Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I Hate You But I Love You
I turned up the volume on my Mindless Self Indulgence CD, If. Mastermind was one of my favorites.
I sang along to the words, as loud as I could, as I was driving my red Audi TT roadster. It was like a dream to have my favorite car! My aunt and a few of her friends bought me it for my birthday last year.
I had been driving nearly ten hours. I was exhausted, but I wasn't going to stop until I had reached my destination. The place I had once called home. The place I hadn't seen in three and half years.
It was a surprise visit. Mikey had no idea I was coming. Neither did Donna, or Don, or Frank.
I was so excited. I hadn't been able to visit since I left, but I still kept in touch.
Okay, I lied slightly. I wasn't coming for a visit. You see, next week was my, and Frank's, 18th birthday. I was going to stay in a hotel until I had found a place to stay in Jersey. I always knew I'd be coming back here, no matter where I was born.
I turned the corner to go down their street and parked a few houses down. I jumped out of my car.
I had changed a bit since the last time I was here.
Instead of my long dark brown hair, I had short black hair. It wasn't really short, just above my shoulders. I wore very heavy eyeliner which made my icy blues stand out a mile. I no longer cut. I stopped that a few weeks I moved back to Canada.
I had lost a lot of weight. I was skinny anyway, but I put on like a lot. But I lost it all, and now, instead of looking like a stick, I was now curvy!
I finally stood outside the house I loved being at. From the outside, nothing had changed, but noticed two new cars in the driveway. Mikey must drive now. And his brother must have got a new car.
My stomach was in knots, and I didn't know why. He was best friend. What was the worst that could happen?
It's actually nothing to do with Mikey.
I knocked twice on the mahogany door, and waited patiently for an answer.
When the door opened, I was shocked with what I saw.
His light, long brown hair that was straightened with his thick rimmed glasses placed ontop, had now changed. His hair was shorter and dark brown or even black. And he wasn't wearing glasses anymore. He had grown, not much, but still grew, and he wasn't as skinny either. He had been working out, it was obvious.
"Mikey? Oh my god, you look...wow." Was all I could say.
He furrowed his eyebrows at me, "I'm sorry, but...who are you?"
My face dropped, "Mikes, it's me, Krissy." In a split second his confused face had turned into one of shock and happiness.
"Fuck! Oh my god Krissy, it is so good to see you!" He picked me up and spun me round, "You look amazing! Oh my god, I wasn't expecting you at all! Come in." He took my hand and dragged me in the house and sat me down on the same couch that was here before.
"Anyone else home?" He shook his head.
"Mom and dad are at work, and Gerard's...somewhere. But don't worry about us right now, how have you been?"
"I've been good, not great, but good. Three and a half years of my life was spent in a place I didn't want to be. But now, I'm moving back here. When I'm 18, next week, I'm gonna look for a place."
"Wow, that's amazing, my best friend gonna move back here! Oh god, I've missed you." He hugged me again.
"I've missed you too, so much. Everyday I thought about you and little Frankie." And someone else.
"Same here." He pulled away, "Shit, this little...welcome back thing just doesn't seem right without Frank does it? Is it okay if I go get him? I'll be an hour and a half tops. He moved, so it's 45 minutes drive."
I shook my head, "It's fine go get him. I wanna see him." We hugged again before we left.
I guess now it gave me time to think. When I was living with my Aunt Sally, I had made a few friends. None were as good as Mikey and Frank. They were Sam, Courtney, Rachel and Jordan. We were friends for the time I was there, although Jordan became something more. He is my ex-boyfriend. We dated for a few months, but it didn't work out.
He said he didn't think I cared about him or the others because I would never shut up about my life in Jersey [minus all the crap I went through]. Also, I kept talking about one guy in particular. I never told him his name, but I wouldn't shut up about him. I hadn't even realsied I talked about him that much until Jordan said.
But, me and Jordan, and the others all kind of broke up, when I said I didn't care about them as much as my friends here. It was hard for me to say it, but it was the truth. There was no point in lying when I was gonna move back here anyway. Whether we stayed friends or not.
