Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Innocent Like Roller Coasters

There Will Be No Violins When You Die

by nicole_ownsxxx 8 reviews

this chapter is intense. seriously. it took me a long time to write. don't read it if you're, uh, sensitive.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Drama,Horror - Characters: Gerard Way - Warnings: [V] [R] - Published: 2009-08-21 - Updated: 2009-08-22 - 2780 words

I was strapped down a table. How I got there, I couldn’t tell you. Why I was naked, I couldn’t tell you. Where I was, I couldn’t tell you still.

It was a plain metal table, the kind they used in morgues and autopsy rooms. It was dimly lit, except for a flickering hanging bulb above the table I was on and the room smelled like dust and rotting wood.

I tried to sit up, but that was when I realized my feet and hands were bound by thick leather straps at either end of my body. “Shit,” I murmured, panic rising. I tried to shimmy my hands out of the top straps, figuring I could free my feet if I got out. However, the straps were bound tight and I had no chance getting out unless I cut off my thumbs, which, obviously, was impossible in my situation.

“Hey!” I screamed, looking about the room. There was an empty chair against the wall to my right, and to my left was a door with a giant lock on my side. So, even if I did get myself off of this table, I was still locked in. “Is anyone here?”

My voice echoed in the vast room. With nothing else to do, I stared at the naked bulb hanging from the ceiling until my eyes burned. I blinked dramatically and was temporarily blinded. While all I could see was white blotches, the lock clicked and someone stepped in the room.

“Who are you?” I asked quietly, even though I didn’t have to ask. The smell of rotting flesh, still so strong in my memory, overtook the room, making me gag. Nausea and terror didn’t mix well, and I was fighting for consciousness.

“You know me,” said the same sadistic, hoarse voice I’d heard the night before. Right as my vision returned to normal, I smelled the same putrid breath that confirmed my worst fears.

“Jacob, why am I here?”

“Lily, you’ve got to pay. You’ve got to pay for saying that to me,” he answered. I turned my head and saw him rummaging through a set of rusty, old surgical tools on a metal tray next to the table I was on.

“I didn’t do anything! What are you doing?! Let me go!”

He smiled sickly at me, his black teeth shining. A cockroach crawled out of his ear and went into his left nostril.

Again, I fought back nausea.

“What, Lily? Am I gross? Am I more disgusting than I was when I was alive? Things like that happen when you’re dead. You’ll know soon enough.” Jacob picked up a scalpel with his bloated, disgusting fingers and examined it closely. There was something flaking off that looked suspiciously like dried blood.

“This should be clean enough…” he murmured.

“Clean enough for what?” I whispered.

“Your punishment,” he declared lightly. He blew a few flakes of the blood off the scalpel, then went towards my stomach with it, his rotting eyes gleaming and his breathing heavy. I raised my head as much as I could to see what he was doing more clearly. He had the scalpel barely pressed against my skin, making it sting, but not cut. The black tar still oozed out of the cuts on his arms and onto my stomach, grotesquely warm, like fresh blood.

“Stop,” I pleaded softly. “Please, just stop…”

“You fucked Gerard, love, I can’t stop. You haven’t been punished…if anything my death rewarded you.”

I wriggled my hands again, attempting to get them out of the straps.

“It won’t work,” Jacob said, pressing the knife into my flesh. I gasped and arch my back in pain. “I remember how small your hands were. I remember, I used to hold them. Now stop squirming or this is going to hurt a lot worse. Wait, keep going. A little blood loss never hurt anyone, right?” He grinned. “Oh wait, I’m dead.”

Tears rolled down my face as I struggled to sit still, but it was nearly impossible. He ran the scalpel over my skin, again and again, never cutting deep enough to do damage, but deep enough to make me wish for death. From my point of view, I couldn’t see what he was doing, but it hurt like hell.

Suddenly, he stopped. I watched with blurred vision as he sat the scalpel, still bloody, down on the metal tray. For a moment, I was relieved. I closed my eyes and whispered to myself that the worst part was over. But the relief faded when I felt warm slime dripping up my torso. I opened my eyes and stared at Jacob, who was staring at my chest hungrily, and for the first time it worried me that I was naked.

He ran his fingers along my breasts, panting dirtily.

“Stop!” I said, trying to wiggle out of his grip. He only firmly grabbed my breast and squeezed.

