FicWad

The next day was hot, bright, and sunny, which would have been terrific under normal circumstances. Under normal circumstances, we would be four loud seventeen year old kids, soaking up the sun the last summer before they graduate high school, but, alas, these were not normal circumstances. In reality, I was a broken girl, recovering from night terrors caused by my stalker’s suicide, Gerard was the boyfriend of said basket case, Meg was ignoring my pain completely, and Frankie would never be normal in any circumstances. Ever.

I didn’t know why Meg refused to bring up my night terrors or depression, but it wasn’t a big deal. I mean, just because she was oblivious didn’t mean she didn’t care.

Right?

Anyway, it was hot as hell my bedroom and Gerard and I had only been asleep for three hours when we woke up again. Gerard murmured a string of curse words and stuck his head under the pillow as I rubbed my eyes and looked at my surroundings. The fan that kept my room cool had gone out sometime in the three hours I’d been asleep.

I groaned, and crawled out of bed. Gerard kicked the covers off of himself, and I noticed that he was nearly naked, except for the boxers. I wondered how I hadn’t noticed this before, then remembered why we’d stayed up all night.

Oh, right.

“Do something about this ungodly heat,” he moaned from beneath the pillow.

I mumbled, “Whatever,” and walked out of the room.

I grabbed the fan from the living room, where Ray, Frank, and Meg were sitting around watching Jerry Springer.

“Good morning, beautiful,” said Ray, laughing. My face was swollen from crying and my hair was a tangled mess of blonde and knots.

“You are the essence of beauty,” said Meg, eyeing my exhausted body up and down.

“I had another night terror last night,” I said, holding the fan in one hand and placing the other on my hip. “Now I’m going back to bed.”

“Hey, Lily!” Frank called, right before I shut the door. I heard Gerard groan again. He was about as much of a morning person as I was.

“Yeah?” I slurred sleepily.

“Ray invited us to a party tonight, maybe that’ll take your mind off things?”

“A party?” I asked. My brain wasn’t working as quickly as it would have been. “Drinking, or, like, piñatas?”

Ray laughed. “Drinking, Lily,” he replied.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gerard’s head pop up. “Jack Daniels?” he asked.

Ray thought about it for a minute. “Yeah, pretty sure.”

“Better be some Smirnoff,” said Meg lustfully and forcefully to Ray.

“We’re in,” Gerard said before sticking his head back under the pillow.

I plugged the fan into the wall next to the broken one and turned it on. The breeze sent goosebumps down my sweaty, gross body.

“Wake us up when it’s time to go,” I said. Then I slammed the door in their faces.

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Ten hours later, Gerard was shaking me awake, telling me to go take a shower. I groaned loudly and pushed his hand away.

“C’mon, sugar, you have to go first because it takes you so long to get ready.”

“No!” I said defiantly. I sounded like an eight year old, but I only wanted more sleep.

“Lily, if you don’t wake up right now, I will throw you in the shower,” Gerard bluffed.

“You wouldn’t dare,” I said. Small and petite I may be, but Gerard knew I could be vicious.

“Oh?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. “TURN ON THE SHOWER!” he screamed as he picked me up bridal style and carried out of the bedroom. Someone, I’m not sure who, turned on the shower, but was out of the house before Gerard had me out of the room.

I kicked and screamed and laughed and bit as Gerard carried me to the water. He tried to throw me in the tub, but I had a hold of his neck tightly and we both fell in, laughing. “Now I’m all wet!” he screamed.

I pushed him out of the tub. “Your fault. Now get out!” I laughed. I pushed him out of the tub, and he dripped on the floor.

He jumped back in the shower with me, both of us still fully clothed. “I’m too drippy!” he proclaimed. He was standing under the stream of lukewarm water with me.

“So you get back in the shower? You didn’t think this one out, did you, Gerard?” I teased.

“Hm. Go back into my room soaking wet, or jump back in the shower with the most beautiful girl in the world?” he mused. “No, you’re right, I’m not thinking.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine, smirking.

“I see I’ve underestimated you, Mr. Way,” I said cordially.

“So you have,” he murmured, and kissed me.

And then I saw him staring at me from a chair, blood trickling down his cheek.

I pulled out of his grasp abruptly. “You should let me shower. Everyone’s waiting, so…” I didn’t make eye contact.