But, after we broke up, Jordan talked to me about the guy. And what he said really got me thinking, and hard. I knew right from the start he was right with what he was saying. I just didn't want it to be true. It would be too weird, and could ruin a lot of stuff. The way I acted around him would be different if I admitted it to myself.
Despite this, right this minute I admitted what I didn't want to believe, yet was still true, and had been from the moment I met him.
I heard the front door shut, and thought it couldn't be Mikey as he had just gone.
I was now laying on my stomach facing the doorway leading to the front door.
I heard footsteps coming for the living room and my heart skipped a beat at what I saw.
His hair was much shorter than before, yet still black. He wore scruffy Doc Martins, Black skinny jeans, plain black t-shirt worn under a weird black jacket with silver buttons going down both sides [it had it's own sherrif badge], and a red bandana around his neck. I saw that written on his neck was 'catholic'. [A/N: Think PR]
"Who're you?" He asked, in the usual'polite' way he asked things.
Gerard P.O.V
Fuck, there's some hot chick on my couch. Don't scare her off.
I waited for her answer, "Krissy." Right then, my eyes went huge.
"Krissy?" I asked slowly, "As in my little brother's best friend, who lives in Canada, Krissy?" She nodded.
"Nice to see you again Gerard."
"Why are you always here!?" I snapped.
"I haven't been here in over three years, and I'm waiting for Mikey assface! Maybe I should be asking why you're still here. 20 years old and still living with your parents." She giggled quietly to herself.
"I'll be moving out soon, don't you worry about that sweetheart."
Sweetheart? I don't normally call her any names like that, barely even her real name. She must have been thinking the same because he just shook her head.
I walked around the couch, and sat in the empty space next to her. I heard her sigh and she sat up, looking over to me, but when she realised I was so close to her, she jumped a little. I wouldn't normally go anywhere near her, except the...times when I needed to.
Something was on her mind, because she obviously though her shoes were more intersting than me.
I, on the other hand, couldn't take my eyes off her. She was simply beautiful. I had always thought that. Her black hair, just coming past her neck, and although I couldn't see them, she had the most mesmerizing icy blue eyes.
And just like that, I didn't really understand why I hated her in the first place. I thought about the day I met her. She was so small and so cute at twelve years old. I fell for her right then. I was only fifteen at the time, and just fooled around and suddenly this girl came into my life.
I guess, I was scared. Scared I was gonna change. I had never really been a fan of change.
I needed to hate her for making me feel something I had never felt before. I said something like she looked liked a dog. Something silly like that. And, since then...I don't know, I've just hated her.
She must have been thinking the same thing because she blurted out, "I do not look like a dog!"
I laughed a little and stared deep into the eyes of the girl I have loved since I met her. I had only realised that now.
"What's so funny?" She asked me, confused. I smiled and shrugged, and quickly attachted my lips to hers.
She pulled back for no longer than a second, before kissing me back.
This time, it was my turn to pull away, "I hate you Krissy." I kissed her again, "But I love you too."
"Gerard, I love you too." Right there, we started a make-out session. The whole time I was thinking 'oh my god, I can't believe she loves me too.'
I took her hand, and led her to my basement. Before we went in, I gave her a look, asking her if this was okay.
She nodded, with a smile that made me smile too.
We got to my bed. I sat down and pulled Krissy on my lap where I started kissing, biting and sucking on her neck. She moaned, loudly.
She pushed me down, so that she was on top of me, and started doing the same thing to my neck. I flipped us over so I was on top now, and my hands tugged onto the bottom of her shirt. She knew I wanted it off.
Her mouth left my neck and she allowed me to take it off, and I threw it across the room. Next, she pulled off my jacket and ripped off my t-shirt.
Our pants were next to go, leaving us in just out underwear.
I stroked her soft cheek, "You are so fucking beautiful Krissy. I love you." I felt so right to say them words.