“You’re so beautiful, Lily. Too bad this is all going to hell.” He leaned down and pressed his mouth against the middle of my chest. “Your body will bloat.” He licked the tar from between my breasts. “Your flesh will rot.” He licked my neck. He face was closer to mine than ever now and his breath make me want to vomit. “And then your eyes—your beautiful blue eyes—will begin to decay, and no one will ever see them again.”

“Please, just stop.”

“Can’t, Lily. Sorry. I’ve only just started.” He started to undress. I knew what was about to happen. As he ripped off his belt in anticipation, something amazing happened.

Someone was banging on the door. And screaming loudly. The door was too thick to make out what they were saying, but it sounded like a man. An angry man, by the sounds of it. I smiled hopefully and turned my head to stare at the door.

Jacob, in a pair of dirty, baggy jeans only, unlocked the door with a small key he had in his pocket and opened the door, and my savior, my hero, my boyfriend, ran through the door, knocking Jacob out of the way.

“Gerard!” I cried out in relief. “Save me, please, help me!” I sobbed. My worst fears had been eradicated, I was going to live, I was going to stay whole, I wasn’t going to get raped! All of this hit me at once, and it was probably the greatest sensation in the world to know that you weren’t about to die. Everything was okay, I could smell him, his sweet scent, like Irish Spring soap and coffee.

“Lily,” he said, attempting to undo the leather straps holding my hands down. “What has he done to you?” He paused and looked at my stomach for a minute. “The scar…” he murmured, staring at my belly. He read the words in his head, moving his lips to where no sound would come out. But I read his lips. And then I knew what Jacob had done.

He had carved JACOB + LILY ALWAYS in my skin. Gerard knew it would scar. He finally loosened my hands, not freeing them, but he stopped. I looked at him, and something was wrong.

He looked surprised. Still. His mouth was open slightly, in a small O, and his eyes were wide.

“Sorry…” he said softly, the spark in his eyes vanishing to emptiness, like Jacob’s were. They were the same hazel, but something had changed. It took me too long to realize that the life was gone out of them.

Then he fell on me, his face landing on my throat. I screamed loudly, not knowing that had happened, when Jacob leaned over his body, and yanked on something, then showed me the dirty scalpel, dripping with blood that wasn’t only mine. A few warm drops landed on my face, and I knew Gerard was dead. Jacob pulled his body off of me, and I could only stare at the ceiling in disbelief. Gerard, who had been alive two minutes ago, and kissing me passionately in the woods only a few hours before that, was dead. Like Jacob, only not evil enough to haunt me. I head dragging noises, and then the scrape of metal against the floor. I didn’t look; I didn’t want to know where Jacob put Gerard’s body.

“Finally,” Jacob said nonchalantly. He unbuttoned his pants and slid them to his ankles, along with his boxers, and said, “Now, to get on with things,” wildly, and grabbed me roughly and sat me, his legs on either side of me. He put his mouth to my breasts again, like he had before, only this time I didn’t move. I couldn’t. I couldn’t escape, I couldn’t fight him off, I could only lie there as he violated me in the worst ways. It was the most disheartening, horrifying, demoralizing, weakest moment of my life. That instant broke me. I no longer cared. I just wanted to die. My body had been ruined, my sanity had been tainted, my love murdered right before my eyes, and now I was about to have my virginity stolen away by the man who killed Gerard.

I stared at the ceiling for what could have been either a few minutes or a few days, as time was impossible. I was crying softly and noiselessly as Jacob thrust himself inside of me, grunting, over and over again. I should have felt pain, but I felt nothing. I had a notion that I would nothing for the rest of my life. If I was lucky, because the alternative was almost as mind shattering as not feeling anything. It wasn’t until I looked over my right that something snapped, and I felt again.

Gerard’s body, lifeless and unseeing, had been set up in the empty chair on the other side of the room, facing me, watching Jacob rape me.

That was when all the emotions came to the surface and bubbled into rage, feeding the fire growing in my heart. Every memory I had of when Jacob had ever frightened me, kissed me, spoken to me, played through my mind. I remembered telling Gerard, “What if he tries to hurt me or rape me or something? Then what? I’m too delicate to survive something like that!” and him promising to protect me. I remember my and Gerard’s first kiss, the time his breath smelled like chocolate from all the ice cream, the time he had jumped off the rock with me because I was too scared to do it alone, Gerard saying he was falling in the love with me, and his scent. I could still smell it, almost.

