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Baby Reno: Part 1
"We're not supposed to be here," Rude fully expected it when Reno chose not to listen.
"Relax, nothing bad will happen." They were in what was left of an old Shinra lab. Reno was feeling bored that day and decided to do a little exploring. He never expected that after poking machines he shouldn't be poking, there would be a strange explosion.
Rude rushed to get his partner out of trouble, but in his place he did not find the grown up Reno, instead there was a baby version of him swimming in the clothes that were too big now. "Reno?"
The baby looked at Rude and Rude looked at the baby. A few seconds passed like that in complete silence, before the child started screaming his little head off in an effort to make his 'uncle Rude' pick him up.
Rude picked up the crying child and gently rocked him in his arms, while singing an off key lullaby. Reno quieted, not because he liked the lullaby, but because maybe if he was quiet, his dear uncle Rude, who was certainly no singer, would be quiet too. "Reno, it's really, you isn't it?"
The child had the same eyes, the same hair, though without the ponytail part and Reno's goggles atop his head that served to prove even further how much smaller he was now.
Rude took one last look at the machine that had caused this strange effect, memorizing every detail about it in case he needed to describe it later. Then he left towards the new Shinra headquarters.
xoxox xox xoxox
Upon arriving at HQ, Rude went to Rufus' office to inform him of the latest happenings. Rufus and his current Turk guard on duty, Elena, looked at Rude as he arrived carrying a baby. "A child? Where did he come from?" The boy looked familiar, but Rufus couldn't figure out why.
There was a moment of silence as Rude tried to find a way to explain this. While he gave the situation some thought and chose his words carefully, Elena spoke first. "You see it all starts with a mommy and a daddy..."
"I didn't mean to ask that," Rufus clarified.
"He's Reno," Rude finally revealed the truth clear and simple, or maybe not so clear.
"He's Reno's child?" Rufus got an idea. "Let me hold him for a moment, come here little Turk." While holding the baby he made a pose. "What do you think of this for positive publicity?"
"Are you going to do the entire shaking hands and kissing babies publicity thing?" Elena inquired.
"If it works," Rufus kissed the baby's forehead.
"So who's the poor unfortunate soul, er I mean, who's the baby's mother?" Elena asked.
"This isn't Reno's son. This is Reno. He turned into a baby after having an accident with an old Shinra machine," Rude explained.
"You could have told me before!" Rufus immediately gave the baby back to Rude. "I remember Hojo mentioning that something like this happened once. The effect should end in a few days and he'll be back to normal. Until then, I guess you'll have to baby-sit."
xoxox xox xoxox
The Turks' office, currently occupied by the four main Turks, was filled with Reno's complaints from being held like a common shopping bag, even if he wasn't fully crying yet. "Rude, that's not how you hold a baby," Elena scolded. "Give him to me."
Rude gave her the baby. He was getting tired of having his little partner kick him, even if he couldn't kick too hard being so small.
"It's okay, aunty Elena's here," Elena gently held little Reno. "You know, he's not so bad as a baby." Reno yawned and closed his eyes, falling asleep. "I'll put him somewhere so he can continue his nap." Elena left.
Another moment of silence passed as Rude and Tseng continued taking in the situation. Maybe dealing with a baby Reno for the next few days wouldn't be so bad. "Elena will baby-sit. The rest of us will continue working normally," Tseng concluded, since she seemed to be the only one who knew how to properly handle a baby.
Time slowly passed and eventually, Elena returned with a crying Reno. "I couldn't find a baby bottle in this entire building!" She was clearly losing her patience.
"We don't have any baby items here, why would we?" Tseng mused.
"For an emergency like this," Elena reasoned. "Here Rude, try to keep him busy while Tseng and I go shopping."
"You want me to go?" Tseng wasn't looking forward to shopping for baby things for Reno.
"Yes, we need a lot of supplies," Elena insisted.
After Tseng and Elena departed, Rude was left alone with Reno. "Don't cry partner. Aunt Elena and uncle Tseng will be back with lots of toys for you very soon. Until then you have uncle Rude to play with." Reno continued crying. "It's okay, I'll try to find some food for you." The offer wasn't enough to make Reno stop his crying until he got a hold of Rude's finger and bit him. "No!" Rude removed his finger from Reno's mouth and the red haired child started crying again. Rude sighed in defeat and let little Reno chew on his finger. The things he did for his partner, Reno better appreciate this.
xoxox xox xoxox
"What do you think of this one?" Elena held some baby clothes for Tseng to see. The pants were baby blue, the shirt was of the same color, but it had a picture of a fluffy white bunny. The set also included white bunny slippers and a white bunny hat with long fluffy ears.
"It's okay," Tseng sounded bored.
"That's what you said about all of them. I like this one. Let's buy it." Elena threw the outfit into their shopping cart along with the other baby clothes.
"Do we have everything we need now?" Sure Tseng liked Elena, but shopping was boring.
Elena pouted. "If you want to leave I'll finish shopping by myself. It's just that, sometimes it's nice to pretend I'm shopping for my own child."
This caught Tseng's attention, "your own child?"
"I don't have children but I want to, someday. If the right man asks me to marry him," Elena hinted.
Unknown to them, Yuffie was in that same store. She saw a baby tshirt with a picture of a materia and wondered if she could find one in her size. Sadly the store only appeared to have clothes for babies, but Yuffie wouldn't give up. She was determined to get that shirt even if she was never able to wear it, she would just put on it her teddy-bear.
Elena and Tseng moved to the toy section. It could only be so long before little Reno got bored of napping and playing with paper balls and airplanes and demanded some real toys.
Walking to the toy area in search of materia themed toys, which she had been secretly collecting, Yuffie spotted Tseng and Elena. She hid in a large pile of plushies tried to listen to their conversation.
"I'm getting kind of hungry," Elena placed her hand on her stomach, but Yuffie was too far to hear.
"Let's have lunch after we pay for this stuff," Tseng agreed.
Elena noticed the plushies. "Look, they made plushies of the Turks," she picked up a Tseng plushie. She would pretend it was for Reno then keep it to herself. She also added to the shopping cart a plushie of herself and plushies of Reno and Rude. The last two were actually for the baby. She also took a moogle, a chocobo, Cait Sith and Red XIII for the baby.
"Elena, don't forget the baby bottle. That's what we came here to buy," Tseng reminded.
"I think they're over this way." As soon as Tseng and Elena left, Yuffie breathed in relief.
The materia stealing ninja had stayed perfectly still, hoping that she wasn't caught spying and it worked. Of course after witnessing that scene, she couldn't help it but to jump to conclusions. "Elena is having Tseng's baby, wait until I tell everyone!" Yuffie jumped out of the plushie mountain and noticed something, "materia plushie!" She glomped it.
xoxox xox xoxox
After buying all the necessary baby supplies, Tseng and Elena had lunch, then returned to Shinra HQ. They found Rude suffering from headache thanks to Reno. The baby thought that his head was a drum and kept hitting it with a pen and a pencil. If Rude tried to stop him, Reno would start crying, making his headache worse. To Rude, Tseng and Elena looked like angels of hope coming to rescue him from the hyper sugar high baby. Maybe giving him candy wasn't such a good idea after all.
Tseng examined the area. "Why is this place such a mess?"
"I put Reno on the floor for just a second and he crawled away." He conveniently let out the part about giving him candy before that. Rude had lost count of how many times Reno crawled under a desk or table and he bumped his head trying to catch him.
"We brought all the necessary baby supplies. Go change him into some baby clothes while I prepare his milk and don't forget the diaper." Elena took some of the bags Tseng was carrying and handed them to Rude.
Rude then went off to get Reno ready. Looking at the baby clothes he found bunnies, kittens, moogles, chocobos and other funny looking outfits. From all of them he chose the moogle. Soon Reno was wearing fuzzy white clothes with little wings and a moogle hat. "Okay Reno, your aunt Elena will give you some milk very soon so try to sit still until then." The only answer Rude got was a sudden cry. "What's wrong? Don't you like your new clothes? Don't blame me. I wasn't the one who picked them." The crying continued.
"Rude what's going on?" Elena came with a bottle of milk, followed by Tseng. "Does he need a diaper change so soon?"
Rude looked at baby Reno then at Tseng and Elena. "I don't want to do it."
"I'm not going to do it," Tseng declared.
"I don't want to do it and I'm not going to do it," Elena added.
They looked at each other, trying to appoint someone to change Reno's diaper. "Someone has to do it or he won't shut up," Tseng felt the beginning of a headache.
