- You might have a good story here, but you need to work on verbiage. You're very repetitive with some words and phrases, and you change verb tense in the middle of a sentence. I also feel there are words missing and/or words that shouldn't be there. I suggest that before you post another chapter, you work on cleaning up the errors. If you don't have a beta (someone who can and will point out your mistakes), get one.
One other thing. Since the popular girls don't talk to Jamie, except to pick on her, why would Jane answer her questions? It seems to me she'd just say something nasty to her and walk away.
Author's responseWell that's probably what Jamie should do but her best friend just got killed and maybe her mind frame isn't in gear to be mean to other people.
Sadly...this story will most likely not ever be updated because I lost interest in this story a long time ago.
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