FicWad

I don't know how long I sat listening to Gerard’s heartbeat for... But when I opened my eyes and he was running his hands through my hair. I leant my head back to look at him. I reached up and ran my hand down the side of his cheek.

"What?" He said softly.

"I just wanted to make sure it was you." I said. He laughed softly. I closed my eyes and thought back. Shit. What a fucking scene I had made. "oh man" I moaned. "Fuck I could've sworn there was something outside my window..." I told him.

"Mmm there was." he said. My heart started to beat faster. I sat up quickly.

"Was it a bear?" I asked gripping his leg. I shouldn't have sat up so fast. The room looked cloudy, kinda like it was gonna rain. He laughed.

"No...We were knocking on the door and you guys didn't answer. Ray went to go look in the window.." He said and he picked up my hand in his and kissed it. Shit. It was Rays 'fro I saw go by the window. Made sense, brown- fluffy...Holy shit did he just kiss my hand? I was gonna say something but then I thought I felt a raindrop hit my head. I look up at the ceiling. "We heard you screaming and came in…" he continued to say as he ran his finger in my palm. “Elle are you? ..." He stopped talking and reached up and turned my face towards his.

"Wait, how'd you get in?" I interrupted him.

"Lia showed us where you keep your key hidden" he said with a smile.

"Fucking Lia’s got a big mouth!" I said rubbing my eyes. It was definitely gonna rain. "Come on Gerard. lets get out of here before it starts to rain." I said getting up. Gerard looked towards the window. He looked confused. He pulls me back down onto the couch. What the fuck is he so confused about, why isn't he getting up? doesn't he see the fog?. I close my eyes for a second when I open them the fog is gone. Gerard is looking at me. Shit.

"So whose this guy Jay?" He asked. I groaned. Fuck Lia and her big mouth. I wonder what she told him. I mean I did hook up with Jay but that was so long ago.

"Just some guy" I said stretching my legs out on the couch and snuggling up against his chest.

"So you gonna call him?" he asked. I sat upright. Call him? What the fuck was he talking about. Shit Lia what did you tell him?. I didn't answer. "I'm just saying Elle...if he cared ..." Gerard lowered his voice " I mean if he cared for you... he wouldn't have wanted you to...." Gerard’s voice trailed off. He wanted to say something but he wouldn't.

"Cared for me?" I said as I climbed onto Gerard’s lap. I was still so fucked up. Fuck Gerard if wont tell me then I'll make you. I was straddling him now. I pulled my hips towards his. He sat back a little. "Cared for me like you do?" I said wrapping my arms around his neck. We were alone in the house. He reached up and put his hands on my wrists. He looked into my eyes but didn't say anything. "Tell me." I said

"Tell you what?" he asked as he slid his hands down my back and onto my waist.

"Tell me you care" I said leaning in to him.

"Elle...come on don't make this hard." He said dropping his hands from my waist.

"Hmmm, its already hard" I said rubbing my crotch against the bulge in his pants. He stood up quickly tossing me on to the beanbag chair. He paced back and forth adjusting his pants slightly and then turned to me. I had slid off the chair and was sitting on the floor leaning back on to the beanbag chair. I was still wearing the tank top and shorts I slept in last night. I stretched my arms over my head and yawned.

God I was so fucking hungry I wonder what time it is? I look around. I forgot where the clock is in here. Fuck is there even one? The vcr clock is blinking. Shit. Why haven't I programmed it yet. Maybe I'll do it now. I just need to know what time it is to set it. Hmmm, where's the fucking clock in here? I know Ill check the vcr... Fuck... Gerard is staring at me. Double fuck.

"You're wasted Elle" He said matter of factly.

I shrugged. "So.."

"So you don't know what you want." He said as he came towards me. He sat on the coffee table and looked down at me. So is that is the fucking problem? He thinks I'm only coming on to him cause I'm fucked up.

"Is that.." I was interrupted by a noise at the door.

"Ellie?...."Lia said as she opened the door. "I'm coming in.. dont freak out...its just me...I brought you a pizza." I hear her say and I lean my head back. Yep, here comes Lia with pizza box. Behind her is Ray, Mikey, Bob, and Frankie. Gerard gets up off the table and sits back on the couch. Lia drops the box on the coffee table.

