Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I'm Just A Ghost, Haunting My Own Life

Chapter 7

by areyounormal 7 reviews

Patrick learns he's not such a bad friend... and neither is Pete

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: G - Genres: Angst,Drama - Published: 2009-09-14 - Updated: 2009-09-14 - 1576 words - Complete

When I opened my eyes this time I was standing, leaning on a rail overlooking the river. It made me smile, it always did. I loved my hometown and the river that flowed though it. I feel comfortable being at home. But it seemed particularly poignant, now I’d learned that Pete was never happy being away from home and his beloved family. How could I not have seen that? How could I have been so oblivious to Pete’s happiness, or lack of it? I wanted to finish the recording and do it well, yes, we all did, but… well, I was a bad friend; that was all there was to it.

“You’re sure about that?” a familiar voice piped up to my side.
“Did you bring me here to press the point about Pete being unhappy away from his family? Because, you know, I got it.” Even I was surprised by the misery in my voice.
“No,” she replied calmly. “I thought you’d had some bad news and would like to see something familiar yourself.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I felt like such a jerk. Turning my head as I remained slumped at the railing; my face, which I’m sure was pale, wore a worried frown. “Alice, I need help.”
“Dear Patrick,” she reached up and touched my cheek. “In two night’s time, you’ll see him again.”
“Two nights? I can’t wait that long! He’s upset, I need to see him.”
She caressed my cheek once more. “You really care about him, don’t you?”
“He’s my best friend, he’s… I love him. It kills me to see him so upset, especially because I… I caused it.”
“Are you sure about that?”

I stared wide-eyed at her. Was she asking me if I really thought of Pete as a best friend? Was she saying I wasn’t upset?

“No,” she smiled. “Just that maybe you’re not entirely to blame.”
“I don’t understand.”

I was really confused now, but I couldn’t wait two days to speak to him. I know it was beyond my control and I was absolutely reliant on her granting me access to him, but I hoped, prayed that if I begged enough, she would be sympathetic.


I didn’t even remember the odd spiralling effect, or even the darkness. It was almost as if I had blinked and found myself sitting on Pete’s couch, with one knee drawn up close to my chest. I was staring up, getting dizzy watching Pete pace the room like a caged tiger.

“Come on, man!” Pete pleaded into the phone he held pressed to his ear. “I’m not asking to speak to him, just let me know if he’s there with you.”
“I told you already, Pete!”

Oddly enough, I could hear both sides of the conversation, and I knew immediately he was talking with Brendon.

“He’s not here, I haven’t seen him either.”
“Look, Bren, you don’t even have to give yourself away. If he’s there, just say ‘No Pete’. You can do that much, can’t you?”
“Look, you have to believe me! You guys are both my friends and I’m not lying to you, Pete. Do you think I could pretend he wasn’t here if he were, with you in that state? I know you’re worried, I’m worried too! I wish he were here, Pete, I really do.”

Pete sighed heavily as he crossed another name off a very long list. Brendon was the fourteenth person he’d called that morning.

“You… you’ll let me know if you hear anything?”
“Of course, I will.” Brendon paused. “Pete?”
“What?” he asked; his voice almost incoherent.
“Have you slept?”
“A couple of days ago,” Pete grumbled. “Joe slipped me something. I wasn’t happy about it.”
“You need to sleep, man. You’re gonna kill yourself.”
“Yeah, probably. Gotta go, Bren, I got a dozen or so more people to call.”
“Pete! Rest! Please!”

It was unlikely that Pete heard Brendon’s last plea; he was already moving his thumb to the disconnect button and eyeing the next number on the list.

About to dial, Pete turned his head sharply as the doorbell rang. Racing to answer the door, he sighed audibly, his face fell and his shoulders sagged as Andy stood in the doorway.

“Great to see you too,” Andy grumbled, as Pete ushered him in.
“Sorry, man, I don’t know why, but I kinda got the feeling it might be Patrick,” Pete explained his reaction.
“Hey, it’s okay, I guess we’re all a bit touchy.”

Glancing down at the paper on the table, Andy nodded almost happily.

“You’re assuming he’s in hiding then?” he asked.
“I don’t know what I think,” Pete flopped down onto the couch next to me. “I want to believe he’s okay, that he’s just staying with a friend and keeping a low profile, but I haven’t found him in nearly five days and I’m running out of options.”

Pete frowned and narrowed his eyes at the unusually subdued drummer.

“Do you know something?”

Andy looked down and chewed his lip, feeling awkward to have been caught out so quickly.

“Bob’s been contacted,” Andy began.
“By Trick?” Pete asked hopefully.
“No,” Andy shook his head. “By someone claiming to have him.”
“It’s a hoax!” I yelled. “I’m right here, well, I’m not, but… unless you count Alice? I’m pretty sure she hasn’t… well, I think. I’m right here!”
“He’s been kidnapped?” Pete’s jaw dropped. “No, that’s not possible. How could anyone possibly know where he’d be at the precise moment he disappeared?”
“That’s what the police think too,” Andy nodded. “They’re… cautiously treating it as a hoax. Apparently, this isn’t the first call they’ve had.”
“We’re never gonna find him if these losers keep wasting our time!” Pete kicked at the coffee table in front of the couch sending a bunch of magazines sliding to the floor. “This is all my fault!”
“Hey!” Andy cried, somehow comfortingly. “How is this your fault?”
“Well, it sure as hell isn’t Trick’s!” Pete snapped back. “I was in a foul mood when he came over. I’d just got off the phone with Ash.”
“You had a row?” Andy asked sympathetically.
“No,” Pete allowed himself a small, sad chuckle. “Just the opposite. I was missing her more than ever, she was telling me about what Bronx was up to and all the new words he’d learned and… I wasn’t there to share it with her. It really killed me, you know?”
“You tried to hide it from Patrick again?” Andy asked, beginning to form a picture in his mind of what had happened. “I told you all along you should have just been honest with him.”
“Yeah, I know, but I was doing okay. He didn’t seem to realise; you know he’s not the only one with a talent for acting.” Pete offered a faint smile. “I mean, I felt guilty, because if he knew how much I’ve kept from him, he’d kill me. But he was enjoying making these recordings so much, I didn’t want to do anything that would distract him. Some of the ideas he came up with! I mean, man! The guy’s a genius! How could I bother him with my homesick moodiness?”
“You didn’t have to. Joe and I are always here too,” Andy smiled.
“I know, and you guys have been great! But I still felt like I’d been lying to him. Then when he came round that night I wanted so much to just have fun, but I was moody and distant from the start. It was so out of the blue for him, he had no idea was eating me and it blew up from there. My timing couldn’t have been worse!”
Andy nodded. “Right in the middle of PPP.”
“Yeah,” Pete agreed miserably.
“What the hell is PPP!” I yelled, even though I knew neither of them would hear me.

There was a slight chill behind me and, on turning, I could see Alice smiling at me.

“You see? It’s all a matter of perception. You felt bad for not seeing how he felt, but he hid it from you then you got the backlash anyway.”

I rose from the couch and turned to face her fully.

“He’s only human,” I shook my head. “He tried to hide his stress from me. Yeah, I’m angry with him, but I understand why he did, and it’s just like him to do something like that.”
“You’re very forgiving, Patrick. Perhaps you should give that some more thought?”
“I have to forgive someone else?” I frowned. “For what?”
“Come on, it’s time to go.”
“What? No! I can’t leave him like this! Please, can’t I help him?”
“Maybe? Soon,” she smiled. “But for now, it’s time to go.”

The room was already fading, darkening and swirling. I had no choice or say in the matter. But now I had to figure out who else I had to forgive. Who else had I upset?
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