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On the twelfth day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…

Twelve Extreme Reasons

The first thing Hermione saw on Christmas morning was a giant green box. She could cope with that quite easily.

Unfortunately, the second thing she saw was Severus Snape.

About then, Hermione stopped counting how many things she had seen, attempted to drag her brain into full awareness and noted that Harry, Luna, Theodore, Blaise and Justin were all seated on the floor around the Christmas Palm Tree, while Professors Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall and Lupin – and Madam Pomfrey – were on the only two couches close enough to accommodate for conversation at a comfortable volume.

She sighed. Trust Harry to invite the staff to join them on Christmas morning.

“’Mione! Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Harry,” she replied, smiling wryly. “Merry Christmas, everyone.”

Hermione joined the others on the floor and listened while Henry and Snape traded snarky comments with Harry translating Henry’s (though she wasn’t convinced that Harry wasn’t editing them and adding his own).

Over the next ten minutes, the rest of the students drifted down the stairs, stopped to gape at the presence of the staff, got over it and joined the others on the floor. Only Draco sat on a couch, and that seemed more due to the fact that he wasn’t afraid to sit next to Snape rather than because he refused to sit on the floor.

The moment Ron sat down (he’d been last to arrive, mere moments behind Colin), Harry jumped up and adjusted his Santa hat. “Right then. Merry Christmas all, I’m Harry and I’ll be your Santa for the morning!”

Draco rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat. “For the love of Merlin, Potter, just make sure that the big one gets opened first. I think it’s addressed to you, anyway, but it’s taking up half your tasteless Common Room.”

“It is preventing me from adequately viewing my tinsel,” Luna added quietly, looking quite forlorn.

Harry nodded quickly. “Sure thing. I will.” He stepped over to the box, which was taller than him. “Ooh, gift for me! It’s so big, and green, and shiny…” He began tearing the paper off it, revealing a plain brown box. He pouted. “I can’t get into it…”

Draco rolled his eyes yet again and waved his wand languidly. All four sides of the box fell to the ground, revealing a large, furry, glittery, tinsel-wearing…

“Teddy!” Harry squealed. He turned and beamed at his companions. “Who bought me this? Come on, tell me so I can kiss someone!”

Severus was frowning. “Why does that thing look vaguely familiar and cause an impending sense of doom to descend upon my mind?”

Harry eyed him suspiciously. “Did you send it?”

“No.”

“Professor Dumbledore?”

“I’m afraid not, dear boy.”

Harry scanned the others, but saw nothing but vague curiosity (and Severus’s slightly apprehensive glare) until he looked at Neville, who was holding a small white card and staring at it with an expression of abject horror.

“Uh, Nev?”

The boy looked up at him. “Voldemort.”

“Wha?”

“The bear. Is from Voldemort.” He held the card out.

Harry took it and read it silently before kneeling down and searching for something underneath his bear. Hermione snatched it to read it for herself.

‘Dear Harry,

I am sorry that you mistakenly received the homicidal cacti I had planned to send to the Minister. Lucius accidentally sent you the wrong box.

I hope that the fact that your real present lacks any hostility will assist in making up for that.

Someone mentioned that you liked bears, and everyone likes tinsel, so I hope you enjoy it.

Love from Lord Voldemort

PS. There is a pair of socks in the box for Dumbledore. Please make sure he gets them.’

Hermione looked up just in time to see Harry emerge with a pair of glittery socks and hand them to the Headmaster.

“With love from Voldemort,” Harry chirped.

Everyone but Luna and Dumbledore stared at him. Luna merely began adorning the bear with even more tinsel, whereas Dumbledore cheerfully took his socks, scanned them quickly for hostile magic, and then pulled them onto his feet with a delighted smile.

It was the bear that broke the resulting silence.

“Join Lord Voldemort, because Lucius Malfoy can give you hair care tips – and we all know you need them, Harry!”

Yet again, the Common Room fell into silence – though this time it was broken by Colin, Dennis and Dean bursting out laughing.

Mostly everyone joined in, while Harry pouted and Draco just nodded solemnly. “It’s true, Harry, you do need them. And Father is extremely talented at that sort of thing.”

Eventually, everyone calmed down enough for Harry to begin handing out presents. “All right, first off we have…” He looked down at the gift he had grabbed and checked the tag. “A present for Professor Dumbledore from ‘the Slytherins’.”

