Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > A Heart On The Mend

15. Maybe tomorrow

by Firith 0 reviews

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres:  - Published: 2009-09-16 - Updated: 2009-09-16 - 1351 words - Complete

Ryan’s eyes were tattooed in Faith’s mind even a week later. The way he looked at her when he knew she was seeing Mikey again. It might have lasted barely a second, but it was so full of rage, disappointment and surprise that it wasn’t easy to forget. It felt even worse than the kiss he stole from her only minutes before. Ryan’s attitude towards her had worsened since, reducing their contact to a cold stare and an overwhelming silence whenever they were together.

And since Faith wasn’t in the mood to give explanations to anyone, she found solace in the only person who could understand her will to maintain silence. Mikey. He knew and understood her better than anyone else. After years of keeping each other’s secrets and having found themselves in situations they wouldn’t imagine sharing with someone else, they had reached a wordless complicity that made them say exactly what the other needed to hear at the exact moment.

Despite their record, Mikey was the only person Faith knew she could trust in.

“Faith?” Mikey asked, waving his hand in front of her eyes.

“What?” Faith said, focusing on him. Mikey chuckled.

“Clearly I’m talking to myself here.”

“I’m sorry, Mikes.” She said with a shake of her head. Mikey looked at her with that knowing smile that made Faith feel naked, but he didn’t say anything. “So, how are the twins doing?”

“Fine. Growing…” Mikey took a sip of his coffee.

“How old are they already?” Faith asked, playing with the spoon of her ice cream and looked around at the small shop they were in.

“6 months.” Mikey said with a sigh. “Alicia is fine, but if they keep growing at this rate, Spencer said he might have to take them out early.”

Faith nodded. “Do you know the gender?”

“Yes. Two boys.” Mikey said with a tiny smile. Faith smiled as well, she knew how much Mikey liked kids and how ecstatic he was with having two at the same time. “And how are you doing?”

“I’m… fine, I guess.” Faith sighed, looking down at her melting ice cream.

“You’re not.” Mikey stated. “No matter how much you try to hide it…” Faith rolled her eyes at him.

“Why do you even ask? You always say the same thing.”

“And if you know I know you’re lying, then why do you even bother?” He said rather amused. This was on old game between them. Faith shrugged.

“Maybe cause I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You never do. But maybe you [i]need[/i] to talk about it. Otherwise, why are we here?” Mikey crossed his hands on the table and looked at Faith.

“It feels like crap, Mikey. What do you want me to say? I haven’t been sleeping- my fucking migraines are back.” She said with a dry chuckle. “I hadn’t had a migraine since--”

“I know.” He quickly said, not wanting to recall that particular episode that had both of them at the brink of a breakdown.

“I feel so useless. Like I’m still carrying that- emptiness.” Faith shuddered.

“I thought you didn’t wanna get pregnant.”

“I thought that too. When I knew I was I freaked out, but when I found out I wasn’t, I wished I was.” Faith smiled a little despite of herself. “That sounds so ridiculous…”

“Not at all.” Mikey said stroking the back of her hand.

“The thing is, I’m 32 and my biological clock is ticking out. That’s the part of me that wanted the baby and that’s the part that still can’t get over it.”

“And what about Ryan?” Mikey said staring intently. Faith bit her lip.

“What about him?” She said evasively.

“You miss him, Faith.” He stated.

“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head, playing with her spoon again.

Mikey decided not to push and she was grateful for it. Truth was, it did matter, but admitting it wouldn’t take her anywhere and it certainly wouldn’t help, so what was the point?

Faith’s phone interrupted the awkward silence. It was Aiyana.


“Where are you? I’m standing right outside your building and my finger is going numb.”

“Geez!” Faith said with a chuckle. “I’m not at home right now.” She said looking at Mikey as he finished his coffee and mouthed that he’d drop her by.

“Then get--” Aiyana stopped. “You’re with Michael, aren’t you?”

“Look, just stay there. I’m coming…” Said that, Faith ended the call.

“She knows you’re with me, right?” Mikey said with a smirk. Faith blinked a couple of times, not even wondering how he managed to read her so easily.

“Just- let’s go.”


“Why are you seeing that asshole again?” Aiyana asked, trudging behind Faith as they entered her apartment.

“I’m not seeing him!” Faith said, dropping her things on the couch.

“You obviously are. You were with him tonight.” Aiyana followed Faith into the kitchen.

“Yana, it was only a coffee…” Faith said raising an eyebrow. “It’s not like it was a date.”

“Coffee is where it starts, Faith. First you’re sucking espresso, and then his- You KNOW what he’s like.”

Faith couldn't help but laughing out loud. “Oh my God!” Then she rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know what he’s like… You don’t have to tell ME. I just- needed to go out.”

“Well then you should’ve called me. Ugh, just stay away from him. He’s manipulative and you’re vulnerable. You don’t need that right now.” Yana said crossed her arms. Faith gave her a look and proceeded to pull out the mixer.

“You ask too many questions, Yana. He doesn’t.”

“Because he doesn’t CARE.” Aiyana said with a grumble. Faith just looked down and sighed.

“Whether you believe it or not, he does.” Faith said plainly. “You’d be surprised…”

Aiyana rolled her eyes with a sigh. “Keep defending him, Faith.”

Faith hit the table with the glass she was holding and looked at Aiyana. “So what? Are you gonna spend the rest of the night lecturing me about him?”

“Do what you want. You’re gonna do it anyway. Whatever, I’m done. Is that what you want? I’m done.” Aiyana leaned back on the counter. Faith took a deep breath and rubbed her face.

“Look, I… I really don’t wanna start a fight over something as stupid as this, okay? Why does it bother you this much anyways?” She said reaching for the fridge and getting an ice bag and lemons.

“He treated you like shit and you’re turning to him because you and Ryan are both being stupid about this situation. But I told you. I’m done.” Aiyana said, automatically cutting the lemons in half.

“Okay…” Faith shook her head softly. “Let’s talk about something else then. How’s Brendon doing? Still fucking half of the ped nurses?”

“That’s a really low blow, Faith.” Aiyana pointed at her with the knife. “This is not about me. We are not committed to each other and not in love.”

“Neither were Ryan and me.” Faith stated.

“But you are in love. He LOVES you and you can have more if you wanted. I don’t have a choice. THAT’S the difference.” Aiyana gave an annoyed huff and poured lemon juice inside the mixer.

“If I wanted to? And how exactly could I do that? Lying to him?” Faith said adding the ice and half a bottle of tequila.

“How about telling the truth?”

“I told him the truth, Yana. He wants me to apologize and I’m not sorry for not telling him...”

“Then you both deserve to be unhappy. Honestly. Get over your pride or stop moping and feeling sorry for yourselves. You’re the only ones who can change the situation.”

The conversation ended with the loud screech of the mixer.
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