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We all froze at the sound of his voice... Mikey turned a little pale. I heard him mumble 'oh fuck'under his breath.

Frankie slowly crawled out from under the bed and stood up.

"Oh Gerard!" he says nonchalantly. "You're home." He says waving hi to him. Gerard didn't answer him... He didn't even look at him. His eyes were fixated on mine...

"Uh...we'll be upstairs..." Mikey says as he and Frankie ran up the stairs.

Gerard walked towards me and took the portfolio from my hand. He smiled a little as he tossed it back on to the desk.

"I really liked them." I said softly as he went and sat on the bed. I went and sat next to him. He reached over and held my hand.

"I went to see Paul." He said plainly.

"I figured." I said. I was lying.. I had no fucking clue he was going there... if I knew I would've stopped him...

"He said-" Gerard started.

"I don't want to know what he said." I said forcefully. Gerard looked into my eyes hard. "NO I mean it Gerard." I said shaking my head. "I do not want to know... and I don't want to talk about it." I said as he reached his hand up and ran it along my cheek. He just looked at me for a while. I knew he wanted to talk about it. But I couldn't.. I just wanted to be with him...Like it was before...My eyes started to well up with tears again.

"You should've told me." He finally said.

"You're right I should've of." I said laying back on his bed. Gerard laid next to me. "But I didn't want you to look at me like that... I just... I cant deal with it now...you know." I sighed.

"We don't have to talk about it...for now." Gerard said and kissed my lips slightly. I frowned slightly at the 'for now' part. He didn't notice. He just kept kissing me.

"mm hmm"I said kissing him back. This just felt so right... being with him... like nothing else mattered.

"So you got to see my room now huh?" He laughed a little pulling his lips from mine. "I would've cleaned up if I knew you were coming!" He laughed again looking around.

"You were never gonna show me your room!" I teased kissing him again.

"Sure I was." He said back "I would've showed you... eventually"

"Like you showed me your book." I said sighing a little.

"Elle." He groaned. "You did see it."

"Yeah now I did!" I laugh a little. "No thanks to you." I say poking him in the stomach.

"I just didn't know." Gerard said softly.

"Know? Know what? I mean it Gerard... those pictures were... why didn't you want to show me..." I say looking into his eyes.

He rolled over and looked up at the ceiling taking a deep breath. "cause I uh.. figured if you saw them you'd think I was you know..." He said shrugging.

"What" I said resting my head on his chest. I could hear him take a deep breath.

"Creepy." He finally said.

"Creepy?" I repeat

"Yeah." He sighs.

"Those pictures are really something Gerard... I mean what's creepy about them?" I ask him running my fingers down along his arm.

"Mikey said it was kind of creepy." Gerard tensed up a little.

"What?" I said softly.

"You know...like I was following you around or something creepy.." He sighed.

"I never thought about it like that." I said lifting my head off his chest. "Damn he's right you are creepy." I say smiling at Gerard. He smiles back.

"Elle!" He says rolling his eyes. I smile and kiss him on the cheek. He tries to pull away. "That's why I didn't want to show you!" He laughs a little trying to get up.

"Oh no!" I say and sit on top of him. I lean forward and kiss him. He was laying back on his bed and I was straddling him. He ran his hands along my thighs and up my waist as we kissed. His hands were going up my back slowly and my shirt was lifting up a little. I felt his hand along my bra straps. He trying to find the hook. He didn't know it hooked in the front... the front... I remembered my hand brushing against the tattoo as I fastened my bra this morning. Gerard was sliding his hands towards it now. I panicked.

"No!" I kind of yelled.

I sat upright quickly and pulled my shirt back down. I bit down on my lip and looked at him. He looked like... I don't know... like I hurt his feelings. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Why do you do that?" He said quietly. I opened my eyes and ran my finger along my lip. It wasn't bleeding...

"I told you, I cant help it." I said as I licked my lips slightly.

"No close your eyes like that." He says running his hands along my arms. I was still sitting on top of him. "You do that a lot." He says smiling a little.

"I do?" I ask him. He nods. "Well then I don't know." I said thinking about it. He shrugged and ran his hand along the waist band on my jeans. His hand made my shirt slide up a little again. He ran his hands along my skin. The one side kind of hurt a little. I think it was bruised. I tried not to wince as his hand touched it. I saw him looking at it. He was trying not to be so obvious. But even as stoned as I was I could tell he was looking. Now he was biting his lip like he wanted to say something. I shut my eyes again.

