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"Something about Paul?" I say nervously... I tried to swallow but my mouth was so fucking dry...

"Yeah" he says exhaling slowly. I'm starting to freak out a little... I don't think we should've smoked this... I mean Lia was acting all paranoid before too... maybe there's something wrong with it...I wonder where she got this shit from anyway... I try to lift my head up off Gerard's chest but he pulls me back down and wraps his arms around me tightly. I can hear his heartbeat again... It was slower now... I start to space out listening to it... "Elle?" Gerard says startling me.

"Huh?" I say snapping out of it. Gerard released his grip on me as I sat up. He stretched his arms over his head and sighed.

"That's okay you don't have to answer." He tells me.

"Answer what?" I say dumbly. Did he ask me something? He just looked up at the ceiling and ran his tongue along his lip slightly..."I didn't hear you." I say nudging him.

"No its okay." He says shrugging his shoulders a little.

"No I really didn't hear you." I laugh a little. "I guess I was spacing out." I tell him.

"It's all right Elle." He says reaching for the cigarettes on the nightstand. I lean over and grab them first.

"Ha!" I yell.

"Give em to me." He says reaching for them. He's lying on the bed and I'm sitting on top of him. I hold them up over my head so he can't reach.

"No!" I laugh. "You have to tell me what you said."

"Elle." He scolds me and reaches for them again. I hold them a little higher and stick my tongue out at him. He sits up now. I try to put them behind my back but he grabbed me and tickled me and I dropped them off the edge of the bed. He jumped up and scooped them up off the floor smiling a little but I was smiling more. "Why are you so happy I got them didn't I?" Gerard says laughing a little at me as he pulled one out.

"Yeah but where's your lighter?" I tease. Gerard pats his pockets real quick and then looks up at me dangling it in my fingers.

For the next ten minutes Gerard chased me around the room. All the work that poor lady did this morning to was ruined... We trashed the room in a matter of minutes...He managed to corner me in the bathroom though and get it back...

As he lit his cigarette in triumph I ordered room service for lunch... I mean I was starving... I swear I haven't eaten anything in like 2 days now, well except for those pancakes I threw up... I ordered almost everything they had to and I ended up eating almost nothing when the food came... Everything just looked different then I imagined.
I poked at the salad on the plate.

"Its salad." Gerard declares. I make a face and push the dish away. We were sitting on the floor in front of the couch with all the food laid out on the coffee table.. "You like salad." He nodded pushing it back to me.

"I know but this is all..." I poke at it with my fork. "lettuce-y." I say frowning.

"That's what a salad is Elle- lettuce." Gerard laughs.

"Yeah I know, but I thought it would have other stuff you know." I say picking up a piece of lettuce on my fork and looking at it.

"Like what?" He says making a face at me.

"I dunno, like nuts and tomatoes and mushrooms or something." I say shaking the lettuce so it falls back on to the dish. "This is just lettuce- with salad dressing." I frown and push the dish away.

"Well how bout the soup." He says reaching for it. I frown again.

"It's too noodley." I shrug.

"noodley?" He laughs. "What the fuck is noodley?'

"The soup is." I tell him.

"Don't be a smart ass." Gerard says waving his finger at me. I pick up the lid on the last dish on the table. Underneath it was a huge piece of chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.

"Can I just eat the cake?" I say weakly to Gerard. He frowns a little.

"I guess its better than nothing" He shrugs.

I smile and stick my finger in the icing. It looked sooo good. I thought I could eat the whole thing and I had wished I had ordered two pieces... fuck I wished they brought me the whole cake... That was until I tasted it! The chocolate was so strong and bitter like... I made a face pulling my finger from my mouth.

"Don't you dare say its too chocolaty!" Gerard laughs.

"Then I wont say it." I say putting the lid back on the dish. Gerard just shook his head at me.

After much nagging from Gerard I did eat some of the way too noodly soup... I even ate a little of the salad too. Lia and Bob still weren't back yet... I figured they'd be back soon... It was getting a little dark now... Gerard had put on the TV and was flipping through the channels as we sat on the couch... Well, he was sitting I had my head resting on his lap. He finally settled on some B horror movie somewhere up high on the cable channels...

I rolled over and looked up at him. "What did you want to ask me before?" I say. He was watching the TV pretty intently...

"Huh?" He says looking down at me.

"About Paul?" I say and he crinkles his face a little at the sound of his name... Kinda like Lia does...I don't know why I'm always so determined to fucking stir shit up... Like I don't have enough fucking problems... oh I know lets me and Gerard talk about my ex boyfriend! Yeah-great idea Elle.. You're such a fucking idiot sometimes...

"Its...uh ..." Gerard stammers a little and wont look me in the eye...

"Oh come on... I know you don't like him." I laugh a little.

"Don't 'like' him" Gerard says through his teeth grinding them a little.

"Okay maybe you seriously don't like him." I say and Gerard tenses up a little. He runs his hand through his hair a little... I guess out of habit, cause it certainly wasn't long enough to be in his face...

"Elle- he's a motherfucking bastard." Gerard says getting a little worked up. I sit up a little. "I'm sorry I know you went out with him for a long time." He says shaking his head at me. I lay my head back down on to his lap.

"Yeah I did for like two years and believe me I've always known what a bastard he is... And I mean always!" I exclaim. Gerard looks down at me and runs his hand through my hair.

