take it.”
He pulled my hand into his, “why would you leave anyway? What if she just wants to know that you’re ok?”
“Then I’ll ask ho everyone back home is… if someone’s died, then I have to go… being here? It’s just me being selfish. I was kidding myself my whole life thinking I was ever going to be someone and now the chances are even worse. If I have to go back and face my mum, it’ll just be torture for me. And besides, I can’t take Oliver from Pete, which would kill the purpose why I’m here.”
“You’re not selfish. There’s not a selfish bone in your body…”
“Ha! That’s what you think.”
“No I’m serious! When was the last time you thought about having fun, just letting go and having fun with friends?”
“Today.”
“Before today?”
“William, to be honest, since I’ve met you, that is all I think about. It’s having fun with you. I want to forget the world and spend the day snorkeling, or watching stingrays, or sitting back and talking or anything just as long as you’re there.”
He smiled widely, “really?”
I nodded.
“But all those mornings, you just left me feeling… used.”
“I know and I’m so sorry! But I had work and Ollie and I wanted to lay there until you woke up but I just couldn’t…”
“See, you are not selfish!”
“You’re only one person that thinks that. Talk to my neighbor, she’ll give you a few stories.”
He laughed quietly, and then we sat there staring at the stars. I wished that I had tried harder for Ollie. He was never going to grow up in a normal family, there was always going to be drama.
“When we get back…” William whispered quietly in my ear, “Would you consider moving in with me. You and Oliver?”
I gasped, “oh William! That would be… marvelous.” But then reality hit, “but, I couldn’t possibly…not with work, my little car couldn’t take driving that far every morning.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Live with me so that you don’t have to work. Then you can go to film school like you’ve wanted for so long. You can get on with your dreams…”
“Its such a huge step, and bringing Ollie wouldn’t be fair on you… it would just be weird for you.”
He jumped up excitedly, “no way! I love that kid! He makes me feel like I’m weightless, when he’s telling you to dump a load of nothing in those little trucks, it’s like being a kid again myself.”
“What about all of your tours?”
“Come with me! We’ll get another bus, you and Ollie can come!”
I started smiling hugely and laughing, “Do I want to expose my son to that?”
“Please. This would make me so happy.”
I kissed him, “ok. We’ll try it out. You do your tours though; I don’t want you getting sick of having me around.”
He kissed me, “that is not physically possible.”
Then we spent an hour on deck, and then we went down to the cabin below to finish our first day with a bang.
I can still hear his words echoing in my head as we lay exhausted in each other’s arms.
“I love you.” He had mumbled into my ear before he dozed off quietly.

*

“That was the best weekend I have ever had in my entire life.” I told William while I lay back in the seat and listened to the stereo while he drove.
“Yeah, it was wasn’t it?”
“Uh-huh, you know, I hope Ollie is as excited to move as I am, other wise, you can change your mind.”
“Will you stop being so doubtful!? If I was going to change my mind I wouldn’t have asked you in the first place, and Ollie will love it because I’m getting a dog.”
I gasped “Oh My Gosh! No way! When? What breed? A puppy or a big dog? What color? I haven’t had a dog since I was like fifteen!”
He looked over at me and smiled. “We can go and pick him up tomorrow.”
I wanted to squeal! Dogs were like my favorite animal ever.
I lay back in my seat and watched him.
He was a beautiful guy. And I couldn’t believe that I was here, me, of all of the people in the world.
I can't believe I ever thought that he wouldn’t want me. Or that I ever made him feel used. I was going to make up for it forever.
We were speeding along Pacific Coast Highway and it was Sunday afternoon, we had just docked Gabe’s yacht at the Malibu Mariner and now we were heading home, Back to little old Los Angeles.
We came over the brow of a hill and the afternoon sun came straight in on the windscreen. It was all white and then there was the screeching of tires. I was thrown forward violently; we were hit by something at a huge impact, and then shoved backwards by the airbag, I smashed my head on the window when the airbag pushed me. Then it went dark.

*

I was numb all over. I kept drifting in and out of conciseness.
First, it was William, cupping one side of my face, I could see a trickle of blood down one side of his and tears streaming.
Second was the ambulance, the lumpy stretcher thing, white and green, sirens, a bleeping sound…and William.
Third, the hospital, the squeaky wheel on my stretcher, the flashes in my eyes, the voices “female, twenty two, car accident, glass, get her to theatre immediately"…and William.

