FicWad

I begged Gerard to give me anything other then the Anthrax shirt but he thought it was funny... I'm never gonna live this down... I drove Bobs car to school. Gerard drove him and Mikey in his car but they had to stop to pick Frankie and now Bob up too so I beat them to school.. I parked Bob's car in the back of the lot. As I was walking towards the school I saw Paul getting out of his car.

"Jesus Christ now you're starting to dress like them too!" Paul laughs as he comes running over to me.

"Stop it Paul." I tell him punching his arm a little. He just shook his head smirking at my shirt. "Uh I talked to Petes dad." I say as I we walked towards the school. Paul didn't even look at me. He looked down at the floor and kicked the gravel a little. "You shouldn't have-" I tried to say.

He lifted his head quickly. "You're right I shouldn't have torched the place I should've slit his fucking throat." Paul grabbed me and hissed in my ear.

"Paul just let it go." I said shivering a little. I had my coat on but it was unbuttoned. I wrapped it closer to me.

"Let it go!" He laughs. "Elle, that's not me... I cant just fucking sit around and do nothing like your pansy ass boyfriend." He says getting worked up.

"What did you say." I tell him folding my arms.

"What the fuck did he do Elle?" Paul laughs a little. "Sit around and cry with you." He smirks.

"Fuck you Paul." I say taking a step forward. Paul grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Elle I love you." He says squeezing my arm tighter. "I stood up for you." He says shaking me a little. "What the fuck did he do?"

"Leave me alone." I say trying not to cry.

"He doesn't love you Elle." Paul says releasing his grip a little.

"That's bullshit." I say loudly to him. Some people turn and look. Were in the middle of the parking lot still. "You even said you knew he loved me." I whispered loudly remembering Paul's words.

"He's got a fucking crush on you Elle. That's all." Paul says letting go of my arm finally. "I thought you would've snapped out it by now." He says looking at me a little disappointed.

"Out of what?" I exclaim.

"This." He says frowning. "I mean I gave you time after your grandfather died... I figured you just needed some attention and if you wanted to fucking play around with him- whatever" He sighs.

"I'm not playing around with Gerard." I say to him trying not to yell.

"Damn right you're not anymore." Paul hisses and grabs the back of my neck squeezing it hard. I winced and tensed up under his grip as he dragged me into the building.

"Get the fuck off me." I said trying to pull away. He squeezed tighter. I was starting to freak out.

"Calm down." He's hissing at me shaking me a little. Calm down? Is that what he said?

Then let me fucking go!

I can feel myself going faint...

"Let her go." A voice I didn't recognize calls out loudly from behind us. Paul looks over his shoulder and lets me go instantly.

Paul mumbles something to me about talking later and walks away. I look over and there's a young man coming towards us... He looked to be maybe mid 30's. Definitely a teacher although I didn't recognize him... He definitely wasn't one of my teachers. He had real warm eyes.

"Is everything okay?" He says to me watching Paul walk away.

"Uh yeah." I say taking a step towards the my class.

"Wait a minute." He calls out stopping me. Fuck...

"Are you going to send me to the office?" I say a little annoyed.

"What's your name?" He says taking a step closer to me.

"Michelle Waller." I sigh.

"Grade 12." He reads

"Yes." I say getting nervous now.

"Ah." He says pulling out a paper from a folder. "You're on my list." He declares smiling a little.

List?

What list?

This cannot be good.


"What list?" I say nervously to the man before me.

"Oh I'm sorry I'm Mr. Samuel." He says holding out his hand for me to shake it. I just looked at it.

"What list?" I repeat a little louder gripping my coat to me a little tighter.

"I'm uh Ms. Roberts temporary replacement in the consular office." He says still holding his hand out for me to shake.

"Oh" I say dryly. He frowns and pulls his hand back realizing that I'm not going to shake it.

"It seems you're on my list of appointments today." He says humming a little. Fuck... This is just great. A new consular... I might have had a chance of convincing him that Ms. Roberts was crazy, that I'm perfectly normal, well adjusted and all that crap. That I don't need any help or god damn weekly sessions-but he fucking catches me arguing with Paul and now its like he's itching to drag me into that little cubicle and analyze me. I started to bite my lip a little when someone came up behind me wrapping their arm around my waist.

