Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Clandestine's School for the Strange
I'LL BE YOUR GUY.
2 reviewsHey wazzup skanks? Sorry. Hey Natalie! Read THIS chapter! Crystal is Santi, just so you know. This whole thing is erotic now!
0Unrated
30 minutes later of a full van syncopated mosh to Twenty-Twenty Surgery, just imagine Ryan's facials (ha!)
(including the driver. He missed the exit on the highway), we had arrived in front of a building. It was large, but still not what I expected. To be honest, I expected broomsticks and black cats on every corner available. With me being he smart one, I figured after about 20 seconds that it was still night time, therefore, a survey at the school would not be helpful.
“Have fun at KAI esh!” said the awesome van driver (why are van’s associated with Asians so often?)
“What?” Patrick said but the van had pulled away. I was starting to get very pissed off. Why were all the guys that could be helping us, you know, as just a nice friendly gesture just leaving. Or being cursed with dwarfism.
“This is KAI School?” Patrick asked nobody in particular. “WHAT THE FUCK??!” he screamed out. A light turned on up the driveway of the building. Something or somebody jumped onto the ground from an open window.
“Hello there my children.” Said a female voice. A woman with octagonal coke-bottle glasses greeted us, a slightly yellowed smile plastered on her face.
“Do you need any help?” she said leaning towards us like she was slightly deaf.
“Um, I’m going to need help with my guitar case.” Joe said
“No worries, no worries!” she said taking it from him.
We were all surprised by her sudden transformation into a huge tortoise on the ground.
Except… Bill and Gabey couldn’t see that far down again without bending down. I had the feeling they were going to need brand new kneecaps by the end of the year.
RANDOM QUOTE TIME:
“Kick him in the kneecaps. Zombies hate that.”
The Warden – Scream Queens. Go YouTube, “Reform School Zombie Squad”. It’s worth your while I am sure.
For a tortoise and an old lady, she was amazingly fast. In fact we lost track of her before she realised she left us behind.
“You young people walk at a snails pace!” she said, laughing in the way that you would expect a tortoise laugh.
No! Don’t think of Franklin the Turtle. As You should know, tortoises and turtles are really quite different creatures. So don’t just assume things. Give life a chance and eat a whole tub of Cookies & Cream ice-cream all on your own. Give it a shot!
We were led into a large entrance hall and I spotted on a giant (like massive, massive. The width of a bus in length), wall clock that it was only 8:23. Jetlag was being a creeper on me.
“Okay, young children, I have the instructions from your new headmaster on where your rooms are.” Said the lady who had turned back into a human form.
“Can I please ask something?” Ryan asked
“Yes, young man.” She answered willingly.
“What’s your name? Sorry, but we all don’t know.”
“Kerry Ellerslie.” William answered for her.
“Ah, I see that we have another mind-reader, don’t we, young man?” she said, considering reaching up to tug on his cheeks like grandmothers do but she hesitated on account that if she even wanted to attempt that she would need a ladder.
“Mrs.-“ Joe began
“It’s Kerry, young man.” She interrupted, winking at him. shudders
“The window opened upstairs and there was a thud, do you know what that was because it sounded kind of gross?”
“That was I, young man, I jumped out the window to come and say hello.” Miss Ellerslie said. I snorted but turned it into a throat clearing successfully stopping her from giving me an old granny style glare.
If you’d like to follow me, I’ll show you all your rooms. If you hand your luggage over to these guys,”
She pointed down at the ground to show us more midgets. William and Gabe squinted around everywhere, saying, “Dude, can you even see them?” I smacked my forehead and grabbed Gabe’s wrist, pointing his hand in the direction of the quad set of dwarfs who had seemed to appear out nowhere (yeah, I’m freaking serious. They just straight up appeared),
“-they will be glad to take your bags.”
As we started to turn the other way, more dwarfs appeared for all our bags.
We were sent upstairs in an elevator. That really surprised me. How often is it that you see a school with an elevator that goes more than three stories high and isn’t just for handicapped people.
“This is the first landing. I estimate about half of you are on this floor.” Kerry said. I bit my lip nervously, I didn’t want to get put in a complete douchebags room. I know that’s mean but still!
