FicWad

It's been a few weeks since I moved into the Way household. Don and Donna had come back just last week and were eagar to know where my parents had gone. Of course I never told them, and they understood that I needed time to myself.

Of course, time to myself led me to discover something I never wanted to happen. Even if I wasn't by myself, I would still have found out, only, I would have found out much later perhaps. But right now I was scared and I didn't know who to talk to.

I still hadn't spoken to Mikey. He has even tried to apologise to me. I do feel as if I overreacted a little though. Frank also has not spoken to me. Frank is like a brother to me, and now I feel as if I lost any type of family when he turned his back on me. There must be more that has happened other than me changing. It's not my fault I changed. It was my family who did this to me.

Because of my family, I am stuck in this situation. I am alone and scared. I can't talk to Don or Donna. They might hate me for something I had no control over. They might kick me out, leaving me with no place to go but the streets.

I could no longer talk to Gerard. I don't know what happened, but I have never known Gerard to hate me as much as he does now. I searched my brain for anything I could have done for him to change so suddenly. Whenever I entered a room, he would leave. We hadn't had anymore fun nights where we don't hate one another for a few hours. I haven't been able to talk to him about anything. And now this has been dropped on me at the most inappropriate time, I don't know what to do.

School has never been so different to me. I was alone now. Nobody dare to come near me. The place is so full of life and happiness, but also a place of sadness and a variety of personatlities, but you can't help but feel as if no one is around you. No one to make you smile when you're down. No one to even insult you when you feel you deserve it most.

I never bothered with any school or homework anymore, because my teachers simply didn't care. I'm not sure if there are any rumors going round about me, but whatever has happened, I no longer exist.

I don't cry about it. There is no point in crying anymore. I've learnt not to cry as much and just take whatever comes my way, pretty much like now.

When I found out, of course I was scared. Ask anybody what it was like to find this sort of thing out, and they would answer you the same as I am.

I just really wanted to talk, and Donna was giving me that oppatunity at dinner this evening, yet still I declined.

"Krissy dear, are you feeling okay? You never seem to say much."

"Yes, I'm fine thank you Donna." I continued to play with the food on my plate, but never eating a bite.

"Honey, you haven't eaten properly in days. Something is wrong and I wish you could talk to me." She placed a hand on mine, but soon took it off when she noticed how uncomfortable I was, "Please eat something. And please tell me what's bothering you."

I looked around the table and saw Don with a smile in agreement, Mikey never looked up. He hated me, just like his brother. I always felt like I was welcome here. Mikey was my best friend. My eyes fixed on Gerard last. I noticed that he was watching me, but the second my eyes found him, he looked back down.

I smiled inwardly. He wants me to talk to him, though he would never admit it. No matter how many times he tells me 'this is the last time we speak' he was never too busy to listen to what I had to say.

"Thank you Donna. But really, nothing is bothering me." I smiled warmly as she smiled back, and we continued to eat. Well, they ate, I played.

After dinner, I offered to help with the dishes, but as usual, Donna never allowed me, so I ran back upstairs to my room to think things through. I thought about all the people I knew and honestly, even though Donna was there for me, there was only one person to talk to. Gerard knows everything that has happened and I need to tell him what it is I found out. If I don't, I think I might go crazy.

Gerard P.O.V

These past three weeks have never been more tough. Each day seemed like an eternity. There was only ever one person on my mind, yet that one person is who I wanted to avoid at all costs.

Whenever I could, I would pick a fight with her over anything. Our last fight, was when mom made this amazing chocolate cake for no reason at all. It was a day or two later when me, Mikey and her had our last slice. Once Mikey ate it he left, and me and her were left alone.

We didn't really know what to do, so I got a beer and when I turned back, I saw that she was eating tiny little crumbs from the plate. I kinda snapped asking what she was doing. She said she was just eating the crumbs and I kinda yelled at for no readon, saying that I wanted to eat the crumbs. Thinking about it now, it's very funny, but then...I just wanted any reason to yell at her.

But now when I think about it differently, I don't think she has eaten properly since then. Shit.

I never meant to treat her like this. It was only a hate thing, it wasn't like I planned to hate her so much, she'd stop eating. Our relationship was never meant to go that way. But then again, things never go the way you want them.