"Hey honey- you got my keys." Bob says squeezing me a little.

I turn around. "Oh yeah." I said pulling them from my coat pocket and handing them to him. Bob looked up at Mr. Samuel. He didn't recognize him either.

"Ill see you later Miss Waller." Mr. Samuel called out as Bob and I started to walk away.

"Who was that?" He said looking back over his shoulder.

"Consular." I shrugged frowning a little.

"You don't look so hot Elle." Bob says making a face at me.

"Gee thanks Bob." I laugh punching his arm lightly.

"No I mean you look a little sick." He laughs and starts squinting looking at my face. Honestly I didn't feel so well... Every time I talk to Paul I get nauseous. But I can't tell Bob that we were arguing before...

"I'm fine." I said ducking into the photo lab as the bell rang. Shit Bob walked me all the way to class... He's gonna be late for his now... I walk in and Gerard and Frankie are already there. Chrissy too. She was hanging on Frankie's arm as he and Gerard spoke. Frankie saw me come in and pulled away from Chrissy.

"Can I kiss the bride?" He cries out grabbing me and smothering me with kisses.

"Fuck Frankie." I moaned trying to push him off. Chrissy was glaring at me. Like I fucking need this crap from her no less. Mr. Edwards told everyone to sit down and then he gives me a slip to go to the consular office for next period during study. I stick it in my pocket and make a face. He tells me and Gerard and Frankie that since we were in ISS and missed class, we have to hurry up and work hard to get our projects done now... Whatever. Today's Tuesday, the class is over on Friday anyway.

I hardly got to speak to Gerard in class. Mr. Edwards was like hanging over our shoulders making sure we were working... When the bell rang Gerard asked me if I wanted him to walk me to the guidance consular office. For a second I had no clue what he was talking about.

"Oh I am not fucking going there." I said pulling the slip from my pocket and crumbling it up. I threw it in the trashcan as we walked out. Gerard frowned a little. "You think I need help?" I spat at him.

He looked at me and sighed a little. "I don't think it could hurt." He finally said. Great. He thinks I'm a fucking nut. I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm just saying Elle, that maybe.." He said wrapping his arm around me. "You feel warm." He says unexpectedly. "are you getting sick?" He says putting his hand on my forehead.

"No." I say pushing his hand down.

"You don't look so great." He says squinting at me like Bob did.

"I'm not sick." I said as we walked into the cafeteria. "I'm just..." I shrugged. The bell started ringing drowning me out. Which was good cause I don't know what I was gonna say...

"I talked to Paul this morning." I said as we sat down at a table in the back of study hall.

"When in the morning?" Gerard's asks raising his eyebrows a little. I guess cause I was with him all morning and then he saw Bob walking me to class.

"In the parking lot." I say leaning my elbows on to the table. Gerard was sitting next to me. "He said um-"

"Why the fuck do you even talk to him?" Gerard snaps at me.

"What?" I gasp a little and look over at Gerard biting my lip.

"Sorry." Gerard mumbles and reaches over and takes my hand. "I just don't like to see you upset." He says and I lean my head over onto his shoulder. "So uh what did he say Elle." Gerard said a little softer.

"Just a bunch of crap." I sigh.

"About me." Gerard says and I feel him tensing up. I lift my head off him.

"About us." I say looking into Gerard's eyes.

"What was it?" He asks me and I look away. "tell me." He insists.

"He just said that you don't really love me that -" I sighed.

"That he does." Gerard smirked a little. I shrugged. "and that's it?" Gerard says raising his eyebrows at me. I didn't answer. "Elle." He insisted.

"He said something about having enough, that he gave me time and I don't know I think he thinks that were gonna get back together." I shrug.

"And what did you say?" Gerard leans towards me a little.

"I didn't say anything." I said pulling out my math notebook.

"You had to have said something." Gerard said getting a little angry.

I shake my head. "I don't know."

"Well you didn't just fucking stand there looking at him!" Gerard exclaims. "So tell me."

"I don't KNOW...I guess.. fuck.. he said-he had enough, I said- let me go-" I stammer.

