FicWad

Okay so I was in Italy and I met a guy with the name Jacobus, seriously it was like fate or something so I'm using it. Thanks for your suggestions though. xx
P.S-the surname Pink is totally made up.

After school ends, I drive home checking frantically in my rear view mirror the whole way to see if the psycho Gerard is following me. He isn't, but he is after all a vampire and doesn't really need a car to follow me in when he is so freakishly fast. When I get home I run inside and lock the door. I proceed to lock all the doors in my house and even the windows. You can't be too careful and anyway, don't vampires need permission before they enter your house? I just don't know anymore.

My dad is not at home, he is a workaholic and I barely see him these days as there have been a serious of bloody murders in the area. Apparently some wild animal has been ripping the throats of unsuspecting humans and bleeding them dry. Anyway, I rush into my bedroom and jump into my bed to cower under my covers. After a full five minutes of shaking and cursing Gerard for being so crazy, I need to use the bathroom.

After I am done I force myself to head downstairs. I am hungry and need to eat. I make myself a dodgy tuna sandwich and sit down at the table to enjoy my solitary dinner. I am at a loss as to what I'm supposed to do now that I have captured the amorous attentions of a deranged vampire. My thoughts travel back to the internet site, I know it told me I was screwed and there was no hope for me but I refuse to believe it. There has to be something I can do to make Gerard go away. Curse these good looks of mine!

I go back upstairs to my bedroom and turn on my computer. It takes me a few minutes to find the site and once back on it, I scour every page trying to see if I can find something that can help me get out of this predicament. It is really an interesting site, there is everything from real life stories on vampire/human couples (for some reason, all the human counterparts in the photos look terrified standing next to their ecstatic vampire partners) to an advice column for love-struck vampires. But despite all this, I can't find anything that will help me.

I am about to give up when I spot something. It is an online advert, I look closer and feel a chill go down my spine when I realize it is from a real life vampire slayer. I read it out loud:

So, you're being stalked by a Vampire?

Have no fear, Jacobus Pink is here!

If you are looking for the services of an experienced Vampire ass kicker, look no further. I may only be 17 years old but destroying Vampires is a part of my family history. For more information email me with the address supplied. I look forward to hearing from you and rescuing yet another damsel in distress. Yes, it's mostly male Vampires who tend to stalk female humans. Weak male humans give in to female Vampires very easily. Not that I'm being judgemental or anything. Shit! Am I babbling? Call me and I will make your life simple again! (make sure you have money-I don't do this shit for free)

I sit back in my chair and breath a huge sigh of relief. At last! Light at the end of the tunnel! I immediately start to write an e-mail for Jabobus.

Jacobus,

My name is Stella Pigeon, I am 17 years old and I live in Knives, Washington. I desperately need your help! I have recently become aware vampires attend my high school. That's not the worst part, one of said vampires has become obsessed with me. He told me that he loves me and stuff. I kicked him where the sun don't shine but he still doesn't get it. Please help. I will pay you whatever (as long as it's not too much. I'm not a millionaire.)

I click "send" and instantly began to feel better. If this guy is willing to help me my life would become normal again. Normal and boring, but what the hell, I like normal. I travell downstairs to get a glass of water while I wait for a reply. Upon entering the kitchen I sens something is wrong right away. Goosebumps explode onto my arms as soon as I set foot onto the cold tiles and my hair is beginning to stand on end. Then I hear a voice I both loath and secretly like.

"Hello, beautiful," says a voice softly from behind me.

I spin around to find Gerard standing in my kitchen. In my house! I want to scream but cannot find my voice, I want to run but he is blocking the only exit so in a state of total fear I start to walk backwards to put some distance between us. He approaches me slowly with a dangerous gleam in his eyes as I move away from him.

"What you did earlier wasn't appreciated Stella," he says in that same lethally quiet voice. "I may not be able to reproduce."

I finally crash into our fridge and gulp as he comes to stand right before me, he puts his hands on either side of my head, basically trapping me and steps closer. I can see his eyelashes and they are adorably long and gorgeous. I mentally slap myself and remind myself that the guy standing in front of me is a vampire. I look around wildly for a means to defend myself but all I can see is the bloody toaster. And that's so ancient it is simply too hard to lift.

Realizing that I am not going anywhere I give in and give him the dirtiest look I can possibly muster. I imagine he has called me fat. He rolls his eyes at the look on my face. "Why must you make this so difficult, Stella?" he sighs. "I only want to love you." Any normal girl would have melted at his words, but I'm anything but normal, dammit!

"Screw you vampire!" I croak. I so badly want to yell but he is so attractive it is turning my brain into mush.

"Such beautiful lips yet such a filthy tongue," he shakes his head in disappointment. "We'll have to work on that."

"Up yours!" I say, louder this time .

