Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Fear
Today I am eighteen. Today I am on my own. Today I look back on my past and wish I could have it all last forever. Or at least have everything, as it is right at this very moment, the same way, forever. There is no going backward only moving forward. Most people tell themselves that because their backwards wasn't so great but mine was. It is something familiar and comforting to me. Something I know very well and love dearly and I want it back. If I could just be eighteen forever.
I threw off my sheets in disgust of my new found age and responsibility, and then immediately felt bad for doing so. These sheets have been on my bed for years I loved them. They've served me well keeping me warm in the winter, keeping me comfortable. Yes, everything had a personality for me today. My tall dark purple dresser that had served me so well my whole life. Taking on each different coat of paint through the years like a trooper to serve my happiness. I sighed and exited my room going down the stairs and into the kitchen.
My mother was making pancakes, my father was reading the paper, and my little sister Madeline was already eating as well as coloring. As I walked over closer to the great big table I saw a heavily decorated pony on each page. I sank into the chair and asked if I could color the side she wasn't working on. Maddie nodded her head, her curls bouncing around her face as she did so, and continued to color. Maddie was brilliant. Not like "oh look at my baby sister she's so smart and great isn't she?" more like she was legitimately brilliant. One day when she's fourteen she will go on some talk show like Oprah and play an amazing piece on the piano that she conducted herself and then she'll sit in the comfy chairs in front of live television and a thousand people in the audience and talk about how she graduated from Harvard at the age of twelve and cured cancer. My parents and I really couldn't wait to see the things she would do one day with her brilliance we all three adored her.
"Here you go hunny" my mom slid a plate of pancakes in front of me and I smiled up into the face of my beautiful and loving mother. This woman who has cared for me for eighteen years without complaint and always with a smile. I was being overly sensitive today I know but I guess it was just that I was so grateful to have a family like this. "What are your plans today?" my father questioned me as he looked up from his newspaper. My father was a business man, a publisher with a great love of literature. I inherited his fascination with words and love of escaping to captivating fantasy worlds that you could hold in your hand. He showed me how truly magical and comforting books can be. "Going into the city and looking at apartments with Kate" I replied answering his question, he nodded smiling and went back to his paper. My father liked the idea of me living in Philadelphia my mother however, did not. In fact she absolutely despised that plan of mine. My father understood my love of the city and the opportunities that lay ahead for me there. I was a writer and photographer, I'd graduated school a year early, and it was finally ready for me to break free and find happiness in my adult life. I'd saved up a lot of money to make this idea a reality. I just couldnt live at home with my parents forever it was time for me to move on and for them to focus completly on Maddie. She deserved that as thats what I had gotten most of my life, I wanted the same happy life with my parents that I had, for her. After eating and receiving birthday wishes from my family I went upstairs to my room and put on jeans and a black T-shirt. Covered my eyes in thick eyeliner and put some products in my unruly hair to keep it from looking too much of a mess. After I kissed each of my family members on the cheek, and receiving a rather dramatic hug from my overly emotional mother, I headed out the door. Before I left I was sure to remind both of my parents that I would be only a half hour away from my Jersey home and would remember their unnecessary but thoughtful warnings of the danger in the city. I knew how to keep myself safe, they worried too much about me.
Kate and I were on the train an hour later pulling out of the station and headed bodly into our new life, our present future you might say. "Ok, so we need a three bedroom, with at least one bathroom and a kitchenette" I said making sure to write all this down in the notebook I'd brought along with me. I was determined to remain organized. Kate nodded and then smiled at me making me curious as to what she was hiding, I knew Kate well, I'd seen that smile before. "Kate" I said suspiciously eyeing her "What do you know that I dont?!" she giggled and cleared her throat "Ok, ok! So it just happens that my aunt has decided to move out of her three bedroom one bathroom apartment with a full kitchen a big living area and an amazing view of the city, and loves me so much that she's decided to sell it to me for two thousand dollars!" I was in total shock "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! We could totally swing that!" I couldn't believe our luck.
We arrived at our new home an hour later. Not too bad seeing as the train made a few stops and Kate and I have a horrible sense of direction. I explored after we had signed all the necessary papers for the real estate agent and handed over our money. We instantly fell in love with it and moved in that weekend. The apartment was all ours.
It felt unreal to be living in the apartment so quickly after buying it, with cash I might add. We were so lucky! The apartment was beautiful. It had dark wooden floors, it was mainly like one big open room with a kitchen on one end and living room on the other, there was room in between the two for a small dining table. At the very end of it were a bunch of window that took up the length of the wall, there was a big window along it as well that we made a cushion for. Below it there were cabinets for storage. We had a small cabinet/table for our TV in front of it and a couch as well. The kitchen was fully stocked as we both loved to cook. The entire room was a dark blue. Our rooms were each painted black as well as the room I would use as my studio. I set up all my equipment and emptied all of the things from my old bedroom into my new with the help of both Kate and my family all this was possible. We'd been living in the apartment for a week and everything was running smoothly. Although there should have been no pressure on me I felt anxious and knew what that meant. Something was about to change, something even bigger than this apartment. I got a mixed feeling of bad and good and couldn't figure out what could possibly happen to change my life anymore than it already had that was such a mix of emotions. I'd often had similar anxiety before but a specific feeling was attached with it. It made me nervous to the point where I wanted to stop time. What fate had in store for me was unknown and I didn't want to find out, but time pushed me forward. I had no choice.
Authors note: I'm DYING to know what people think of this new story! ALSO I'm so delighted in the fact that people are reading and enjoying my story 'A kiss and I will Surrender' I love it so much and I am at this very moment writing more it will be up soon. Aside from all that though I wanted to point out if you hadnt already noticed that the girl in the story has no name as of yet it will come in the next chapter dont worry. Fact: This story is based of a dream that I had a few months ago and I've been creating it in my head ever since. :D! Hope you fall in love with it like I did more up soon rate and review if you want more! I'm serious!