She smiled up at me, "I love you too." My heart missed a beat when she said it back. It felt like everything was finally perfect.
I kissed her again, my hands making their way to unclasp her lacy bra. Next, my fingers pulled down her small panties, leaving her completely naked for the first time underneath me. She pulled off my boxers. We were now both naked.
I leaned over and took a condom from my drawer and rolled it along my hardened length.
I kissed her cheek, I could tell she was nervous, "Are you sure you wanna do this? You can stop me at anytime." I told her.
She let out a shaky breath, "Yeah, I wanna do this. I'm just scared." I knew what she meant. Although she wasn't a virgin, this was still her first time at something not forced. But this wasn't just sex. We were gonna make love.
I pecked her nose, "Don't be. It'll be fine." I waited for another answer. She nodded.
I slowly entered her, and stopped, waiting for her to get used to my size. She nodded again for me to continue.
I started off with slow, gentle paces, as I didn't want to hurt her.
She let her fingers get lost in my hair, and she wrapped her legs around my waist so I could go deeper.
"Faster," She moaned, "Harder." I did exactly that.
Our hips moved together as sweat dripped from our naked bodies. This felt so right, and it felt so good.
"Fuck, you're so tight, it feels so fucking good." I shakily breathed in her ear.
My pace quickened with each thrust and also went harder and deeper inside her.
My bed was making just as much noise as we were, and the headboard kept knocking loudly against the wall.
"So close." I said, before re-attaching my lips to hers.
Before I knew it, I came, "Uh! Krissy!" I moaned, loudly.
This sent her right over the edge, "Oh fuck, Gerard!" She screamed. I kept up my face, riding out our orgasms.
I came to a stop, yet stayed inside her.
"Fuck, that was amazing." I panted before collapsing ontop of her and burying my face in her neck, planting little kisses.
"It really was." She stroked my hair, regaining her breath.
Suddenly, I started laughing. I looked at Krissy and said, "I fucked a dog." She slapped me, but laughed as well.
"I hate you." She said, smiling.
"I hate you too." And I caught her lips in another kiss.
I sang along to the words, as loud as I could, as I was driving my red Audi TT roadster. It was like a dream to have my favorite car! My aunt and a few of her friends bought me it for my birthday last year.
I had been driving nearly ten hours. I was exhausted, but I wasn't going to stop until I had reached my destination. The place I had once called home. The place I hadn't seen in three and half years.
It was a surprise visit. Mikey had no idea I was coming. Neither did Donna, or Don, or Frank.
I was so excited. I hadn't been able to visit since I left, but I still kept in touch.
Okay, I lied slightly. I wasn't coming for a visit. You see, next week was my, and Frank's, 18th birthday. I was going to stay in a hotel until I had found a place to stay in Jersey. I always knew I'd be coming back here, no matter where I was born.
I turned the corner to go down their street and parked a few houses down. I jumped out of my car.
I had changed a bit since the last time I was here.
Instead of my long dark brown hair, I had short black hair. It wasn't really short, just above my shoulders. I wore very heavy eyeliner which made my icy blues stand out a mile. I no longer cut. I stopped that a few weeks I moved back to Canada.
I had lost a lot of weight. I was skinny anyway, but I put on like a lot. But I lost it all, and now, instead of looking like a stick, I was now curvy!
I finally stood outside the house I loved being at. From the outside, nothing had changed, but noticed two new cars in the driveway. Mikey must drive now. And his brother must have got a new car.
My stomach was in knots, and I didn't know why. He was best friend. What was the worst that could happen?
It's actually nothing to do with Mikey.
I knocked twice on the mahogany door, and waited patiently for an answer.
When the door opened, I was shocked with what I saw.
His light, long brown hair that was straightened with his thick rimmed glasses placed ontop, had now changed. His hair was shorter and dark brown or even black. And he wasn't wearing glasses anymore. He had grown, not much, but still grew, and he wasn't as skinny either. He had been working out, it was obvious.
"Mikey? Oh my god, you look...wow." Was all I could say.