"So why'd you say yes." He says raising his eyebrows a little.

"Yes to what?" I say reaching for the remote on the arm of the couch and lowering the volume... I still had my head on his lap.

"When he asked you out?" Gerard said like I was stupid and couldn't follow the conversation...

"He never asked me out." I said back using the same tone he did... Gerard just looked at me a little confused...

"He never asked you out?" Gerard laughed a little now. "Oh I get it... like how you wouldn't let me ask you out..." He smiled.

"Um no not exactly." I said softly raising the volume back up on the TV and turning my head to look at it... It looked like a real cheesy horror flick.. I mean the monster had like green flippers strapped to his head! Gerard grabbed the remote from me and lowered it back down. I looked back over at him.

"What do you mean?" He said giving me a stare like I'd better start talking.

"Come on you really don't want to hear this do you?" I say lifting my head from his lap again. He just looked at me.
"Fine!" I moan... "Paul never asked me out... he uh...won me in a card game." I say quickly and throw my head back down onto Gerard's lap facing the TV.

"That's it!" He laughs. "Oh no, no Elle." He says pushing me back up so I was sitting next to him. "That's all you're gonna say!" He laughed again. "You're gonna tell me what happened!" He said shaking his head a little... He was still a little stoned... I mean that's what I gotta figure... Why else would he want to talk about this... or think its funny?

"You really don't want to hear this do you?" I say and he nods. "I mean really Gerard." I sigh and he nods again a little harder. "Okay fine... you remember Mike Wellinski?" I say and Gerard looks at me like he doesn't know who the hell I'm talking about. "He was a senior a few years back." I say describing him a little.

"Oh yeah, I remember him- he had a uh trans am." Gerard says.

I shrug. "Well if that's a blue car with half a roof then yeah."

"T-tops" Gerard says plainly.

"What?" I hiss.

"There called t-tops Elle, not half a roof!" he laughs.

"Whatever do you want me to finish or not?" I say folding my arms.

"Go head finish." He says smiling a little.

"Well he lived next door to Will." I said trying to hurry the story along.

"Will? Oh you mean your little catholic school boy?" Gerard laughs. And I make a face at him.

"Yeah, that was him- well it was the weekend before school started back up uh before sophomore year." I sigh "and uh... I was at Wills house and he wanted to go next door cause he said Mike was having some kinda party but it ended being just a bunch of guys drinking and playing cards." I shrug.

"And you." Gerard says tapping his finger on his leg a little. Gerard's face was blank... I mean totally blank... I couldn't tell if was cursing me out under his breath or finding all this amusing or what... But he was waiting for me to finish...so...

"So uh... I guess Will wasn't as good of a player as he thought he was and he ended up losing me." I say trying to rush through the story.

"To Paul?" Gerard says like he doesn't believe me.

"Well yeah." I say a little hesitantly.

"And you were okay with that?" Gerard said back looking at me intently.

"I was drunk." I said softly hanging my head a little, like that made it any fucking better. "But when Will came back up later." I said a little louder lifting my head back up. " And was all like 'oh times up' after Paul and I-" Gerard was still looking at me intently. Fuck... better skip that part...

"Well, I uh kinda cursed Will out and he got all bitchy with me." I said remembering what happened smiling a little... Gerard didn't say anything. I looked down at my bare feet and wiggled my toes a little. "And uh.. Paul stood up for me." I said and Gerard scoffed a little. "He told Will to leave me alone that I was his girl now and he promised me that no one would ever hurt me..." I said shutting my eyes thinking back on that day... It was silent for a moment...

Finally Gerard spoke. "Elle, that's just disturbing on so many levels... I cant even begin to tell you." He says shaking his head.

I knew this was gonna happen..."Well that's the story." I say sighing a little. I was half expecting Gerard to jump up and tell me that I'm some sort of a whore and that he cant believe that he ever thought he loved me. But he didn't... He reached over and ran his hand down my cheek.

"So that's why you went to him." Gerard said softly more like a statement then a question. "Cause he said he'd always protect you..."

"Went to him?" I repeat back unsure of what he meant.

"That day." He said running his hand in his hair again. I knew what day he meant...

"I didn't GO to him... he was just there." I say giving Gerard a funny look. "Did Paul make it seem like I went to him..." I said losing my train of thought as I watched Gerard's expression change a little. He looked a little mad... But was he mad at me or...Fuck... Paul... its always Paul...what did you tell him damn it?

Gerard had his lips pressed together tightly and he was staring in the direction of the TV but I know he wasn't watching it. I flipped it off with the remote and stood up in front of him. He didn't move.

"Look Gerard, Paul just happened to be at the library that morning." I say and he looks up at me and doesn't say anything...I took a deep breath. "I cant do this anymore." I say to him taking a step back.

"Do what?" He replies.

"This!" I say waving my hands in the air in between us. I was getting a little flustered. "I cant keep it fucking together all the time!" I yell a little. "I cant do this!" I say trying not to cry.

Gerard stands up. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I cant keep seeing you look at me like that!" I yell.

"Like what?" He says with a genuine shocked tone to his voice! Is he fucking kidding me?

"Like you fucking think that I have some sorta connection to Paul and that I shared some thing with him." I yell.

"That's not-" Gerard started to say and I cut him off.

"No its OVER." I say firmly folding my arms and shaking my head.

"Over?" Gerard repeats softer and I nod...

I couldn't even look at him...