He knew something was wrong, but he didn’t press it. “Sure,” he said coolly. “I’m going to put my wet clothes in the sink, and I’ll toss yours in if you throw them to me,” he offered.

“Sure,” I said.

I took off my shirt and shorts, and I handed them to him and he put them in the sink with a loud, /plop/. I then closed the shower curtain, grinning as I saw Gerard frown, and handed him my bra and panties.

“Okay,” he said. “Now I’m changing, so don’t look!” he warned.

He rummaged through the closet for a towel when he was done, and when he walked out, I heard cheers and hollers from the living room. Of course they’d think we’d had sex, he’d walked out naked and soaking wet.

We hadn’t. I never had. I wasn’t sure about Gerard, but I had heard rumors about Melissa, so it would be safe to assume that he wasn’t a virgin. Which made me self conscious when it came to sex. Was he expecting it from me? Would I be decent at it? What would happen when the time came? Normally, I tried not to think about it, but as I shampooed my hair, I couldn’t get it out of my head. He’d been so quick to get naked in front of me. Well, not in front of me, but in the same room. Should I have let him see me undress?

Perhaps. Oh well, time for conditioner.

I finished showering, wrapped myself in a towel, and went into my bedroom and got dressed. I put mousse in my hair, scrunched it up a bit, and let it air dry as I found some clothes. I put on a lacy fire engine red push up bra, matching underwear, ripped, holey jeans and a pin striped black tank top. I found my Chucks, and put on mascara and lip gloss.

I emerged from my room, in all my fabulousness, and announced, “Okay, we can leave now.”

They cheered. Apparently I’d taken longer than I thought. Oh well. We all walked out of the cabin and followed Ray down the road, to a larger, fancier cabin with booming music and people standing in the windows, laughing. Ray’s friend ran out and they chest bumped. The friend looked at me, and said, “Hey, there, beautiful. You’re just as pretty as Ray said you were, Meg,” as he snaked a hand around my waist.

Gerard stood in between us and said, “This one’s mine,” protectively. “That’s Meg.” He pointed to her.

“She’s hot too!” the guy said. Meg giggled. “Inside we go!”

“There’d better be some tequila in there,” Meg said. “That’s my drink of choice.”

The prospect of free alcohol was the only thing that even got me out of the cabin today. From yesterday’s freaky tree incident and last night’s nightmare, I hadn’t planned on going anywhere. I had wanted to stay in bed and sleep and not do anything, not see anyone. But, Ray had promised alcohol, so here I was.

I walked inside, and a large, beefy guy immediately thrust a plastic cup in my hand, screaming, “DRINK!” So I did.

I mingled with the guests, and after a while I realized I didn’t know where Gerard was. I walked around looking for him, and Ray’s friend, who’s name was Luke, told me he saw “the guy who with the hot girlfriend” in the kitchen with the other guy we’d shown up with. I heard them talking when I entered the kitchen, and stopped just before the doorway and listened.

“—dreams every night. They’re creeping her out, and I’m in everyone of them.”

“Dude, that’s not normal. Think she should like, see a shrink or something?”

“No,” snapped Gerard. “She’s not crazy. She’s just…damaged. She found his /body/. On her front porch. It was the night after I kissed her first, too. Like, that memory is tainted now. Every time I think of that kiss, I immediately think of the next time I saw her: Sleeping in Meg’s bed, crying in her sleep and murmuring apologies.”

“Maybe you should see a shrink.”

“Maybe,” he replied, defeated. “Not her, though. She’s not crazy.”

“Lily’s good,” said Frankie quietly. I’d never heard him be serious before. Excluding the weeks after Jacob’s suicide, anyway.

“She’s amazing. She’s held up surprisingly well. I’m less okay than she is, and she’s the one having the night terrors and getting blamed for everything. It’s just…I worry about her so much. And I can’t even talk to her about it, because then she’ll worry about me.”

I took a big gulp of the drink in my hand. I was the reason he was unhappy? He was more upset than me? I found that hard to believe, but it was possible.

“What’re you going to do?”

“Nothing, I guess. I think I love her. What else can I do? I worry about her because I love her. I don’t know if she’s ever going to get better.”

“I dunno, man. She’s going through some pretty tough shit.”

