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Mr. Samuel made me go back to the guidance office with him. But instead of the little cubicle thing Ms. Roberts use to make me sit in- he brought me into a small office. He told me to sit and he shut the door. He went on to tell me how Ms. Roberts had went out on maternity leave... I didn't even realize she was pregnant, I thought she was just fat. Anyway he said that he was going to fill in for her and all this crap about his credentials... I just sat there nodding every so often...

Then the most incredible thing happened. He told me that they had lost my file!! All that crap Ms. Roberts use to scribble about me... It was gone... accidentally deleted or some shit. So he had no idea why she was even seeing me... He wanted me to tell him! Oh Karma!! You're back. This is my ticket out of here...

"Oh my grandfather died and I guess it was just you know the standard thing." I shrugged reaching for my bag.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that." He said scribbling a little. "When did he pass?"

"Thanksgiving." I said starting to get up. This was too easy.

"Not so fast." He said motioning me to sit back down...fuck; I knew that was too easy... I sat and looked at him blankly....

"Well why don't you tell me something about yourself." He says leaning back into his chair. Is he fucking kidding me? Okay just suck it up Elle. The faster you get this over with the better.

"Uh my favorite color is red... I don't like cats.... Um.... My favorite fruit is cherry... " I thought for a moment "Oh I once ate a whole jar of peanut butter-"

Mr. Samuel laughed. "No, no. I mean-." He looked at me and sighed. "Okay let's talk about this morning." He says leaning forward in his chair again.

"This morning?" I repeat.

"Yes." He says.

"Yes?" I repeat.

"Okay if you keep repeating me, Michelle- we're never going to make any progress." He sighs. "I'd really like to help you." He says sincerely. I don't know why but I believed him.

"Its just Elle." I tell him sighing a little. "Only cops and judges call me Michelle." I laugh. He doesn't. He scribbles something down looking at me funny. Crap... This isn't going well...

"So that was your boyfriend this morning?" He asks with out looking up.

"Oh no no no!" I say shaking my head. "That was NOT my boyfriend." I cry out and he looks up. "He uh, use to be- but that was a long time ago." I say trying to emphasize the word long.

"Sometimes ending things can be difficult." Mr. Samuel nods. Shouldn't he be telling this shit to Paul and not me?

"So, how long ago is 'long ago'?" He says to me nodding slightly.

"It's was umm around Thanksgiving." I say.

"When your grandfather passed." He raises his eyebrow slightly and starts scribbling again.

"Uh I guess." I shrug. This is not going well. I need to turn this around. Ok think happy... Think what would Chrissy do?

"So you're dating someone else?" He asks.

"Oh yes, ummm happily too." I say smiling like an idiot. There that should fix it...I should be getting out of here quickly now...

"The blonde guy with the metal in his lip?" Mr. S says raising his eyebrow again.

Metal in his lip? What the fuck is he talking about? Oh a lip ring? He must mean Bob. Cause Bob asked me for his keys back before and he called me honey! Damn it...

"Oh no that was Bob my husband." I blurt out. 'Fuck.' I mutter under my breath as soon as I said it...

"Husband?" Mr. S repeats choking a little. Okay so much for getting out of here quickly...

I mean there was no use pretending he didn't hear me cause he did. "Yes, husband." I say reluctantly.

"Yes, husband?" He repeats.

"Look Mr. S, if you're just gonna keep repeating what I say we're never gonna make any progress." I tell him very seriously.

He looked at me and tried not to smile. "Um okay." He said sliding his chair closer to the desk. "How long have you been married?" He said shaking his head a little.

"Um lets see 4 days now." I shrug.

"To Bob---?" He says scribbling something. He wanted Bobs last name....

"Look it was just a joke." I said reaching over to stop him from writing... I don't want them dragging Bob in here too.

"So Bob is not your husband?-" He said giving me a quizzical look. Now he thinks I'm just making shit up. Like I'm a pathological liar...Hmmm... I wonder what kind of drugs they give for that? no.. focus Elle.. Bob...

"Bob is my husband." I sigh. "But it was just a stupid dare and I already talked to my lawyer and we're straightening it all out." I say and Mr. S. leans back again. "Bob already told his mom too, so you don't have to." I add.

"And how does your mom feel about this?" He says scratching his head.

"My mom is dead." I say a little defensively.