He furrowed his eyebrows at me, "I'm sorry, but...who are you?"
My face dropped, "Mikes, it's me, Krissy." In a split second his confused face had turned into one of shock and happiness.
"Fuck! Oh my god Krissy, it is so good to see you!" He picked me up and spun me round, "You look amazing! Oh my god, I wasn't expecting you at all! Come in." He took my hand and dragged me in the house and sat me down on the same couch that was here before.
"Anyone else home?" He shook his head.
"Mom and dad are at work, and Gerard's...somewhere. But don't worry about us right now, how have you been?"
"I've been good, not great, but good. Three and a half years of my life was spent in a place I didn't want to be. But now, I'm moving back here. When I'm 18, next week, I'm gonna look for a place."
"Wow, that's amazing, my best friend gonna move back here! Oh god, I've missed you." He hugged me again.
"I've missed you too, so much. Everyday I thought about you and little Frankie." And someone else.
"Same here." He pulled away, "Shit, this little...welcome back thing just doesn't seem right without Frank does it? Is it okay if I go get him? I'll be an hour and a half tops. He moved, so it's 45 minutes drive."
I shook my head, "It's fine go get him. I wanna see him." We hugged again before we left.
I guess now it gave me time to think. When I was living with my Aunt Sally, I had made a few friends. None were as good as Mikey and Frank. They were Sam, Courtney, Rachel and Jordan. We were friends for the time I was there, although Jordan became something more. He is my ex-boyfriend. We dated for a few months, but it didn't work out.
He said he didn't think I cared about him or the others because I would never shut up about my life in Jersey [minus all the crap I went through]. Also, I kept talking about one guy in particular. I never told him his name, but I wouldn't shut up about him. I hadn't even realsied I talked about him that much until Jordan said.
But, me and Jordan, and the others all kind of broke up, when I said I didn't care about them as much as my friends here. It was hard for me to say it, but it was the truth. There was no point in lying when I was gonna move back here anyway. Whether we stayed friends or not.
But, after we broke up, Jordan talked to me about the guy. And what he said really got me thinking, and hard. I knew right from the start he was right with what he was saying. I just didn't want it to be true. It would be too weird, and could ruin a lot of stuff. The way I acted around him would be different if I admitted it to myself.
Despite this, right this minute I admitted what I didn't want to believe, yet was still true, and had been from the moment I met him.
I heard the front door shut, and thought it couldn't be Mikey as he had just gone.
I was now laying on my stomach facing the doorway leading to the front door.
I heard footsteps coming for the living room and my heart skipped a beat at what I saw.
His hair was much shorter than before, yet still black. He wore scruffy Doc Martins, Black skinny jeans, plain black t-shirt worn under a weird black jacket with silver buttons going down both sides [it had it's own sherrif badge], and a red bandana around his neck. I saw that written on his neck was 'catholic'. [A/N: Think PR]
"Who're you?" He asked, in the usual'polite' way he asked things.
Gerard P.O.V
Fuck, there's some hot chick on my couch. Don't scare her off.
I waited for her answer, "Krissy." Right then, my eyes went huge.
"Krissy?" I asked slowly, "As in my little brother's best friend, who lives in Canada, Krissy?" She nodded.
"Nice to see you again Gerard."
"Why are you always here!?" I snapped.
"I haven't been here in over three years, and I'm waiting for Mikey assface! Maybe I should be asking why you're still here. 20 years old and still living with your parents." She giggled quietly to herself.
"I'll be moving out soon, don't you worry about that sweetheart."
Sweetheart? I don't normally call her any names like that, barely even her real name. She must have been thinking the same because he just shook her head.
I walked around the couch, and sat in the empty space next to her. I heard her sigh and she sat up, looking over to me, but when she realised I was so close to her, she jumped a little. I wouldn't normally go anywhere near her, except the...times when I needed to.
Something was on her mind, because she obviously though her shoes were more intersting than me.
