Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Athazagoraphobia
Wednesday finally came, and I was as nervous as hell. Seriously, my heart was banging hard against my ribcage, I was sure it was going to break through and out of my chest.
I didn't know why I was so nervous though. I was finally getting memories of Ivy back. Isn't that what I wanted? Why was I so scared?
Because something could go wrong.
Yeah, a lot of things can go wrong. I might lose my sight, my hearing...my life.
But surely, wouldn't it better to die knowing the person I love, than not knowing her at all? I thought it was, but Ivy didn't see it that way.
"Please don't do it. I don't wanna lose you." She sobbed when we sat down for breakfast.
I smiled weakly at her, "It'll be fine Ivy. I wanna know you, all of you. Not the things you've been telling me. I want to know them for myself."
"But you might die."
I nodded, "Yeah, I might. But I might not."
**
We arrived at Lacuna around mid-day. Ivy came with me. She said just before we went to bed last night that she wouldn't, but she wanted to be there with me.
We got out the car and made our way into the building and to the front desk. The same bleached haired woman was sitting behind it.
"Back again Mr Way? Doctor Barone thought you wouldn't come." She laughed.
I smiled, "I was serious about this. Is he here?" She nodded and picked up her phone.
"He's here Doctor." Was all she said before hanging up, "Go to room 401." She smiled kindly.
I thanked her before searching for an elevator. When I found one, I went in with Ivy and pressed the number '4'.
Finally, the elevator stopped moving, and the doors opened, allowing us to exit, and find 401.
It wasn't hard to find, it was right next to the elevator.
I knocked quietly and entered with Ivy right behind me.
"Ah, Gerard. You're here. Hello Miss Bellamy."
She waved shyly at him, "Well, shall we get started then?" I nodded.
"First, I want to play you a recorded piece of what was said when you came here the first time. This may help you to change your mind." He said before getting a little radio, and putting a tape inside, pressing the play button.
Doctor Barone: "Can I help you sir?"
Gerard: "Erm...I need you to take...some memories away...from me."
DB: "Of course sir."
G: "This girl. This amazing...amazing girl...has been taken away from me, and it hurts...so much...I don't want to remember her anymore..."
DB: "Come on sir. We'll get you sorted."
The conversation continued. I was talking about Ivy as if she were dead. How can this girl have this much of an effect on me? It's impossible.
"Do you still want to remember Mr Way?"
I slowly nodded, and Doctor Barone frowned, finally defeated, "Okay, lay down on this please."
I walked over to a chair that looked like it came from a dentist, and sat down in it, leaning back until I was comfortable.
Barone pulled down this metal helmet type thing. It had little plates coming off it. He placed it on my head. A metal plate sat on my forhead, another on the back of my head, and another on either side of my head. This alone was uncomfortable.
Barone sighed, "Remember, this is going to hurt."
"Just do it Doc."
"Very well."
He pulled down a leaver, and I felt something like bolts of electricity running through my head. It didn't hurt...yet.
Ivy stood back, tears running down her face, "Don't cry Ivy. It'll be - FINE!" I yelled as a bolt did hurt me this time. Ivy sobbed loudly.
Each bolt was hurting me more, and I eventually started screaming.
White lights started flashing and sparks flew around me.
My hands were brough up to my head, trying to pull the thing off, but it wouldn't move, not one bit. The pain was too much, I felt like I was gonna pass out any minute.
"STOP IT YOU'RE HURTING HIM!" I heard Ivy yell, but he didn't stop.
My screaming wouldn't stop. I tried to stop, because I knew I was scaring Ivy, but somehow, I wouldn't allow myself to stop.
Suddenly, when I swallowed, my mouth tasted of metal. My mouth was full of blood!
I felt a liquid run from my nose, and I knew that it was bleeding too. Was I dying?
Then, my screaming came to a stop when the machine slowed down and turned off. The lights were no longer flashing, and there were no more sparks. No more electricity was running through my head, although it hurt a lot.
My breathing was extremely heavy, my heartbeat was over the top. My eyesight began to blur, my eyes refusing to stay open any longer.
