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Lying in bed later that night, I kept playing everything over and over in my head. I was going off the assumption that the more times I 'heard' it, the easier it would be to bear everything.
So far it wasn't working.

After such an emotionally straining day I really want nothing more than to crash for about twelve blissfully uninterrupted hours.
Not likely to happen, but I can dream right?
I've had so little sleep lately I'm actually willing to break my number one rule and make myself think about Brendon.
Any time I allow myself to think of all the good times instead of the bad, I find myself falling into an easy sleep. Of course it's a sleep filled with a constant stream of memories from the past; but at this point I'm willing to deal with a day of feeling sorry for myself if it means sleep tonight.

So with my decision made, I open that part of my mind that I've been trying so hard to keep locked and let the memories take hold. Within minutes I'm falling into a deep, blissful sleep with the gorgeous images of Brendon passing before my eyes.
_______________

Halloween. All Hallows Eve. For children it's a night of walking door to door repeating the same line over and over. For adults it's a night to let loose for a change, to forget all the day to day stress. But for those of us who are in between...it's a night full of endless possibilities, a night we can do and become anything we want. A night of mischievous fun...If you haven't guessed by now Halloween happens to be my favorite day of the entire year.


"Ryan! Seriously. Why couldn't you call Brendon and get him to bring your damn hoodie to the restaurant with him?"
I am in no mood for this 'small' detour that is going to make us late.
Normally it's not a big deal, I can live with being late to yet another group dinner. But tonight is a special group dinner.
It's Halloween.
But not just that...It's my birthday. My eighteenth birthday.
And I'm really, really pissed that Ryan has apparently forgotten that detail.

"Seriously Kae. You know he wouldn't be able to find it, even though it's in plain sight. The boy is hopeless when it comes to things like this."

You might be wondering why I'm with my best friend instead of my boy friend on this most awesomely important day. Rest easy, I will tell you why. Brendon's parents decided tonight was the perfect night for them to have their monthly date night. Which left Brendon to take his little sister trick or treating. I personally think it's quite adorable, because she demanded he dress up to match her. Of course with her being five she is obsessed with princesses...which means that Brendon is Prince Charming tonight. I happen to think he is prince charming everyday...

But anyways, we were all supposed to meet up at my favorite restaurant, go to a movie, anything I wanted to do. And absolutely no 'band business.' Everything had been great until now.
Ryan just can't stand to let an entire day go by without some part of it revolving around him. Which brings us back to being at Brendon's house to get Ryan's precious little hoodie.

In a rather whiny voice I continue my complaining. "But Ry! It's my birthday! Couldn't you have gotten it earlier, or waited 'til tomorrow?"
Mimicking my tone Ryan responds "But Kae! It's my favorite hoodie. Wouldn't you do the same thing if it was your favorite hoodie?"
Ok he had me there. But still, it's my birthday!
With a pout firmly in place, I cross my arms over my chest and wait for someone to open the front door.

"Aw. Stop pouting. We have plenty of time Sunshine."

"So unfair. You know I can't stay mad when you guys call me that!"

With a small laugh Ryan replies "Yeah, basically. It's our secret weapon."

"Well, it's not so secret anymore..."


After several more, rather impatient, attempts of getting someone to answer the door Ryan finally decided to take matters into his own hands. Slowly turning the handle he found that the door was unlocked. Looking back at me with a mischievous grin and a whispered "I'm going in!" Ryan disappeared inside the house.
"Just great" I mumbled to myself. Not only is this night not going as planned, my best friend has just broken into my boyfriend's house...Well not really. But seriously, I'm in no mood for this!

It took several moments for my annoyance to fade enough to realize it's kind of ridiculous for me to be waiting out here by myself. Brendon is home, he just didn't answer the door. Which is strange since he should have actually been at the restaurant by now...wondering why Ryan and I hadn't shown up yet.
Huh?...Well I won't be getting any answers standing out here all by myself.

As soon as I stepped through the door, I knew something was up. Every light in the house was off and there were no signs that anyone was there.

Slowly making my way upstairs towards Brendon's room, I was about to call out for one of the guys when a loud noise coming from the backyard caught my attention. Heading back down towards the living room I noticed for the first time that the large double doors leading out back where wide open.
Ok...something really creepy is going on.
I mean come on, how many slasher films do you have to see to know that this scenario can only lead to horrible, horrible things. But I have to try and think positive, or just find Brendon and Ryan so I can prove to myself that I'm just overreacting.

"...Brendon? Ryan?...Where are you?"
Seriously could I sound any more scared and pathetic? Just as I was about to turn away from the open doors, I caught a glimpse of what looked like someone running across the yard a few feet from the house.
Oh no...I'm too young to die!
This can't be happening. These things just don't happen outside of movies. Frantically searching the room for some kind of protection, I arm myself with a fire poker before cautiously making my way over to the light switch for the outside lights. Which of course just have to be located right next to the doors.

