FicWad

I stared down at the picture in front of me. It was Lia. There was no doubt about it. Her hair had fallen over her one eye and she was looking off into the distance. But it was definitely her. I ran my fingers along the page. Fuck when did he draw this? There was no date. I flipped a few pages. There was no sort of order to the book at all. Looks like he just opens to any old page and starts drawing. There were a lotta sheets torn out to. Way too many sheets.

I flipped some more when I saw another one of Lia it was unfinished though. Oh this is just fucking great! I look over at Gerard. Hes watching me flip the pages. I hold up the picture of Lia. He nods at me. What the fuck? Did he just nod? What the fuck does that mean? I stare at him back waiting for more.

"Uh you don't like it?" He whispers. He sound hurt. Is he fucking crazy? Do I like it? Is that what he just said? I think I must be losing my mind. I flip back through the book and find the other picture of her and show him. He just shrugs.

What the fuck?! I sigh and flip through it a few more times. I don't see that picture he was drawing before of the lady ripping the mans heart out. He must’ve torn it out. But why? Is he trying to hide something? I go through the book page by page. Its definitely not in here. Fuck. And there’s not a single picture of me. Or any of the guys, the only 'real' person was just those few of Lia.

I had finally gotten my wish. I got to see what’s inside his head and its Lia.... I wished I could just disappear.

Gerard was trying to pass me a note. I was trying to ignore him... I didn't know what to say. What could I say. My heart was broken. How could he do this to me? Frankie snatched the note much to Gerard’s disapproval and read it. He wrote something and handed it to me. Oh what the fuck does he want from me now. My fucking bra? Maybe he needs a matching set.. I’m so not in the mood for this crap.

I open it. Gerard wrote {you don't like them} is he fucking kidding?

Frankie wrote {Of course not- you suck!} I laughed to myself. They were really good pictures... even if they were of HER!

I thought for a moment and then wrote {No I like them I just surprised to see so many of Lia} then I added. {does Ray know} Ha! Lets see what he says to that.

I pass it back to Gerard. He reads it and looks confused. He scribbles and hands it back to me.
{Does Ray know what?} he wrote. Oh give me a fucking break! Does Ray know what?! I crumple the note up and get up and toss it in the trash can.

"Uh Mr. W are you gonna be here for lunch?" I ask sweetly standing in front of the desk.

"Uh yes I am." He says looking up at me.

"Well see I didn't know I was gonna be in here today so I didn't bring anything to eat." I said smiling at him. "Ummm could I maybe go down to the cafeteria and get something?" I asked.

He nodded. Then Gerard called out "Uh I don't have anything to eat either." I looked over my shoulder at him. Mr. W was still nodding.. then he wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to me.

"In about 10 minutes when the bell rings Elle you and Gerard can uh run down to the cafeteria and grab something....quickly." Mr. W added. I looked at the hall pass he gave me as I sat back down next to Gerard.

Gerard reached over and grabbed his notebook off my desk.

"Hey I wasn't done with that." I whispered.

"Aw come on its obvious you don't like it" He whispered slipping it back into his bag.

"No I was just wondering why so many pages are missing" I whispered back. Gerard blushed a little. I bet he didn't think I noticed that huh. " I mean if you didn't want me to see it you should’ve just said so." I whispered. Gerard looked down. "That's not right what you did." I added louder.

"Shhhh" Mr. W called out from up front. I looked out the door. The bell had rung. The hall way was filling with kids. I peeked over my shoulder. Gerard was staring out the window. Everyone was pulling out there lunches now.

Everyone except me and Gerard that was. After the halls were empty I stood up and said "Now Mr. W?" He nodded. I got up and walked out. Gerard was behind me.

"Wait Elle." He called grabbing my arm. "I ..uh..uh" He didn't know what to say.

"just leave it alone Gerard." I said as we went into the cafeteria.

"No Its just...I wanna explain." He said.

"ha! You sound just like me!" I said grabbing a bagel.

"well then you should understand and give me a chance to explain." He said following me.

"A chance to say what Gerard?" I ask. "Uh say that what- you fucking tore out the pages that meant shit to you and what’s left in the book is what really matters to you... That she matters to you?" I said grabbing a juice of the rack. “What did you tear out I mean were they all just more pictures of Lia?" I asked

"No that's fucked up." He said taking a juice also. "What’s left in the book...those pictures Elle.." he grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. "They mean nothing to me..." He said looking in my eyes. He looked so sincere. I believed him.

