Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The End Is Only The Beginning
Frankie and I make it through the supermarket without killing anyone. It took us like two fucking hours. First I lost the list, then he lost our cart, but we managed to get home ok. He was even helping me put all the shit away. I look over, I'm still so fucking stoned.. Frankie is lining up the cans in the cabinet. It's starting to freak me out. What the fuck was he doing?. Lining them up like that was creepy.- kinda like 'sleeping with the enemy' creepy. I went over to the cabinet and knocked them all down.
"Hey" he protested as the phone rang. I went to reach for it but Frankie grabbed it first. "Its Lia..." he said I reached for the phone. He jumped back. "Hi Lia....mmm....uh huh.....sure....ok bye." and he hung up. I stared at him. "Lia’s coming over. Her mom came home and threw them out." He tells me.
"And you told her they could come here?" I asked a little annoyed shaking my head at him. Fucking Lia ditches me and now she wants to come back?
"Oh sorry I didn't know you wanted to be alone.." Frankie said as he put the handset back in the cradle. Alone? what the fuck did that mean..Oooh chocolate donuts. I rip open the box. Shit.. they taste stale.
"Fuck Frankie...these are stale." I said spitting it out. "Didn't you check the expiration date?" I yell at him.
He picked up the box. "The what?" he said pulling out a donut and smelling it. God he was such a moron.
"The fucking date on the box" I said grabbing the box from him "Its right here...Entenmanns 1898... Fuck Frankie these are like a hundred years old." I cried out in disgust tossing the box on the table.
Frankie laughed "Elle I don't think.." he stopped talking as Lia walked in. Ray was behind her. Lia saw the donuts and went right for them."ooh donuts." she cooed opening the box.
"Don't eat them Lia they're expired." I warn her.
"They're are not.." Frankie cried out. He was still laughing at I dont even know what. I got fed up with his giggles and went to the living room. Gerard was sitting on the couch. Mikey was leaning on the wall.
"Hey Mikey" I said and gave him a hug. He had a bruise under his eye and his lip looked a little swollen. He smiled at me. God I hate Paul. He's such an asshole. I don't know why I was with him for so long.
"Hey" Bob said as he walked by me into the kitchen. He was carrying a case of beer. I sat on the couch next to Gerard. He pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels from his coat and took a big swig. He passed me the bottle.
"How's your ankle?" he said. I shrugged and lifted my leg onto his lap.
"Bandage is loose." I said and took another drink. It was so harsh, I felt like my throat was on fire.
"Hey take it easy." He said taking the bottle back from me. Then he started rewrapping my ankle. Frankie came in and sat on the other side of me. Bob and Mikey were sitting on the loveseat. Bob picked up the remote and was flipping through the channels. Lia appeared in the doorway. She looked around the room. There was nowhere left to sit.
"Shit Elle, didn't there use to be a chair here." Lia said looking around the room.
"Uh, yeah..it papas." I said. Then there was silence. Gerard was rubbing my ankle. It felt good…
"Ray baby...go to Elle’s room, there's a bean bag chair by the closet." Lia said to him.
"Where the fucks her room?" Ray asks. Lia just made a face. “What?” He laughs. “I've never been in her bedroom!” He tells her.
"I'll show you" Frankie said grinning as he got up. Gerard stopped rubbing my ankle and looked over at Frankie as he walked out with Ray....
Ray came back a few seconds later carrying the beanbag. He tossed it down and sat. Lia sat between his legs. Frankie came back a few seconds after that. He walked past me to sit down. There was something different about him. He sits back down on the couch next to me. Holy shit!
"Are you wearing my lipstick Frankie?" I ask. Everyone turns to him.
"Don't I look pretty?" he replies, batting his eyelashes.
"Did you go through my drawers?" I ask raising my voice slightly.
"You look like a fag." Gerard mumbles taking another swig from the bottle.
