Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > A Heart On The Mend

17. On without you

by Firith 3 reviews

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Drama,Romance - Published: 2009-11-05 - Updated: 2009-11-05 - 1607 words - Complete


Faith had been awake for a while when she felt the bed move and she knew Ryan was awake. She heard him sigh and knew he was rubbing his face. The covers dropped exposing her back as he slid out of bed reaching for his clothes, but he had barely grabbed his underwear when he sat on the bed again, looking behind him... looking at her. Faith's back moved up and down as she drew in a big sigh and Ryan realized she was only faking to be asleep. He knew her way too well.

Ryan rubbed his face again trying to get rid of the hangover induced dizziness and Faith waited for him to stand off the bed to sit up, covering herself with the sheet and cuddling her own knees to her chest, as she watched him pick up his abandoned jeans. Running a hand through his hair, Ryan turned around and they looked at each other for a second.

"Morning." Faith said, looking away.

"Morning." Ryan rubbed his eyes and looked away.

"How-how's your head doing?"

"Feels like someone's driving a nail through it. Yours?" He said looking around the floor for his shirt.

Faith smiled a little. "Pretty much the same..."

"So..." Ryan stood in the middle of the room awkwardly, scratching the back of his head and still looking around the floor for his shirt.

Faith got off the bed. "Do you need an aspirin? I think I owe you a coffee too..." She said as she pulled on the first thing she found on the floor.

"Yeah, sure." Ryan stared up at the ceiling while she dressed.

"You wanna take a shower? I mean... there's-- your clothes are exactly were you left them." Faith changed into sweat pants and a shirt. Then she looked at him, kind of holding her breath.

"Oh. I forgot- well, ok."

Giving her a small smile, Ryan walked pass her and into the bathroom. Faith, slumped on the wall and took a deep breath, trying to get her heart rate back to normal. She decided it was best to leave Ryan there alone and trudged to the kitchen. Her head was thumping and her stomach probably wouldn't resist much food, but she still made toasts and coffee. Ryan's stomach growled happily with the smell as he entered the kitchen, brushing his still damp hair with his fingers

"You didn't have to do this, but thanks..." He said sitting by the table.

"It's nothing..." Faith sat across him, playing with her spoon in the coffee.

They sat awkwardly there while Ryan had toasts and Faith merely played with her coffee.

"So uh..." Ryan was the first to break the silence with a dry chuckle. "Why is this so weird?"

"Probably cause we haven't talked in like... 4 weeks." Faith said with a small smile, looking away from him.

"Right." He said pulling crusts off his toast and staring at his plate.

"I'm--" Faith started again, taking a big gulp of air. "I'm tired of it being awkward though... I kind of-- miss you." She trailed out, not sure if Ryan had heard the last part.

He paused and looked up at her briefly. "Yeah, me too."

Faith nodded, still not looking at him and they fell into silence again. Ryan swallowed coffee and sighed deeply. Yes, he wanted her back, but he still wanted an apology. It still hurt too much to just forget it.

“Look, about last night--” He started, but Faith shook her head.

“No, let’s not talk about it, okay?”

“Why not?” Ryan asked puzzled.

“Cause I know you’ll say you’re sorry and that it was a mistake and that it doesn’t mean we can--” Faith stopped again, dropping the spoon on the table and rubbing her face. Ryan just looked at her.

“I wasn’t going to say that...” He said.

Faith sighed. “So?”

“I...” He shrugged. “I don't think it was a mistake. But there are many issues we haven't worked through.”

“Yeah, you’re right about that.”

"So, I guess-- I guess we could... I don't know... Be-- friends. At least"

Why was it so hard to say it? Probably because it was a lie. And Ryan had to hold his breath and thank the heavens that Faith wasn't looking at him.

"I-- I'd like that..." She said looking down, cause she was also lying. But she quickly shrugged it off, giving him a small smile. "It feels weird to go to the OR with you and not fool around like we usually do, you know?"

Ryan smiled as well. "I know what you mean. I guess we could make it less stressful."