"Rude, you're his partner, you do it," Elena insisted.
"But I don't know how to change a diaper," Rude complained.
"I'll explain as you go along," Elena offered. Reno was certainly a very noisy baby. The Turks suddenly found themselves feeling sorry for his mother.
"Alright, I'll do it," Rude finally agreed, having been left without a choice. Following Elena's instructions, Rude changed Reno's diaper. It wasn't easy since Reno wouldn't stay still, but Rude was thankful it was over.
Elena fed Reno his milk. Reno was quite hungry and wasn't satisfied with just one bottle of milk. "I think he needs some baby food too. Tseng, hold him while I get some."
xoxox xox xoxox
Giving Reno baby food turned out to be quite an adventure. What started as a meal for a baby turned into a food war, as little Reno refused to let anyone escape without a good amount of baby food thrown at their face.
"It's quiet," Elena's voice was hardly above a whisper.
"Too quiet," Rude added.
"Alright team, move out!" Tseng commanded.
Elena did not look too happy with that idea. "Wait, it could still be dangerous!" Her warning came too late, Tseng placed a pot on his head, grabbed a flying pan as a shield and left their shelter made from a side-turned table.
The tiny red haired enemy saw his target and threw a handful of baby food.
Tseng blocked with the frying pan. "You're going to run out of ammunition eventually! Move the fortress!"
At their leader's command, Rude and Elena lifted the table, still using it as a shield and moved it closer to their adorable little enemy. Tseng returned to the fortress. "How is the situation?" Elena inquired.
"This doesn't look good. He still had a lot of food left," Tseng was interrupted by baby food falling on the floor near by.
"It's an ambush!" Elena was right, baby food started to rain upon them.
"He tricked us, he wasn't throwing the food as hard as he could before to make us get closer. "Reno was a clever baby. "Retreat!" Tseng never thought he would be saying that word. The Turks did not retreat, but this was a special case. They ran away, being hit by the baby food as they went.
Rufus quietly passed by and peeked in. "I only wanted to see how things were going, but looking at your current state says enough." He continued on his way, looking back only once, to take one last glance at Tseng with a pot on his head and at all three adult Turks covered in baby food.
"He must think we're incapable of handling the situation," Tseng was very frustrated.
"Are we?" Rude wondered.
"This is no time for doubt," Tseng took off his helmet and dropped his shield. "I'm going in!" Even if he turned into a baby food snow man, he wasn't going to show any fear.
"He's so brave," Elena sighed dreamily.
Tseng charged and Reno was prepared for the attack. "Give me all you got, the leader of the Turks will not be defeated by a little ba-ah!" To challenge little Reno was a bad idea. He threw baby food, hitting Tseng right on the face. Tseng didn't see where he was going and stepped on some baby food that was on the floor. He slipped backwards, did a funny slippery dance in a futile attempt to regain his balance, and landed face up at the foot of Reno's baby chair. Reno dropped the bowl of baby food down at his fallen enemy.
"Tseng!" Elena rushed in and slipped, landing on top of Tseng. "At least he is unarmed now." Tseng's brave sacrifice would not be in vain. Elena struggled to get off Tseng, but that only resulted in more slipping. Finally, after many embarrassing, yet oddly enjoyable, failed attempts, both Tseng and Elena were on their feet.
"I think the worse is over" Tseng breathed in relief, but his conclusion was wrong.
xoxox xox xoxox
The day was absolutely exhausting for the Turks and they were all too happy when night finally came. They decided that since Rude was Reno's partner, he should stay with him. Rude agreed thinking it wouldn't be too much trouble, since Reno should be sleeping all night, or at least that's what Rude thought.
Tseng was woken up at two in the morning by the phone. "Hello?" This better be important, anything less than an emergency that threatened all of Shinra could wait until morning.
"Can I take Reno to your place?" Rude sounded positively exhausted.
"Rude? You woke me up to ask me that? Couldn't it wait until morning?" Tseng was annoyed.
"I haven't slept all night. Reno keeps crying for no reason and waking me up," Rude begged.
"Why didn't you call Elena? She knows more about babies than I do," Tseng reminded.
"Elena said 'feed him, change his diaper, sing him a lullaby and don't call me again or I'll shoot you tomorrow at work.' She sounded dead serious too," Rude explained.
"Not a bad idea," Tseng grumbled.
"I can't do this," Rude was absolutely stressed out.
"Survive this one night and tomorrow Elena will take care of him, then I will take care of him the night after that." Without waiting for Rude's reply, Tseng hung up and disconnected the phone.
xoxox xox xoxox
The next day was like a copy of the first, expect Reno's aim had improved, which meant more baby food in the face of the three grown up Turks. He appeared to be much more energetic, even if he didn't sleep and kept Rude awake. At the end of the day, the Turks had not gotten any work done and were so tired, it felt as if they haven't slept in years.
As expected, Reno kept Elena awake all night and the same thing happened with Tseng. By the forth day, the Turks were at the end of their patience. "We need a babysitter," Elena concluded.
Rude remembered that Cloud and Tifa were taking care of some kids, "Tifa can baby-sit."
"Excellent, you will take Reno to Tifa and request her babysitting services," Tseng decided.
Rude packed Reno's toys and baby supplies; picked up the baby and headed to Tifa's house.
xoxox xox xoxox
"Tifa!" Rude called desperately as he went inside. "This is an emergency!"
"Rude, what's wrong?" Tifa feared the worse. "Is Sephiroth back? Is the planet in danger? What is it?"
"I need a babysitter," Rude requested.
Tifa glared, she didn't like to be alarmed for no good reason, "that's all?"
"This is an emergency! Please take care of him," Rude gave her the baby. He was now dressed as a kitten that looked like Cait Sith.
Tifa was a little confused. "What are you talking about and who is this little boy?"
"He's Reno," Rude revealed.
Tifa looked at the child. "Reno? Well he certainly looks like Reno. Who's the poor unfortunate soul, I mean, if Reno is the father, then who's the baby's mother?"
"He's not Reno's son, he is Reno. He had an accident in an old Shinra lab. He should be back to normal in a few days, I hope. Until then, could you please take care of him? He's driving the Turks insane," Rude begged.
Sure this was Reno, a member of the Turks, but he was only a baby now. "Alright I'll take care of him," Tifa agreed.
"Thank you, here are his baby things." Finally, Rude would get some peace and quite.
"Babye uncle Wude!" Little Reno waved at him.
Rude's mood suddenly changed for the better. Baby Reno wasn't that bad. Maybe he could stand to take care of him for a little longer, but he really needed some sleep and Tifa was more experienced in babysitting than he was. "Goodbye Reno, I'll come back to visit soon."
After Rude was gone, Marlene who had heard some voices downstairs, curiously went to see what it was about. "Tifa?" Tifa turned to face the girl, who then noticed the baby. "A baby! Can I hold him, please?"
"Alright, just be careful," Tifa agreed.
"Can Denzel and I play with him? We'll be very careful, I promise!" Marlene asked.
"Okay, you can play with him," Tifa smiled, she really liked children.
Denzel came after he thought he heard his name. "Did someone call me? Did Cloud come back?"
"He hasn't come back yet," Tifa replied.
"But we have someone new to play with," Marlene cheered.
"I think you two can take care of him for a while, call me if you need anything. These are his toys." Tifa handed Denzel the bag. "His name is Reno."
xoxox xox xoxox
Marlene and Denzel played with the baby and all was quiet until Reno wanted a bottle of milk. "Tifa, I think Reno's hungry, he won't stop crying and I'm only used to babysitting people around my age," Marlene called.
Denzel realized she was talking about him, "hey!"
"Coming!" Tifa arrived with a bottle of milk for little Reno. After he finished his milk, came the chaos of the baby food war.
"I'm happy we have a baby around," Marlene cheered.
"Yeah, he's fun!" Denzel agreed.
Tifa tried to shield herself while the children threw baby food at each other. "Stop it, all of you! You're making a mess!" Reno had woken up the kids 'inner hyperness' with some hyperness of his own. Unfortunately for Tifa, it didn't look like the baby food fight would end any time soon, since the kids simply picked up as much as they could from the floor to throw it again. This had never happened to her before, usually babysitting was so easy. "Stop!" Tifa yelled at the top of her voice echoing loudly.