Dumbledore unwrapped it and then turned to smile brightly at Theodore, Blaise and Draco as he revealed the jumbo-sized bag of sherbet lemons and a pair of lemon-yellow socks. “Thank you, boys.”

Theodore and Blaise smiled back, while Draco stared at the ceiling and muttered about it ‘not being his idea’.

Harry handed out a few more gifts, but just as he was pulling a rather large one out of the pile, his bear spoke up again.

“You know you want to join Voldemort. If you do, he’ll give you candy canes.”

Hermione frowned. “Does anyone know whose voice that is? It’s not Voldemort…is it?”

Harry shook his head. “Nope. Not Pettigrew either.”

“It’s not Father,” Draco mused. “Or Uncle Rodolphus.”

“It sounds suspiciously like Rabastan Lestrange,” Severus said with a frown. “Disturbing as that may be.”

“Hm…presents!” Harry reminded, shaking his head. “Tempting as it is to join Voldemort for candy, I’d rather get on with this.” He held the large package he’d unearthed out to Remus. “For you, from me.”

Remus raised an amused eyebrow and unwrapped his gift. He eyed the bright pink cardboard box curiously for a moment before opening it, peering inside, and letting out a light chuckle. “Thank you, Harry.”

Harry beamed at him.

“What did you get?” Ron asked curiously, hoping it would give insight into what Harry’s gifts for other people might be (Remus having been the first to receive one).

With a wry smile, Remus showed them the fluffy stuffed wolf and two giant blocks of Honeydukes' best chocolate.

“Just looking at that is making me hungry,” Ginny said with a grin.

“Joining Lord Voldemort is good for the digestive system.”

Harry blinked owlishly before turning to Severus. “Is it?”

The man shrugged. “I have to admit that I have never experienced any problems in that area, but…”

“Bring all your friends and join Voldemort – we’ll have a fantastic party and then roast Cornelius Fudge on a spit!”

There were several snickers, but Harry was nodding sagely. “Ah, I see. Cannibalism is good for digestion.”

“Apparently so,” Neville murmured.

The gift presentation continued on for almost ten minutes before the bear spoke again.

“If you join Voldemort, you’ll never have to sit through one of Severus Snape’s lectures on potions ever again.”

“Sign me up,” Ron said immediately. Several of the others laughed and agreed.

“I feel somewhat offended,” Severus said dryly. “Surely my lectures are not bad enough to be incentive to join the Dark Lord.”

Harry just shrugged and held out a strangely shaped present. “Don’t let it bother you.”

Severus appeared to forget about the bear entirely in favour of prodding the gift warily. After a moment, he ripped it open and just stared, as did everyone else.

“Harry,” Severus finally managed in a strangled voice. “Did you…?”

“Surprisingly, no,” Harry answered, shocking almost everyone. “But I wish I had.”

Severus lifted the large – purple – plush snake out of the wrapping paper to attempt to find a card, and was startled when it suddenly slithered up his arm to drape around his neck. He looked up, ignoring the barely suppressed grins of the surrounding students, and found that Dumbledore was looking far too innocent. “Albus…” he growled.

The Headmaster smiled genially. “I simply wished for you to get the best use out of my gift, Severus. It is charmed to remain there for the rest of the day. It will keep you warm.”

Hermione was rather impressed that the Headmaster was not being throttled.

“I am not especially cold, Albus,” the potions master growled.

“Of course not. Now, would you care for a sherbet lemon, dear boy?” The Headmaster’s eyes were twinkling as he held out the bag the Slytherin boys had given him.

The reply (“No, I do not, you senile old fool!”) was mostly drowned out by Harry’s bear finding its voice once again.

“Voldemort will never offer you a sherbet lemon. Join him and experience this foreign treatment.”

“I’m sold,” Remus responded, smiling innocently.

Harry snorted and threw another gift at Severus, who glared at it with outright suspicion – especially when he noticed who it was from.

“I’m not sure I should even open this.”

“Why not?” Minerva asked curiously.

“It’s from him,” Severus told her, gesturing to Harry – who gave a cheery wave in return.

“Oh, just open it, Professor Sevvie,” Harry whined.

“I refuse.”

Harry pouted. “No one ever does things when I tell them too…”

“You’ll get to be Voldemort’s right hand man! This means you’ll have the authority to order around everyone in Voldemort’s organization other than Voldemort himself. Ever wanted to see Rodolphus Lestrange wash dishes?”

“I know I have,” Minerva muttered to herself. Remus overheard and choked on his chocolate.