I started having this strange dream. Some one was threading their fingers in and out of mine. I could feel a cold splash on my wrist when they kissed the palm of my hand. Pete’s face flashed in my head. His eyeliner was running really bad, but he was talking and I couldn’t find the strength to tell him to be quiet and stop worrying, that William and I were on our way back now. But he kept jabbering on, I tried to tune in and listen but I only caught fragmented parts of what he was saying. “loved you all along, especially when Ollie was born, wanted to run away together with me you and Ollie and Bronx…” none of it made any sense,
“Beckett made you smile so much and you kept telling me to sort my shit out…”
yeah, sort your shit out Pete, far…
“now this, I never told you, I never got to tell you anything, another baby. I hope it’s a girl, I hope it’s a girl so that you can have a little replica…”
Pete’s having another baby?
“Beckett’s so proud, he doesn’t know what your going to think though, you string us both along like puppets…”
I’ve always wanted a puppet; ventriloquism was never my thing though…
“I’m sorry I made you leave your family. I know I shouldn’t have read this letter…”
You never could avoid letters that only brought you trouble…
“Then I walked straight into her on the street, almost shat myself. I told her where you were and she did a self hi-five…”
What a cool kid, who self hi-fives these days anyway?
“I was so scared that you wouldn’t make it, I was ready to tell the world that Ollie was mine! The way he started crying… I love you and him, my other family… what’s wrong with me?”
Nothing is wrong with you, I love you too, and I love William.
“I promise I’ll try harder from now on” I felt my hand be placed gently back at my side. I wanted to scream ‘please come back Pete! I didn’t understand any of that!’ but instead I just drifted off into a deeper sleep.