“Room No. 213.” She said, stopping in front of a door covered with stickers of Kiss, Poison and White Snake. I scratched the palm of my hand anxiously. What if a living replica of the lead singer from Kiss just jumped out the door and licked me. I had a nightmare about that once.
“In this room: Gerard Way and Courtney Beckett.” She finished, looking up at us.
“See you soon sis.” Bilvy said, patting her on the shoulder.
A few doors down:
“217.” She said.
We all stopped again
“Andrew Hurley,-“
“It’s Andy, Miss.” Andy said hurriedly
“My mistake, young man, Andy Hurley, William Beckett and Crystal Stump.”
“I’ll come and see you soon.” Patrick said. Then he had to run to catch up with the incredibly fast old woman.
“Whoa. This is HUGE!” Andy said, giving the room a mental survey.
“How do you reckon they got all the funding for this stuff?” William asked
“Ernald Clandestine was once the richest man in the world.” Said a girl who appeared out of nowhere. Oh man! Was she another dwarf?
“Sorry for eavesdropping. I was just nervous so I went all invisible on you.” The invisible girl said. Well, she wasn’t invisible by then, in fact she was VISIBLE!
“What’s your name?” I asked. I had to get to know the roomies or I would literally die.
“I’m Natalie.” She said, smiling. She shook her hair off her face, then put a little more hair to the side. For some reason, the lighting in the room showcased her button nose.
“NATALIE!” some guy voice said in a very British accent
“Yes Guy?” she answered, smirking
“Are our room people here. It’s going to get rather lonely with just you and I here on our lonesome.”
“Yes, our roomies are here, Guy!” she called back.
“Oh. My mistake. I’ll be out of here in a jiffy. Hold on my dearest roomates!”
Natalie snickered gently.
“He’s a little. Eccentric?” she said.
All of a sudden, a rather tall young man (that old lady’s constant use of the phrase, ‘young man’, was beginning to grow on me), came out of what I figured to be the bathroom.
“Hello, I’m Guy Ripley of Eaton, England. It’s my pleasure to be meeting you here right now.”
Guy Ripley’s towel slipped a little once he laid eyes on Bilvy.
“Humina Humina Humina…”
That went on for a while.
“Aunt Maggie’s knickers drawer, you are an incredibly rambunctious young man!” Guy Ripley said in one breath.
“Um. Thank you.” Bill answered.
I decided to leave this Guy character to ogle and visually probe William. Andy joined me in finding out about the room from Natalie.
“I know he’s weird but he’s quite funny after you’ve been around him for a couple of hours.”
“Okay..” Andy said unbelievingly.
“Nah, seriously, he’s all good dude!”
We all stood silent for a while. I just started staring at the ATL poster behind her.
“Man, do you like All Time Low too?” I asked
“Well, actually, they’re my friends.” She said, blushing.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” I said. I had still only heard one song by them and I was amazed.
“The lead singers my best friend, I don’t really know the others too well to be honest.” She told us.
“So, do you get free CD’s and stuff?” I asked
“I don’t know, I guess you could ask them?”
“Oh really. Do they have twitter or anything?”
“Actually, you could try going upstairs to room 221.” She said, smiling.
“You’re serious. One of my favorite bands is one storey higher than us.
“Yeah.” She answered. Jeez, I must have been starting to scare her.
“Sorry if I’m scaring you.” I said
“No worries, there’s a lot worse where I come from.”
“So, how long have you been here?” Andy asked
“About four hours.” She answered. “Guy and I came in the same van.”
“We do have two bathrooms. Let’s keep ours cleaner than theirs?” she suggested
“Uh, I don’t know. Andy’s pretty much a clean freak.”
“Sabotage?” she said grinning.
“Definitely.”
“Uh, girls. I’m right here. Natalie, do you want to play Lips with me?”
“No thank you Andy. I’m a crap singer.” She answered
(A/N: I’m not actually saying you’re a bad singer, that would be mean. I’ve never even heard you sing in real life, ixamxnotxaxnugget!)
“Aw. I don’t reckon.”
“Nah, seriously, I don’t do karaoke.”