"Stella." He says angrily. "That is the last time you will swear at me."

I try to think of an appropriate response but my nerves fail me when I see the look on his face. Instead, I resume glaring at him. "What do you want?" I ask.

"I just want to talk to you Stella. I know you are afraid of me because I am a vampire but I would never hurt you, I promise. I love you," he says sincerely and I feel myself weakening. I pinch myself on my arm to bring myself back to my senses.

"But you drink blood," I say, wincing a little. I really should cut my nails.

"Animal blood. We're vegetarians," he replies giving me an odd look. "Why did you just pinch yourself?" he inquires curiously.

"Ahh, so you noticed that?"

"I notice everything about you Stella," he whispers and moves a stray lock of hair from my eyes. I try not to faint. His touch is gentle and loving. My heart is beating incredibly fast but my mind is screaming; HE'S A MOTHERFUCKING VAMPIRE, WOMAN!

I decide to try to put an end to this madness. "Gerard. You are a nice vampire, you really are, but I just don't feel the same way."

"You just need time. I know I can be...overwhelming sometimes," he says. I detect stubbornness in his voice.

"I just don't think it'll work out between us. We're too different," I insist.

"You have to give us a chance," he says, his voice becoming hard.

"There is no "us", Gerard," I say as kindly as I can.

His expression goes from loving to furious in two seconds flat. "There would be if you weren't so hard headed," he snaps, his eyes are boring into mine and I have to look away. I am beginning to feel afraid of him again. "I can give you whatever you want. You just have to ask."

"I want you to get the fuck out of my house." I say quickly then I regret it as his face has taken on a murderous look.

"What did I tell you about swearing, Stella?" he whispers menacingly. I am in danger of wetting myself which would be a bit embarrassing.

"No man or vampire is going to tell me what to do!" I yell furiously. "Get the hell out of my house or you'll be sorry," I warn him.

He chuckles. "What can you do, little girl?"

Without thinking, I bring my knee up sharply and attempt to hit him again. He sees it coming this time and blocks the action. Before my knee can make contact with his manhood, he grabs my thigh and holds it firmly in his hand. I'm pretty sure there was no need for him to grab that particular part of my leg. I attempt to shake him off, but the bloodsuckers grip is firm. "Let go!" I demand as I try to keep my balance.

He smirks and eventually lets go. I lower my leg slowly to the ground and wonder what else I can do to hurt him. I consider screaming like a banshee, but that might irritate Gerard even more. I decide to go for it.

I shut my eyes, open my mouth and prepare to scream with all my God given might. But the second I do so, Gerard attacks me. With his lips. He puts one cold hand on my hip pulling me closer to him, and one hand firmly on the back of my head so escape is impossible and kisses me with fierce passion. His lips are baby soft and incredibly smooth but I don't care. He is kissing me without my permission and that is so uncool! I struggle against him but it results in him gripping me even tighter. I grow more angry by the second and I think he can feel it. I sense he is enjoying my rage, the sick freak.

Finally, after what seems like a lifetime he pulls back. By this time I am so enraged I can barely string a sentence together. I decide then and there I will find a way to annihilate him even if it's the last thing I do. He looks at me and smirks arrogantly. I wipe my mouth furiously with the back of my sleeve. I have probably contracted vampire cooties now.

"Our first kiss," he says affectionately.

"And the last!" I growl, wondering where I put my mouthwash.

He acts like he hasn't heard me. I badly want to hurt him. "I have to leave now, my love. You're father is on his way home." he turns to walk out the kitchen but before he does so he gives me a final look of pure love. "I'll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Angel."

When I am sure he has gone I swear. I mean, I really let rip. I walk around the living room cursing like a drunken sailor. I throw things and generally act like toddler throwing a tantrum. I have never been this pissed in my life. I have to calm myself when my dad returns from work. He doesn't notice my foul mood. Typical.

I return to my bedroom and lie down on my bed to chill out. I listen to some music, that cheers me up somewhat but I still cannot forget the kiss. Gerard Way will pay. It is half an hour later that I remember I sent an e-mail to the vampire slayer. I leap out of bed to check if I have any new messages. I do, and it's from Jabobus!

Stella,

I have read your e-mail. It is your lucky day for I have decided to take time out of my busy schedule to help you. My assistant is making arrangements as I type to fly out to your town to sort this vampire scumbag out. Your worries are over. Do not fret my fellow human, the most successful vampire slayer of this decade (according to "Vampire Slayer Weekly" magazine) is on his way to wipe out your stalker.
Regards,
Jacobus Pink.
(Kick Ass Vampire Slayer, Ph.D)


I smile as I read the message again. Let the war between vampires and humans begin.

I cannot wait until Jacobus Pink arrives! Will he wipe out Gerard and his crew? Or will something entirely different happen, who knows? xx