Taking several deep breaths to calm myself, which accomplishes nothing, I finally flip the lights on.

And what I find outside is the farthest thing from what I had imagined.
All at once a loud chorus of "Surprise!" is being shouted from at least a hundred costumed people standing around the amazingly decorated yard. Black and green everywhere. Streamers and balloons. Witches and skeletons, pumpkins...every Halloween decoration you can possibly imagine.
There were tables filled with food and drinks; one dedicated entirely to a three tiered black and green master piece...too beautiful to merely be called a cake. Looking further, I caught a glimpse of a striped tent at the back of the yard serving as a haunted house.

I'm in shock.

I'm in shock and still clutching the fire poker like it's a life preserver.

And all these people are just staring at me.

To think I had been afraid of a crazed murderer being out here.
Ha! That's nothing compared to having all these people staring at me.

It feels like I have been standing here for hours but time has caught back up with me. Only a few seconds have passed and just as I thought I could handle speaking, music starts pounding out of the speakers placed all over the yard. The song sounds vaguely familiar but I can't place it.
Then Brendon's voice breaks through the drums and guitar, drawing my attention to the small stage set up under the huge tree in the middle of the yard. When I first took everything in I only noticed the lights that set the tree apart from the otherwise shadowed surroundings. Brendon was standing at the front of the stage completely alone; Ryan and Jon standing back by Spencer's drums.

All I could do was laugh.

He was singing 'my' song...You are my Sunshine.
Of course it was a very pop/punk/dance version that I later learned he arranged all on his own.
It is the single most amazing song I have ever heard. And my boyfriend did it all for me.
When the song ended everyone went crazy clapping and screaming for more. But Brendon jumped off the stage and made his way through the crowd to where I was standing, still holding the fire poker.
Reaching me, he took in my still awed expression and sad excuse of weapon before laughing and throwing said weapon back inside.

"Surprised?" he asked with a grin.

"Uh...surprised doesn't even cover it. I don't know what to say right now."

"Well, you can start with telling me what an awesome boyfriend I am for planning this. Then you could add something about how much you love the song..." He trailed off giving me his signature, breathtaking smile waiting for me to respond.

"Ok, ok. You are an amazing boyfriend for throwing me the best surprise party ever. And I absolutely loved the song. It was just...amazing. But most of all...I love you." I finished with a huge smile.

Brendon closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them again I could see so much love in his eyes it actually caught me off guard.

"I love you too, Sunshine" he whispered before pulling me into his arms and kissing me. It was a kiss filled with all the love I saw in his eyes, a kiss that quickly turned rather heated. The type of kiss you completely loose yourself to. And that's exactly what was happening, I was loosing myself in all the things Brendon was making me feel.
That is, until approximately one hundred teenagers started clapping and cheering all at once. Some choosing to shout rather crude remarks that I tried to ignore.
Brendon and I pulled away from each other, both a bright shade of red and both grinning from ear to ear.

Ryan stepped forward through the crowd holding a large, black, plush velvet pillow in his hands. Sitting on that pillow was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. It was a matte silver crown with black and green crystals all over it. That doesn't even begin to describe how beautiful it is...It's just one of those things that is truly indescribable.
Ryan made a big production of kneeling down in front of me. But before I could reach for it Brendon stepped forward and took the crown from it's perch on the pillow.
Turning back to face me, he placed it gently on my head.
"There. Now you are officially the queen of the party. My beautiful little Emo Queen."

And with that he put his arm around my waist and led me down into the middle of all the people, who by the way are still staring at me.

"All right" Brendon yelled, "Let's get this party started!"

Music instantly began playing and everyone started dancing, cheering, and just going crazy in true teenage fashion. For the next few hours I went from dancing with Brendon, to talking with various groups of people (few of whom I actually know), screaming my head off while running through the haunted house...tent. Basically having the most unforgettable night of my life. At some point Brendon grudgingly left my side to go back on stage so the guys could play a few songs.
After playing through about half of their songs, Ryan called for everyone's attention.

"All right, so everyone knows that this is a special night for our little Kae. Tonight she turns 18!"
Everyone started clapping and cheering...again. When the noise subsided. Ryan continued "Now it's time for the one birthday ritually we've all been waiting for. The cake!" More cheering. "Kadence, get up here."