“Ooh, now that is tempting,” Harry said. “Not just the thought of making various Lestranges complete menial tasks, but hey, I could order Lucius Malfoy to wear a frilly pink tutu and skip from room to room singing nursery rhymes!”

“Sometimes, Harry,” Draco sighed. “Your mind truly, truly frightens me.”

Ron snickered. “You, me, and everyone else on the planet.” He turned to Harry. “More importantly, mate, it would give you the authority to order our beloved Professor Snape to open his present.”

“Hm, so true…Hermione, I need a quill! And parchment! And an owl!”

Hermione groaned. “Harry, if you really must join Voldemort, then fine, but I refuse to be your enabler.”

Albus turned a ‘benign’ smile on Severus, who twitched and tried to ignore him. “You know, my boy, you could save the entire wizarding world by just opening one little gift.”

Remus choked on his chocolate again. Severus just glowered.

“Harry, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to give Professor Lupin chocolate,” Hannah pointed out, watching the man worriedly.

Harry shrugged. “At least if he chokes to death on chocolate he’ll die happy.”

Remus was still unable to speak (or breathe, really), but he nodded emphatically along with Harry’s words. Hannah eyed him for a moment longer, but decided to give up.

“A toy potions set, Potter?”

All eyes turned once more to Severus, who had taken the chance while everyone had been focussed on Remus to covertly open his brightly-wrapped gift.

Harry gave him a wounded look. “And some cauldron cakes and liquorice stirring rods.”

“Those are liquorice wands,” Colin pointed out.

“They’re stirring rods,” Harry insisted. “I cut them in half length-wise and got some green icing from the kitchens to dip them in.” He grabbed one from the pile on Severus’s lap and waved it around. “See, it looks like it’s been stirring some horribly noxious potion, doesn’t it? Plus they’re tasty.”

“You have far too much time on your hands,” Severus told him.

“I feel so unloved…”

“Free ice-cream.”

“See? Voldemort loves me more than you.”

Severus rolled his eyes and ignored Harry’s pouting while chewing thoughtfully on a ‘stirring rod’.

“Bet you hate them.”

“They’re about as tolerable as you are, brat.”

Harry brightened up immediately. “Aw, you do like them!”

“Can we have more presents now?” Dennis asked hopefully. “I was hoping we’d get this over with by, say, lunch time.”

Grinning, Harry obliged.

Over twenty minutes passed relatively sanely. Harry’s bear stayed silent and the presents remained somewhat normal. Dumbledore received many more pairs of socks, and Harry distributed several more toy-and-sweet combination presents from himself (including chocolate biscuits and a catnip-filled mouse for Minerva, plastic crystal balls filled with gummi bears for Parvati and Lavender, a bright pink disposable camera for Colin and a children’s toy doctors set for Poppy).

Ron had been highly amused with his toy broomstick and chocolate frogs, and Neville seemed quite taken with the stuffed version of Trevor he was presented with.

Draco, when faced with his new toy plastic dragons, stuffed ferret and single candy cane, merely expressed his relief that it hadn’t exploded.

Hermione was pleasantly surprised when Harry’s gift to her turned out to be several of her favourite books from when she was a child and a large box of sugar quills. “Oh, I haven’t read these in years!” she exclaimed. “My old copies have been packed away in boxes at home, because I needed the shelf room for all my new books…oh, Harry, thank you!”

Harry received her flying tackle-hug with a laugh. “You’re welcome, ‘Mione. Shame we don’t have them in the school library, really.”

“Voldemort’s library is so much better than the one at Hogwarts.”

Hermione eyed the bear. “I kind of doubt it contains Muggle children’s books, though,” she told it.

“It might have a magical way of making broccoli taste less gross, though,” Ron said hopefully, glaring balefully at Ginny.

Ginny shrugged. Ever since her first year, her mother had requested that she keep an eye on Ron’s diet and make sure that he at broccoli (which he detested almost more than he hated spiders) at least twice a week.

“Voldemort will let you turn your vegetables into chocolate before you eat them.”

“Right, that’s two reasons now that I have for joining Voldemort,” Ron said, grinning. “Unfortunately, I doubt they really apply to anyone but Harry, who is a freak and actually likes vegetables.”

“Liking vegetables doesn’t make one a freak, Ronald,” Hermione sighed.

“You know, this bear is kind of awesome,” Harry said quietly. He was pouting and fiddling with the fluffy cuff of his Santa suit sleeve.