"Let you go?" Gerard says raising his eyebrows at me. I roll my eyes a little. "What the fuck does that mean?" He says louder.
"Its no big deal he was just grabbing me a little." I sigh. Gerard frowns. "Gerard please." I say reaching over and putting my hand on his leg. "Pauls just..." I paused to think of the right word. "Physical like that." I say.

"He has no right." Gerard scowls. "Your not with him anymore and even if you were-" he starts to get loud.

"Shhh." I hiss at him as the guy at the next table turns. "It doesn't matter that were not together." I say quietly to Gerard. "He's always gonna be there, we have a lot of history." I say and immediately regret it.

"So you WANT him hanging around!" Gerard snaps at me.

"No!" I exclaim. "But you need to understand that after everything with me and him he deserves for me-"

"Deserves!" Gerard cuts me off. He was pissed to. "He fucking deserves-" He slams his fist on the table and I jump a little. He looks over at my terrified face and his expression softens. "I'm sorry Elle." He says shaking his head. "Its just the things he said about you- the way he treated you..."

"What did he say..." I whispered. Gerard didn't hear me. Or he didn't want to answer...

"I don't know why the fuck you let him do that to you." He said reaching over and squeezing my hand.

"Do what?" I ask.

"Treat you like that... " Gerard says getting a little angry.

"That's just how things were between us, it wasn't all bad." I try to explain. "Its not a big deal. Its how it's always been."

"Its always been fucked up Elle." Gerard says shaking his head at me.

"You don't understand." I say getting a little frustrated.

"No you don't." Gerard says "He was using you and you just let him."

"He wasn't using me." I gasped.

"Elle what the fuck!" He kinda yells. "He fucking made you and Jeff-"

"He didn't make me do anything." I interrupt and Gerard shakes his head at me a little. He doesn't believe what I said...I looked down at my math notebook..."He asked me to... he said if I loved him that I would ... I mean, he never 'forced me' to do anything that I didn't want to." I say weakly.

"And you didn't fucking think not even once, that you were better than that" Gerard says softly rubbing my hand and I look down shutting my eyes a little. "he asked you, if you loved him...."Gerard mumbled. "He fucking asked you!... what he fucking asked of you makes me want to-" Gerard was clenching his jaw.

"Calm down." I say softly to Gerard. It was silent for a while as Gerard stared off across the room.

"Stay away from him Elle." Gerard says breaking the silence. "Cause if I see him touching you." Gerard said tensing up again. "I could taste his blood...you don't even know..." Gerard said his voice trailing off.

"Gerard." I said hesisitantly. He was starting to creep me out. He had this look in his eye like he was thinking about killing him...and enjoying it...

"That day..." He said looking off into the distance. "I was so close to choking the life out of him." He said clenching his fist tightly. "If Frankie didn't pull me off of him-" He said shaking his head a little.

"What day?" I interrupt. He relaxed a little instantly like he snapped out of a trance.

"In gym class." He says looking over at me.

"Oh cause of Mikey." I say remembering what happened.

"Cause of you." Gerard says a little confused.

"Oh cause Paul jumped Mikey cause of me." I tell him. He looked at me funny.

"Paul didn't jump Mikey." Gerard says shaking his head at me.

"They got in a fight Gerard." I insist. "Frankie said that-"

"I don't know what Frankie said Elle... Mikey told Paul off for not coming to the funeral." Gerard said hesitantly... "And Mikey hit him first." He said and I almost fell off the seat. "You didn't know that?" He said as I looked at him wide-eyed.

"No." I say totally shocked. I thought Mikey didn't like me very much... "So then why were you Paul fighting?" I ask.. I always figured it was cause he was sticking up for Mikey...

"Because." Gerard said sighing a little.

"Cause of what?" I ask and Gerard pulls out a notebook ignoring me. "Gerard." I say firmly.

"Cause of what he said." Gerard says looking down at a page with some math problems on it. He picks up his pencil like he's gonna fuck work...

"What did he say?" I ask Gerard. He's looking over my shoulder at someone.

"Miss Waller." A voice calls out. I turn around. It's Mr. Samuel. "Did you forget our appointment." He says cheerfully smiling, that was until I answered him with a plain and simple no.

I mean I’ll admit I needed help. Lots of help. But it was unlikely Mr Samuel was going to be the man to give it to me.