I threw off my sheets in disgust of my new found age and responsibility, and then immediately felt bad for doing so. These sheets have been on my bed for years I loved them. They've served me well keeping me warm in the winter, keeping me comfortable. Yes, everything had a personality for me today. My tall dark purple dresser that had served me so well my whole life. Taking on each different coat of paint through the years like a trooper to serve my happiness. I sighed and exited my room going down the stairs and into the kitchen.
My mother was making pancakes, my father was reading the paper, and my little sister Madeline was already eating as well as coloring. As I walked over closer to the great big table I saw a heavily decorated pony on each page. I sank into the chair and asked if I could color the side she wasn't working on. Maddie nodded her head, her curls bouncing around her face as she did so, and continued to color. Maddie was brilliant. Not like "oh look at my baby sister she's so smart and great isn't she?" more like she was legitimately brilliant. One day when she's fourteen she will go on some talk show like Oprah and play an amazing piece on the piano that she conducted herself and then she'll sit in the comfy chairs in front of live television and a thousand people in the audience and talk about how she graduated from Harvard at the age of twelve and cured cancer. My parents and I really couldn't wait to see the things she would do one day with her brilliance we all three adored her.
"Here you go hunny" my mom slid a plate of pancakes in front of me and I smiled up into the face of my beautiful and loving mother. This woman who has cared for me for eighteen years without complaint and always with a smile. I was being overly sensitive today I know but I guess it was just that I was so grateful to have a family like this. "What are your plans today?" my father questioned me as he looked up from his newspaper. My father was a business man, a publisher with a great love of literature. I inherited his fascination with words and love of escaping to captivating fantasy worlds that you could hold in your hand. He showed me how truly magical and comforting books can be. "Going into the city and looking at apartments with Kate" I replied answering his question, he nodded smiling and went back to his paper. My father liked the idea of me living in Philadelphia my mother however, did not. In fact she absolutely despised that plan of mine. My father understood my love of the city and the opportunities that lay ahead for me there. I was a writer and photographer, I'd graduated school a year early, and it was finally ready for me to break free and find happiness in my adult life. I'd saved up a lot of money to make this idea a reality. I just couldnt live at home with my parents forever it was time for me to move on and for them to focus completly on Maddie. She deserved that as thats what I had gotten most of my life, I wanted the same happy life with my parents that I had, for her. After eating and receiving birthday wishes from my family I went upstairs to my room and put on jeans and a black T-shirt. Covered my eyes in thick eyeliner and put some products in my unruly hair to keep it from looking too much of a mess. After I kissed each of my family members on the cheek, and receiving a rather dramatic hug from my overly emotional mother, I headed out the door. Before I left I was sure to remind both of my parents that I would be only a half hour away from my Jersey home and would remember their unnecessary but thoughtful warnings of the danger in the city. I knew how to keep myself safe, they worried too much about me.
Kate and I were on the train an hour later pulling out of the station and headed bodly into our new life, our present future you might say. "Ok, so we need a three bedroom, with at least one bathroom and a kitchenette" I said making sure to write all this down in the notebook I'd brought along with me. I was determined to remain organized. Kate nodded and then smiled at me making me curious as to what she was hiding, I knew Kate well, I'd seen that smile before. "Kate" I said suspiciously eyeing her "What do you know that I dont?!" she giggled and cleared her throat "Ok, ok! So it just happens that my aunt has decided to move out of her three bedroom one bathroom apartment with a full kitchen a big living area and an amazing view of the city, and loves me so much that she's decided to sell it to me for two thousand dollars!" I was in total shock "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! We could totally swing that!" I couldn't believe our luck.
We arrived at our new home an hour later. Not too bad seeing as the train made a few stops and Kate and I have a horrible sense of direction. I explored after we had signed all the necessary papers for the real estate agent and handed over our money. We instantly fell in love with it and moved in that weekend. The apartment was all ours.
It felt unreal to be living in the apartment so quickly after buying it, with cash I might add. We were so lucky! The apartment was beautiful. It had dark wooden floors, it was mainly like one big open room with a kitchen on one end and living room on the other, there was room in between the two for a small dining table. At the very end of it were a bunch of window that took up the length of the wall, there was a big window along it as well that we made a cushion for. Below it there were cabinets for storage. We had a small cabinet/table for our TV in front of it and a couch as well. The kitchen was fully stocked as we both loved to cook. The entire room was a dark blue. Our rooms were each painted black as well as the room I would use as my studio. I set up all my equipment and emptied all of the things from my old bedroom into my new with the help of both Kate and my family all this was possible. We'd been living in the apartment for a week and everything was running smoothly. Although there should have been no pressure on me I felt anxious and knew what that meant. Something was about to change, something even bigger than this apartment. I got a mixed feeling of bad and good and couldn't figure out what could possibly happen to change my life anymore than it already had that was such a mix of emotions. I'd often had similar anxiety before but a specific feeling was attached with it. It made me nervous to the point where I wanted to stop time. What fate had in store for me was unknown and I didn't want to find out, but time pushed me forward. I had no choice.
Authors note: I'm DYING to know what people think of this new story! ALSO I'm so delighted in the fact that people are reading and enjoying my story 'A kiss and I will Surrender' I love it so much and I am at this very moment writing more it will be up soon. Aside from all that though I wanted to point out if you hadnt already noticed that the girl in the story has no name as of yet it will come in the next chapter dont worry. Fact: This story is based of a dream that I had a few months ago and I've been creating it in my head ever since. :D! Hope you fall in love with it like I did more up soon rate and review if you want more! I'm serious!
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