The next time I woke up, it was harder to lift my eyelids. I felt like I wanted to roll over and go back to sleep, but when I tried my head hurt like a bastard. I winced with the pain and lifted a hand to my head. It was all bound up like a mummy.
I finally managed to open my eyes enough to see that I was in a hospital bed in a sunny hospital room. The walls were stark white, the roof was stark white, the sheet that covered me was stark white.
I started to panic. Where was Ollie, where was Pete, where was William? I couldn’t remember what had happened or why I was here.
I had a drip in my hand, I looked to the IV, I was stressing and I could hear it on the monitor.
“Trixi?” his voice was gravelly, “nurse! Nurse!” he called jamming his finger down on the button.
She came rushing in.
“Where am I? William? Where’s Ollie? Pete? Where are you William?”
His hand slid into mine gently, “I’m here, its ok, im here shhh.” He stroked up my arm.
I looked at him.
He had a row of stitches just on his hair line.
“What happened, where’s Ollie?”
“shhh, it’s ok, you need to relax.”
“I’m not going to fucking relax where is my son!?” I tried to sit up and pull some of the shit that was hanging off me.
“Trixi! Lay down.” He shoved me down gently by my shoulders, “you need to relax! Look, its ok, Ollie is fine he’s with Pete and everyone in the waiting room. They’ve been here since yesterday morning.”
I did relax then, but I still had no idea how I had got into that hospital bed.
I felt the tears of relief and pain and confusion and everything else that I was feeling spill over the brim of my eyelids.
The nurse had been standing by, letting William calm me down, she stepped forward.
“You’re ok Miss Swan, you hit your head on the side window and we had to remove some glass from the right side of your skull. Thank-fully, we did remove it all and you are expected to make a full recovery. The doctor will be in to see you in the next ten minutes, until then, please listen to Mr. Beckett, you do need to relax.”
“When can I see my family?”
“They can come in after the doctor has seen you. But I will tell them you’re awake.”
She left the room quietly, and William kissed the back of my hand, not the one with the needle in it because that would be too weird.
“William, what happened? I can't remember anything after we got onto the highway.” I said in a small voice.
He sighed, “well, we came over the crest of the hill, and the sun kind of blinded me, so I slowed down, but there was a car behind us that was being pursued but the police, he couldn’t see either, the driver didn’t bother to slow down for fear of getting caught. He rammed the back of us and we spun off the road. They say that the airbags saved our lives, but yours wasn’t installed properly and came out on the wrong angle and threw you into the window… …” he took a deep breath, “when I saw the glass and y-y-you were so pale… I t-t-thought you were—” he stopped talking and bowed his head onto the bed.
None of it triggered any memory whatsoever.
I squeezed William’s hand tightly in mine.
“William?” I cleared my throat lightly, “What happened to the other driver?”
He looked up at me slowly; I wiped his tear streaks with my thumb.
“He was fine, he was in a Ute with a bull bar on the front, but the cops have got him in custody, he was barely hurt at all.” He had a dangerous glint in his eye when he spoke the last six words.
I closed my eyes and exhaled heavily.
The doctor came in a few moments later. He was middle, aged, and balding but a cherry guy. I felt like I was going to be fine.
“Well Miss Swan, you’re looking a lot better. The great news is that your baby is fine. There were no complications with that one. We did manage to remove all of the glass… … … is there a problem?”
I didn’t catch the last half of what he had said. I looked to William. He nodded solemnly; it was as if I was being told I had a terminal illness.
I looked away from William to the doctor, “I’m sorry, m-my what?”
He smiled nervously, “I’m guessing you were unaware that you’re pregnant Miss Swan.”
“Uh-huh?” I said quietly, “how far?” should I be happy or should I be terrified. These things always come as a shock to me; remind me never to tell my kids my reaction when I found out.
“Around eight weeks. There was virtually no damage whatsoever, but you will need to attend regular check-ups to make sure that there is no long term damage. That is of course unless you decide other wise.”
I nodded slowly; no way wouldn’t I keep it. Ollie was going to have a sibling.
“Anything else I should know?”
“Well, to remove all of the glass from your head we did have to shave part of your head, but there will only be minor scarring any you wont notice anything different when your hair grows back.” he smiled, did his thing and then left.
I stared blankly at William.
“Do you know if its mi—”
“It is.”
He nodded slowly, “are you going to—”
“I’m keeping it.”
He nodded again, “So I’m going to be a daddy?”
I smiled, “do you need me to answer that?”
He kissed my hand. “I love you Trixi, you know that? And I’ll be there, the whole way through. I’ll be daddy.”
I tried to hold back the tears of joy but it was impossible, finally, I was going to have my family.
Ollie jumped up on the bed and made sure that he was very careful when he hugged me.
“Mum! I was scared mum!” he had teary eyes and I pulled his face down to mine and I kissed his little tears away.
“It’s ok now darling, I’m going to get better real quick.”
After Ollie, Gabe looked like he wanted to jump on the bed too, he almost ran into the room, when he saw me sitting up he smiled hugely and came over and hugged me tightly.
“Are you going to be ready for our release party Tinkerbelle? It’s not going to be a party without you. Or is my clubbing going to have to be dummied down to ‘baby shower’?”
I must have looked kind of shocked.
I looked to William alarmed.
“The doctor cam out saying that the baby was fine; it was all news to us. He kind of let it slip because we were all waiting so anxiously.”
“Oh.”
Then everyone poured in, William’s friends, his band mates that all congratulated us, then Patrick who looked slightly worse for wear. A few more that I only knew because I listened to their music…I looked everywhere but I couldn’t see Pete amongst all of the other heads.
I hoped he hadn’t left.
The nurse came in and told Gabe to stop shouting, then almost everyone had to leave. William took Ollie to the bathroom and I was alone for a few minutes.
I heard some whispering in the corridor.
“Just go in, she’s not going to tell you to piss off.” It was a girl’s voice.
“Give me a moment to compose myself will you? Sheesh, step in on the scene and start bossing me around like its no ones business.” I recognized Pete’s voice.
“Just get in there will you? I haven’t seen her in five years; you aren’t making me wait any longer.”
Pete was shoved in the little hospital room.
I smiled and opened my arms up to him.
He hugged me tight and I breathed him in. I knew his smell and it was a part of me. I closed my eyes and wanted to hold him there forever. It was hard, hard knowing that I couldn’t.
“I brought you a visitor.”
I looked over his shoulder. She was about my height, cute freckles still dusted over her nose. Her eyes still twinkled mischievously; she was still in her classic rock chick outfit.
I swallowed, “crystal?”
She came forward and gave me one of her awkward hugs. Then she stepped back.
What do you say to someone in that kind of situation?
“I’ll come back later; I suppose you two want to talk. Here.” he gave crystal an envelope from his pocket then he squeezed my hand and left.