“I’m up for a spot of singing!” said Guy walking out of the bathroom, fully clothed in Batman pyjamas.
“Yes. A competitor!”
“I actually just wrote a song in my head. Would any of you care to hear it?”
“Yes!” we all agreed like we were on a kids show.
“Okay. Here goes. My first step into the musical industry.” He gave us all a hearty grin before he began,
“Victoria, why don’t you love me any moria
Like a partridge you do soaria.”
It kind of continued like that for a couple of minutes.
The song drew to an end and finshed with a, “Victoria.”
awkward applause
“Thank you very much, all of you!” he said, throwing his arms up into the air. I noticed he was still holding his toiletries.
“Ahh, I thought I should introduce you all to my little friend,” he said excitedly. Guy pulled a yellow rubber duck from the depths of his British Flag shaped toilet bag.
“I got him for free at the hotel that I stayed at. I think I shall name him Demitrius!”
Natalie snorted.
“Do you like that name, Demitri-us?” he asked lovingly to the inanimate yellow rubber that was a Demitrius.
Oh shit. There is going to be some very facsinating introductions to the others.
William just had a ‘very disturbed’ face on.
“I think I’m just gonna crash.” Natalie said, picking up her blanket and walking into one of the rooms.
“Goodnight.” She said, walking into the room but leaving the door open for me to come through later on.
Andy, William and I all exchanged glances about how weird every little thing was going to be now.
“Andrew-,”
“It’s Andy. Sorry Guy.”
“Are you still up for a game of Kara-oke?”
“Hells yeah.” Andy said, running to find his box for the Lips game and his X-Box 360. Like people and Nintendo DS’, Andy takes his X-Box to a lot of places.
“Should we watch or run?” William asked.
“I think we should watch.” I said, “For a laugh.” I whispered once the two boys had left the room.
We both sat on the leopard print couch and began mental countdowns to our demise. Like you do when you’re waiting for something.
I leant my head on Bilvy’s shoulder. I don’t know why but it felt right to do that.
“OH MY FUCKING GOD CRYSTAL!” Andy said storming back into the room, making me sit up straight. He ran straight for me.
“My Lips are missing!” he told me with a distinctly pissed off/homicidal/I AM NOW GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST face.
Brace Yourselves for a Wild Ride on Angry Andy Hurley Kids! ;>
(including the driver. He missed the exit on the highway), we had arrived in front of a building. It was large, but still not what I expected. To be honest, I expected broomsticks and black cats on every corner available. With me being he smart one, I figured after about 20 seconds that it was still night time, therefore, a survey at the school would not be helpful.
“Have fun at KAI esh!” said the awesome van driver (why are van’s associated with Asians so often?)
“What?” Patrick said but the van had pulled away. I was starting to get very pissed off. Why were all the guys that could be helping us, you know, as just a nice friendly gesture just leaving. Or being cursed with dwarfism.
“This is KAI School?” Patrick asked nobody in particular. “WHAT THE FUCK??!” he screamed out. A light turned on up the driveway of the building. Something or somebody jumped onto the ground from an open window.
“Hello there my children.” Said a female voice. A woman with octagonal coke-bottle glasses greeted us, a slightly yellowed smile plastered on her face.
“Do you need any help?” she said leaning towards us like she was slightly deaf.
“Um, I’m going to need help with my guitar case.” Joe said
“No worries, no worries!” she said taking it from him.
We were all surprised by her sudden transformation into a huge tortoise on the ground.
Except… Bill and Gabey couldn’t see that far down again without bending down. I had the feeling they were going to need brand new kneecaps by the end of the year.
RANDOM QUOTE TIME:
“Kick him in the kneecaps. Zombies hate that.”
The Warden – Scream Queens. Go YouTube, “Reform School Zombie Squad”. It’s worth your while I am sure.
For a tortoise and an old lady, she was amazingly fast. In fact we lost track of her before she realised she left us behind.
“You young people walk at a snails pace!” she said, laughing in the way that you would expect a tortoise laugh.
No! Don’t think of Franklin the Turtle. As You should know, tortoises and turtles are really quite different creatures. So don’t just assume things. Give life a chance and eat a whole tub of Cookies & Cream ice-cream all on your own. Give it a shot!