Seamus frowned at him, utterly confused. “So why don’t you sound pleased about that, like a normal person would?”

Blaise snorted. “Because Harry isn’t normal?”

“Ah, that explains it,” Seamus said, nodding sagely.

Harry gave an irritated sigh. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” Blaise asked.

“Well, this bear…it really sort of makes me feel that the gift I sent Voldemort was somewhat…”

“Mean?” Ron suggested.

Harry shook his head. “No, just…inadequate.”


*


Voldemort took the disturbingly bright present from Rodolphus, who was handing out the large amount of gifts underneath the giant Christmas tree in Malfoy Manor to the assorted Death Eaters and Dark Lord, and eyed it warily.

Narcissa seemed unable to take her eyes from it. “Who could such a hideously coloured package be from, My Lord?”

“I have my suspicions,” the dark lord murmured, searching for and eventually finding a small card.

“Well?” Bellatrix prompted.

“As I suspected, it is from Harry.”

Lucius snorted. “It does not surprise me in the least to see Potter wrapping gifts in orange and pink striped paper.”

Voldemort smirked in amusement, and ripped open the paper. He received a lap full of glitter for his trouble, sighed, and chose to ignore it while he investigated the contents of his present.

He first pulled out a bag full of animated snake lollies, slithering around one another and hissing incoherently.

“Tasty,” Rabastan said, vaguely sarcastic. He made a face when Voldemort offered him one, and pointedly looked away when Rodolphus, who was sitting beside him on the couch, accepted the offer and bit off the head.

The second item Voldemort extracted from the parcel was a thin book that appeared to be handmade and bore the title ‘Recipes for the Busy Dark Lord’. “By Harry James Potter.”

Lucius took the book from the dark lord and examined the badly photographed cover picture of Harry icing a slightly lopsided cake. He chuckled. “Oddly thoughtful of him.”

“Quite,” Voldemort agreed. He looked down to retrieve the rest of his gift from Harry. “Oh my...”

“What is it, my lord?”

Voldemort sighed. “The boy is just full of contradictions, Lucius.”

Lucius raised an eyebrow. “What makes you say that?”

The dark lord held up a small orange and blue ball.

The five Death Eaters blinked at him, all of them evidently confused.

“It’s a ball, my lord,” Rodolphus stated.

“A juggling ball, Rodolphus,” Rabastan clarified from beside the dark lord.

Voldemort turned in his seat sharply to stare, shocked, at Rabastan. The younger of the two Lestrange brothers was leaning his hip against the side of Voldemort’s overly-opulent armchair-slash-throne and was flipping casually through the pages of a small book.

“How do you do that?” Bellatrix demanded, looking between her brother-in-law’s current location and the empty space on the couch he had been occupying mere moments before.

Rabastan gave her a cheeky grin over Voldemort’s head. “’Tis a secret, dear Bella!”

Lucius sighed and shook his head. “Never mind Rabastan’s irritating mysteriousness for the moment. My lord, what exactly did you mean by saying that Potter is full of contradictions?”

Voldemort shook off what was known throughout Death Eater circles as ‘The Rabastan Effect’ and raised both hands. In one was the juggling ball, the other held the cookbook. “A cookbook for a ‘busy dark lord’ and juggling balls to be used for time wasting and procrastination.”

“And animated candy for freaking people out,” Narcissa murmured with an amused smile.

“Quite,” Voldemort agreed.


*


Severus sighed. “I’m sure that the Dark Lord is adequately satisfied with your gift, brat. Now stop moping and finish handing out the remaining gifts.”

Harry looked up and grinned at him. “Aw, did poor Professor Sevvie forget to eat breakfast this morning?”

Hermione twitched. “He wasn’t the only one, Harry. Please hurry up.”

Heaving a sigh, Harry nodded. “Only because you said please, Hermione.” With a flourish, he produced a large parcel from beneath the tree, shooed the Runespoor from it back into the tree, and handed it to the Headmaster. “This one’s from me, sir.”

Albus looked utterly delighted. “Why thank you, dear boy!” He tore into the wrapping like an excited child and revealed a very large, obviously very full, Christmas stocking. His eyes twinkled.

“You should try some of the candy I put in it,” Harry suggested brightly. “I came up with them myself.”

The Headmaster tried to hide his apprehension and reached into the stocking. His hand emerged and he held it out for inspection. As everyone stared, he began to smile.