"Just the top ones." Frankie laughs at me and then turns his attention to Gerard. "Come on you know you like it Gee!" He says and Gerard give him the finger. Frankie suddenly lunges at him. I duck off the couch and crawl over to Lia. Frankie was climbing on top of Gerard, trying to kiss him.
I lean back on Lia. She's playing with my hair. I'm so fucked up its hard to concentrate. I close my eyes. There’s a lot of commotion. Then a loud thud and laughter. I need some air. I stand up. Bobs looking through the cds on top of the TV.
"Where ya going Elle?" Lia asks. I didn't answer her…I just opened the front door and went out and sat on the steps. You can hear the roar of the crowd at the high school field. Shit tonight was the game. A few weeks ago I would've been there. And papa would've been home rocking in his chair. Don't cry Elle. Don't fucking start crying now.
"You miss him?" a voice said. I look over my shoulder. It was Gerard.
"What?" I replied. How could he possible know what I was thinking. He sat down next to me holding the bottle of Jack. I reached for it and he pulled it out of my reach.
"You've had enough." he said and took a drink himself.
"Come on" I said reaching for the bottle again.
"Fuck Elle." he said and put the bottle back inside his coat. "Come on lets go back in." He said helping me up. I stumbled through the door. The room was spinning. Gerard carried me to the couch. I leant my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. He smelt so good like that day in the dark room. I fell asleep or I passed out I'm not sure which, cause the next thing I know I hear Lia saying goodnight to Ray. I open my eyes. Everyone is gone. The room is trashed. There’s a beer can on the table. It's making a ring. I jump off the couch falling onto the floor. Lia comes running back in.
"Oh my god are you okay?" she's trying to help me up.
"It's making a ring!" I cry out knocking the can from the table. Lia started laughing hysterically. "Come on Elle...lets go to bed.." She tells me and I was too tired to do anything but go to bed.
Saturday morning I woke up curled up next to Lia in bed. She was sound asleep. I poked her. She moaned. I poked her again. She tried to roll over.
"Come on Lia, get up...I'm so fucking hungry.." I whined. I hopped out of bed and looked around the room. Lia sat up stretching.
"Hey pass me my cigarettes." She said. I looked around. "mmm, they're in my bag." she was yawning. I reached in her bag. I pull out her cigarettes. Wait ..what's this...I pull out a small bag with a half a dozen red pills inside. I looked at them closely. They had a happy face stamped on the front.
"Lia are you holding out on me?" I ask waving the bag in the air.
"Oh shit, Elle. I forgot those are for you from...uhhh...."Lia’s yawning again."uhh..remember Jay?"
"Remember Jay? How could I forget Jay?" I said as I rubbed my eyes. Lia and I accidentally helped Jay rob a 7-11 last summer. He seemed like a nice guy. He asked us to watch the door while he ran in. We didn't know it was so he could rob the place till he came running out.
"Uh yeah I saw him yesterday at the bank." Lia said getting out of bed.
"Lia you didn't....." I widened my eyes at her.
"Rob a bank?!" Lia laughed "Hell no! But I told him you'd give him a call." She said and I frowned. Lia went on "Come on Elle, just call him," I opened the bag and popped a pill on my tongue. It started to dissolve. I held the bag out to Lia. She shook her head no. "Fuck Elle, you're not even gonna have something to eat first." she said as she shook her head at me disapprovingly. I shrugged and she turned and started to go through my closet looking for something to wear.
"Come on Li- there from fucking Jay. They're probably not even any good.." I said staring at myself in the mirror. I didn't feel anything yet. Fucking Jay. He was a fucking loser. Lia was pulling out some shirts and throwing them on my blue carpet. Hmmm never noticed before how much the carpet looks like a lake. Another shirt came flying out. It hit the carpet and it splashed me. I screamed. "Lia you fucking splashed me!" I was all wet. Lia came out of the closet.
"What?" she said wrinkling her eyebrows.
"The carpet... it…splashed me.." I said slowly looking down at myself.... I wasn't wet. What the fuck?