“Yeah. You don’t even know. Those dreams…At least there’s alcohol tonight. Maybe I can forget Jacob, at least for tonight. And it’ll be just me and Lily.”

I walked into the room, where Gerard immediately smiled. But I saw what was on his face before. Doubt, insecurity, sadness. And I’d caused it. I gulped down the rest of my drink, and mixed another. Hawaiian Punch and vodka, heavy on the vodka. I drank until everything started to spin. Gerard took my drink away and laughed. “Easy there, tiger,” he said, taking a swig himself.

“Let’s play beer pong!” I cried, dragging him over to the table with me. We called next game, us versus a tall college kid and Meg. Meg was good at beer pong, I knew.

Apparently, me and Gerard are really bad at beer pong. We play other various drinking games, all of which I lost, only slightly on purpose. By the end of the night, I was slurring my speech together and falling all over the place, Gerard too.

“Lily, I like, love you, man,” he said loudly.

“I know you do!” I said back just as loudly, but falling over a chair.

“No, I am like, seriously in love with you. You don’t even know…”

“I love you, too, sugar,” I said, trying to kiss his forehead, but pressing my face against his hair instead.

The music was loud, and there were twice as many people as there had been when we had arrived. Gerard and I were sitting on a couch next to a couple who were making out, and Gerard was holding my hand and we were drinking from a nearly empty bottle of vodka that had been full when we got it.

He kissed me, intensely and sloppily, on the couch. I kissed him back. He got up, and took my hand, and we walked out the door and went back to the cabin together. We didn’t even make it inside before he started kissing me again. I was drunk, and I knew that, but I wasn’t sober enough to care. I pushed him against his truck and started unbuttoning his shirt. He responded by enthusiastically grabbing my ass and pulling me closer to him.

“I want you,” he whispered.

“I want you too,” I replied, then cutting off his reply with a sloppy, drunken, passionate kiss.

He stopped kissing me for a minute, and looked me dead in the eye. “Do you…want to?” he asked, eyes half closed.

I thought about it, but I was drunk, so my thoughts all pointed to YES, OH MY GOD, YES. “Yeah, I do,” I answered. He smiled and tried to pull me into the cabin, his mouth still connected to mine. The door was locked, and I remembered now that Meg had the key. Gerard cursed, then half ran, half stumbled over to his truck and crawled in the back, producing the pack of Frankie’s condoms that Meg had thrown the day we came down and a blanket.

He grabbed my hand and we went drunkenly down the stairs that Ray had calmed me down on after the first nightmare, and around the back of the cabin where I had never been. There was a place behind the cabin where he set the blanket down, and then pulled me on top of him.

“No one can see us here,” he said.

“Good,” I whispered, and kissed him again.

I started unbuttoning his shirt again, and then slid it off his shoulders. He then took off his under shirt and my shirt and kissed me again, kissing down my neck, down my chest, to my stomach, and then flipped me on my back and took off my jeans and shoes and socks. I vaguely wished I’d worn shorts, but then all my thoughts were back on Gerard.

He threw my jeans over by his shirt, and looked at me. I was glad I’d worn my sexy underwear and actually shaved my legs for once.

“God, you look good in red,” he said, before kissing me again. He took off his pants and shoes and socks, too, and threw them onto the growing pile.

“You look good in…nothing,” I told, him, rubbing his chest. His lips crashed onto mine again.

“I love you, Lily. So much. Before we do anything, I want you to know that.”

“I love you, too, Gerard. I do. And I want this…but it’s my first time…so…”

He smiled. “Mine too,” he admitted. I knew he was drunk. I was drunk. I shouldn’t be in this situation. But I wanted it, so bad. I wanted to know every inch of him. I wanted Gerard Way in the worst ways.

I cheered gallantly inside my head at his virginity. I should have just kissed him some more, gotten my clothes back on, and went back the party, but instead, I sat up and took off my bra, and kissed him some more. His hands snaked down my sides, and found the top of my panties.

He threw them and his boxers into the piles of clothes, and three seconds later, an empty condom wrapper joined the pile.

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Hooray for finally updating!
senior year is crazy. Awesome, but crazy.
Ugh. Anyway, rate and review, and I’ll try to update soon. Sooner than last time, anyway.
:D go forth and review!