I, on the other hand, couldn't take my eyes off her. She was simply beautiful. I had always thought that. Her black hair, just coming past her neck, and although I couldn't see them, she had the most mesmerizing icy blue eyes.
And just like that, I didn't really understand why I hated her in the first place. I thought about the day I met her. She was so small and so cute at twelve years old. I fell for her right then. I was only fifteen at the time, and just fooled around and suddenly this girl came into my life.
I guess, I was scared. Scared I was gonna change. I had never really been a fan of change.
I needed to hate her for making me feel something I had never felt before. I said something like she looked liked a dog. Something silly like that. And, since then...I don't know, I've just hated her.
She must have been thinking the same thing because she blurted out, "I do not look like a dog!"
I laughed a little and stared deep into the eyes of the girl I have loved since I met her. I had only realised that now.
"What's so funny?" She asked me, confused. I smiled and shrugged, and quickly attachted my lips to hers.
She pulled back for no longer than a second, before kissing me back.
This time, it was my turn to pull away, "I hate you Krissy." I kissed her again, "But I love you too."
"Gerard, I love you too." Right there, we started a make-out session. The whole time I was thinking 'oh my god, I can't believe she loves me too.'
I took her hand, and led her to my basement. Before we went in, I gave her a look, asking her if this was okay.
She nodded, with a smile that made me smile too.
We got to my bed. I sat down and pulled Krissy on my lap where I started kissing, biting and sucking on her neck. She moaned, loudly.
She pushed me down, so that she was on top of me, and started doing the same thing to my neck. I flipped us over so I was on top now, and my hands tugged onto the bottom of her shirt. She knew I wanted it off.
Her mouth left my neck and she allowed me to take it off, and I threw it across the room. Next, she pulled off my jacket and ripped off my t-shirt.
Our pants were next to go, leaving us in just out underwear.
I stroked her soft cheek, "You are so fucking beautiful Krissy. I love you." I felt so right to say them words.
She smiled up at me, "I love you too." My heart missed a beat when she said it back. It felt like everything was finally perfect.
I kissed her again, my hands making their way to unclasp her lacy bra. Next, my fingers pulled down her small panties, leaving her completely naked for the first time underneath me. She pulled off my boxers. We were now both naked.
I leaned over and took a condom from my drawer and rolled it along my hardened length.
I kissed her cheek, I could tell she was nervous, "Are you sure you wanna do this? You can stop me at anytime." I told her.
She let out a shaky breath, "Yeah, I wanna do this. I'm just scared." I knew what she meant. Although she wasn't a virgin, this was still her first time at something not forced. But this wasn't just sex. We were gonna make love.
I pecked her nose, "Don't be. It'll be fine." I waited for another answer. She nodded.
I slowly entered her, and stopped, waiting for her to get used to my size. She nodded again for me to continue.
I started off with slow, gentle paces, as I didn't want to hurt her.
She let her fingers get lost in my hair, and she wrapped her legs around my waist so I could go deeper.
"Faster," She moaned, "Harder." I did exactly that.
Our hips moved together as sweat dripped from our naked bodies. This felt so right, and it felt so good.
"Fuck, you're so tight, it feels so fucking good." I shakily breathed in her ear.
My pace quickened with each thrust and also went harder and deeper inside her.
My bed was making just as much noise as we were, and the headboard kept knocking loudly against the wall.
"So close." I said, before re-attaching my lips to hers.
Before I knew it, I came, "Uh! Krissy!" I moaned, loudly.
This sent her right over the edge, "Oh fuck, Gerard!" She screamed. I kept up my face, riding out our orgasms.
I came to a stop, yet stayed inside her.
"Fuck, that was amazing." I panted before collapsing ontop of her and burying my face in her neck, planting little kisses.
"It really was." She stroked my hair, regaining her breath.
Suddenly, I started laughing. I looked at Krissy and said, "I fucked a dog." She slapped me, but laughed as well.
"I hate you." She said, smiling.
"I hate you too." And I caught her lips in another kiss.
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