Marlene and Denzel dropped their ammunition and looked at Tifa with sad expressions, realizing they might actually get into trouble for their battle. All was silent for a few seconds, until suddenly Reno started crying. If Tifa's voice was heard all over the city, Reno could be heard all over the planet.
Feeling completely helpless, Tifa picked up baby Reno and tried to calm him down. "Go get cleaned up," she tried to tell Marlene and Denzel.
"What?" The children asked at the same time.
"Go get cleaned up!" Such would be Tifa's luck that Reno had quieted down at the precise moment when Tifa yelled trying to be heard over his crying. Had she known this would happen, she wouldn't have raised her voice so much. As expected, the unnecessary loudness made Reno start crying again louder than before, if that was even possible. Tifa moved her head toward the kitchen door, gesturing for the children to leave and get cleaned up while she once again tried to end Reno's crying.
Cloud returned to find baby food footprints all over the Seventh Heaven, which he assumed by the size of them, were left by Marlene and Denzel. A baby's cries could be heard from outside. In fact, he had been hearing a baby crying for a while, but had no idea where the loud noise was coming from. "Tifa?" Shielding his ears, Cloud went in search of his childhood friend.
Once again Tifa managed to calm Reno's loud cries. She thought she heard Cloud calling, but with all the noise she wasn't quite sure. "Cloud?"
Cloud looked at Tifa, who was holding the baby. "When did we adopt another orphan?"
"Mommy," baby Reno said to Tifa.
Cloud looked at the child. "He called you mommy but he looks like Reno." He paused, letting his mind run wild with unlikely theories.
"He is Reno," Tifa confirmed.
Cloud opened his eyes wide, his jaw dropped and he began to twitch. "Could you repeat that?"
"He is Reno," Tifa repeated slowly as. Sure taking care of a baby was a handful, even more so if that baby was Reno, the most hyper of the Turks. Cloud must have already noticed there would be some difficulties judging by the baby food everywhere, but that was not reason enough to get that nervous, surprised and all around freaked out. "Are you alright?"
"You and Reno have a son?" Cloud screamed loud enough for Marlene and Denzel to rush down the stairs. They had already finished getting cleaned up.
"He's your son?" Marlene was curious.
"When was he born? How come we didn't notice?" Denzel inquired.
That's when Cloud's brain decided to jump start after partially recovering from the shock. "That's right; I don't remember you ever being pregnant." It didn't make sense, but with Shinra involved, anything was possible.
"He's not my son!" Tifa yelled loud enough for anyone who had heard Cloud yell before to clear up that misunderstanding.
Cloud took a deep breath, filling his lungs with much needed oxygen. He let his breath escape slowly. "Don't scare me like that." Cloud took at closer look at the baby. "He really does look a lot like Reno. If you're not his mom then who's the poor unfortunate soul, I mean, his mother, who is his mother?"
Tifa started to explain. "Well, you see this isn't an ordinary baby."
Clouds interrupted in alarm. "You're not going to say that Jenova is his mother, are you? Reno and Jenova had a son? How is that even possible? Is he going to grow up to be like Sephiroth or worse?"
"Cloud, stop jumping to conclusions and let me explain!" Tifa urged, Cloud nodded and remained quiet. "Reno had a little accident at an old Shinra lab and this was the result."
"Is it a Reno clone or..." Cloud went back into shock. "Reno gave birth?"
"No!" Tifa was quick to deny Cloud's crazy theory. "What I mean to say is that this is Reno, he was turned into a baby in the accident."
"If that is Reno then why is he here? Shouldn't the Turks be taking care of him?" Cloud asked.
"He was driving them insane," Tifa answered. "As you can see from the state of the walls and floor, taking care of a baby Reno is not an easy job."
"And you agreed to it?" Cloud was horrified.
"I felt sorry for him," Tifa cradled little Reno, he was cute when he wasn't being mischievous.
Cloud decided to be supportive and offered to hold Reno who called him, "daddy?"
"I'm not your father," Cloud pouted and Reno looked like he was about to cry. "It's okay, don't cry. You can call me daddy if it makes you happy."
"Daddy!" Reno hugged Cloud.
Cloud couldn't help it but to smile. "You felt sorry for him, huh? I guess he's not so bad when he's this little. It's hard to stay mad at him like this."
"Actually, I felt sorry for Rude. You should have seen him. I can only imagine the state that Tseng and Elena are in. Even if they are Turks, these are hard times from them." Tifa explained. "Anyway, now that you're here, you can help take care of little Reno. Marlene, Denzel, since you two enjoyed the food fight so much, you can give me a hand by cleaning up this mess while I do the laundry."
A unanimous "aw" was heard from the two kids.
"C'mon it's not so bad. Give Tifa a hand, she works really hard around here." Cloud felt guilty that he sometimes disappeared for so long and didn't do too many chores.
"Cloud, you can give Reno a bath," Tifa ordered.
"What? Me? Why me?" Cloud complained.
"I'm sure you can handle getting a baby cleaned up, it's not that hard. Besides, Marlene and Denzel are helping clean the baby food and I'm doing the laundry, you need to help too," Tifa insisted.
"Let's trade chores?" Cloud begged.
"The last time I trusted you with the washing machine, you flooded the entire first floor," Tifa reminded.
Cloud resigned himself to his fate, "it can't be so hard to give a baby a bath."
xoxox xox xoxox
Reno was in the bath tub, surrounded by bubbles and floating baby toys. He played in the water, splashing happily and getting Cloud all wet.
"Sit still so I can wash that baby food off your hair," Cloud attempted to clean Reno's hair with a sponge. Reno, hyper as he was, would not sit still and knocked the sponge off Cloud's hand. "C'mon Reno. Stay still so daddy can get you all cleaned up," Cloud couldn't believe those words have come out of his mouth. The unfortunate delivery boy reached to get the sponge which had fallen in the bath tub, leaning in to search for it among the bubbles.
Reno thought Cloud was offering him a piggy-back ride and immediately jumped on his adoptive father's head.
Splashing sounds were heard behind the bathroom's door as Tifa walked by with a laundry basket. "Aw, how cute they're playing in the water." She smiled, not knowing that Cloud was drowning, and walked away happily. Cloud survived, but the taste of soap would stay with him for the next few days.
xoxox xox xoxox
After his bath, baby Reno took a nap surrounded by his plushies, a moogle, a chocobo, Cait Sith, Red XIII, Rude and a plushie of himself. Cloud was talking to Tifa about the baby Reno situation. "For how long will he stay a baby?"
"I don't know," Tifa admitted. "I guess we'll have to wait and find out."
"Just like that, doesn't it bother you? Don't you find it suspicious?"
"I don't think there's a plan to take over the world behind this if that's what you're asking. It's really not that bad. The Turks will recover and come back to pick him up, I'm sure they'll be back for him."
"And you don't mind being his mother until then?"
Tifa smiled, the baby thought she and Cloud were his parents. "I don't mind. Does it bother you to be his father?" Cloud thought about it, while unknown to them, at that precise moment Yuffie entered arrived and came within hearing distance. "You don't need to do this if you don't want to."
Cloud decided he would help. "I don't mind. Alright Tifa, I'll be the father of your child."
"Wow everyone's been getting together lately!" Yuffie, who had been quietly standing at the door, ended her silence.
Tifa and Cloud looked at her and realized what conclusion she had jumped to. "Yuffie this isn't our baby or anything. We're just babysitting," Tifa hastily explained.
"But you're going to have your own children right? Love is in the air. First Elena and Tseng and now you two," Yuffie shared her other mistaken assumption. "I wonder when my prince charming will come for me. I hope he brings materia."
"Forget it Tifa, there's no way to make her change her mind." Cloud shook his head. "What was that you were saying about the Turks, Yuffie? Are they causing trouble?"
"No, I was just saying that Elena's pregnant and Tseng is the father," Yuffie revealed.
"How do you know that?" Tifa was curious.
"I saw them shopping for baby things and she touched her stomach," Yuffie explained.
"That doesn't mean she's pregnant, maybe she was hungry or had a stomachache or something," Cloud reasoned.
"No, I'm certain it's a pregnancy. Why else would they be buying baby things?" Yuffie defended her theory.
"Maybe they were buying them for Reno," Tifa theorized.
"Reno? Why, is some poor unfortunate soul having his baby?" Yuffie couldn't believe so many babies were on their way at the same time.
"No, Reno was turned into a baby and the Turks were taking care of him," Tifa explained.
