Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > The Unexpected Desires of the Heart
I don’t care about my guilty pleasure for you…
I know what it means in the song but what does Pete mean?
Does he mean that he doesn’t care about his feelings for me anymore?
Or that he doesn’t care that his feelings for me, bother me?
Or it could even mean-
“Patrick!” Joe yells.
I jump “what?”
“You weren’t breathing. You were just staring off into space. You nearly gave me a heart attack!”
“Sorry I just… lost in thoughts…”
He nods “Well next time, try to breathe?”
I nod and lay my head on his shoulder. I haven’t told him what Pete said, not knowing how he’d react or to find out that I’m just over-reacting. I bite my lip and decide to distract my mind away from slipping back into such thoughts. I go to the kitchen to make a salad. I will never fucking eat pizza again. I mean, it’s ok every once and a while but every damn day? How is Joe not fat? Stupid metabolism that I lack! Joe agreed to eat more than just pizza. What he didn’t know is I’m making salad. His eyes widen.
“Are you cereal?!?” he cries.
I chuckle and cut up a tomato.
“But that’s nasty!”
“Have you ever eaten salad?”
“Yes! My mom used to make it and it was nasty.”
“Well, you’ve never tried my salad.”
“What’s the difference? It’s the same damn vegetables!”
I smile “Kinda. But I make sure that the vegetables are perfect. No brown lettuce, tomato perfectly ripe, and so on. Do you want Ranch or Italian dressing?”
“Italian dressing?”
“I use that. I hate Ranch, it’s nasty.”
He nods “I’ll just… Italian I guess.”
I smile and put the cut up tomatoes wit the lettuce in the bowl. I cut up the carrots and the rest of the salad stuff. I mix the salad so that everything is spread out. I get two bowls and put salad in each of them. I pour Italian dressing onto each of them. I put a little less on Joe’s because to be honest, I put a little much on mine. I hand Joe his bowl who grimaces.
“Just try it.”
“I don’t wanna!”
“Please? For me?”
He scowls “That’s cheating!”
I pout at him.
“Fine!” He puts a fork-full into his mouth. His eyes widen and he chews it. He swallows it and looks up at me.
“Now I know I am definitely doing the right thing marrying you!” he kisses my cheek “You made nasty good!”
I chuckle at shake my head.
It could be a threat.
Great I’m thinking about this again.
He did say he’s getting out in a few months he’s threatening me!
La La La La La! I’m not listening!
Oh my god! He’s going to try to wreck my relationship with Joe!
Shut up!
Stop telling yourself to shut up, its quite pathetic
Leave me alone
“SHUT UP!” I yell.
Andy, Mark and Joe look over at me sitting in the couch. I blush and feel my stomach drop.
“Not you guys! I’m… sorry I… I need some air.” I run out of Andy’s house. I walk around the block and sit on a bench. I sit down and lean down, holding my head with my hands. My phone rings, it’s Joe probably worried out of his wits. I answer the phone.
I talk before he can say hi.
“I’m sorry Joe I just… I don’t feel like… I just need to be alone to calm down…”
“You scared me. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” I sob.
“Hey baby it’s alright…” He coos.
“Yeah… I’ll see you in about 20 minutes…”
“Alright, love you.”
“Love you too.” I say with a weak smile.
Three weeks later:
I send the email and sigh. It does sound pathetic but I don’t know what else to do. Joe has been asking if I’m alright a lot lately. They went to visit Pete a few days ago. I said I wasn’t feeling well enough to go, but I say hi. Joe didn’t want to leave me but I told hi it was fine. So reluctantly, he went with Andy, Joe, Mark, and this time Brendon and Ryan went. I stayed at Joe’s and took three sleeping pills. I had to go to sleep. Joe had a hard time waking me up, it scared him. I told him I only took one. I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t know what else to do. He would have freaked out if I were honest. I don’t know what is happening to me.
Joe looks over at me with a weak smile. I return one just as weak. He frowns. I sigh. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my cheek. I hug him tightly. I feel warmth behind my eyes, but I hold in the tears. He pulls away and holds my hand in his.
“Patrick, I love you.”
“I love you too Joe…”
“Something is bothering you.”
I sigh, he’s questioning me again.
“I just. I love you so much. I can’t stand not being able to help you.” His eyes water.
Don’t do this to me, please!
“Patrick I want to marry you. But, what is a marriage when we can’t talk to each other?”
What??
“I’m not sure if we’re ready to get married yet.” He looks down “And I’ll wait with you until we are. I just don’t know if we can do that yet. It’s a big step. What do you think?”
What do I think? I think I just screwed up everything!
“I… I have to tell you something…”
I know what it means in the song but what does Pete mean?
Does he mean that he doesn’t care about his feelings for me anymore?
Or that he doesn’t care that his feelings for me, bother me?
Or it could even mean-
“Patrick!” Joe yells.
I jump “what?”
“You weren’t breathing. You were just staring off into space. You nearly gave me a heart attack!”
“Sorry I just… lost in thoughts…”
He nods “Well next time, try to breathe?”