I was only meant to hate her just that little bit more. I feel as if it's her fault I said her name that day in my room. But although I had thought about her in a sexual way, my feelings towards her haven't changed at all. I still want her to talk to me if something is wrong. Not that I would ever admit that. I know she something is bothering her, and I may know what it is. But she needs to talk to someone, and I am here for her, even though it may not seem like it from the way I have been acting.

Mikey never did make friends with her again, even though I tried and occasionly threatened him to do so, he never listened to me. He thinks he has nothing to apologise for and that she should be the one saying sorry for overreacting. I think it's Mikey who is in the wrong, and even if he wasn't, girls are so stubborn he would the one apologising, no matter whose fault it is.

The next day at school, at lunch, I met Ray and Bob by the tree furthest away from the school.

"Hey dude, you look awful." Bob said.

"Thanks man." I said, pulling my lighter and cigerette from my pocket and taking a drag.

"What happened at the weekend?" Ray asked, "Is that chick still living at your place?"

I blew the smoke from my mouth and replied, "Not much really happened and yes the bitch is still living there." I hadn't told them about the little Gee incident. Not that would really want to know anyway.

"Why is she living there? Doesn't your brother hate her now?"

I nodded, "Yep, he does. But no one loves her anyway that's why her parents left. My mom is just too kind to do anything else."

Alot of time passed real slow. We ate our lunch as we listened to music, not being distracted by anyone. I can't remember the last time I had a peaceful lunch hour. Well, I thought it was peaceful, until I heard the sound I've wanted to hear for a while.

"Gerard? I know you may not want to talk to me, but please it's really important." I could hear the desperation in her voice, I knew she needed me.

"Fine!" I yelled, getting up off the grass and pulling her away roughly.

"What do you want?" I whispered harshly. Obviously I could never tell her that right now I loved the fact she wants to talk to me.

"I found something out, and I'm really really scared. I don't know if you can actually help me, but right now...I need you."

Her saying that, almost brought a smile to my face, "Well, what is it?"

She pulled to her, so her lips were touching my ear in whispered the two words we both didn't want to be true.

Krissy P.O.V

I won't cry. I kept telling myself.

It was a Saturday now. The rest of the week went by so slowly. I haven't spoken to Gerard since Monday lunch, that is until today anyway.

I didn't want to leave the house today. I felt as if I was doing the wrong thing, although I knew it was the right thing to do. This decision was left completely up to me, Gerard didn't push me to anything I didn't want to do.

He's been so nice. I feel lucky to have someone like him in my life, no matter what we are to each other. He's helped me more than once and I couldn't possibly thank him enough.

Maybe if things had worked out differently in my life and the situation I was in involved someone like Gerard...I would be thinking twice about what I was doing.

Right now, I was sitting in the passenger seat of his car, holding back tears. I didn't like what I did one bit. I hated myself for it. I have always been against what I did, but I simply couldn't think of a better solution.

"How are you feeling?" Gerard asked soflty.

"How do you think I'm fucking feeling!?" I snapped. He didn't respond and I felt bad, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap."

From the corner of my eye I saw him shake his head, "It's okay. I understand. Besides, you snapping at me now isn't any different to what you normally do anyway." He made an attempt to make me laugh, he succeeded in someway. I managed a smile, "Was that a smile?"

"Maybe." I said. He didn't say anything else. Instead he reached across and took hol of my left hand, sqeezing it lightly as he had done only ten minutes before.

"Did he say if there were any...side effects as such?"

I sighed, "He said, after what had happened to me, recurrent dreams of today's experience may occur. I may have suicidal thoughts or actions, depression, avoidance of emotional attachment, relationship problems...substabce abuse, hostile outburts, sleep disturbances, memory impairment and guilt about surviving." It was so hard to hold back my tears.

"Those problems could occur days or years after today."

He sighed, "I am so, so sorry. Nobody should have to go through what you did. Today, or before."

"It's okay, it's not your fault."

I noticed that Gerard didn't turn down the street to go home. We were going somewhere else, I would have asked, but was wrapped up in my thoughts. By now, my hand was free from his touch.

Soon enough the car stopped near a park, we were slightly surrounded by trees.

"Why have we stopped here?" I asked him, my voice thick.