"Oh well then that's even worse!" I cried out as we paid for our stuff. "then that means you didn't want to show me the stuff that was really important to you. that you ripped it out so I wouldn't see it .. you know that sucks!" I yelled at him.

"So they are just of her then." I added.

"what the fuck Elle?" He said. "Are you fucking crazy? SHE means nothing to me. She never has and never will" He told me and started to turn up the hall.

"Wait... I wanna go out back and have a smoke before we go in" I said walking towards the door. There were never any hall monitors behind the gym doors. We walked outside and he sat on the steps. I looked down at the dirty steps. Fuck I wasn't gonna sit there. Not even if I did have underwear on. Gerard laughed and pulled me into his lap.

"Come on Elle.. you can’t think that just cause I had drew a picture of her...that there’s something go on" He said lighting a cigarette up. I took it from him and shrugged.

"Well what am I suppose to think?" I said

"Well that were just friends!" he laughed. "you know you can be friends with a member of the opposite sex" He added. "I just drew her cause I was bored and she was there and honestly even though she does nothing for me personally ... I still think she’s prettier than Ray" He laughed. "Well she makes for a better picture at least!" he laughed. I smiled. Fuck. I believed him.

Of course Lia was there. Hanging around him. Well that's not gonna be happening for much longer.. I leant back against him. God damn it Elle, you’re such a fucking moron sometimes. Letting your emotions take over like that... Then I remembered something.

"Oh so if I was friends with a guy you'd be okay with that?" I said

"Uh Elle... you are friends with guys." He said running his hands along my thigh highs. "Fuck I’ve been wanting to do this all day." He said kissing my neck and running his hands on my leg. I giggled a little.

"Well no I mean like lets say the guy was Paul." I said. Gerard stopped kissing me.

"What about him?" He says groaning.

"Well you’re saying I could be friends with him and that would be cool and all?." I ask looking into his eyes.

He started kissing my neck again. "yeah I guess if you fucking wanted to..." His voice trailed off.

"Uh yeah so lets say if I was uh maybe gonna go to his house for uh...Christmas...as a friend that would be cool right?" I said pressing my luck.” Cause I mean were just friends and all" I said softly.

He stopped again and looked at me. "Elle you didn't..." he started to say.

"I thought he was dying!" I said looking down at my hands.

Gerard just laughed. "So that's okay?" I asked softly.

"Well I guess so" Gerard sighed. "Just uh don't let him do this." He laughed as he slid his hand up my skirt.
Ten minutes later Gerard and I walked back into ISS.

Holding hands and smiling...

Id deal with Lia later...

There was only 10 minutes of ISS left. I stared and watched the clock. The rest of the day had flew by once I got over thinking Gerard liked Lia. There was still something going on though. ... Why was she hanging around him? What the fuck did she tell him on Halloween? Or any other day for that matter... And what did he rip out of his book? Fuck... I looked across the room at him.

After we came back from our little lunch break Mr. W was gone and there was some real bitchy lady at the desk. Well Frankie started making a scene again and got our seats moved apart. Apparently I left a mark on Gerard’s neck... I didn't do it on purpose...I couldn't help it, its just that when he reached up my skirt I didn't want to scream or make too much noise and get caught or something so I bit down on his neck and it left a mark.

Well once Frankie saw it all hell broke loose and the bitch made us move our seats apart. Gerard was in the back by
the window now. I was over by the door and Frankie was right in front of the teacher’s desk. Oh come on already the fucking clock is going so slow. Like its fucking broken! I wonder if it has anything to do with gravity? I mean the big hand seems to go faster when its going down towards the 6, but from the 6 back up to the 12 is like forever... I guess gravity is working against it. Fuck if the clock was digital I bet we'd be out of here by now. The hand moved slightly. Fuck seven minutes left! I think I’m gonna scream! I cant take this anymore. I put my head down on the desk. I’m so fucking tired.

I got no sleep last night. And now that joint we smoked during breakfast has since worn off bringing me way down. Mmm, maybe I'll just close my eyes for a second...I shut my eyes... The next thing I know someone is rubbing my back. I lift up my head. Its Frankie. Everyone is walking out. Fuck.. the bell already rang...I didn't even hear it... I squint my eyes a little and look over. Gerard is picking up his bag slowly across the room. He looks almost as tired as I am.