We were led into a large entrance hall and I spotted on a giant (like massive, massive. The width of a bus in length), wall clock that it was only 8:23. Jetlag was being a creeper on me.
“Okay, young children, I have the instructions from your new headmaster on where your rooms are.” Said the lady who had turned back into a human form.
“Can I please ask something?” Ryan asked
“Yes, young man.” She answered willingly.
“What’s your name? Sorry, but we all don’t know.”
“Kerry Ellerslie.” William answered for her.
“Ah, I see that we have another mind-reader, don’t we, young man?” she said, considering reaching up to tug on his cheeks like grandmothers do but she hesitated on account that if she even wanted to attempt that she would need a ladder.
“Mrs.-“ Joe began
“It’s Kerry, young man.” She interrupted, winking at him. shudders
“The window opened upstairs and there was a thud, do you know what that was because it sounded kind of gross?”
“That was I, young man, I jumped out the window to come and say hello.” Miss Ellerslie said. I snorted but turned it into a throat clearing successfully stopping her from giving me an old granny style glare.
If you’d like to follow me, I’ll show you all your rooms. If you hand your luggage over to these guys,”
She pointed down at the ground to show us more midgets. William and Gabe squinted around everywhere, saying, “Dude, can you even see them?” I smacked my forehead and grabbed Gabe’s wrist, pointing his hand in the direction of the quad set of dwarfs who had seemed to appear out nowhere (yeah, I’m freaking serious. They just straight up appeared),
“-they will be glad to take your bags.”
As we started to turn the other way, more dwarfs appeared for all our bags.
We were sent upstairs in an elevator. That really surprised me. How often is it that you see a school with an elevator that goes more than three stories high and isn’t just for handicapped people.
“This is the first landing. I estimate about half of you are on this floor.” Kerry said. I bit my lip nervously, I didn’t want to get put in a complete douchebags room. I know that’s mean but still!
“Room No. 213.” She said, stopping in front of a door covered with stickers of Kiss, Poison and White Snake. I scratched the palm of my hand anxiously. What if a living replica of the lead singer from Kiss just jumped out the door and licked me. I had a nightmare about that once.
“In this room: Gerard Way and Courtney Beckett.” She finished, looking up at us.
“See you soon sis.” Bilvy said, patting her on the shoulder.
A few doors down:
“217.” She said.
We all stopped again
“Andrew Hurley,-“
“It’s Andy, Miss.” Andy said hurriedly
“My mistake, young man, Andy Hurley, William Beckett and Crystal Stump.”
“I’ll come and see you soon.” Patrick said. Then he had to run to catch up with the incredibly fast old woman.
“Whoa. This is HUGE!” Andy said, giving the room a mental survey.
“How do you reckon they got all the funding for this stuff?” William asked
“Ernald Clandestine was once the richest man in the world.” Said a girl who appeared out of nowhere. Oh man! Was she another dwarf?
“Sorry for eavesdropping. I was just nervous so I went all invisible on you.” The invisible girl said. Well, she wasn’t invisible by then, in fact she was VISIBLE!
“What’s your name?” I asked. I had to get to know the roomies or I would literally die.
“I’m Natalie.” She said, smiling. She shook her hair off her face, then put a little more hair to the side. For some reason, the lighting in the room showcased her button nose.
“NATALIE!” some guy voice said in a very British accent
“Yes Guy?” she answered, smirking
“Are our room people here. It’s going to get rather lonely with just you and I here on our lonesome.”
“Yes, our roomies are here, Guy!” she called back.
“Oh. My mistake. I’ll be out of here in a jiffy. Hold on my dearest roomates!”
Natalie snickered gently.
“He’s a little. Eccentric?” she said.
All of a sudden, a rather tall young man (that old lady’s constant use of the phrase, ‘young man’, was beginning to grow on me), came out of what I figured to be the bathroom.
“Hello, I’m Guy Ripley of Eaton, England. It’s my pleasure to be meeting you here right now.”
Guy Ripley’s towel slipped a little once he laid eyes on Bilvy.
“Humina Humina Humina…”
That went on for a while.
