Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > A Heart On The Mend

20. What about now?

by Firith 2 reviews


Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Crossover,Drama,Romance - Published: 2009-12-05 - Updated: 2009-12-05 - 1014 words - Complete

Faith was sitting by the edge of the building, one of her legs hanging down, the other bent under her body. She had been smoking, but now she was just staring out into the night. It wasn't late and the night was quiet so far. Very unlikely for a saturday, but she wasn't complaining.

The door creaking softly didn't alarm her, as she thought it was the wind, but when she heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps tapping on pavement, Faith turned around.

“Hi.” Said Ryan, hands in his pockets.

“Hi.” She said, looking at him quite confused.

“Um…” He started, but stopped suddenly at realizing where Faith was sitting. “Oh, my God! Get the fuck away from there!” He said, flailing his arms, but refusing to go anywhere near the edge.

Faith giggled. “Okay, calm down… is not like I'm planning to jump…” She joked, standing up and walking somewhere safer. Ryan sighed and they fell silent for a moment. “What are you doing here?”

“Um… I had- I-” He sighed again. “We need to talk, Faith.”


“Yes, now. I… It has to be now.” Ryan stated and it seemed like he wanted to convince himself of that. “I was at Aiyana's party and… I don't know…”

Faith just looked at him. Ryan took a deep breath.

“I can't do this anymore, Faith. I miss you… Actually, I love you.” He blurted. “And all this time I've been a wreck, thinking that something I did or didn't do was what made you lie in the first place. All this time I've tried to blame you and hate you and I can't.” He stopped to breath and paced. Faith stared. “I love you and I wanna be with you. For fuck's sake! I wanna marry you!”

Ryan came to a stop right infront of her and held his breath.

“I slept with Mikey.” Faith blurted out and Ryan kept holding his breath, like he had forgotten how to breathe. “Or, actually, tried and really didn't…” She tried to explain. “I mean… I was going to and… and I couldn't.” Faith swallowed. “I couldn't because of you.”

Only then Ryan released all the air he had inside his lungs. Faith bit her lip.

“I couldn't--” She started again. “I love you, Ryan. And every single second I was with him, I wished he was you, I wished you were there… and you weren't.” Faith confessed, crossing her arms across her chest and rubbing her upper arm.

“So you've been seeing him since we-?” Ryan flinched.

“No. I just needed someone to vent… I guess he wasn't the best choice after all.”

They stayed in silence for another moment.

“Why didn't you tell me about the baby, Faith?” Ryan spoke slowly.

“How could I?” She rubbed her face. “How could I tell you anything if I didn't get it myself? Tell you that part of me wanted the baby and the other half was terrified? How could I tell you if that meant admitting I had feelings for you? That I--” Faith stopped to wipe the single tear that escaped her will not to cry. “I was scared. Scared to find out you didn't feel the same…”

Ryan shook his head and said nothing.

“I'm still not sorry for not telling you, but I am sorry we had to go through all this to finally be honest with each other…” Faith added in a lower voice. “I guess- that's what you wanted to hear?”

Ryan shook his head again. “No… I just wanted to tell you the truth. And wanted to hear the truth from you.” He chuckled dryly. “Even when I don't like it.”

Faith immediately knew he was talking about the Mikey part. “I know that was a mistake. And I also know I won't be going back there.” Ryan gave her a skeptic look. “I mean it, Ryan. There's nothing left there for me.” She sighed. “I know it's kind of hard to understand, but… almost having that last- thing…” Faith stopped again and wiped more tears off her face. “That's it. It wasn't smart, but it was what had to happen for me to be able to turn around.”

Ryan nodded silently, still kicking the floor.

“Now what?” Faith asked. “We go back to try and be friends or simply be over with all this and I get a job across the country?” She said only half joking.

Ryan half smiled, but she didn't see him. “You shouldn't be asking that, Faith.”

“Okay, then.” She said, looking down and walking to the stairs door, completely misunderstanding what Ryan meant.

He giggled and stopped her, grabbing her arm. Before she could protest or ask, he kissed her. “How about starting over?” He whispered, cleaning her face with his thumb.

“I like that idea.” Faith said with a small smile cracking on her face.

Ryan smiled and kissed her again, holding her close. “I missed you so much… so much…”

“I missed you too.” Faith said, clinging to his neck. “Oh, fuck, why did you have to choose today to do this?” She giggled and looked at him.

“What you mean?” Ryan asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Cause I can’t go home!” Faith pouted. “And we can’t have amazing make up sex all night.”

Ryan laughed at it, pulling her close again and placing his forehead on hers. “Tell you what. I’ll pick you up in the morning…” He said kissing her neck softly. “…and we’ll have amazing make up sex all day, hmm?”

“Mmm… I like the sound of that.”

“One condition though.” Ryan released Faith and looked a little more serious. “I… I want you to reconsider… switching days.” He said biting his lip. “Just- just think about it…”

“I will…” Faith said with a nod. “I’ll switch days so I don’t have to work with Mikey anymore.”


Faith nodded again. “Yeah. I’ll ask Carden or Frankie. You were right about that too… I should’ve done that a long time ago.”

Ryan smiled.
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