The last thing I saw was Ivy running towards me, shaking me, before everything went black.
Ivy’s POV.
I stared at the bed that Gerard was lying on before I realized his chest wasn’t moving, which meant he wasn’t breathing. I’d lost him again, after all the promises he made, he was gone once again.
“Miss I’m going to have to ask you to leave” Dr. What’s His Face asked.
“I’m not going fucking anywhere without him.” I shouted.
“Miss, please leave, or I will have to get security to remove you.”
I decided not to make a scene and to just leave. I sat just by the reception desk and I let my tears run. He was gone, forever and I was never going to get him back. Never. I wouldn’t get him back like last time. I wasn’t going to get a second chance. I could hear people talking to between each other as to weather they should come over and see if I was alright.
Two hours and several cups of coffee later a nurse came out to talk to me.
“Do you want to come and say goodbye?” She asked.
I nodded and got up, following her down the hall back to ‘Gerard’s room’. She opened the door and let me in. I walked over to the chair that was set out next to the bed and sat down on it, waiting for the nurse to leave before I started talking to him only she didn’t leave.
“Could you be kind enough as to fuck off please.” I asked.
“Company policy, I can’t do that I’m afraid Miss” She said.
I sighed and new exactly how to get rid of her.
“I’ll give you 50 bucks if you leave me alone” I offered.
“I can’t, sorry Miss” She said.
“100?” I asked.
“Make it $150 and you have a deal” She smirked.
I placed the money in her hand before pushing her out of the door and sitting back down. I looked at Gerard’s lifeless body before I grabbed hold of his hand. His hand was still warm.
“Gerard, I can’t believe I lost you, again. I told you not to do it but you still did. What am I going to tell Mikey, he’s going to be so upset Gerard. I need you and no matter what happens now, I’ll always love you. Goodnight Gerard, So Long And Goodnight.” I spoke quietly as I choked on the tears that were falling.
I sat there for over 10 minutes before I felt a pressure on my hand, It was only slight. I lifted my head up to find Gerard’s eye’s open with shock. Would he remember me?
I didn't know why I was so nervous though. I was finally getting memories of Ivy back. Isn't that what I wanted? Why was I so scared?
Because something could go wrong.
Yeah, a lot of things can go wrong. I might lose my sight, my hearing...my life.
But surely, wouldn't it better to die knowing the person I love, than not knowing her at all? I thought it was, but Ivy didn't see it that way.
"Please don't do it. I don't wanna lose you." She sobbed when we sat down for breakfast.
I smiled weakly at her, "It'll be fine Ivy. I wanna know you, all of you. Not the things you've been telling me. I want to know them for myself."
"But you might die."
I nodded, "Yeah, I might. But I might not."
**
We arrived at Lacuna around mid-day. Ivy came with me. She said just before we went to bed last night that she wouldn't, but she wanted to be there with me.
We got out the car and made our way into the building and to the front desk. The same bleached haired woman was sitting behind it.
"Back again Mr Way? Doctor Barone thought you wouldn't come." She laughed.
I smiled, "I was serious about this. Is he here?" She nodded and picked up her phone.
"He's here Doctor." Was all she said before hanging up, "Go to room 401." She smiled kindly.
I thanked her before searching for an elevator. When I found one, I went in with Ivy and pressed the number '4'.
Finally, the elevator stopped moving, and the doors opened, allowing us to exit, and find 401.
It wasn't hard to find, it was right next to the elevator.
I knocked quietly and entered with Ivy right behind me.
"Ah, Gerard. You're here. Hello Miss Bellamy."
She waved shyly at him, "Well, shall we get started then?" I nodded.
"First, I want to play you a recorded piece of what was said when you came here the first time. This may help you to change your mind." He said before getting a little radio, and putting a tape inside, pressing the play button.
Doctor Barone: "Can I help you sir?"
Gerard: "Erm...I need you to take...some memories away...from me."
DB: "Of course sir."