"Oh I'm sorry." He said scribbling again. "When did she pass?"

"Ummm it was six years ago.. Well it will be six years on the 15th." I say trying not to cry. I didn't realize that's just a few days away. I've just been so preoccupied with everything else...

"It sounds like its still very difficult for you." He says pushing the tissues towards me.

"Its just so hard." I start to sob remembering. "I just feel like the more time that passes the more I forget of her and I don't want to forget." I say wiping my eyes. I can't believe I'm sitting here crying to this stranger. There was just something about him... Maybe it was cause he didn't know anything about me...

"Well your father should be able to help you-" He starts to say and I flip out. I mean flip out.

"My father!" I yell. "I have no father! That bastard can burn in hell!" I scream at him. I can feel the blood boiling in my veins...

"You don't get along with your father?" He says scribbling again.... Hmmm? You think? And he's a fucking consular??? Ah. What was thinking... He cant fucking help me... No one can help me...

I took a deep breath. "I don't know my father. I don't want to know my father. He was never there for me and I don't even care anymore." I say calmly. "If I never see him again it'll be too soon." I mumble.

"You don't live with your father I take it." He sighs.

"No." I reply sighing a little. I can see where this is going.- No father, no mother, no grandfather...

"Do you have any other relatives that you-" He starts to say.

"Live with?" I interrupt.

"Mmm hmm." He says nodding.

"No." I say

"No" he repeats.

"No" I say again.

"So you live-" He encourages me.

"Alone." I sigh.

"Alone." He repeats.

"Are we gonna start repeating crap again cause I mean..." I say shaking my head at him.

He laughed a little. "Okay I'm sorry. Uh.." he said thinking a little. He was giving me a funny look.

"What?" I ask.

"Its just you," He started to say and then changed his mind. I bit my lip a little. He smiled. "Is Waller your fathers name?" He says leaning forward a little.

"No." I say shaking my head.

"Your mothers name is-" He said raising his eyebrow a little.

"Was." I corrected him. "It was Katrina."

He smiled. "Katrina Waller." He laughed a little. I looked at him funny. The way he said it was like he...

"You knew her?" I ask.

"Sacred Hearts Catholic School?" He says and I nod. "Yeah I did." He said leaning back in his chair. "You look so much like her too, I don't know why I didn't see it before." He says looking at me fondly.

"You knew my mother?" I said as tears started to fill my eyes again.

"I think I'm going to have to recluse myself from your file." He says putting the paper he was writing on into a folder.

"What?" I gasp.

"Recluse." He says plainly. "It means-"

"I know what it fucking means" I say loudly. "I'm asking you why."

"I just think it would be better since-" He said scratching his head again.

"Look if you want to help me and you said you did right?" I say getting a little worked up. "Then you can tell me about my mom... that's all I ever wanted...please." I say starting to cry again.

He sat looking at me for what like seemed like forever... Finally he leant forward and sighed. "Okay Elle." He said. I smiled. "Not so fast now." He said holding his hand up to me. "If you can promise me that you'll be completely honest when you're here and you'll come to all your appointments- on time." He says and I nod eagerly. "Then I will try to tell you what I can remember about your mother.... It was almost twenty years ago, you know." He sighs.

I didn't care what he wanted me to do... If he could tell me anything about my mom... My papa lost most of his memories when he had the stroke. I was so angry too. I always resented him for forgetting. I knew it wasn't his fault, but it didn't make it any easier. But now... now... I was just about to ask Mr. Samuel how exactly he knew my mom when the bell rang. I just sat there as it rang. I wasn't going to leave... not now...

"You're going to be late for class." Mr. S says motioning me to go.

"I can't go." I say shaking my head at him.

"I have other appointments." He says getting up.

"But..." I stammer as he walks towards the door. "But I need help." I say as pathetically as I can. "You can't send me back to class." I pretend to cry.

"I'll make you another appointment soon." He laughs a little.

"But I need help now." I protest. "I'm real messed up." I say he opens the door. "I'm uh... afraid of heights." I say picking up my bag.

"Well good thing the school is only one story." He laughs.

"I'm afraid of the dark!" I say taking a small step towards the door.

"The school is well lit." He smiles.

"I...I..." I stammer as he pushes me out the door.

"We'll talk about it another time." He says waving goodbye to me.

Another time?

I don't think I can wait... Fuck...

I ran into the bathroom and threw up.