FicWad

It's been three week since the whole 'me and Gerard' thing. I hadn't seen or spoken to him since. I hated him for using me like that. How could I have been so stupid? I liked him and thought he liked me back. Bullshit.

Even though I hated him, what Mikey had told me worried me. He was going to drink again because of me.

But maybe he knew what he was doing. Maybe he knew Mikey would see him and stop him. This might be some act to make me talk to him again.

Gerard's words to Mikey kept replaying in my head for the rest of the night after Mikey left.

"Gerard said, and I quote; 'I've fucked everything up Mikes. She hates me, she fucking hates my guts. I love her so much but she hates me'"

I didn't want to see him go down that line again, no matter how much I hated him. He got a lot of help to stop the drugs and drink. So I told Mikey to tell Gerard;

"If he loved me, he wouldn't start drinking again."

And, as far as I know, he hasn't been tempted to drink since last week, for which I was glad.

It's been a very eventful week. I've been trying to find me and Ben a place to live, but everywhere is so expensive. Ben has been staying at a friends house while I find us a place. At the moment I was working two jobs. From 10-4 during the day, I was working at Hot Topic, and from 5-10 during the evening, I was working at Star bucks. Ben worked at Barnes and Nobles during the day, and doesn't work in the evening.

Any money he makes, he give to me. I then use some on food and the rest goes towards a place to live. Although sometimes some of that money will have to go towards the bills.

The guys, minus Gerard, keep asking me to move with them. I can't. I'm not their responsibility. I'm 18 years old, 19 in a couple of weeks, I have to take care of myself.

It was now 11.30. I had been home for over an hour and had already showered and eaten. I wasn't planning on doing anything tonight. I didn't want to waste electric, as I wanted to save some money.

At the moment, I was sitting in my living room, doing nothing, and had everything turned off, including the lights. Although I had lit a few candles.

I was lost in though, until there was a knock on my door. I sighed and reluctantly went to answer, and stood there were four smiling faces.

"Hey guys." I greeted with a small smile. They all knew how I was feeling, so they never asked how I felt.

"Hey, why is it so dark in your house?" Ray asked, his smile faded.

"Oh, I'm trying to save money, so I'm trying not to use anything."

They just nodded, "So why are you here?"

"We're taking you to my place." Frank said hyperly.

I shook my head, "I don't really feel li -"

"Nope. We're taking you, end of now move your butt." He said, grabbing my arm. It never occurred to anyone that I was in my pajamas.

It didn't take us long to get to Frank's as we were all talking about shit and having a good time. It's been a while since I've smiled so much.

When we got inside, the warm air hit me like a blanket, and I smiled. His apartment was really nice and big. The smell of coffee filled the whole place.

I sat myself in the living room on the soft black couch. I looked around the room and saw loads of photos. There were loads of the guys together, and the guys separately, but there were more pictures of Mikey, although there were a lot of photos of Frank and Gerard. Wow, those two are pretty close.

But seeing his smile upset me a little. I don't really know why. I loved his smile.

"I'll be back in a minute." Mikey said.

I lay-ed myself on the couch, drifting off into dreamland. No I didn't fall asleep, I just got lost in thought, that us until I heard a couple talking.

"Dude come on, you've been in that room for nearly a month." I could tell that was Mikey talking.

The other person spoke in mumbles, so I didn't really know who it was.

That is until he came in the room.

He stood by the door, noticing the guys on the floor and the other couch, but not yet noticing me, and I hoped he wouldn't.

No wonder there were more pictures of Mikey...this wasn't Frank's place.

Bastard.

His eyes were filled with anger. His skin even more white than I could possibly imagine. There were dark circles under his eyes, and they were red and puffy like he had been crying non-stop. His lips were chapped and dry. And he had a faint outline of a beard. His long black hair was greasy and messy. He looked terrible.

"What." He snapped at the guys. It scared me a little.

"Hey Gee, we haven't seen you in a while." Bob said.

He glared at Bob and said, "You're lucky if you ever saw me again."

"Come on Gerard. Quit being hard on yourself. Get over it. It's been nearly a month. I can't believe she's had this much of an effect on you." Ray half-yelled, but it didn't take a genius to work out he was talking about me.

"Have you ever been in love Ray? Or Mikey? Bob? Frank? No, didn't think so. So until you have been in love and have gotten your heart broken, you will never know how I feel." He said harshly.

"Gee, calm down. We didn't mean it that way. Come on have some coffee."

"I don't want your FUCKING COFFEE!" He yelled. He was so angry, it scared me so much. I've never seen him like this.

"Gerard calm the fuck down, you're scaring her!" Mikey shouted.

"WHO!? WHO THE FUCK AM I SCARING MIKEY!?"

I let out a small 'me', and he spun round. Immediately his face softened, "Tina."

But before he had a chance to say anything else, I was out the door, running back home.