"Wow, Reno got turned into a baby. At least now you two get to practice before having a baby of your own!" Yuffie teased.
xoxox xox xoxox
Yuffie followed the loud noise of a baby crying, to find little Reno, who had woken up from his nap. "Hey guys, the baby's crying!"
"I'm tired from all the cleaning and Cloud says he would rather keep his distance for a while." Tifa picked up the baby.
"How come? I thought he wanted to practice being a daddy," Yuffie asked.
"He said something about a near death experience and that he didn't want to talk about it. I honestly don't know what in the world he's talking about." To Tifa, both Cloud and Reno looked perfectly safe. Reno looked happy and Cloud was all wet, but a little water couldn't be the cause of his so called near death experience.
"You know Cloud; he always has his head in the clouds." Yuffie laughed, "no pun intended."
Tifa nodded in agreement, "could you watch Reno for a while?"
"No problem, leave it to me!" Tifa gave Yuffie the baby and left. "Okay little Reno, aunt Yuffie will tell you the story of the five little piggies, except it'll be the five little Turks. This little Turk is the leader of the Turks," Yuffie tickled Reno's toe. "This little Turk is the new one who has a crush on the leader. This little Turk is made up because I need five and I only know four. This little Turk is the partner of the next Turk and this little Turk got turned into a baby so aunt Yuffie tickled him!" The sound of a baby laughing soon followed.
xoxox xox xoxox
"Come back here!" Yuffie called after the very hyper baby. "Don't crawl under there!" She followed him under the table then squeezed in behind the couch and continued all over the house. "Almost got him, almost..." Who knew that little red haired hurricane could crawl so fast. "Tifa, Cloud! This ninja needs help!"
Tifa and Cloud both arrived nearly at the same time. "What happened?" Tifa saw the house was a complete mess. Random items were scattered on the floor, some of them broken and there were little chocolate footprints all over.
"I don't know! Reno got all hyper and Marlene and Denzel are on his side!" Yuffie complained. Marlene and Denzel ran around, cheering for their little Turk friend.
"Stop it you two, don't set a bad example! What got into you?" Usually they were so well behaved, but the evidence was clear, Tifa concluded. "How much chocolate ice-cream did you give them?"
"Only a little," Yuffie tried to look innocent.
"How much?" Tifa insisted.
Yuffie started her story. "Well you see Vincent came to visit while you two were away and-"
"How much Yuffie, tell me how much," Tifa repeated.
"I'm getting there!" Yuffie flailed.
"Vincent was here? Is he still here?" Cloud inquired.
"Yeah, he just dropped by because it's been a while since he saw everyone. He wanted to see how you two were doing. I guess he's not completely anti-social after all. I'm glad he came back for a little visit. It's important to stay in touch and everything" Yuffie tried to escape the question.
Cloud nodded in agreement, but Tifa didn't follow Yuffie's directions in the conversation. "Don't change the subject, how much ice-cream did you give them?"
"Let me finish the story" Yuffie gave up and confessed. "As I was saying, Vincent came to visit and after I explained about baby Reno, an ice-cream truck drove by playing the classic little ice-cream truck music and everything. It reminded me of when I was a little girl and-"
"Don't try to change the subject again," Tifa warned.
Yuffie took a deep breath, "Anyway, I asked Vincent if he could get the kids a little ice-cream and he said yes. While he bought the ice-cream, I stuck into the back of the truck and stole five big ice-cream barrels. After the truck left, we got the barrels inside and opened them."
Cloud looked surprised and Tifa obviously didn't like where the narration was going. "What happened then?" Tifa urged.
Yuffie continued, "when we opened the ice-cream barrels we found that three were filled with chocolate ice-cream and two had vanilla ice-cream. I wanted strawberry. Did you know that Vincent likes strawberry ice-cream too? Marlene, Denzel and Reno ate the chocolate ice-cream and became really hyper. They were full, so they used the vanilla ice-cream to-"
"A snow monster!" Cloud readied his sword, slicing a base in half due to the limited space. That was probably the only thing that the kids didn't knock over and now it was broken too.
"Cloud no!" Yuffie stepped in the way. "You really need to let me finish. As I was saying, they used the vanilla ice-cream to turn Vincent into a snow man."
The vanilla flavored snow man cleaned off some of the ice-cream from his face to reveal that he was in fact Vincent Valentine. He was holding little Reno who would need another bath soon.
Tifa smacked her forehead and shook her head. "At least the Turks will be babysitting tomorrow. Cloud, would you please give Reno another bath?"
"But he tried to drown me last time!" Cloud complained. "He may look innocent, but he's out to get me."
"He thinks you're his father, he's not out to get you," Tifa assured.
Cloud sighed hopelessly. "Alright I'll get him cleaned up." He took little Reno and prepared for another near death experience.
"Yuffie, why are you poking me with a spoon?" Vincent asked.
"I'm not poking you, I'm eating." Yuffie took another spoonful of ice-cream off Vincent and ate it. Tifa decided not to ask.
xoxox xox xoxox
That night, little Reno couldn't sleep. That meant that no one in the house would sleep, or at least not Tifa and Cloud. "You should get some rest Cloud," Tifa had been sitting there with baby Reno in her arms trying to make him fall asleep for quite some time, but the child was still awake. If she put him down he would start crying, then Marlene, Denzel, Yuffie and Vincent, who were staying over, wouldn't get any sleep either.
"I'm okay," Cloud sat beside her. His eyes were closed and he was resting his head on her shoulder half asleep.
"I know you're tired," Tifa observed.
"I'm fine, I'm only resting my eyes. Besides, it's not fair that you do all the work around here," Cloud insisted.
"It's nice to have you back Cloud," Tifa rested her eyes too. Only for a little while and the next thing she knew, it was morning.
xoxox xox xoxox
"Good morning lovers!" Yuffie greeted.
Tifa and Cloud woke up instantly, to find they had fallen asleep hugging, while holding little Reno. "Where's Vincent?" Cloud changed the subject.
"He left early. You know how he's always taking off like that," Yuffie reminded. "So what's the plan for today?"
"Rude is coming to get Reno, the Turks said Reno shouldn't be a baby for too long," Tifa explained.
xoxox xox xoxox
As expected Rude returned to take care of his little partner for the day and peace and quiet returned to Tifa, and Cloud. Rude would soon learn that maybe taking little Reno to a chocobo petting zoo while dressed as a chocobo wasn't such a good idea. "Look Reno, a chocobo. You and I used to bet in the chocobo races before you turned into a baby."
"Birdy!" Reno reached towards the chocobo.
"I wonder how soon you'll turn into a grown up. I miss my partner, but when you grow up then I'll miss you." Rude approached the yellow chocobo, enough for Reno to pet it.
"Wide birdy!"
"Ride? You want to ride the chocobo? I guess it's okay." Rude placed the baby on the chocobo but still held him to make sure he didn't fall off.
Everything was fine until the chocobo grabbed Rude's sunglasses. Rude tried to recover his sunglasses but the chocobo pecked him whenever he tried. The yellow bird finally dropped the sunglasses on the grown at Rude's feet. As he picked them up he felt baby Reno slip away and the chocobo ran.
"Reno, I'm coming to save you!" Three chocobos of different colors blocked his path looking quite angry. "Out of my way, your friend kidnapped my partner!" The angry noises the chocobos made told Rude that they would not step aside. A battle soon began of Turk vs chocobos. The children and their parents soon left the area where the chocobos were kept for their safety and watched the show from afar.
After a fierce battle, pecked, scratched and bitten, Rude finally emerged victorious. He made his way towards baby Reno while he muttered something about evil birds. The chocobo who kidnapped Reno was peacefully napping in a corner of a little stable, assuming that her friends had devoured Rude outside by now. Baby Reno was sleeping also, hugging the chocobo like a giant plushie. "Uncle Wude!"
"Not so loud Reno!" Rude picked up the red haired child. Soon he found himself face to face with an angry chocobo mother that thought Reno was her child. The yellow bird let out a war cry as it attacked Rude. Concluding that taking a baby to a chocobo petting zoo dressed as a chocobo was definitely a very bad idea, Rude made a run for it and escaped with Reno, he didn't look back until he was in the safety of the Turks office at Shinra HQ.
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Drained of all energy, Rude asked Elena to take care of Reno for a little while. Of course she noticed that his suit was full of holes, his sunglasses were missing and he had scratches all over. "What happened to you?"
"Chocobo petting zoo," Rude's reply was enough for Elena to understand.
Elena nodded, "you definitely need a break, Tseng and I will take care of our youngest Turk for the rest day." Rude would probably have nightmares about chocobos for months.