It all hit me at long, flashing before my eyes, and I snapped. I wanted to kill Jacob, to watch him die, for killing Gerard, for killing my innocence, for ruining my life, for dying on my porch, for making an entire town hate me, for everything. I had to get out of these leather straps to do anything, and I had to get Jacob off of me.

So thrashed wildly. I moved in every direction I could, and Jacob screamed and fell off of me, just as the leather straps gave way on either end and I was free. Naked, violated, cut, and disturbed, but free.

Jacob was on the floor, staring at me. I grabbed the scalpel, still wet with Gerard’s blood, and then sat it back down. He didn’t deserve to die by the same instrument that had killed Gerard. He wasn’t…good enough. He deserved to die with something spat out of the gates of hell, but all I had to work with was another, bigger scalpel. I grabbed it and plunged it into Jacob’s heart in one fluid motion. I breathed heavily, but he only laughed at me.

“You can’t kill me, Lily, I’m already dead!” he screamed unbearably. He grabbed the scalpel from my hand and stuck it in his skin over and over again, not even flinching. “I’m dead! You can’t kill me, no matter how much you want to!”

I screamed out in despair. Sadness brimmed over my eyes, and I cried harder than I’d ever cried in my life, wanting it all to end. And it would.

I snatched the scalpel that had killed Gerard off of the metal tray. “Then I’ll kill myself!” I screamed, and took the scalpel and drove it between my ribs, straight into my heart.

Jacob’s dead eyes widened. He hadn’t been expecting that. “NOOO!” he shrieked, trying to pull the knife out of my chest, but he only drove it deeper. “LILY!”

It was the most excruciating pain. Every time Jacob twisted the scalpel to get it out, it killed me faster. And I could only smile at his tortured expression.

Then everything began to fade, and I could barely hear Jacob’s furious cries, and I heard the sweet, familiar sound of Gerard saying my name, “Lily…Lily…” over and over again. I smelled the Irish Spring soap, and I was at peace, finally.

It was over.


Then I woke up to someone shaking me. I opened my eyes in confusion. Wasn’t I dead? Shouldn’t I be sleeping peacefully, remembering happy things about my life? Or maybe that wasn’t how death worked. Maybe I was born again, in a different life. Was I a baby again? If so, then why did I remember my life? Perhaps I forgot them as I got older. But that didn’t make sense.


That was my name. So…I wasn’t dead? Or was I in the afterlife? I opened my eyes and saw Gerard leaning over me with a pained expression on his face.

“So I’m in heaven?” I whispered in breathlessly.

A tear fell down Gerard’s face. “No, sugar, you’re in a cabin in Leatherwood. You’re not dead.”

“So, was it a dream?” I asked. It happened again, the entire dream, but quicker, through my head.

“You screamed you were going to kill yourself. You were writhing, so I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn’t, and it…”

“You’re not dead?”

“No, I’m very much alive. Lily, I’d never seen one person so distraught. And you were /sleeping/. What did you dream?”

“Another Jacob dream,” I said softly.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I looked around. We were alone, and it was three in the morning. The bedroom door was closed and the lamp beside the bed was on. “Where’s Meg?”

“She’s asleep in my bed. When you started moving around and crying, she got me. Apparently I’m the only one that can calm you down when you’re like this.” He wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair. I felt so weak and powerless, but protected as he held me.

“Oh.” I stared at the wall.

“You smiled in your sleep. Did your night terror have a happy ending?” he asked softly, rocking me back and forth in a comforting manner.

I thought about for a minute. “I don’t know if you would call it a happy ending, persay.”

He nodded and looked at me with serious eyes. The life in his eyes shone back at me. Gerard was so…vibrant. I adored him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

It occurred to me, in that instant, that I was going to marry Gerard. A boy who would sit up with me in the middle of the night and talk about my night terrors was amazing. A man that would do this, and with sincerity, was the one. And I knew that. I locked eyes with him.


I told him everything, and he cried with me, for me, and held me until the sun came up and we finally fell asleep in each other’s arms.

loooong. sorry. but it needed to be.
pretty good chapter, if i do say so myself. i think this is going to be the last night terror, unless i want more. but i think she's through with them.
so, rate and review.
i want honest opinions.

kay, thanks!
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