"Mmm. I love you Lia!" I said opening it. I sat on the table next to the box and looked down. It was so beautiful I didn't want to eat it.

Ray walks by and raises his arms up like claws. "Rarrrgh" he growls at me and laughs

"Fuck you Toro." I said as I picked up a piece. I look around the room. Lia and Ray were on the beanbag chair. Mikey sat next to Gerard and Frankie is sitting in the arm of the couch. Bob is alone on the loveseat tapping his fingers on his lap.

"No one else is gonna eat?" I ask . They all shake their heads no. Shit I can't eat this whole thing.

"We ate already." Mikey said adjusting his glasses. Whatever.

"So what are we doing?" Bob says.

Lia stops kissing Ray's neck. "Hmm. I really wanna do some shots tonight." She says.

"All right! whatcha got?" Frankie exclaims. They all turn to me. What the fuck.

I stop chewing." I don't have anything." I said shaking my head. This has got to be the best motherfucking pizza I've ever had. I grab another slice. I think my mouth is having an orgasm.

"Maybe your brother could.." Bob started.

Ray shook his head no. "He went out."

"Well then Elle can go. " Lia said. They were all looking at me again. Fuck why can't I just enjoy my pizza. I shrug.

"You have a fake ID?" Mikey asks. I shook my head yes.

"Let me see it" Bob said. I get up dragging my leg and grab my bag from the hallway. I dig through it and toss the card over to Bob. He's frowning. I sit back down next to my pizza. Hmm. maybe I could eat the whole thing.

"This is shit." Bob exclaims.

"Yeah I know." I say wiping my mouth.

Frankie leans over to look and laughs. "You mean someone actually takes this crap?" he says. Bob is shaking his head in disbelief.

"Mmm hmm. Brutus." I said nibbling on the crust.

"Who's that?" Ray asks.... Hmm.I forgot he was still here.

"The guy on 3rd st. Looks like Brutus from Popeye." I said finishing off the crust. Holy shit that was good. I am so stuffed.

Bob laughs. "He fucking takes this shit..."

"Aw come on" Lia started. "It’s not like he actually looks at it, he's too busy staring at her tits." Ray nudged her. "Ow. come on Ray its not like you haven't noticed, how could you fucking miss em." she said getting up. They all looked at me.

"Wow. uh, great, thanks" I said covering my chest with my arms. I need a cigarette. Shit where's my lighter.

"So you're just gonna pimp your friend out?" Frankie howled.

"Fuck Frankie, she's just showing a little tit not sucking him off behind the counter. " Lia said. Bob laughed. Mikey was looking at his feet. Gerard took a drag off his cigarette.

"So I guess then you're not a feminist?" Ray said. He was standing in the doorway now. I wrinkled my eyebrows. "You know equal rights and all that shit."

"Hell no" Lia roared. "Equal? fuck man-chicks rule!"

"Now you got her started." I said getting up and limping to the kitchen. Lia is still carrying on. I know there's a lighter in here...somewhere. Fuck it I'll just use the stove. I come back to the doorway. The pizza box is shut and there's some money on it.

"So you'll go?" Gerard asks. I shrug.

"I'm not driving...and someone's gotta come and carry the shit." I said waving my leg off the floor.

"I'll go " Frankie says jumping up.

"Fuck no, Frankie I'm not spending the night in jail." I told him and I looked at Gerard.

"I can’t that motherfuckers thrown me out more times than I can count." He said shaking his head.

"Bob?" I ask turning to him.

"Yeah what the hell!" he said getting up.

"All right just let me go change." I said limping down the hall.

"Make it something slutty!" Lia calls out after me. Fucking Lia.

I open my closet. Hmm, slutty well that should be easy. Everything I own is slutty. I pull out a pair of dark blue jeans and put on my one Mary Jane shoe. Hmmm, lets see. Oooh this looks good. A low cut square neck long sleeved top. It was dark blue and jersey cotton that clung skin tight to me. I hardly ever wore it. I tousled my hair and put on some light make up. I limped back down the hall and called for Bob. Frankie poked his head out of the living room I guess to see what I was wearing. I gave him the finger.