“Aunt Maggie’s knickers drawer, you are an incredibly rambunctious young man!” Guy Ripley said in one breath.
“Um. Thank you.” Bill answered.
I decided to leave this Guy character to ogle and visually probe William. Andy joined me in finding out about the room from Natalie.
“I know he’s weird but he’s quite funny after you’ve been around him for a couple of hours.”
“Okay..” Andy said unbelievingly.
“Nah, seriously, he’s all good dude!”
We all stood silent for a while. I just started staring at the ATL poster behind her.
“Man, do you like All Time Low too?” I asked
“Well, actually, they’re my friends.” She said, blushing.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” I said. I had still only heard one song by them and I was amazed.
“The lead singers my best friend, I don’t really know the others too well to be honest.” She told us.
“So, do you get free CD’s and stuff?” I asked
“I don’t know, I guess you could ask them?”
“Oh really. Do they have twitter or anything?”
“Actually, you could try going upstairs to room 221.” She said, smiling.
“You’re serious. One of my favorite bands is one storey higher than us.
“Yeah.” She answered. Jeez, I must have been starting to scare her.
“Sorry if I’m scaring you.” I said
“No worries, there’s a lot worse where I come from.”
“So, how long have you been here?” Andy asked
“About four hours.” She answered. “Guy and I came in the same van.”
“We do have two bathrooms. Let’s keep ours cleaner than theirs?” she suggested
“Uh, I don’t know. Andy’s pretty much a clean freak.”
“Sabotage?” she said grinning.
“Definitely.”
“Uh, girls. I’m right here. Natalie, do you want to play Lips with me?”
“No thank you Andy. I’m a crap singer.” She answered
(A/N: I’m not actually saying you’re a bad singer, that would be mean. I’ve never even heard you sing in real life, ixamxnotxaxnugget!)
“Aw. I don’t reckon.”
“Nah, seriously, I don’t do karaoke.”
“I’m up for a spot of singing!” said Guy walking out of the bathroom, fully clothed in Batman pyjamas.
“Yes. A competitor!”
“I actually just wrote a song in my head. Would any of you care to hear it?”
“Yes!” we all agreed like we were on a kids show.
“Okay. Here goes. My first step into the musical industry.” He gave us all a hearty grin before he began,
“Victoria, why don’t you love me any moria
Like a partridge you do soaria.”
It kind of continued like that for a couple of minutes.
The song drew to an end and finshed with a, “Victoria.”
awkward applause
“Thank you very much, all of you!” he said, throwing his arms up into the air. I noticed he was still holding his toiletries.
“Ahh, I thought I should introduce you all to my little friend,” he said excitedly. Guy pulled a yellow rubber duck from the depths of his British Flag shaped toilet bag.
“I got him for free at the hotel that I stayed at. I think I shall name him Demitrius!”
Natalie snorted.
“Do you like that name, Demitri-us?” he asked lovingly to the inanimate yellow rubber that was a Demitrius.
Oh shit. There is going to be some very facsinating introductions to the others.
William just had a ‘very disturbed’ face on.
“I think I’m just gonna crash.” Natalie said, picking up her blanket and walking into one of the rooms.
“Goodnight.” She said, walking into the room but leaving the door open for me to come through later on.
Andy, William and I all exchanged glances about how weird every little thing was going to be now.
“Andrew-,”
“It’s Andy. Sorry Guy.”
“Are you still up for a game of Kara-oke?”
“Hells yeah.” Andy said, running to find his box for the Lips game and his X-Box 360. Like people and Nintendo DS’, Andy takes his X-Box to a lot of places.
“Should we watch or run?” William asked.
“I think we should watch.” I said, “For a laugh.” I whispered once the two boys had left the room.
We both sat on the leopard print couch and began mental countdowns to our demise. Like you do when you’re waiting for something.
I leant my head on Bilvy’s shoulder. I don’t know why but it felt right to do that.
“OH MY FUCKING GOD CRYSTAL!” Andy said storming back into the room, making me sit up straight. He ran straight for me.
“My Lips are missing!” he told me with a distinctly pissed off/homicidal/I AM NOW GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST face.
Brace Yourselves for a Wild Ride on Angry Andy Hurley Kids! ;>
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