To be Continued
Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII.
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Baby Reno: Part 1
"We're not supposed to be here," Rude fully expected it when Reno chose not to listen.
"Relax, nothing bad will happen." They were in what was left of an old Shinra lab. Reno was feeling bored that day and decided to do a little exploring. He never expected that after poking machines he shouldn't be poking, there would be a strange explosion.
Rude rushed to get his partner out of trouble, but in his place he did not find the grown up Reno, instead there was a baby version of him swimming in the clothes that were too big now. "Reno?"
The baby looked at Rude and Rude looked at the baby. A few seconds passed like that in complete silence, before the child started screaming his little head off in an effort to make his 'uncle Rude' pick him up.
Rude picked up the crying child and gently rocked him in his arms, while singing an off key lullaby. Reno quieted, not because he liked the lullaby, but because maybe if he was quiet, his dear uncle Rude, who was certainly no singer, would be quiet too. "Reno, it's really, you isn't it?"
The child had the same eyes, the same hair, though without the ponytail part and Reno's goggles atop his head that served to prove even further how much smaller he was now.
Rude took one last look at the machine that had caused this strange effect, memorizing every detail about it in case he needed to describe it later. Then he left towards the new Shinra headquarters.
xoxox xox xoxox
Upon arriving at HQ, Rude went to Rufus' office to inform him of the latest happenings. Rufus and his current Turk guard on duty, Elena, looked at Rude as he arrived carrying a baby. "A child? Where did he come from?" The boy looked familiar, but Rufus couldn't figure out why.
There was a moment of silence as Rude tried to find a way to explain this. While he gave the situation some thought and chose his words carefully, Elena spoke first. "You see it all starts with a mommy and a daddy..."
"I didn't mean to ask that," Rufus clarified.
"He's Reno," Rude finally revealed the truth clear and simple, or maybe not so clear.
"He's Reno's child?" Rufus got an idea. "Let me hold him for a moment, come here little Turk." While holding the baby he made a pose. "What do you think of this for positive publicity?"
"Are you going to do the entire shaking hands and kissing babies publicity thing?" Elena inquired.
"If it works," Rufus kissed the baby's forehead.
"So who's the poor unfortunate soul, er I mean, who's the baby's mother?" Elena asked.
"This isn't Reno's son. This is Reno. He turned into a baby after having an accident with an old Shinra machine," Rude explained.
"You could have told me before!" Rufus immediately gave the baby back to Rude. "I remember Hojo mentioning that something like this happened once. The effect should end in a few days and he'll be back to normal. Until then, I guess you'll have to baby-sit."
xoxox xox xoxox
The Turks' office, currently occupied by the four main Turks, was filled with Reno's complaints from being held like a common shopping bag, even if he wasn't fully crying yet. "Rude, that's not how you hold a baby," Elena scolded. "Give him to me."
Rude gave her the baby. He was getting tired of having his little partner kick him, even if he couldn't kick too hard being so small.
"It's okay, aunty Elena's here," Elena gently held little Reno. "You know, he's not so bad as a baby." Reno yawned and closed his eyes, falling asleep. "I'll put him somewhere so he can continue his nap." Elena left.
Another moment of silence passed as Rude and Tseng continued taking in the situation. Maybe dealing with a baby Reno for the next few days wouldn't be so bad. "Elena will baby-sit. The rest of us will continue working normally," Tseng concluded, since she seemed to be the only one who knew how to properly handle a baby.
Time slowly passed and eventually, Elena returned with a crying Reno. "I couldn't find a baby bottle in this entire building!" She was clearly losing her patience.
"We don't have any baby items here, why would we?" Tseng mused.
"For an emergency like this," Elena reasoned. "Here Rude, try to keep him busy while Tseng and I go shopping."
"You want me to go?" Tseng wasn't looking forward to shopping for baby things for Reno.
"Yes, we need a lot of supplies," Elena insisted.
After Tseng and Elena departed, Rude was left alone with Reno. "Don't cry partner. Aunt Elena and uncle Tseng will be back with lots of toys for you very soon. Until then you have uncle Rude to play with." Reno continued crying. "It's okay, I'll try to find some food for you." The offer wasn't enough to make Reno stop his crying until he got a hold of Rude's finger and bit him. "No!" Rude removed his finger from Reno's mouth and the red haired child started crying again. Rude sighed in defeat and let little Reno chew on his finger. The things he did for his partner, Reno better appreciate this.
xoxox xox xoxox
"What do you think of this one?" Elena held some baby clothes for Tseng to see. The pants were baby blue, the shirt was of the same color, but it had a picture of a fluffy white bunny. The set also included white bunny slippers and a white bunny hat with long fluffy ears.
"It's okay," Tseng sounded bored.
"That's what you said about all of them. I like this one. Let's buy it." Elena threw the outfit into their shopping cart along with the other baby clothes.
"Do we have everything we need now?" Sure Tseng liked Elena, but shopping was boring.
Elena pouted. "If you want to leave I'll finish shopping by myself. It's just that, sometimes it's nice to pretend I'm shopping for my own child."
This caught Tseng's attention, "your own child?"
"I don't have children but I want to, someday. If the right man asks me to marry him," Elena hinted.
Unknown to them, Yuffie was in that same store. She saw a baby tshirt with a picture of a materia and wondered if she could find one in her size. Sadly the store only appeared to have clothes for babies, but Yuffie wouldn't give up. She was determined to get that shirt even if she was never able to wear it, she would just put on it her teddy-bear.
Elena and Tseng moved to the toy section. It could only be so long before little Reno got bored of napping and playing with paper balls and airplanes and demanded some real toys.
Walking to the toy area in search of materia themed toys, which she had been secretly collecting, Yuffie spotted Tseng and Elena. She hid in a large pile of plushies tried to listen to their conversation.
"I'm getting kind of hungry," Elena placed her hand on her stomach, but Yuffie was too far to hear.
"Let's have lunch after we pay for this stuff," Tseng agreed.
Elena noticed the plushies. "Look, they made plushies of the Turks," she picked up a Tseng plushie. She would pretend it was for Reno then keep it to herself. She also added to the shopping cart a plushie of herself and plushies of Reno and Rude. The last two were actually for the baby. She also took a moogle, a chocobo, Cait Sith and Red XIII for the baby.
"Elena, don't forget the baby bottle. That's what we came here to buy," Tseng reminded.
"I think they're over this way." As soon as Tseng and Elena left, Yuffie breathed in relief.
The materia stealing ninja had stayed perfectly still, hoping that she wasn't caught spying and it worked. Of course after witnessing that scene, she couldn't help it but to jump to conclusions. "Elena is having Tseng's baby, wait until I tell everyone!" Yuffie jumped out of the plushie mountain and noticed something, "materia plushie!" She glomped it.
xoxox xox xoxox
After buying all the necessary baby supplies, Tseng and Elena had lunch, then returned to Shinra HQ. They found Rude suffering from headache thanks to Reno. The baby thought that his head was a drum and kept hitting it with a pen and a pencil. If Rude tried to stop him, Reno would start crying, making his headache worse. To Rude, Tseng and Elena looked like angels of hope coming to rescue him from the hyper sugar high baby. Maybe giving him candy wasn't such a good idea after all.
Tseng examined the area. "Why is this place such a mess?"
"I put Reno on the floor for just a second and he crawled away." He conveniently let out the part about giving him candy before that. Rude had lost count of how many times Reno crawled under a desk or table and he bumped his head trying to catch him.
"We brought all the necessary baby supplies. Go change him into some baby clothes while I prepare his milk and don't forget the diaper." Elena took some of the bags Tseng was carrying and handed them to Rude.
Rude then went off to get Reno ready. Looking at the baby clothes he found bunnies, kittens, moogles, chocobos and other funny looking outfits. From all of them he chose the moogle. Soon Reno was wearing fuzzy white clothes with little wings and a moogle hat. "Okay Reno, your aunt Elena will give you some milk very soon so try to sit still until then." The only answer Rude got was a sudden cry. "What's wrong? Don't you like your new clothes? Don't blame me. I wasn't the one who picked them." The crying continued.
"Rude what's going on?" Elena came with a bottle of milk, followed by Tseng. "Does he need a diaper change so soon?"
Rude looked at baby Reno then at Tseng and Elena. "I don't want to do it."
"I'm not going to do it," Tseng declared.
"I don't want to do it and I'm not going to do it," Elena added.