He gave me a sympathetic look, "You're in no state to go home just yet. We're gonna sit here for a while. Try not to think about what happened."

I nodded, although my mind wasn't letting me think of anything but what happened. I couldn't hold back any longer, and I let a few tears spill.

"Krissy?" I heard Gerard quietly ask.

I turned to him, while wiping the fallen tears, "Yeah?"

"Come here." He told me. I moved towards him, and he pulled me up on his lap, my back against the window. I rested my head against his chest. His chin ontop of my head.

Right then and there, I let all of my emotions out in the form of tears. My anger at my parents for not caring that this happened. My happiness that this is over now. My guilt for actually going through with it. My sadness for letting it happen.

All the while, Gerard held me close, rubbing my rack, whispering comforting things in my ear.

Gerard P.O.V

It was such a heatbreaking moment watching her cry like that. Nobody should go though what she did. She's only fourteen years old and her life is already seriously fucked up.

I had to go with her, I couldn't let her go through that alone. I knew she wasn't proud of what she did, but it had to be done. There was no other option.

But she's safe now, nothing like that would ever happen to her again. I would make sure of that.

I noticed she had stopped shaking, which meant she had stopped crying, "Kris?" No answer, I assumed she had fallen asleep.

How was I going to be able to move her without waking her up?

I moved her gently, and luckily she didn't wake. She got back in her seat and did the safety belt. I then drove back home.

I jumped out the car and went round the other side to get her out. I picked her up bridal style and brought her into the house. No one was home, which I was thankful for. I didn't want to answer any questions.

I took her upstairs into her room and layed her down on her bed, throwing a blanket over her. Before leaving, I stroked her cheek softly, whispering "Everything will be okay. Trust me."

After leaving her room, I decided that today has been quite a long one, and that I deserved a beer.

A few hours later, dad came home, "Hey, how's your day been?" He asked, while making a coffee.

I sighed, "It's been...eventful. Yours?"

"Boring as usual." He chuckled while I just smiled.

Not long after, mom had come home, as had Mikey and also Frank. Mom had now cooked dinner and was wondering where Mikey's ex-friend was.

"She's been very down lately, I hope she's okay." She's far from okay. "Have you boys spoken to her? I'm mainly asking Mikey because you for some reason hate her Gerard, but I am also asking you."

"Why would I have seen her? I want nothing to do with her right now! She's changed mom. She was my best friend and now she's changed so much." Mikey said.

"I'm sorry honey, but she has no parents, it's bound to get to her." He just shrugged and mom turned to me, "Have you seen her?"

"She's sleeping as far as I know. I'll go take something up for her. She won't want to come down." Both my parents and Mikey were shocked at my actions, but I took no notice and carried her plate of food, and a can of pepsi up to her room.

I didn't bother knocking on her door, if she was still asleep I might wak her, so I went straight in to see she was awake and was just staring up at the ceiling.

"I brought you something to eat." I said.

There was a pause before she said, "I'm not hungry."

I sighed and set the plate and can on her beside table, "Come on, you have to eat something. You haven't eaten properly in weeks. It's not healthy."

She sighed but didn't make any attempt to eat anything.

I was about to get up and leave her be when she spoke, "Thank you Gerard."

I smiled slightly, "For what?"

"Everything. I don't know what I would have done without you." Her voice was thick, meaning she was close to tears again.

I layed down next to her and hugged her as she cried once more into my chest, "What have I done to deserve this Gerard? Am I such a horrible person? Have I done something so wrong that this stuff just had to happen to me?"

I shook my head, "No, of course you're not a horrible person. You're a wonderful girl. A beautiful wonderful girl." I didn't know where these words were coming from, but I said them anyway.

"Really?" She asked, looking right at me.

"I wouldn't say things I didn't mean." I wiped a few of her tears away. She soon fell asleep.

I slowly removed my arms from around her and quietly got off the bed and left her room, silently closing the door behind me.

I sighed. I couldn't believe that so much bad stuff had happened to her in the short fourteen years of her life. How could her parents be so cruel?

I wanted to help her through this as much as I can. I am involved now, I can't just leave her to handle this on her own, that wouldn't be fair on her.

I didn't know how long it would take for her to get over this. But then again, she may never get over it. I mean, how many fourteen year old girls do you know who has had an abortion?