"Yeah fucking unreliable Jay." Lia teased. She grabbed the bag from me and threw it in the drawer. Then I caught a glimpse of something as it went by the window. It was fluffy and brown. Holy shit it was bear. A big mean ferocious bear. I was frozen.
"Lia.." I whispered. The branches were rustling outside. "Lia..." I whispered louder. She looked up. "Okay maybe I'm just freaking out but I think there's something outside" Lia just shook her head. "No I'm not kidding... it was a brown...It was a brown mother fucking bear Lia...." I said and I started to hyperventilate. She was smiling at me. "Holy shit Lia I'm not kidding look.!" I said and the shape moved past the window again.
Lia stopped smiling and went by the window.
"Is it a bear?" I asked panic stricken.
"I don't know what it was" she said hesitantly…
"But you saw it right?" I was shaking. Just then the doorbell rang.
"Don't answer it!!" I screamed. "Its the bear!!" I yelled out and grabbed Lia’s arm.
"Elle...come on you're freaking out." she said pushing the hair from my face. "Listen..bears can't ring doorbells..okay. I'll be right back.." She tells me.
I grabbed her arm "Fuck!" I screamed at her… "He just wants you to think he can’t ring the bell Lia." I say…I was hysterical. Lia grabbed me in her arms.
"okay..okay just, calm down...just breathe.shhhh" she said rocking me back and forth. Then there was a noise in the hallway. Oh my god its in the house!!. I jump up on the bed screaming bloody murder. My bedroom door is opening. It's the bear! I run into the corner screaming and I cover my eyes. I'm crying hysterically. Ray walks in with Gerard. I peek out from behind my hands. There is no bear...No bear? what the fuck is going on. There’s a horrible buzzing sound. I close my eyes. I can hear Lia arguing with Gerard. 'Why the fuck did you let her take it?' I hear him say. Now Ray is saying something. What the fuck is that buzzing. I cover my ears and squeeze my eyes shut.
"Elle...?" someone says
"Elle..." They repeat and I recognize the voice…It was Gerard. He was picking me up off the floor. He carried me to the couch and held me on his lap.
"I..."I started. I didn't know what to say.
"Shhh", he said pulling me closer to his chest. I could hear his heart beating steady. I felt so safe in his arms. It was at that moment that I knew I loved him.
"Hey" he protested as the phone rang. I went to reach for it but Frankie grabbed it first. "Its Lia..." he said I reached for the phone. He jumped back. "Hi Lia....mmm....uh huh.....sure....ok bye." and he hung up. I stared at him. "Lia’s coming over. Her mom came home and threw them out." He tells me.
"And you told her they could come here?" I asked a little annoyed shaking my head at him. Fucking Lia ditches me and now she wants to come back?
"Oh sorry I didn't know you wanted to be alone.." Frankie said as he put the handset back in the cradle. Alone? what the fuck did that mean..Oooh chocolate donuts. I rip open the box. Shit.. they taste stale.
"Fuck Frankie...these are stale." I said spitting it out. "Didn't you check the expiration date?" I yell at him.
He picked up the box. "The what?" he said pulling out a donut and smelling it. God he was such a moron.
"The fucking date on the box" I said grabbing the box from him "Its right here...Entenmanns 1898... Fuck Frankie these are like a hundred years old." I cried out in disgust tossing the box on the table.
Frankie laughed "Elle I don't think.." he stopped talking as Lia walked in. Ray was behind her. Lia saw the donuts and went right for them."ooh donuts." she cooed opening the box.
"Don't eat them Lia they're expired." I warn her.
"They're are not.." Frankie cried out. He was still laughing at I dont even know what. I got fed up with his giggles and went to the living room. Gerard was sitting on the couch. Mikey was leaning on the wall.
"Hey Mikey" I said and gave him a hug. He had a bruise under his eye and his lip looked a little swollen. He smiled at me. God I hate Paul. He's such an asshole. I don't know why I was with him for so long.
"Hey" Bob said as he walked by me into the kitchen. He was carrying a case of beer. I sat on the couch next to Gerard. He pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels from his coat and took a big swig. He passed me the bottle.