Everyone turned to watch me as I very hesitantly made my way to the stage. I looked over to Brendon for reassurance that this wasn't going to be completely embarrassing.
But he was gone.
Finally stepping up on the stage I could only hope that whatever was about to happen would be quick and painless.
And for the most part it was. Nothing more than the typical singing of Happy Birthday. When the last words were sung, Brendon stepped through the crowd and back onto the stage...carrying a cherry turnover with a single candle placed in the middle.

"I figured it might be a bad idea for me to try and carry your cake up here, so I hope this is ok."

Laughing, I said "It's perfect" before blowing out the candle.
There's no need to make a wish, since everything I could ever ask for is right in front of me.
I tried to head towards the table with my real cake but I was held back by Brendon. Everyone else was already heading that way; Jon, Spencer, and Ryan already on one side cutting slices and handing them out.

"What's up Bren? I want some cake. Let's go."
I've been so caught up with all the craziness of the party that I haven't stopped to eat anything yet, and I'm definitely hungry now.

"Ryan is setting the whole top layer aside for you, so don't worry. I just need a few minutes. So, come with me."

Without another word, or waiting for me to agree to go with him, Brendon pulled me back towards the house. A few minutes later we were sitting on the roof in our usually place right outside his bedroom window.

"So what's going on? Why did you bring me up here?"
Brendon turned to face me, taking my hands in his. Keeping his eyes on our hands, he took a deep breath before speaking.
"Well I wanted to give you your birthday present. And it's not really something I wanted to do in front of everyone."

He let go of my hands and reached toward the window sill. Sitting there, in the corner was a small box, wrapped in green paper with a black ribbon. I think he might be going a little far with using my favorite colors for everything...well, not really. Placing the box in my hands, he waiting anxiously for me to open it.

But all I could do was stare. This entire night has been more than I could have ever asked for, and now he is giving a present. A present in a very small box. A box that could really only hold a few possible items. Most often a rather expensive item.

"Well are you going to open it?" Brendon asked with a grin.

"Brendon, I can't..."

"No, don't. Just open it Kadence."

"Ugh, fine." With a heavy sigh I slowly pulled off the ribbon and neatly pulled back the paper.

"Oh come on Kae, just open it already." Brendon's tone was mostly amused with a small hint of impatience.

Finally, the box was open and in my hand I now held a slightly smaller black velvet box. Just as I had expected. Taking a deep breath, I pushed back the lid and revealed a gorgeous ring with a gleaming, bright green gem set in the middle and two smaller diamonds on each side placed beautifully on a delicate silver band.

My first thought was that there is no way I could except something so beautiful...or expensive. And my second thought? Well my second thought was that this ring looks a little like an engagement ring.

"Brendon, this is...this is gorgeous, but-"

"No 'buts'" he cut in. Taking the ring from the box, he slides the ring on my tight ring finger. Relief flooded through me. Don't get me wrong, I love the boy and all but I am way too young to be thinking about marriage.
So with that out of the way, I can focus on my other concern.

"Brendon please, just listen to me. I can't except this. It's too much. The party alone is more that I could have ever asked for. But this too? I can't..."
All of this was said with me staring down at my lap.

For a tense moment all that was heard were the sound of music and laughter from the party below. And then Brendon's laughter joined in, bringing my gaze back to him.

"What? What's so funny?"
Seriously, I don't get him sometimes.

"Did you really think I did all this by myself, Kae? I'm eighteen. Where could I have the money for all of this?"

"But you said you did all of this."

"I thought of it, yes. But I had a lot of help with all the details...and the bill!"
Catching sight of my confused expression Brendon laughed even harder than before.

"This isn't funny" I grumbled.
But he continued on as if I hadn't said a word.
"See, I had to get a lot of people involved to make all of this happen. So this whole party is actually like a big, joint present. You know...from me and the guys. But mostly from your parents."

"Really?" Normally my parents just give me a card and take me out to eat...

"Yeah, they didn't want me to say anything, so you better act surprised when they tell you tomorrow."

"I will do my best. I don't think I can pull off anything like how surprised I was earlier but I will try."

We both started laughing knowing there is no way I can be convincing. I'm horrible at faking emotions. After our laughter died down, we just sat in silence watching the party down below us.

"So..." Brendon said, breaking the silence. "You're going to keep it, right?"

"Keep what?"

"The ring...do you still think it's too much? Even though I spent hours searching for the perfect one, and I had to, like, sell a kidney on the black market to pay for it."

"You did not!"

"No I didn't...but still, will you please keep it Kadence?"

Looking up into his pleading eyes there was no way I could refuse.

"I'll keep it forever."
______________________
AN

So I know it's been forever since I updated, and I'm very sorry to all of you who have been following my story.
It took a ridiculously long time for me to get over my whole writer's block thing.
But lucky I got a lot written and now I have a few more chapters already done to post after this one.

And as usual...comments please!

K.