“Are those…?” Dean began.

“Yup!”

“Harry, did you really…?”

Harry grinned at Susan. “I really did.”

Albus used his free hand to pluck one small sock-shaped candy and pop it into his mouth. His eyes widened. “It tastes just like a sherbet lemon!”

“I know!” Harry said, grinning excitedly. “I call them Sherbet Socks. Or Sock Lemons. I haven’t quite decided, actually, but aren’t they great?”

“They are,” the Headmaster confirmed. “Thank you, Harry.”

“You’re welcome!” he chirped. “I’m trying to work out a way to enlarge them and make them wearable as well. Uh, but you might want to be careful when you get to the bottom of the stocking. There might, uh, be a few miniature white mice in there telling bad jokes. There was an accident with a magical Christmas cracker…” Clearing his throat, Harry pulled out another gift, ignoring Albus’s renewed apprehension. “Ah, this one’s for Luna!”

Luna smiled as Harry set the large box on the floor in front of her and reached out to unwrap it the second he had stepped away. “Is this from you, Santa Harry?”

“It is,” Harry confirmed.

“It’s rather large, but you didn’t seem to have any trouble carrying it,” Ginny mused. “I’m not sure I even want to know what’s in it.”

Once again, Harry pouted. Luna ignored him an opened her box. Everyone who could manage to peered into it, and those who couldn’t shoved others out of the way.

The box appeared to be full of blue, red, silver, gold and purple tinsel, and numerous gingerbread men (and women) who bore a startling resemblance to everyone in the Common Room.

Luna, however, did not appear to have noticed any of these. Her attention had instead been captured by the glittery red Santa’s hat that was at the top of the package. She had picked it up immediately upon opening the box, and had quickly put it on. Hermione conjured a mirror for her.

The blonde girl squealed. “It’s so pretty!”

This, apparently, gave the bear reason to speak once more.

“Voldemort’s main followers are much prettier than Dumbledore’s.”

Everyone stared at the bear for several moments. Harry coughed.

Remus shrugged. “Well, when one considers people such as Alastor Moody and compares them with, say, Narcissa Malfoy…”

Draco grimaced. “Please tell me you’re not sweet on my mum, Lupin.”

Mouth full of chocolate, Remus could only shake his head. He also managed to avoid choking once more, though he came close.

Ginny stared at him in awe. “How have you not already eaten it all?”

“Talent,” Harry answered for him.

Luna had been rifling around in her box and emerged with a blond gingerbread man in Slytherin robes. She paused in unwrapping it to speak. “Thank you for my gift, Santa Harry.”

“You are very welcome, Santa Luna.”

Luna eyed him speculatively. “Does this make me Mrs Claus?”

Harry coughed. “Uh, well, we’ll discuss that later.”

She shrugged and eyed her gingerbread man. “I apologise for consuming your effigy, Draco.”

Draco rolled his eyes as Luna bit a leg off. “Ow,” he deadpanned. “Oh, the pain.”

No one had a chance to speak any further, as another recording had begun on the bear.

“Ow!”

“Bellatrix, are you all right?”

“Fine, Cissa, I just tripped. Rabastan, what the hell are you doing in here with our Lord’s recording equipment and a giant teddy bear?”

“His Lordship asked me to record this list of reasons for the Potter boy to switch sides. The only problem is that he asked me to record twelve, but there are only eleven on his list. Do you think it would be all right if I just left it?”

“I don’t know…Bella, go get Lucius, would you?”

“Sure.” Door opens. Silence. Footsteps. Door closes again. “Honestly, Lucius, why were you sitting in the kitchen staring at a bunch of tiny cacti?”

A sigh. “I was preparing our Lord’s Christmas gift for Minister Fudge. Rodolphus is supposed to finish it off, now that I’m done with it. Now, what can I help you three with?”

“This recording…I was supposed to add twelve reasons but there are only eleven on the list.”

“Let me see that.” Rustling paper. “Looks like he just forgot to add a twelfth…or got distracted. I don’t see any reason why we can’t just add one of our own.”

“You do it then, Lucius dear.”

“Do you mind, Rabastan?”

“Not at all, Lucius. Go ahead.”

“All right.” Silence. A chuckle.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, Bellatrix. I’ll just turn this on…” Another chuckle. “Potter, I have another reason you should join the Death Eaters: Free entertainment. There is nothing more amusing than watching Rabastan and Bellatrix fight over the chocolate –”

“Hey!”