"Come on sleepy, we'll drive you home." Frankie says grabbing my bag.

"huh?" I say. Sleepy? Like the dwarf? If that's another short joke I swear I'll...

Gerard came shuffling over and I lost my train of thought. "Nah man we're walking." Gerard yawned. Frankie looked confused. "I,Uh, left my car by Elle’s" Gerard yawned again. That made me yawn too. Frankie looked at both of us and laughed.

"Uh I'll just go try and catch a ride with Bob." He said running out. I just shrugged. Whatever. Oh fuck... Frankie still has my underwear. I was too tired to run after him. Ah fuck it. He can have them.

Gerard and I walked down the block slowly. I wanted to go to Lia’s but I was just way to fucking tired. I needed a clear mind to talk to her anyway... Gerard stopped by his car.

"Aren’t you coming in?" I asked.

"Maybe just for a little while" He sighed. I opened the door and dropped all my shit on the floor and crawled all the way to my room.

"Fuck I’m so tired!" I sighed curling up on my bed. Gerard laid next to me. I shut my eyes and fell asleep quickly. I don't know how long I was sleeping for. When I woke up it was dark out. There was some faint light coming from my night light. I could see Gerard sitting at my desk drawing something. He had my pipe out and he was smoking from it. I sat up. He ripped the page out and folded it up putting it in his pocket as he stood.

"Oh your up." He smiled.

"What were you doing?" I asked stretching. He just shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed.

"How long was I sleeping?" I asked yawning.

"I dunno" Gerard said looking over at the alarm clock. "Its uh almost 3am." He said kissing my cheek.

"Did you sleep any?" I asked him reaching for the pipe. I took a hit. Fuck it was strong. Looked like Gerard was in the 'pop tarts' again. This was defiantly Lia’s...

"Uh yeah" He said. I reached for the paper in his pocket. He stood up.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Uh I want to see what you were drawing?" I said reaching again. He took a step back.

"oh fuck Elle are you still on that?" He moaned. "It wasn't Lia " he moaned. I rolled my eyes at him and took another hit.

"Then let me see." I said holding my hand out. He just looked at me. "Come on" I whined. " I gave you the fucking CD you wanted and you totally screwed me out of seeing your book" I cried out standing up on my bed.

He looked away. "I showed you my book" he said quietly.

"That was bullshit Gerard and you know it" I said folding my arms.

"aw come on Elle." He said running his hands through his hair again. He was pacing the floor. I just stood on the bed watching him with my arms crossed.

"What are you hiding from me?" I asked him collapsing face down on to my bed.

"Nothing baby" He said rubbing my back. I rolled over and looked at him."I'd tell you anything." He said kissing my hand. I wanted to believe him.

"So then what did you and Lia talk about yesterday?" I asked him. He looked away. "Gerard" I insisted. He sighed.

"So you ARE keeping secrets." I said softly.

"There not my secrets to tell." He said softly. What the fuck did that mean? Fucking Lia... I shook my head at him.

"Please Elle.." He said kissing my cheek again. "Don't ask me again." He said laying down next to me.

"Fine I'll just ask her then." I said putting my head on his chest. I lifted his shirt up over his head and kissed his stomach...Fuck Lia what are you up to???

"You should ... she’s kind of worried about you." He said pulling my face to his. I tried not to laugh as Gerard lifted my shirt over my head. Lia worried about me. That was funny. Lia only cares about herself that's for sure... I pulled myself on top of Gerard. We passed the pipe back and forth a while longer. I stared into his eyes and then kissed him on the nose.

"You're so pretty!" I told him.

"Guys aren't suppose to be pretty Elle." He laughed.

"Well I think you're pretty." I told him.

I found myself melting into Gerard again. He said he wasn't gonna stay all night although I wanted him too. I felt myself drifting off to sleep in his arms... He started to get up...

"Wait... don't go.." I mumbled.

"I have to." He said getting up.

"Just wait until I fall asleep." I whispered and reached out for him. He sighed and got back in bed. "mmm and don't forget to lock the door when you leave." I mumbled...He laid back down next to me and stroked my hair as I drifted off to sleep.


