Categories > Original > Drama > My Life
July 12th, 2009
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. That's all I can think about, tomorrow. All because I get to be with Luna for three entire weeks; I couldn't be more excited or filled with love. She'll be coming over in a few hours, since she drives up with her parents from Florida; that's a ten-hour drive, but we'll be seeing each other anyway, just so we can get the initial "I've missed you so much" out of the way.
At TIP this summer, my course will be Alebra II so I can get high school credit for it and then take Geometry Honors during my freshman year at ADHS; it's the only way I could convince my parents to let me go this year. The cost to go to TIP is...expensive, but I always thought it was worth it just so I could see Luna uninterrupted for three whole weeks.
I've considered telling her about Aubrey, about all I've been doing behind her back, because I think that if I told Luna about all of this then she would help me to end this physical dependence, this utter lust for a girl I shouldn't even have bothered with in the first place. Three times I've had sex with Aubrey in total, and I just don't think I could end this infatuation on my own.
It's insane! I love Luna so much, my love for her exceeds everything else, and I do mean everything, but our physical distance has unfortunately converted that love to fuel my obsession with Aubrey. I'd be more than willing to turn to Luna so we can finally fix this problem, and I'm hoping that she won't be too upset or furious. Maybe I could morph the story, leave out little bits and pieces to only leave in the walks and kisses and totally skip the times I've slept with the avatar of my temptations...
Now reality sets in: it doesn't really matter, in the long haul, what I actually did, but that I betrayed her in general. I know she can be delicate at times, like a porcelain doll you wouldn't dare take out of its box, and she would need someone there for her other than me at TIP because her best friends would be back at home. I'm sure that a TIP friend such as Marni would help her through the inital shock and following depression, but is that really the best for everyone? If I told her at TIP, at the time of the year where we're the happiest, then she would actually go to everyone, telling whoever would listen what happened to the "happy couple," and the news would eventually spread until everyone was against me. I would have absolutely no place to hide, nowhere to run, and it would ruin the whole thing for both of us and all of our friends.
I should naturally know that there really never be a good time to tell Luna about what I've done, about the animal I've become. If I told her over the phone, I don't know what she would do when alone, because I know full well that she isn't over cutting just yet, and I can't tell her when we're finally together because it would defeat the purpose of being together in the first place.
This is tearing me apart. I can't stand to even think about my infidelity, but I can't afford to forget about it and lose caution of the severe situation. Why couldn't I have waited? Why couldn't I have placed myself in the same scenario as Luna, because surely she's craving for sex and pleasure and physical comfort, too! I doubt she's cheated, her love for me is too pure and strong to even actually consider it as an option. Everything would be so, so much easier if I had just put my desires aside.. It drives me mad that I now seek my mental needs in Luna and my physical needs in Aubrey.
If only they could switch places, if only Luna could be here with me and Aubrey was too far away to tempt me ever again.
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. That's all I can think about, tomorrow. All because I get to be with Luna for three entire weeks; I couldn't be more excited or filled with love. She'll be coming over in a few hours, since she drives up with her parents from Florida; that's a ten-hour drive, but we'll be seeing each other anyway, just so we can get the initial "I've missed you so much" out of the way.
At TIP this summer, my course will be Alebra II so I can get high school credit for it and then take Geometry Honors during my freshman year at ADHS; it's the only way I could convince my parents to let me go this year. The cost to go to TIP is...expensive, but I always thought it was worth it just so I could see Luna uninterrupted for three whole weeks.
I've considered telling her about Aubrey, about all I've been doing behind her back, because I think that if I told Luna about all of this then she would help me to end this physical dependence, this utter lust for a girl I shouldn't even have bothered with in the first place. Three times I've had sex with Aubrey in total, and I just don't think I could end this infatuation on my own.
It's insane! I love Luna so much, my love for her exceeds everything else, and I do mean everything, but our physical distance has unfortunately converted that love to fuel my obsession with Aubrey. I'd be more than willing to turn to Luna so we can finally fix this problem, and I'm hoping that she won't be too upset or furious. Maybe I could morph the story, leave out little bits and pieces to only leave in the walks and kisses and totally skip the times I've slept with the avatar of my temptations...
Now reality sets in: it doesn't really matter, in the long haul, what I actually did, but that I betrayed her in general. I know she can be delicate at times, like a porcelain doll you wouldn't dare take out of its box, and she would need someone there for her other than me at TIP because her best friends would be back at home. I'm sure that a TIP friend such as Marni would help her through the inital shock and following depression, but is that really the best for everyone? If I told her at TIP, at the time of the year where we're the happiest, then she would actually go to everyone, telling whoever would listen what happened to the "happy couple," and the news would eventually spread until everyone was against me. I would have absolutely no place to hide, nowhere to run, and it would ruin the whole thing for both of us and all of our friends.
I should naturally know that there really never be a good time to tell Luna about what I've done, about the animal I've become. If I told her over the phone, I don't know what she would do when alone, because I know full well that she isn't over cutting just yet, and I can't tell her when we're finally together because it would defeat the purpose of being together in the first place.
This is tearing me apart. I can't stand to even think about my infidelity, but I can't afford to forget about it and lose caution of the severe situation. Why couldn't I have waited? Why couldn't I have placed myself in the same scenario as Luna, because surely she's craving for sex and pleasure and physical comfort, too! I doubt she's cheated, her love for me is too pure and strong to even actually consider it as an option. Everything would be so, so much easier if I had just put my desires aside.. It drives me mad that I now seek my mental needs in Luna and my physical needs in Aubrey.
If only they could switch places, if only Luna could be here with me and Aubrey was too far away to tempt me ever again.
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