I nod and lay my head on his shoulder. I haven’t told him what Pete said, not knowing how he’d react or to find out that I’m just over-reacting. I bite my lip and decide to distract my mind away from slipping back into such thoughts. I go to the kitchen to make a salad. I will never fucking eat pizza again. I mean, it’s ok every once and a while but every damn day? How is Joe not fat? Stupid metabolism that I lack! Joe agreed to eat more than just pizza. What he didn’t know is I’m making salad. His eyes widen.
“Are you cereal?!?” he cries.
I chuckle and cut up a tomato.
“But that’s nasty!”
“Have you ever eaten salad?”
“Yes! My mom used to make it and it was nasty.”
“Well, you’ve never tried my salad.”
“What’s the difference? It’s the same damn vegetables!”
I smile “Kinda. But I make sure that the vegetables are perfect. No brown lettuce, tomato perfectly ripe, and so on. Do you want Ranch or Italian dressing?”
“Italian dressing?”
“I use that. I hate Ranch, it’s nasty.”
He nods “I’ll just… Italian I guess.”
I smile and put the cut up tomatoes wit the lettuce in the bowl. I cut up the carrots and the rest of the salad stuff. I mix the salad so that everything is spread out. I get two bowls and put salad in each of them. I pour Italian dressing onto each of them. I put a little less on Joe’s because to be honest, I put a little much on mine. I hand Joe his bowl who grimaces.
“Just try it.”
“I don’t wanna!”
“Please? For me?”
He scowls “That’s cheating!”
I pout at him.
“Fine!” He puts a fork-full into his mouth. His eyes widen and he chews it. He swallows it and looks up at me.
“Now I know I am definitely doing the right thing marrying you!” he kisses my cheek “You made nasty good!”
I chuckle at shake my head.
It could be a threat.
Great I’m thinking about this again.
He did say he’s getting out in a few months he’s threatening me!
La La La La La! I’m not listening!
Oh my god! He’s going to try to wreck my relationship with Joe!
Shut up!
Stop telling yourself to shut up, its quite pathetic
Leave me alone
“SHUT UP!” I yell.
Andy, Mark and Joe look over at me sitting in the couch. I blush and feel my stomach drop.
“Not you guys! I’m… sorry I… I need some air.” I run out of Andy’s house. I walk around the block and sit on a bench. I sit down and lean down, holding my head with my hands. My phone rings, it’s Joe probably worried out of his wits. I answer the phone.
I talk before he can say hi.
“I’m sorry Joe I just… I don’t feel like… I just need to be alone to calm down…”
“You scared me. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” I sob.
“Hey baby it’s alright…” He coos.
“Yeah… I’ll see you in about 20 minutes…”
“Alright, love you.”
“Love you too.” I say with a weak smile.
Three weeks later:
Dr. Lawson,
This is Patrick Stump. Sorry if this is rude, but I’m not completely myself lately.I’ve tried to make appointments with you but it never works. What did I do to you? This Pete drama is making me crazy! I can’t stop thinking about it, trying to find out what he means. I still haven’t talked to Joe or any one about this. I’d just feel ridiculous explaining it. Everyone has a breaking point and unfortunately I’m almost there. And all of it just adds to my stress, which depresses me highly. The last few days I’ve overslept. I usually can get away from Pete in my dreams so I think I’m addicted. It’s so bad I’ll make any excuse not to be awake. But even with all the sleep I get, I’m always tired. Energy Drinks have stopped working and forget about coffee. That shit’s never worked. I don’t know who to talk to so I’m writing to you, my therapist who keeps avoid meeting up with me. What did I do to you anyways? Of course you’ll be a bit confused after reading this letter because not everything is explained well. I’m hoping it will intrigue you enough to make an appointment with me. I think I may have depression. Something just doesn’t feel right. So, if you would please, call me. Or email me. Something. I must sound so pathetic, but I don’t care. Please set an appointment.
Spiraling Disaster,
Patrick Stump
I send the email and sigh. It does sound pathetic but I don’t know what else to do. Joe has been asking if I’m alright a lot lately. They went to visit Pete a few days ago. I said I wasn’t feeling well enough to go, but I say hi. Joe didn’t want to leave me but I told hi it was fine. So reluctantly, he went with Andy, Joe, Mark, and this time Brendon and Ryan went. I stayed at Joe’s and took three sleeping pills. I had to go to sleep. Joe had a hard time waking me up, it scared him. I told him I only took one. I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t know what else to do. He would have freaked out if I were honest. I don’t know what is happening to me.
Joe looks over at me with a weak smile. I return one just as weak. He frowns. I sigh. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my cheek. I hug him tightly. I feel warmth behind my eyes, but I hold in the tears. He pulls away and holds my hand in his.
“Patrick, I love you.”
“I love you too Joe…”
“Something is bothering you.”
I sigh, he’s questioning me again.
“I just. I love you so much. I can’t stand not being able to help you.” His eyes water.
Don’t do this to me, please!
“Patrick I want to marry you. But, what is a marriage when we can’t talk to each other?”
What??
“I’m not sure if we’re ready to get married yet.” He looks down “And I’ll wait with you until we are. I just don’t know if we can do that yet. It’s a big step. What do you think?”
What do I think? I think I just screwed up everything!
“I… I have to tell you something…”
Sign up to rate and review this story