On the ride there Bob told me about his girlfriend back in Chicago. Things weren't working out well long distance. I felt bad. I mean he was a real nice guy. I really liked him… We pull up in front.

"Well, here goes nothing." Bob said as he helped me out of the car. I took one crutch. We headed for the back. Bob grabbed a case of beer and two absoult citron bottles. He put them down on the counter. Brutus looked up at him.

"My cousin." I nodded towards Bob. Brutus smiled at me with that creepy look in his eye.

"Hey baby, you have a bad trip?" He said picking up the bottles and putting them in a bag. A bad trip? How the fuck did he? Oh my crutch.

"Yeah you know me~" I said putting my pinkie to my mouth. "I'm just soooo clumsy." I said running my pinkie down my neck and along my shirt collar. Brutus was watching my little finger and smiling. He tapped something on the register. Someone else came in the store. I slid the ID from my pocket and dragged the edge along up my waist over my breast and held it up by my collarbone. Brutus was still smiling. What a fucking ass.

"That's good baby." He said." It's uh 38.95" He was leering at me. Bob tossed the money on the counter and picked up the beer. I reached out for the change and Brutus rubbed the top of my hand.

"Hope you feel better dear" he said. I smiled.

"Bye Brutus.." I said as we left. We got back in the car. Bob was shaking his head.

"What?" I sighed.

He started to back the car up. "Nothing. I just mean... shit! Lia was right......chicks rule!"

“Tits rule.” Lia laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh too.

After a while everyone was drunk in my living room.. Especially Gerard. He took one of the bottles for himself. It was almost empty now. I was just waiting for him to tell me that I was drinking too much. But he never did. Ray wanted to put on a movie. Lia didn't want to. They were arguing back and forth. It was giving me a motherfucking headache.

I got up and went into the kitchen. Gerard followed me. I turned on the sink and splashed some water on my face. It was so fucking hot in here. The floor was spinning. Gerard came up behind me. He was so drunk. He slid his arm around my waist and pulled the hair from my neck like he was going to kiss me but he didn't. I felt his breath on my neck for a while. It was driving me crazy. Fuck you Gerard. I mean are you just fucking with me now?! A few hours ago you wouldn't touch me and now...now you're ...you're fucking what ???. I spun around.

"What are you doing?" I ask

"Come on Elle." he said leaning in to kiss me.

"Oh I see. so you only want me when you're wasted." I said waving my finger at him. He slammed his fist on the counter.

"Fuck" he muttered something under his breath. I couldn't make out what it was.

"Yeah I guess it sucks huh.." I said and walked out leaving him in the kitchen. I went down the hall to the bathroom. Shit it was like a fucking million degrees in here. I sat on the edge of the tub. The porcelain was so cold. I ran my hand along it. I climbed into the tub and shut my eyes.

Someone was knocking on the door. I open my eyes. Fuck my neck has a cramp in it. How long have I been in here.

"Elle…” It was Frankie. He knocked again louder.

"Fuck off" I mumbled… I was too fucking tired to move.

"Are you ok?" he asked again.

"I said fuck OFF" I call back. What the fuck did he want. What now that Gerard’s finished messing with me. what it was his fucking turn?!?. I hate men...fuck they're not even men they're fucking boys....little horny boys....

"What are you doing in there?" He asked. I could barely hear him through the door.

"Fuck Frankie I am in the tub! What the hell do you want?" I screamed. He said something. Shit. I cant fucking hear him." Come in here!" I yell. He opens the door and peeks his head in slightly.

"You really in the tub?" He says grinning. What I’d fucking say...horny little boys....He sees me fully dressed and looks disappointed. "uh were heading out...did you want me to help you...with...shit Elle...what are you doing?"

I pick up the shampoo bottle and chuck it at him. "Just get the fuck out.." I yell and Frankie smiles and walks out.

What the fuck is wrong with you Elle? He was only trying to be nice. Fuck. I close my eyes. Maybe this is all a dream...yeah...just a dream....I curl back up against the tub walls. Just close your eyes Elle. When you wake up everything will be back to normal..hmmmm....tomorrows Sunday....Papa makes pancakes on Sunday....I love his pancakes....

"Pancakes...." I whispered out loud as I fell asleep.