"How's your ankle?" he said. I shrugged and lifted my leg onto his lap.
"Bandage is loose." I said and took another drink. It was so harsh, I felt like my throat was on fire.
"Hey take it easy." He said taking the bottle back from me. Then he started rewrapping my ankle. Frankie came in and sat on the other side of me. Bob and Mikey were sitting on the loveseat. Bob picked up the remote and was flipping through the channels. Lia appeared in the doorway. She looked around the room. There was nowhere left to sit.
"Shit Elle, didn't there use to be a chair here." Lia said looking around the room.
"Uh, yeah..it papas." I said. Then there was silence. Gerard was rubbing my ankle. It felt good…
"Ray baby...go to Elle’s room, there's a bean bag chair by the closet." Lia said to him.
"Where the fucks her room?" Ray asks. Lia just made a face. “What?” He laughs. “I've never been in her bedroom!” He tells her.
"I'll show you" Frankie said grinning as he got up. Gerard stopped rubbing my ankle and looked over at Frankie as he walked out with Ray....
Ray came back a few seconds later carrying the beanbag. He tossed it down and sat. Lia sat between his legs. Frankie came back a few seconds after that. He walked past me to sit down. There was something different about him. He sits back down on the couch next to me. Holy shit!
"Are you wearing my lipstick Frankie?" I ask. Everyone turns to him.
"Don't I look pretty?" he replies, batting his eyelashes.
"Did you go through my drawers?" I ask raising my voice slightly.
"You look like a fag." Gerard mumbles taking another swig from the bottle.
"Just the top ones." Frankie laughs at me and then turns his attention to Gerard. "Come on you know you like it Gee!" He says and Gerard give him the finger. Frankie suddenly lunges at him. I duck off the couch and crawl over to Lia. Frankie was climbing on top of Gerard, trying to kiss him.
I lean back on Lia. She's playing with my hair. I'm so fucked up its hard to concentrate. I close my eyes. There’s a lot of commotion. Then a loud thud and laughter. I need some air. I stand up. Bobs looking through the cds on top of the TV.
"Where ya going Elle?" Lia asks. I didn't answer her…I just opened the front door and went out and sat on the steps. You can hear the roar of the crowd at the high school field. Shit tonight was the game. A few weeks ago I would've been there. And papa would've been home rocking in his chair. Don't cry Elle. Don't fucking start crying now.
"You miss him?" a voice said. I look over my shoulder. It was Gerard.
"What?" I replied. How could he possible know what I was thinking. He sat down next to me holding the bottle of Jack. I reached for it and he pulled it out of my reach.
"You've had enough." he said and took a drink himself.
"Come on" I said reaching for the bottle again.
"Fuck Elle." he said and put the bottle back inside his coat. "Come on lets go back in." He said helping me up. I stumbled through the door. The room was spinning. Gerard carried me to the couch. I leant my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. He smelt so good like that day in the dark room. I fell asleep or I passed out I'm not sure which, cause the next thing I know I hear Lia saying goodnight to Ray. I open my eyes. Everyone is gone. The room is trashed. There’s a beer can on the table. It's making a ring. I jump off the couch falling onto the floor. Lia comes running back in.
"Oh my god are you okay?" she's trying to help me up.
"It's making a ring!" I cry out knocking the can from the table. Lia started laughing hysterically. "Come on Elle...lets go to bed.." She tells me and I was too tired to do anything but go to bed.
Saturday morning I woke up curled up next to Lia in bed. She was sound asleep. I poked her. She moaned. I poked her again. She tried to roll over.
"Come on Lia, get up...I'm so fucking hungry.." I whined. I hopped out of bed and looked around the room. Lia sat up stretching.
"Hey pass me my cigarettes." She said. I looked around. "mmm, they're in my bag." she was yawning. I reached in her bag. I pull out her cigarettes. Wait ..what's this...I pull out a small bag with a half a dozen red pills inside. I looked at them closely. They had a happy face stamped on the front.