They looked at each other, trying to appoint someone to change Reno's diaper. "Someone has to do it or he won't shut up," Tseng felt the beginning of a headache.
"Rude, you're his partner, you do it," Elena insisted.
"But I don't know how to change a diaper," Rude complained.
"I'll explain as you go along," Elena offered. Reno was certainly a very noisy baby. The Turks suddenly found themselves feeling sorry for his mother.
"Alright, I'll do it," Rude finally agreed, having been left without a choice. Following Elena's instructions, Rude changed Reno's diaper. It wasn't easy since Reno wouldn't stay still, but Rude was thankful it was over.
Elena fed Reno his milk. Reno was quite hungry and wasn't satisfied with just one bottle of milk. "I think he needs some baby food too. Tseng, hold him while I get some."
xoxox xox xoxox
Giving Reno baby food turned out to be quite an adventure. What started as a meal for a baby turned into a food war, as little Reno refused to let anyone escape without a good amount of baby food thrown at their face.
"It's quiet," Elena's voice was hardly above a whisper.
"Too quiet," Rude added.
"Alright team, move out!" Tseng commanded.
Elena did not look too happy with that idea. "Wait, it could still be dangerous!" Her warning came too late, Tseng placed a pot on his head, grabbed a flying pan as a shield and left their shelter made from a side-turned table.
The tiny red haired enemy saw his target and threw a handful of baby food.
Tseng blocked with the frying pan. "You're going to run out of ammunition eventually! Move the fortress!"
At their leader's command, Rude and Elena lifted the table, still using it as a shield and moved it closer to their adorable little enemy. Tseng returned to the fortress. "How is the situation?" Elena inquired.
"This doesn't look good. He still had a lot of food left," Tseng was interrupted by baby food falling on the floor near by.
"It's an ambush!" Elena was right, baby food started to rain upon them.
"He tricked us, he wasn't throwing the food as hard as he could before to make us get closer. "Reno was a clever baby. "Retreat!" Tseng never thought he would be saying that word. The Turks did not retreat, but this was a special case. They ran away, being hit by the baby food as they went.
Rufus quietly passed by and peeked in. "I only wanted to see how things were going, but looking at your current state says enough." He continued on his way, looking back only once, to take one last glance at Tseng with a pot on his head and at all three adult Turks covered in baby food.
"He must think we're incapable of handling the situation," Tseng was very frustrated.
"Are we?" Rude wondered.
"This is no time for doubt," Tseng took off his helmet and dropped his shield. "I'm going in!" Even if he turned into a baby food snow man, he wasn't going to show any fear.
"He's so brave," Elena sighed dreamily.
Tseng charged and Reno was prepared for the attack. "Give me all you got, the leader of the Turks will not be defeated by a little ba-ah!" To challenge little Reno was a bad idea. He threw baby food, hitting Tseng right on the face. Tseng didn't see where he was going and stepped on some baby food that was on the floor. He slipped backwards, did a funny slippery dance in a futile attempt to regain his balance, and landed face up at the foot of Reno's baby chair. Reno dropped the bowl of baby food down at his fallen enemy.
"Tseng!" Elena rushed in and slipped, landing on top of Tseng. "At least he is unarmed now." Tseng's brave sacrifice would not be in vain. Elena struggled to get off Tseng, but that only resulted in more slipping. Finally, after many embarrassing, yet oddly enjoyable, failed attempts, both Tseng and Elena were on their feet.
"I think the worse is over" Tseng breathed in relief, but his conclusion was wrong.
xoxox xox xoxox
The day was absolutely exhausting for the Turks and they were all too happy when night finally came. They decided that since Rude was Reno's partner, he should stay with him. Rude agreed thinking it wouldn't be too much trouble, since Reno should be sleeping all night, or at least that's what Rude thought.
Tseng was woken up at two in the morning by the phone. "Hello?" This better be important, anything less than an emergency that threatened all of Shinra could wait until morning.
"Can I take Reno to your place?" Rude sounded positively exhausted.
"Rude? You woke me up to ask me that? Couldn't it wait until morning?" Tseng was annoyed.
"I haven't slept all night. Reno keeps crying for no reason and waking me up," Rude begged.
"Why didn't you call Elena? She knows more about babies than I do," Tseng reminded.
"Elena said 'feed him, change his diaper, sing him a lullaby and don't call me again or I'll shoot you tomorrow at work.' She sounded dead serious too," Rude explained.
"Not a bad idea," Tseng grumbled.
"I can't do this," Rude was absolutely stressed out.
"Survive this one night and tomorrow Elena will take care of him, then I will take care of him the night after that." Without waiting for Rude's reply, Tseng hung up and disconnected the phone.
xoxox xox xoxox
The next day was like a copy of the first, expect Reno's aim had improved, which meant more baby food in the face of the three grown up Turks. He appeared to be much more energetic, even if he didn't sleep and kept Rude awake. At the end of the day, the Turks had not gotten any work done and were so tired, it felt as if they haven't slept in years.
As expected, Reno kept Elena awake all night and the same thing happened with Tseng. By the forth day, the Turks were at the end of their patience. "We need a babysitter," Elena concluded.
Rude remembered that Cloud and Tifa were taking care of some kids, "Tifa can baby-sit."
"Excellent, you will take Reno to Tifa and request her babysitting services," Tseng decided.
Rude packed Reno's toys and baby supplies; picked up the baby and headed to Tifa's house.
xoxox xox xoxox
"Tifa!" Rude called desperately as he went inside. "This is an emergency!"
"Rude, what's wrong?" Tifa feared the worse. "Is Sephiroth back? Is the planet in danger? What is it?"
"I need a babysitter," Rude requested.
Tifa glared, she didn't like to be alarmed for no good reason, "that's all?"
"This is an emergency! Please take care of him," Rude gave her the baby. He was now dressed as a kitten that looked like Cait Sith.
Tifa was a little confused. "What are you talking about and who is this little boy?"
"He's Reno," Rude revealed.
Tifa looked at the child. "Reno? Well he certainly looks like Reno. Who's the poor unfortunate soul, I mean, if Reno is the father, then who's the baby's mother?"
"He's not Reno's son, he is Reno. He had an accident in an old Shinra lab. He should be back to normal in a few days, I hope. Until then, could you please take care of him? He's driving the Turks insane," Rude begged.
Sure this was Reno, a member of the Turks, but he was only a baby now. "Alright I'll take care of him," Tifa agreed.
"Thank you, here are his baby things." Finally, Rude would get some peace and quite.
"Babye uncle Wude!" Little Reno waved at him.
Rude's mood suddenly changed for the better. Baby Reno wasn't that bad. Maybe he could stand to take care of him for a little longer, but he really needed some sleep and Tifa was more experienced in babysitting than he was. "Goodbye Reno, I'll come back to visit soon."
After Rude was gone, Marlene who had heard some voices downstairs, curiously went to see what it was about. "Tifa?" Tifa turned to face the girl, who then noticed the baby. "A baby! Can I hold him, please?"
"Alright, just be careful," Tifa agreed.
"Can Denzel and I play with him? We'll be very careful, I promise!" Marlene asked.
"Okay, you can play with him," Tifa smiled, she really liked children.
Denzel came after he thought he heard his name. "Did someone call me? Did Cloud come back?"
"He hasn't come back yet," Tifa replied.
"But we have someone new to play with," Marlene cheered.
"I think you two can take care of him for a while, call me if you need anything. These are his toys." Tifa handed Denzel the bag. "His name is Reno."
xoxox xox xoxox
Marlene and Denzel played with the baby and all was quiet until Reno wanted a bottle of milk. "Tifa, I think Reno's hungry, he won't stop crying and I'm only used to babysitting people around my age," Marlene called.
Denzel realized she was talking about him, "hey!"
"Coming!" Tifa arrived with a bottle of milk for little Reno. After he finished his milk, came the chaos of the baby food war.
"I'm happy we have a baby around," Marlene cheered.
"Yeah, he's fun!" Denzel agreed.
Tifa tried to shield herself while the children threw baby food at each other. "Stop it, all of you! You're making a mess!" Reno had woken up the kids 'inner hyperness' with some hyperness of his own. Unfortunately for Tifa, it didn't look like the baby food fight would end any time soon, since the kids simply picked up as much as they could from the floor to throw it again. This had never happened to her before, usually babysitting was so easy. "Stop!" Tifa yelled at the top of her voice echoing loudly.