"You're doing it again." I hear him say and I open them.

"Oh...uh yeah I guess.." I say taking sliding his hands up higher on my waist.

"What were you thinking?" He said quietly.

"Hmmm?" I say leaning forward to kiss him again. Trying to divert his attention. He puts his hand up and stops me.
"tell me." He said looking into my eyes. I could tell he really did want to know... he really did care... He wanted me to let him in...I don't know if I could...

"I don't know." I sighed. He looked up at ceiling in frustration. "No I'm serious... I don't know.. I don't think of anything..." I say pushing the hair from my face. He looks back at me half believing what I'm saying. "Its like..." I take a deep breath. "Its like I disappear in the dark when I shut my eyes." I tell him.

"That's how you disappear?" he says back. I couldn't tell if he was making fun of me.

"I just hear all these voices in my head, memories and thoughts and I don't know... when I close my eyes like that they're all gone in the dark..." I tell him. I cant believe I just told him that. He just looked at me. It was silent for a moment.

"Voices in your head?" He says smiling a little. I nod. "Now that's creepy!" He laughs.

"Gerard!" I exclaim and start to get up off him. He pulls me back down on to the bed next to him.

"And aren't you afraid of the dark?" He laughs again.

"Yes but only when I cant control it." I explain. He still laughing. "That's it." I say trying to get up again.
"Aw baby!" He laughs and pulls me back into his arms.

"Your teasing me now!" I pout. He just smiles. He leans over and kisses me. He starts sliding his hand up my shirt up again. "Gerard." I said roughly and stopped his hand again.

"I just want to see." He said softly kissing my neck and sliding his hand up the front of my shirt. He found my bra hook this time and unsnapped it quickly.

"No." I said pushing his hand back down and sitting up on the edge of his bed.

"Don't shut me out." He moaned a little. I sighed. I didn't want to... it was just...just... Gerard got up and sat on the bed next to me. He was waiting for me to say something back. He leant back a little. "Ow." He said suddenly reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a shiny piece of metal.

"What is that?" I asked taking it from him. He had a blank expression on his face.

"It's a uh shuriken." He said a little nervous.

"What does it do?" I ask squinting my eyes as I studied it. He just looked at me curiously. "I mean its defiantly NOT a ray gun!" I say matter of factly.

"No... uh.. its not..." he said raising his eyebrows and giving me the same look Mikey did before.

"What is it then?" I ask. He shakes his head at me and tries to take it back but I pull it away to fast. "I want to see it!" I exclaim.

"Fuck.. Be careful Elle. Its sharp!" he says as I ran my finger along the edge.

"Too late!" I scream as my finger starts bleeding. "aaahh!" I cry jumping up and tossing the shuriky thing back at him.

"No don't throw it! Fuck!" he screams hunching over and putting his arm up as it flew towards him. The blade sliced his forearm slightly. He was bleeding now too.

My jaw dropped open as he grabbed his arm and looked at it. "Oh my god!" I said running over to him.

"What the fuck Elle!" He yells at me.

"Are you hurt?" I asked him and started to cry.

"Yes I'm hurt!" he yells." it's a fucking throwing star Elle...why would you throw it at me?"

I just looked at him stupidly. He was looking at me wide-eyed awaiting an answer.

I didn't know what to say... so I squeezed my eyes shut trying to disappear.

I hear him laughing." Open your eyes Elle." He says. When I do he's right in front of me smiling. "I can still see you." He laughs.

I sniffle a little. He wipes the tears in my eyes away. The blood on his forearm smeared on my face. "Oh fuck... I got blood on you." He said trying to wipe it with his other hand. I think he was just making it worse.

"That's okay I'm bleeding too." I say holding my bloody finger up. There was blood dripping from the tip. He smiled and put my finger in his mouth and sucked on it as he looked in my eyes.

You could hear someone coming down the steps now. It was Mikey. "Gee moms on her way home" he called out as he came down the stairs. Gerard pulled my finger from his mouth as we looked over at Mikey coming towards us. There was a little blood on the corner on Gerard's mouth. I instinctively wiped my cheek slightly. It was wet from the tears and Gerard's blood.

Mikey made a face at us and then turned to go back upstairs. Then he calls out "You know you guys are creepy!"

We looked at each other and laughed. Creepy or not- we belonged together…