Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Multicoloured Notebook
Yeah, like AmyRevenge said, I think I should have put this in the original section! Sorta regret it now but sure. And most people don't read anything there. But it doesn't really matter. And if this seems sorta pissy I'm sorry. I'm just in a right fucking dickish mood. It's my granny and I fucking love that woman.
October 7th 2009.
16:54
Should I call this a relapse? I guess it sort of is apart from actually cutting myself. It's more like just using blunt nail scissors and scrapping them across my arms. It's a first for me, to do it on my right. I just actually crave to do it. I always, always said I wouldn't fall so low to actually crave to hurt myself. But I have.
My grandmother also isn't doing to well. My brother and I came through the door after school and she looked horrible. Gerard asked if she was okay, she said she think she may have had a mini stroke and she feels so sick. Her head is actually killing her, that's there's something wrong with it or something. She thinks it's a tumour. She's also a weird yellow colour. She is eighty but I cried. I keep on telling myself that she'll out-live us all because we all said that. She is one of the most strongest women I've ever met.
She helped my through so much without even knowing it. She basically prevernted me from being anorexic slightly. She taught me that age is just natural but you don't need to live up to that age. Dress and live however the fuck you want. No matter what age. She's eighty and dresses like a twenty year old at least. Well she used to until she got the cancer. But she's still fine. Goes to the hair dressers and gets it dyed etc. She's an amazing woman and life wouldn't be the same without her. I lived with her for 13 years.
School today also failed so much it was unreal. I fucking hate Religion. With a burning passion. I asked my R.E teacher why does it say that homosexuality is a sin in the Bible - she then went on about how God created men and women to produce and shit. I saw Bob in front of the class shaking his head and looking utterly bored and frustrated. I don't blame him. It's all a bunch of bullshit.
I don't even care anymore. About anything. I don't fucking care if I died. The only thing I worry about right now is seeing my friends and if they're alive, my brother and my grandma.
But suicide is such a cowardly thing. Well, actually, I've got two opinions on it but for now, it sucks and actually it will always fail. But still. Is it possible to have a set season for your mind to get depressed and suicidal? Really, is it? Because every freakin' Autumn I'm like this. I know I said I'd get help but I just won't. It's my own fear. And my families. I don't know how to say it. I couldn't just tell my family I self-harm. I can't and won't. It's my own fault. Fuck.
I still have no friends. Still. I mean, not one. Well what I can really call a friend. I just wanna touch Bob again. I just want to poke that fellow. I'm scared that my finger will break.
I'm gunna leave and see what I can do with myself. Let's hope for the fucking best.
17:07
Oh and I want to thank AmyRevenge and mysilentromance for reviewing like every fucking chapter. I can't believe yous haven't gave in and stopped reading it!
October 7th 2009.
16:54
Should I call this a relapse? I guess it sort of is apart from actually cutting myself. It's more like just using blunt nail scissors and scrapping them across my arms. It's a first for me, to do it on my right. I just actually crave to do it. I always, always said I wouldn't fall so low to actually crave to hurt myself. But I have.
My grandmother also isn't doing to well. My brother and I came through the door after school and she looked horrible. Gerard asked if she was okay, she said she think she may have had a mini stroke and she feels so sick. Her head is actually killing her, that's there's something wrong with it or something. She thinks it's a tumour. She's also a weird yellow colour. She is eighty but I cried. I keep on telling myself that she'll out-live us all because we all said that. She is one of the most strongest women I've ever met.
She helped my through so much without even knowing it. She basically prevernted me from being anorexic slightly. She taught me that age is just natural but you don't need to live up to that age. Dress and live however the fuck you want. No matter what age. She's eighty and dresses like a twenty year old at least. Well she used to until she got the cancer. But she's still fine. Goes to the hair dressers and gets it dyed etc. She's an amazing woman and life wouldn't be the same without her. I lived with her for 13 years.
School today also failed so much it was unreal. I fucking hate Religion. With a burning passion. I asked my R.E teacher why does it say that homosexuality is a sin in the Bible - she then went on about how God created men and women to produce and shit. I saw Bob in front of the class shaking his head and looking utterly bored and frustrated. I don't blame him. It's all a bunch of bullshit.
I don't even care anymore. About anything. I don't fucking care if I died. The only thing I worry about right now is seeing my friends and if they're alive, my brother and my grandma.
But suicide is such a cowardly thing. Well, actually, I've got two opinions on it but for now, it sucks and actually it will always fail. But still. Is it possible to have a set season for your mind to get depressed and suicidal? Really, is it? Because every freakin' Autumn I'm like this. I know I said I'd get help but I just won't. It's my own fear. And my families. I don't know how to say it. I couldn't just tell my family I self-harm. I can't and won't. It's my own fault. Fuck.
I still have no friends. Still. I mean, not one. Well what I can really call a friend. I just wanna touch Bob again. I just want to poke that fellow. I'm scared that my finger will break.
I'm gunna leave and see what I can do with myself. Let's hope for the fucking best.
17:07
Oh and I want to thank AmyRevenge and mysilentromance for reviewing like every fucking chapter. I can't believe yous haven't gave in and stopped reading it!
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