G: "This girl. This amazing...amazing girl...has been taken away from me, and it hurts...so much...I don't want to remember her anymore..."
DB: "Come on sir. We'll get you sorted."
The conversation continued. I was talking about Ivy as if she were dead. How can this girl have this much of an effect on me? It's impossible.
"Do you still want to remember Mr Way?"
I slowly nodded, and Doctor Barone frowned, finally defeated, "Okay, lay down on this please."
I walked over to a chair that looked like it came from a dentist, and sat down in it, leaning back until I was comfortable.
Barone pulled down this metal helmet type thing. It had little plates coming off it. He placed it on my head. A metal plate sat on my forhead, another on the back of my head, and another on either side of my head. This alone was uncomfortable.
Barone sighed, "Remember, this is going to hurt."
"Just do it Doc."
"Very well."
He pulled down a leaver, and I felt something like bolts of electricity running through my head. It didn't hurt...yet.
Ivy stood back, tears running down her face, "Don't cry Ivy. It'll be - FINE!" I yelled as a bolt did hurt me this time. Ivy sobbed loudly.
Each bolt was hurting me more, and I eventually started screaming.
White lights started flashing and sparks flew around me.
My hands were brough up to my head, trying to pull the thing off, but it wouldn't move, not one bit. The pain was too much, I felt like I was gonna pass out any minute.
"STOP IT YOU'RE HURTING HIM!" I heard Ivy yell, but he didn't stop.
My screaming wouldn't stop. I tried to stop, because I knew I was scaring Ivy, but somehow, I wouldn't allow myself to stop.
Suddenly, when I swallowed, my mouth tasted of metal. My mouth was full of blood!
I felt a liquid run from my nose, and I knew that it was bleeding too. Was I dying?
Then, my screaming came to a stop when the machine slowed down and turned off. The lights were no longer flashing, and there were no more sparks. No more electricity was running through my head, although it hurt a lot.
My breathing was extremely heavy, my heartbeat was over the top. My eyesight began to blur, my eyes refusing to stay open any longer.
The last thing I saw was Ivy running towards me, shaking me, before everything went black.
Ivy’s POV.
I stared at the bed that Gerard was lying on before I realized his chest wasn’t moving, which meant he wasn’t breathing. I’d lost him again, after all the promises he made, he was gone once again.
“Miss I’m going to have to ask you to leave” Dr. What’s His Face asked.
“I’m not going fucking anywhere without him.” I shouted.
“Miss, please leave, or I will have to get security to remove you.”
I decided not to make a scene and to just leave. I sat just by the reception desk and I let my tears run. He was gone, forever and I was never going to get him back. Never. I wouldn’t get him back like last time. I wasn’t going to get a second chance. I could hear people talking to between each other as to weather they should come over and see if I was alright.
Two hours and several cups of coffee later a nurse came out to talk to me.
“Do you want to come and say goodbye?” She asked.
I nodded and got up, following her down the hall back to ‘Gerard’s room’. She opened the door and let me in. I walked over to the chair that was set out next to the bed and sat down on it, waiting for the nurse to leave before I started talking to him only she didn’t leave.
“Could you be kind enough as to fuck off please.” I asked.
“Company policy, I can’t do that I’m afraid Miss” She said.
I sighed and new exactly how to get rid of her.
“I’ll give you 50 bucks if you leave me alone” I offered.
“I can’t, sorry Miss” She said.
“100?” I asked.
“Make it $150 and you have a deal” She smirked.
I placed the money in her hand before pushing her out of the door and sitting back down. I looked at Gerard’s lifeless body before I grabbed hold of his hand. His hand was still warm.
“Gerard, I can’t believe I lost you, again. I told you not to do it but you still did. What am I going to tell Mikey, he’s going to be so upset Gerard. I need you and no matter what happens now, I’ll always love you. Goodnight Gerard, So Long And Goodnight.” I spoke quietly as I choked on the tears that were falling.
I sat there for over 10 minutes before I felt a pressure on my hand, It was only slight. I lifted my head up to find Gerard’s eye’s open with shock. Would he remember me?
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