Marlene and Denzel dropped their ammunition and looked at Tifa with sad expressions, realizing they might actually get into trouble for their battle. All was silent for a few seconds, until suddenly Reno started crying. If Tifa's voice was heard all over the city, Reno could be heard all over the planet.
Feeling completely helpless, Tifa picked up baby Reno and tried to calm him down. "Go get cleaned up," she tried to tell Marlene and Denzel.
"What?" The children asked at the same time.
"Go get cleaned up!" Such would be Tifa's luck that Reno had quieted down at the precise moment when Tifa yelled trying to be heard over his crying. Had she known this would happen, she wouldn't have raised her voice so much. As expected, the unnecessary loudness made Reno start crying again louder than before, if that was even possible. Tifa moved her head toward the kitchen door, gesturing for the children to leave and get cleaned up while she once again tried to end Reno's crying.
Cloud returned to find baby food footprints all over the Seventh Heaven, which he assumed by the size of them, were left by Marlene and Denzel. A baby's cries could be heard from outside. In fact, he had been hearing a baby crying for a while, but had no idea where the loud noise was coming from. "Tifa?" Shielding his ears, Cloud went in search of his childhood friend.
Once again Tifa managed to calm Reno's loud cries. She thought she heard Cloud calling, but with all the noise she wasn't quite sure. "Cloud?"
Cloud looked at Tifa, who was holding the baby. "When did we adopt another orphan?"
"Mommy," baby Reno said to Tifa.
Cloud looked at the child. "He called you mommy but he looks like Reno." He paused, letting his mind run wild with unlikely theories.
"He is Reno," Tifa confirmed.
Cloud opened his eyes wide, his jaw dropped and he began to twitch. "Could you repeat that?"
"He is Reno," Tifa repeated slowly as. Sure taking care of a baby was a handful, even more so if that baby was Reno, the most hyper of the Turks. Cloud must have already noticed there would be some difficulties judging by the baby food everywhere, but that was not reason enough to get that nervous, surprised and all around freaked out. "Are you alright?"
"You and Reno have a son?" Cloud screamed loud enough for Marlene and Denzel to rush down the stairs. They had already finished getting cleaned up.
"He's your son?" Marlene was curious.
"When was he born? How come we didn't notice?" Denzel inquired.
That's when Cloud's brain decided to jump start after partially recovering from the shock. "That's right; I don't remember you ever being pregnant." It didn't make sense, but with Shinra involved, anything was possible.
"He's not my son!" Tifa yelled loud enough for anyone who had heard Cloud yell before to clear up that misunderstanding.
Cloud took a deep breath, filling his lungs with much needed oxygen. He let his breath escape slowly. "Don't scare me like that." Cloud took at closer look at the baby. "He really does look a lot like Reno. If you're not his mom then who's the poor unfortunate soul, I mean, his mother, who is his mother?"
Tifa started to explain. "Well, you see this isn't an ordinary baby."
Clouds interrupted in alarm. "You're not going to say that Jenova is his mother, are you? Reno and Jenova had a son? How is that even possible? Is he going to grow up to be like Sephiroth or worse?"
"Cloud, stop jumping to conclusions and let me explain!" Tifa urged, Cloud nodded and remained quiet. "Reno had a little accident at an old Shinra lab and this was the result."
"Is it a Reno clone or..." Cloud went back into shock. "Reno gave birth?"
"No!" Tifa was quick to deny Cloud's crazy theory. "What I mean to say is that this is Reno, he was turned into a baby in the accident."
"If that is Reno then why is he here? Shouldn't the Turks be taking care of him?" Cloud asked.
"He was driving them insane," Tifa answered. "As you can see from the state of the walls and floor, taking care of a baby Reno is not an easy job."
"And you agreed to it?" Cloud was horrified.
"I felt sorry for him," Tifa cradled little Reno, he was cute when he wasn't being mischievous.
Cloud decided to be supportive and offered to hold Reno who called him, "daddy?"
"I'm not your father," Cloud pouted and Reno looked like he was about to cry. "It's okay, don't cry. You can call me daddy if it makes you happy."
"Daddy!" Reno hugged Cloud.
Cloud couldn't help it but to smile. "You felt sorry for him, huh? I guess he's not so bad when he's this little. It's hard to stay mad at him like this."
"Actually, I felt sorry for Rude. You should have seen him. I can only imagine the state that Tseng and Elena are in. Even if they are Turks, these are hard times from them." Tifa explained. "Anyway, now that you're here, you can help take care of little Reno. Marlene, Denzel, since you two enjoyed the food fight so much, you can give me a hand by cleaning up this mess while I do the laundry."
A unanimous "aw" was heard from the two kids.
"C'mon it's not so bad. Give Tifa a hand, she works really hard around here." Cloud felt guilty that he sometimes disappeared for so long and didn't do too many chores.
"Cloud, you can give Reno a bath," Tifa ordered.
"What? Me? Why me?" Cloud complained.
"I'm sure you can handle getting a baby cleaned up, it's not that hard. Besides, Marlene and Denzel are helping clean the baby food and I'm doing the laundry, you need to help too," Tifa insisted.
"Let's trade chores?" Cloud begged.
"The last time I trusted you with the washing machine, you flooded the entire first floor," Tifa reminded.
Cloud resigned himself to his fate, "it can't be so hard to give a baby a bath."
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Reno was in the bath tub, surrounded by bubbles and floating baby toys. He played in the water, splashing happily and getting Cloud all wet.
"Sit still so I can wash that baby food off your hair," Cloud attempted to clean Reno's hair with a sponge. Reno, hyper as he was, would not sit still and knocked the sponge off Cloud's hand. "C'mon Reno. Stay still so daddy can get you all cleaned up," Cloud couldn't believe those words have come out of his mouth. The unfortunate delivery boy reached to get the sponge which had fallen in the bath tub, leaning in to search for it among the bubbles.
Reno thought Cloud was offering him a piggy-back ride and immediately jumped on his adoptive father's head.
Splashing sounds were heard behind the bathroom's door as Tifa walked by with a laundry basket. "Aw, how cute they're playing in the water." She smiled, not knowing that Cloud was drowning, and walked away happily. Cloud survived, but the taste of soap would stay with him for the next few days.
xoxox xox xoxox
After his bath, baby Reno took a nap surrounded by his plushies, a moogle, a chocobo, Cait Sith, Red XIII, Rude and a plushie of himself. Cloud was talking to Tifa about the baby Reno situation. "For how long will he stay a baby?"
"I don't know," Tifa admitted. "I guess we'll have to wait and find out."
"Just like that, doesn't it bother you? Don't you find it suspicious?"
"I don't think there's a plan to take over the world behind this if that's what you're asking. It's really not that bad. The Turks will recover and come back to pick him up, I'm sure they'll be back for him."
"And you don't mind being his mother until then?"
Tifa smiled, the baby thought she and Cloud were his parents. "I don't mind. Does it bother you to be his father?" Cloud thought about it, while unknown to them, at that precise moment Yuffie entered arrived and came within hearing distance. "You don't need to do this if you don't want to."
Cloud decided he would help. "I don't mind. Alright Tifa, I'll be the father of your child."
"Wow everyone's been getting together lately!" Yuffie, who had been quietly standing at the door, ended her silence.
Tifa and Cloud looked at her and realized what conclusion she had jumped to. "Yuffie this isn't our baby or anything. We're just babysitting," Tifa hastily explained.
"But you're going to have your own children right? Love is in the air. First Elena and Tseng and now you two," Yuffie shared her other mistaken assumption. "I wonder when my prince charming will come for me. I hope he brings materia."
"Forget it Tifa, there's no way to make her change her mind." Cloud shook his head. "What was that you were saying about the Turks, Yuffie? Are they causing trouble?"
"No, I was just saying that Elena's pregnant and Tseng is the father," Yuffie revealed.
"How do you know that?" Tifa was curious.
"I saw them shopping for baby things and she touched her stomach," Yuffie explained.
"That doesn't mean she's pregnant, maybe she was hungry or had a stomachache or something," Cloud reasoned.
"No, I'm certain it's a pregnancy. Why else would they be buying baby things?" Yuffie defended her theory.
"Maybe they were buying them for Reno," Tifa theorized.
"Reno? Why, is some poor unfortunate soul having his baby?" Yuffie couldn't believe so many babies were on their way at the same time.
"No, Reno was turned into a baby and the Turks were taking care of him," Tifa explained.
"Wow, Reno got turned into a baby. At least now you two get to practice before having a baby of your own!" Yuffie teased.