The next thing I knew there was light streaming through my windows. I heard a noise in the hall way. What the fuck?? Someone knocked on my bedroom door lightly. It was slightly ajar.

"Elle?" I heard Mikey say. Huh?

"Mikey is that you?" I said. What time is it? I look over at the clock. It was almost 10 am. What was he doing here? Fuck that was some strong shit. I’m still a little fucked up from last night.

"Can I come in?" Mikey said. Come in? How did he get in here? Am I even awake?

"Uh yeah" I said sitting up stretching a little.

"Elle I just -" Mikey said as he came in. He looked at me and stopped talking abruptly. He was just staring at me. Huh? I look down. Oh fuck. I didn't have a shirt on. The sheet was barely covering my chest.

"Oh sorry." I said pulling the sheet up. "Uh can you.." I gestured for him to turn around. I reached over and grabbed a t-shirt off the floor and slipped it on. I got up and pulled a pair of underwear from my drawer and was stepping into them when I saw Mikey looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Is that Gerard’s shirt?" He asked. I looked down. Fuck I think it was...I still had my underwear around my knees. I looked up at Mikey not sure what to say. Wait if this is Gerard’s shirt then where’s Gerard?!? A look of panic spread across my face.

As if on cue Gerard rolls over out from under the massive amounts of blankets on my bed. "What the fuck?" He mumbles looking at my panic stricken face. I still had my underwear halfway up and Mikey was gawking at me. I pull them up real quickly... Fuck...I guess now he and Frankie have something to talk about. They've both seen my underwear I laugh to myself. Oh Elle that's not funny. Yes it is. Fuck I’ve gotta stop talking to myself so much. I look back over at Gerard on my bed.

Mikey looks over at Gerard too. "Fuck man." He says to him. "I thought where the hell you were!" He said as I pulled on some jeans. "I thought maybe you passed out in a ditch or something." Mikey said exasperated.

"Sorry mom!" Gerard just groaned. "What the fuck you doing here in the middle of the night anyway?" He asked Mikey sitting up. And I thought I was out it in the morning! Obviously Gerard was still feeling the effects of the pipe from last night too.

"Uh it’s day time Gee!" Mikey said pointing to the window. Gerard looked out the window like he didn't believe it..

"Hey how'd you get in anyway?" I asked brushing my hair.

"The door was open Elle." Mikey said pushing his glasses up.

"Gerard!" I exclaimed. "You were suppose to lock it when you left!" I said putting the brush down.

"Sorry" Gerard yawned.

"Uh hello? Elle? Uh he didn't leave!" Mikey yelled out. "What the fuck is wrong with you guys!" he yelled. We both just looked at Mikey and laughed. "Ah you guys deserve each other" he said and headed towards the door.

"Wait no Mikey... I'll make you breakfast" I said jumping up.

"No please don't!" Gerard cried out. I picked up a pillow and tossed it at him.

"Fuck you!" I told him. He just winked at me.

"Come here" Gerard said reaching for me and pulling me into the bed.. I just laughed.

"Oh I gotta get out of here!" Mikey cried covering his eyes.

"No wait.. don't go.." I said getting up. "Come on" I said pulling Mikey towards the door.

"Elle my shirt." Gerard called out. Oh fuck. I turned back and started to pull it off over my head. "No!" Gerard called out. What the fuck? Take it off... put it on.. Make up your fucking mind! I roll my eyes at Gerard.

"Uh I'll be in the kitchen" Mikey stutters and walks out shutting the door.

"Okay take it off now" Gerard smiles at me.

"Are you sure?" I ask laughing. He nods. I start to pull it up slowly from the bottom. "Uh no I think I kind of like it." I said letting go of the bottom. "I think I'll keep it." I teased.

"And uh what will I wear?" Gerard laughed.

"I’ve got plenty of shirts..pick one." I teased tossing him a skimpy tank top off the floor.

"That's not funny." He laughed. I smiled. "Come on Elle... you cant leave Mikey alone in the kitchen for too long." He added.

"Why not?" I asked lifting his shirt over my head. He tossed me the tank top and laughed.

"Hey did you know that Mikeys favorite food is uh pop tarts!" he said smiling. My face dropped.

Oh fuck...

"what the hell is this?" I heard Mikey yell out from the kitchen as I ran down the hall...

Shit I think he found the pop tarts...