Both chuckled at the same time, averting their eyes from each other. Faith was finally able to finish her coffee and Ryan killed the last toast. He stood up and brushed his hands on his pants.

"I think I should be going. Thanks for the breakfast."

"Think you can drive now?" Faith asked with a half smile, walking Ryan to the living room.

"Haha, I think I can handle." He opened the door and looked at her for a second. "See you on monday."

Before he lost his nerve, Ryan gave Faith a small kiss on the cheek, literally fleeing like a teenager after it. Faith just stood frozen at the door until Ryan was gone.


Aiyana wasn't picking up her phone. She was probably mad... Well, she had good enough reason to be mad since Faith and Ryan bailed on her the night before. And being as sensitive as she was, she was totally the type not to answer calls to let someone know when she was upset. Faith wasn't surprised and after the 4th try, she simply left her apartment and headed for Aiyana's place. Standing outside her friend's door, she was about to knock when the door suddenly opened and Faith was greeted not only by Aiyana's beaming face, but also by a male smile.

"Mayer?" Faith said surprised. John Mayer was one of the three 5th floor male nurses.

"Dr. Ashley!" The guy said, smile fading as Aiyana turned a bright shade of red.

Faith watched them as they said goodbye to each other and John nearly sprinted down the stairs. Only then, Aiyana let the other woman inside the apartment.

"So, Yana... how have you been?" Faith asked amused as she dropped her bag on the couch and turned to look at Aiyana.

"Well, as you can see, I made it home after you and my cousin ditched me." Yana said, still red-faced, but wearing a cheeky grin that made Faith giggle.

"So I see..." She said as Aiyana swooned and sighed, falling dramatically on the couch. "I'm guessing Brendon was also entertained else where."

"Where was Ryan entertained?" Aiyana said rolling her eyes.

"Not with Brendon..." Faith pointed out, falling on the couch. Aiyana sighed again.

"Hmm, we have that in common then." She smirked. "So what happened? What made you leave me all alone?"

"Seeing neither of us wanted to be there in the first place, we just escaped while our captors, meaning Frankie and Wentz, weren't looking." Faith explained. "And you were too pissed off at the moment to notice!"

"Well you could have at least SAID SOMETHING!" Aiyana said, pouting and crossing her arms on her chest.

"You didn't waste your time though. How the hell did THAT happen?" Faith asked, interested. Aiyana smiled a little too brightly.

"I bumped into him as i was coming out of the ladies' room and he got me a drink to make up for knocking my equilibrium off. He made me laugh, and when he talked to me, it was like i was the only girl in the room." As Aiyana talked, she stared at the ceiling, sighing and swooning all over again. It made Faith laugh. "...and then he dropped me off. Or, well..." Aiyana grinned.

"Do not need details of that part, thank you very much."

"Yeah, well. What can I assume you and my cousin were up to? You were drunk enough."

Faith sighed. "Let's just say he wasn't in fit condition to be driving and made it only to my apartment."

Aiyana gave her a weird look and stood up, picking on some pillows and fixing them on the couch. "And so why are you here and not having a make-up sex day or some shit?"

"Cause we didn't make up?" Faith suggested and Aiyana groaned.

"Both of you are idiots!" She said, punctuating the last word.

"Not again." Faith muttered, as she knew some form of lecturing would pour out of Aiyana. Only this time she didn't and only gave Faith a hard glare.

"I'm NOT going to say anything else. I'm tired of trying to help you morons when you don't want to be helped. Besides, I have to pay attention to my own personal life if you haven't noticed. I haven't been with anyone else in a looong time, Faith. You and Ryan are on your own now."

Faith shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Okay. Have it your way." She said stepping up. "Now, I didn't come to talk about Ryan and I, though. I wanna go shopping and you look like you need new lingerie if you're paying attention to your own personal life. With Mayer!"

"Great! You should have said so in the beginning silly. I'm always up for shopping!" Aiyana clapped excitedly, making Faith roll her eyes. "Let me get my purse!"

"Fucking mood swings..." Faith mumbled to herself while Yana got ready to get out.
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