Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Cancer
“I’m a big girl, Ray. I can handle it. Rumors are just that. Rumors. Right?” I looked to him awaiting reassurance. He nodded.
“Yeah s’pose we shouldn’t stress.” He returned to something on his laptop, busying himself. My heart was in panic; at war with my mind. My hands started to tremble. Get a hold of yourself, Christine. Goddamnit, girl. Shake it off. Ray seemed to be in his own world again. I attempted at random conversation to ease the blatant awkwardness.
“Brian say how the crowd’s looking?”
“I think we’re close to sold old. The venue is relatively small, but we’ve played there before.
“Looks like I’ve got a big job then. I’d better stock up. All the fan girls will be out for anything they can get.”
“Yeah, hopefully they don’t claw your face.” He laughed.
“Nah, I’ll be fine.”
“Surree, Chrissy. They’ll eat you alive.”
“Cut me some slack it’s like my sixth time.”
“Shit!”
“What?”
“I forgot to wake Briar, I was supposed to an hour ago! Shit!”
“Run like the wind Bullseye!” I chortled.
“He’s gonna kick my ass.”
Ray hurriedly gathered his things. The funny thing was, Bob would most likely get pretty angry with Ray. Briar was known as the brawn of My Chem. He oozes the whole “I don’t take shit and I don’t dish it either” persona. Good luck and God speed, Toro. My smile subsided after a few minutes and my thoughts drifted back to what he had said. Gerard. Gay? The thought of it was ridiculous. Especially after last night. My mind strolled to the recollection of the previous night. Gerard. He was so beautiful, inside and out. Only he didn’t see it. The two of us mangling the sheets, sighing his name…
“Boo.”
I jumped and looked up and over my shoulder to see Gerard.
“S-Shit. Don’t do that you scared the bejesus out of me.”
“Sorry, darlin’.” God, I loved that jersey drawl. His voice was so attractive. I watched him sit.
“Watch out next time or the last your friends will see of you is a chalk outline.”
“Was that a threat, baby doll?”
“More like a promise.” I half smiled.
“We’ll see about that. So what’d you and Ray talk about?”
“Work. Fan girls eating me alive. Nothing abnormal, I assume. You’re close to sold out tonight.”
“Perfect. Ahh, my teenage guinea pigs. How they’ll scream.” He gave a low chuckle.
“You have something up your sleeve and I’m not sure I like it.” I was now IM-ing a few friends.
“And if I do?” he closed my computer screen.
“Hey!” I exclaimed.
“Hay is for horses.”
“And I’m the one with odd sayings? Why’d you do that?”
“I wanted to see your eyes when we talked.”
“Huh?”
“They have this hypnotic charm to them. You get lost in them. The water rises but you’re happy to drown.” His eyes strayed for a moment and went glassy, as if he were about to cry. Then they shot back at me, he smiled slightly.
“You probably think I’m mental don’t you?”
“No, Gerard. I don’t” I looked him dead in the eye.
“My sweet Christine—“ he put his hand on my cheek.
“So ignorantly blissful.” He continued and retracted his palm. Speaking in riddles again. I should expect this from him by now. Still, it comes as surprise.
“If I am, don’t rain on my parade.” I smiled.
“Honey, welcome to the black parade. No rain, just tears, and your blood on my hands.”
“Whatever you say. So what’s your experiment for the teens tonight?”
“You’ll just have to wait and see.”
I began gathering my laptop and notebooks.
“I think I’ll go upstairs.”
“As you wish.”
Part of me wanted him to follow. The other knew no good would come of it. Maybe I was ignorantly blissful. Maybe I should just roll with the punches for once in my life. Perhaps by not fighting my feelings they would be reciprocated. I didn’t let myself concentrate on much else than breathing as I made my way to the elevator. If I didn’t, my feet would wander back to the lobby and my mouth would create a stupid reason to get him upstairs when really I needed to be alone. I didn’t want to. Honestly, I wanted nothing more but to be in his arms. I was totally aware of the consequences, but I didn’t want to care. I needed to clear my head. I walked into the room to find housekeeping had paid a visit. I set my things aside and let out a heavy sigh, leaning back against the door. “Damnit, Chrissy what are you doing to yourself?” I thought. I never thought I would become an emotional masochist to this degree. My feelings for him and his response were torture but it felt so sweet. I realized I had begun to cry. Wiping the tears from my face, I walked into the bathroom. I disassembled my ponytail, letting my hair fall as I corrected my smudged eyeliner. I ran my fingers through my hair, closing my eyes for a moment letting my head drop and my shoulders slouch. I exhaled slowly and walked out. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Gerard sitting on the edge of the bed. I hadn’t even heard him come in. He sat staring in front of him, at what I didn’t know. Gerard seemed so peaceful, oblivious to my presence. I stood there watching his marble eyes until he broke the silence.
“Sit next to me please.” I sat next to him.
“Christine, if I asked you to do something without understanding the reason behind it, would you ask questions or simply comply with my request.”
“Depends.”
“On?”
“What you wanted me to do.”
“Ah, but of course. How typical of you love.”
I ignored his little comment to avoid fueling a fire, but my curiosity stood still.
“So what were you going to ask me to do?”