"Lia are you holding out on me?" I ask waving the bag in the air.
"Oh shit, Elle. I forgot those are for you from...uhhh...."Lia’s yawning again."uhh..remember Jay?"
"Remember Jay? How could I forget Jay?" I said as I rubbed my eyes. Lia and I accidentally helped Jay rob a 7-11 last summer. He seemed like a nice guy. He asked us to watch the door while he ran in. We didn't know it was so he could rob the place till he came running out.
"Uh yeah I saw him yesterday at the bank." Lia said getting out of bed.
"Lia you didn't....." I widened my eyes at her.
"Rob a bank?!" Lia laughed "Hell no! But I told him you'd give him a call." She said and I frowned. Lia went on "Come on Elle, just call him," I opened the bag and popped a pill on my tongue. It started to dissolve. I held the bag out to Lia. She shook her head no. "Fuck Elle, you're not even gonna have something to eat first." she said as she shook her head at me disapprovingly. I shrugged and she turned and started to go through my closet looking for something to wear.
"Come on Li- there from fucking Jay. They're probably not even any good.." I said staring at myself in the mirror. I didn't feel anything yet. Fucking Jay. He was a fucking loser. Lia was pulling out some shirts and throwing them on my blue carpet. Hmmm never noticed before how much the carpet looks like a lake. Another shirt came flying out. It hit the carpet and it splashed me. I screamed. "Lia you fucking splashed me!" I was all wet. Lia came out of the closet.
"What?" she said wrinkling her eyebrows.
"The carpet... it…splashed me.." I said slowly looking down at myself.... I wasn't wet. What the fuck?
"Yeah fucking unreliable Jay." Lia teased. She grabbed the bag from me and threw it in the drawer. Then I caught a glimpse of something as it went by the window. It was fluffy and brown. Holy shit it was bear. A big mean ferocious bear. I was frozen.
"Lia.." I whispered. The branches were rustling outside. "Lia..." I whispered louder. She looked up. "Okay maybe I'm just freaking out but I think there's something outside" Lia just shook her head. "No I'm not kidding... it was a brown...It was a brown mother fucking bear Lia...." I said and I started to hyperventilate. She was smiling at me. "Holy shit Lia I'm not kidding look.!" I said and the shape moved past the window again.
Lia stopped smiling and went by the window.
"Is it a bear?" I asked panic stricken.
"I don't know what it was" she said hesitantly…
"But you saw it right?" I was shaking. Just then the doorbell rang.
"Don't answer it!!" I screamed. "Its the bear!!" I yelled out and grabbed Lia’s arm.
"Elle...come on you're freaking out." she said pushing the hair from my face. "Listen..bears can't ring doorbells..okay. I'll be right back.." She tells me.
I grabbed her arm "Fuck!" I screamed at her… "He just wants you to think he can’t ring the bell Lia." I say…I was hysterical. Lia grabbed me in her arms.
"okay..okay just, calm down...just breathe.shhhh" she said rocking me back and forth. Then there was a noise in the hallway. Oh my god its in the house!!. I jump up on the bed screaming bloody murder. My bedroom door is opening. It's the bear! I run into the corner screaming and I cover my eyes. I'm crying hysterically. Ray walks in with Gerard. I peek out from behind my hands. There is no bear...No bear? what the fuck is going on. There’s a horrible buzzing sound. I close my eyes. I can hear Lia arguing with Gerard. 'Why the fuck did you let her take it?' I hear him say. Now Ray is saying something. What the fuck is that buzzing. I cover my ears and squeeze my eyes shut.
"Elle...?" someone says
"Elle..." They repeat and I recognize the voice…It was Gerard. He was picking me up off the floor. He carried me to the couch and held me on his lap.
"I..."I started. I didn't know what to say.
"Shhh", he said pulling me closer to his chest. I could hear his heart beating steady. I felt so safe in his arms. It was at that moment that I knew I loved him.
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