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Yuffie followed the loud noise of a baby crying, to find little Reno, who had woken up from his nap. "Hey guys, the baby's crying!"
"I'm tired from all the cleaning and Cloud says he would rather keep his distance for a while." Tifa picked up the baby.
"How come? I thought he wanted to practice being a daddy," Yuffie asked.
"He said something about a near death experience and that he didn't want to talk about it. I honestly don't know what in the world he's talking about." To Tifa, both Cloud and Reno looked perfectly safe. Reno looked happy and Cloud was all wet, but a little water couldn't be the cause of his so called near death experience.
"You know Cloud; he always has his head in the clouds." Yuffie laughed, "no pun intended."
Tifa nodded in agreement, "could you watch Reno for a while?"
"No problem, leave it to me!" Tifa gave Yuffie the baby and left. "Okay little Reno, aunt Yuffie will tell you the story of the five little piggies, except it'll be the five little Turks. This little Turk is the leader of the Turks," Yuffie tickled Reno's toe. "This little Turk is the new one who has a crush on the leader. This little Turk is made up because I need five and I only know four. This little Turk is the partner of the next Turk and this little Turk got turned into a baby so aunt Yuffie tickled him!" The sound of a baby laughing soon followed.
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"Come back here!" Yuffie called after the very hyper baby. "Don't crawl under there!" She followed him under the table then squeezed in behind the couch and continued all over the house. "Almost got him, almost..." Who knew that little red haired hurricane could crawl so fast. "Tifa, Cloud! This ninja needs help!"
Tifa and Cloud both arrived nearly at the same time. "What happened?" Tifa saw the house was a complete mess. Random items were scattered on the floor, some of them broken and there were little chocolate footprints all over.
"I don't know! Reno got all hyper and Marlene and Denzel are on his side!" Yuffie complained. Marlene and Denzel ran around, cheering for their little Turk friend.
"Stop it you two, don't set a bad example! What got into you?" Usually they were so well behaved, but the evidence was clear, Tifa concluded. "How much chocolate ice-cream did you give them?"
"Only a little," Yuffie tried to look innocent.
"How much?" Tifa insisted.
Yuffie started her story. "Well you see Vincent came to visit while you two were away and-"
"How much Yuffie, tell me how much," Tifa repeated.
"I'm getting there!" Yuffie flailed.
"Vincent was here? Is he still here?" Cloud inquired.
"Yeah, he just dropped by because it's been a while since he saw everyone. He wanted to see how you two were doing. I guess he's not completely anti-social after all. I'm glad he came back for a little visit. It's important to stay in touch and everything" Yuffie tried to escape the question.
Cloud nodded in agreement, but Tifa didn't follow Yuffie's directions in the conversation. "Don't change the subject, how much ice-cream did you give them?"
"Let me finish the story" Yuffie gave up and confessed. "As I was saying, Vincent came to visit and after I explained about baby Reno, an ice-cream truck drove by playing the classic little ice-cream truck music and everything. It reminded me of when I was a little girl and-"
"Don't try to change the subject again," Tifa warned.
Yuffie took a deep breath, "Anyway, I asked Vincent if he could get the kids a little ice-cream and he said yes. While he bought the ice-cream, I stuck into the back of the truck and stole five big ice-cream barrels. After the truck left, we got the barrels inside and opened them."
Cloud looked surprised and Tifa obviously didn't like where the narration was going. "What happened then?" Tifa urged.
Yuffie continued, "when we opened the ice-cream barrels we found that three were filled with chocolate ice-cream and two had vanilla ice-cream. I wanted strawberry. Did you know that Vincent likes strawberry ice-cream too? Marlene, Denzel and Reno ate the chocolate ice-cream and became really hyper. They were full, so they used the vanilla ice-cream to-"
"A snow monster!" Cloud readied his sword, slicing a base in half due to the limited space. That was probably the only thing that the kids didn't knock over and now it was broken too.
"Cloud no!" Yuffie stepped in the way. "You really need to let me finish. As I was saying, they used the vanilla ice-cream to turn Vincent into a snow man."
The vanilla flavored snow man cleaned off some of the ice-cream from his face to reveal that he was in fact Vincent Valentine. He was holding little Reno who would need another bath soon.
Tifa smacked her forehead and shook her head. "At least the Turks will be babysitting tomorrow. Cloud, would you please give Reno another bath?"
"But he tried to drown me last time!" Cloud complained. "He may look innocent, but he's out to get me."
"He thinks you're his father, he's not out to get you," Tifa assured.
Cloud sighed hopelessly. "Alright I'll get him cleaned up." He took little Reno and prepared for another near death experience.
"Yuffie, why are you poking me with a spoon?" Vincent asked.
"I'm not poking you, I'm eating." Yuffie took another spoonful of ice-cream off Vincent and ate it. Tifa decided not to ask.
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That night, little Reno couldn't sleep. That meant that no one in the house would sleep, or at least not Tifa and Cloud. "You should get some rest Cloud," Tifa had been sitting there with baby Reno in her arms trying to make him fall asleep for quite some time, but the child was still awake. If she put him down he would start crying, then Marlene, Denzel, Yuffie and Vincent, who were staying over, wouldn't get any sleep either.
"I'm okay," Cloud sat beside her. His eyes were closed and he was resting his head on her shoulder half asleep.
"I know you're tired," Tifa observed.
"I'm fine, I'm only resting my eyes. Besides, it's not fair that you do all the work around here," Cloud insisted.
"It's nice to have you back Cloud," Tifa rested her eyes too. Only for a little while and the next thing she knew, it was morning.
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"Good morning lovers!" Yuffie greeted.
Tifa and Cloud woke up instantly, to find they had fallen asleep hugging, while holding little Reno. "Where's Vincent?" Cloud changed the subject.
"He left early. You know how he's always taking off like that," Yuffie reminded. "So what's the plan for today?"
"Rude is coming to get Reno, the Turks said Reno shouldn't be a baby for too long," Tifa explained.
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As expected Rude returned to take care of his little partner for the day and peace and quiet returned to Tifa, and Cloud. Rude would soon learn that maybe taking little Reno to a chocobo petting zoo while dressed as a chocobo wasn't such a good idea. "Look Reno, a chocobo. You and I used to bet in the chocobo races before you turned into a baby."
"Birdy!" Reno reached towards the chocobo.
"I wonder how soon you'll turn into a grown up. I miss my partner, but when you grow up then I'll miss you." Rude approached the yellow chocobo, enough for Reno to pet it.
"Wide birdy!"
"Ride? You want to ride the chocobo? I guess it's okay." Rude placed the baby on the chocobo but still held him to make sure he didn't fall off.
Everything was fine until the chocobo grabbed Rude's sunglasses. Rude tried to recover his sunglasses but the chocobo pecked him whenever he tried. The yellow bird finally dropped the sunglasses on the grown at Rude's feet. As he picked them up he felt baby Reno slip away and the chocobo ran.
"Reno, I'm coming to save you!" Three chocobos of different colors blocked his path looking quite angry. "Out of my way, your friend kidnapped my partner!" The angry noises the chocobos made told Rude that they would not step aside. A battle soon began of Turk vs chocobos. The children and their parents soon left the area where the chocobos were kept for their safety and watched the show from afar.
After a fierce battle, pecked, scratched and bitten, Rude finally emerged victorious. He made his way towards baby Reno while he muttered something about evil birds. The chocobo who kidnapped Reno was peacefully napping in a corner of a little stable, assuming that her friends had devoured Rude outside by now. Baby Reno was sleeping also, hugging the chocobo like a giant plushie. "Uncle Wude!"
"Not so loud Reno!" Rude picked up the red haired child. Soon he found himself face to face with an angry chocobo mother that thought Reno was her child. The yellow bird let out a war cry as it attacked Rude. Concluding that taking a baby to a chocobo petting zoo dressed as a chocobo was definitely a very bad idea, Rude made a run for it and escaped with Reno, he didn't look back until he was in the safety of the Turks office at Shinra HQ.
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Drained of all energy, Rude asked Elena to take care of Reno for a little while. Of course she noticed that his suit was full of holes, his sunglasses were missing and he had scratches all over. "What happened to you?"
"Chocobo petting zoo," Rude's reply was enough for Elena to understand.
Elena nodded, "you definitely need a break, Tseng and I will take care of our youngest Turk for the rest day." Rude would probably have nightmares about chocobos for months.
To be Continued
Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII.
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