“Nothing.—“ he smiled. “Call it… precautionary knowledge.”
“Yeah s’pose we shouldn’t stress.” He returned to something on his laptop, busying himself. My heart was in panic; at war with my mind. My hands started to tremble. Get a hold of yourself, Christine. Goddamnit, girl. Shake it off. Ray seemed to be in his own world again. I attempted at random conversation to ease the blatant awkwardness.
“Brian say how the crowd’s looking?”
“I think we’re close to sold old. The venue is relatively small, but we’ve played there before.
“Looks like I’ve got a big job then. I’d better stock up. All the fan girls will be out for anything they can get.”
“Yeah, hopefully they don’t claw your face.” He laughed.
“Nah, I’ll be fine.”
“Surree, Chrissy. They’ll eat you alive.”
“Cut me some slack it’s like my sixth time.”
“Shit!”
“What?”
“I forgot to wake Briar, I was supposed to an hour ago! Shit!”
“Run like the wind Bullseye!” I chortled.
“He’s gonna kick my ass.”
Ray hurriedly gathered his things. The funny thing was, Bob would most likely get pretty angry with Ray. Briar was known as the brawn of My Chem. He oozes the whole “I don’t take shit and I don’t dish it either” persona. Good luck and God speed, Toro. My smile subsided after a few minutes and my thoughts drifted back to what he had said. Gerard. Gay? The thought of it was ridiculous. Especially after last night. My mind strolled to the recollection of the previous night. Gerard. He was so beautiful, inside and out. Only he didn’t see it. The two of us mangling the sheets, sighing his name…
“Boo.”
I jumped and looked up and over my shoulder to see Gerard.
“S-Shit. Don’t do that you scared the bejesus out of me.”
“Sorry, darlin’.” God, I loved that jersey drawl. His voice was so attractive. I watched him sit.
“Watch out next time or the last your friends will see of you is a chalk outline.”
“Was that a threat, baby doll?”
“More like a promise.” I half smiled.
“We’ll see about that. So what’d you and Ray talk about?”
“Work. Fan girls eating me alive. Nothing abnormal, I assume. You’re close to sold out tonight.”
“Perfect. Ahh, my teenage guinea pigs. How they’ll scream.” He gave a low chuckle.
“You have something up your sleeve and I’m not sure I like it.” I was now IM-ing a few friends.
“And if I do?” he closed my computer screen.
“Hey!” I exclaimed.
“Hay is for horses.”
“And I’m the one with odd sayings? Why’d you do that?”
“I wanted to see your eyes when we talked.”
“Huh?”
“They have this hypnotic charm to them. You get lost in them. The water rises but you’re happy to drown.” His eyes strayed for a moment and went glassy, as if he were about to cry. Then they shot back at me, he smiled slightly.
“You probably think I’m mental don’t you?”
“No, Gerard. I don’t” I looked him dead in the eye.
“My sweet Christine—“ he put his hand on my cheek.
“So ignorantly blissful.” He continued and retracted his palm. Speaking in riddles again. I should expect this from him by now. Still, it comes as surprise.
“If I am, don’t rain on my parade.” I smiled.
“Honey, welcome to the black parade. No rain, just tears, and your blood on my hands.”
“Whatever you say. So what’s your experiment for the teens tonight?”
“You’ll just have to wait and see.”
I began gathering my laptop and notebooks.
“I think I’ll go upstairs.”
“As you wish.”
Part of me wanted him to follow. The other knew no good would come of it. Maybe I was ignorantly blissful. Maybe I should just roll with the punches for once in my life. Perhaps by not fighting my feelings they would be reciprocated. I didn’t let myself concentrate on much else than breathing as I made my way to the elevator. If I didn’t, my feet would wander back to the lobby and my mouth would create a stupid reason to get him upstairs when really I needed to be alone. I didn’t want to. Honestly, I wanted nothing more but to be in his arms. I was totally aware of the consequences, but I didn’t want to care. I needed to clear my head. I walked into the room to find housekeeping had paid a visit. I set my things aside and let out a heavy sigh, leaning back against the door. “Damnit, Chrissy what are you doing to yourself?” I thought. I never thought I would become an emotional masochist to this degree. My feelings for him and his response were torture but it felt so sweet. I realized I had begun to cry. Wiping the tears from my face, I walked into the bathroom. I disassembled my ponytail, letting my hair fall as I corrected my smudged eyeliner. I ran my fingers through my hair, closing my eyes for a moment letting my head drop and my shoulders slouch. I exhaled slowly and walked out. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Gerard sitting on the edge of the bed. I hadn’t even heard him come in. He sat staring in front of him, at what I didn’t know. Gerard seemed so peaceful, oblivious to my presence. I stood there watching his marble eyes until he broke the silence.
“Sit next to me please.” I sat next to him.
“Christine, if I asked you to do something without understanding the reason behind it, would you ask questions or simply comply with my request.”
“Depends.”
“On?”
“What you wanted me to do.”
“Ah, but of course. How typical of you love.”
I ignored his little comment to avoid fueling a fire, but my curiosity stood still.
“So what were you going to ask me to do?”
“Nothing.—“ he smiled. “Call it… precautionary knowledge.”
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