“Hush, you two!”

“…Or seeing his Lordship trying to find his reading glasses. Oh, and I could teach you to cook. But that’s two more reasons. Hopefully they don’t cancel one another out…anyway, Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas!”

“Oh, and do tell Draco we send our love!”

“Cissa, you’re going to embarrass your poor boy…”

“Rabastan, how do I turn it off…?”

“Here, you press this butto –”

The Gryffindor Common Room fell silent. The few noises that were heard were caused by Crookshanks (who had found and ‘borrowed’ Minerva’s catnip mouse), the Runespoor (who were arguing over a candy cane they had stolen), and Luna, who was still munching on her gingerbread Draco.

“I already know how to cook,” Harry said eventually.

Draco groaned. “And trust me, my father does not. He gave Mum and me food poisoning once because he decided to experiment in the kitchens. We’ve since given the house elves orders to keep him out of there at all costs.”

“I have to admit, that was a rather good compilation of reasons on Voldemort’s part,” Albus said with a smile. “However, I believe it is safe to assume that Harry will not be leaving us any time soon?”

Harry smiled innocently. “I’ll at least stick around until the end of the day.”

Ron shrugged. “That’ll do. Now, are there any presents left?”

“Just two,” Harry announced. “One of them is from Hermione to me, and the other is…” He frowned. “From Professor McGonagall to the Headmaster.” He pulled the second gift out from under the tree, almost keeled over under the weight of the huge box, and stumbled over to deliver it to Albus.

Albus opened the box happily, and gave a delighted chuckle when he saw its contents. “Why Minerva, there must be at least fifty pairs of socks here!”

Minerva snorted. “Try one hundred and fifty eight.”

Hermione was a little worried for a moment that the Headmaster was going to die of happiness, but when it appeared that he was going to survive, she used her foot to nudge the last present over to Harry. “Open it, Harry.”

With a grin, Harry dropped to the floor and tore open the wrapping eagerly. His jaw dropped as he worked out what was inside the package. “’Mione, you’ve…you’ve really outdone yourself this year,” he told her, looking up with watery eyes. “Thank you!”

“Yes, well, I’m glad you like it,” she said with a smile.

Holding up the fluffy white suit, Harry beamed at them all. “I can’t wait until Easter!”


*


By the end of the day, the adults had all retreated from the Common Room, and the seventeen students were spread about, mostly relaxing and attempting to digest the huge dinner they had enjoyed.

Draco and Ron were once again playing chess, though it was a far quieter match than usual. The majority of the other boys were seated around them, chatting, watching and in Theodore’s case, napping.

Ginny and Blaise appeared to have been unaffected by their large meal, and had procured plastic swords from somewhere. Lavender, Susan and Hannah were cheering Ginny on, while Parvati appeared to be Blaise’s only supporter.

Across the room, Luna was now wearing a sparkly sleeveless Santa suit, complete with short skirt and, of course, her hat. The whole outfit had been at the bottom of her box from Harry, who was also still dressed in his own Santa suit. The two of them, as far as Hermione could tell, were plotting something nefarious to do with tinsel, duct tape and a large decorative reindeer they had discovered on the way back from the Great Hall that evening.

Despite the chaos that had led up to it, and despite her lingering reservations about encouraging Harry’s apparent holiday fetish, Hermione felt that Christmas had been a good day for them all.

Now if only the Common Room would stay this peaceful long enough for her to finish her new book…

“Santa Harry, be careful.”

“Are you kidding, Santa Luna? Careful is my middle na – oh nooo!”

“Beware the cranky ex-inanimate tinsel-covered reindeer, everyone.”

“Beware the what, Lovegood?”

“Draco, duck!”

“Potter, my hair!”

“Not this way Harry, they have swords!”

“They’re plastic!”

“They were plastic!”

“What happened to the couch?”

“I told you they’re not plastic anymore!”

“Kill the demon reindeer!”

“Yes, kill it and save me!”

“But Santa Harry, you can’t let them kill Clancy!”

“You named it?”

“Well, you were altering its status as non-sentient, Santa Harry.”

“Next time, Santa Luna, don’t let me.”

“Yes, Santa Harry. Oh, watch out for that –”

“Argh!”

“– Malfoy.”

“Sorry Dray!”

“My hair again!”

Hermione sighed happily. After the events of the past twelve days, it just wouldn’t have felt like Christmas without Harry causing abject chaos.