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I don’t know why I was so sick. I hadn't eaten anything today. But maybe that was why? Or maybe it was just the anxiousness I felt…Either way- the worst part about the whole thing was Marie was in there and she made me go to the nurse. I mean she literally took my arm and dragged me into the nurse office. So now I'm sitting on this god-awful leather recliner like the dentists' use, with a thermometer in my mouth.

She said I don't have a fever. I'm just flushed... Whatever. She says I can lay here for a few minutes before going back to class.

I sat back and shut my eyes, thinking about Mr. Samuel... I wonder how he knew my mom... If my mom was still alive she'd be...hmm.. 37? He looks about 37... There's just so much I want to know...

I think I fell asleep cause the next thing I know the nurse is calling my name and handing me a slip to bring to math class. Fuck... I get up and hesitantly make my way back down the hall.

Mikey looks relieved when I walk in. I put the slip on the teachers' desk and go sit down.

"Where were you?" Mikey whispers. "I though you ditched."

"No" I shake my head. "I was at the nurse." I sigh.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good." He whispers handing me a piece of paper.

I shrug and look at the paper he handed me. "What the fuck is this?" I say as the bell rings.

"Notes." He says plainly.

"Notes on what?" I squint trying to understand what the fuck was written on the paper. It looked like numbers and words but his writing is all chicken scratch. I couldn't read it.

"On what you missed in math." He said it like it was so obvious.

'Oh Mikey'. I sighed softly. You do like me! I can't believe he took notes for me...

"What?" He said

"I love you Mikey Way!" I exclaim jumping up and kissing his cheek. He just stood there looking at me funny.

"Did the nurse give you some kind of medication?" He laughs as we walk out.

"No no Mikey" I say grabbing his hand and interlocking my fingers in his. "I self medicate- you know that!"

Mikey laughed as I swung his arm back and forth as we walked. "I'll see you later Elle." He said pulling his hand from mine as he turned to go down the opposite hall. As I walked towards the social studies room I saw Ray leaning against the lockers talking to ...ugh.. Sara. I smiled at them as I walked by.

Just as the bell rang Ray ducks into class. The lesson went by pretty fast to. I think I might have actually learned something... It's been a while since I wasn't fucked up in class...

Anyway the lesson was over and kids started lining up by the door, waiting for the first lunch bell, and Ray comes over to me.

"What are you doing for lunch?" He asks smiling funny at me.

"I don't even know if I can eat." I sigh. Ray makes a face and looks at me funny. "I swear to god Ray-do not say I don't look so well!" I laugh.

"Okay, I wont." He laughs. "Umm since you're not really gonna eat- do you want to have lunch with me and Sara?" He says picking up my notebook off the desk and looking at it. "Hey did you take notes?" He laughs.

"Yes." I say taking the book back from him. I can actually do school work! I just don't...

"Yes you'll come." He says eagerly.

"Come where?" I say getting up as the bell rings.

"To lunch with me and Sara." He says grabbing my arm.

"Where are we going?" I ask as he starts dragging me down the hall.

"It's called the 'cafeteria'. " he laughs.

"No wait." I say pulling back. He stops walking. Fuck... Sara's a sophomore too. She can't go out for lunch. "I'm not..." I start to say.

"Come on Elle. She wants to have lunch with me and I don't wantta sit there with just her and all her friends." Ray pouts a little. I roll my eyes. "If you and Gerard-"

"Gerard's gonna come too?" I ask. I can't believe I'm seriously considering this...

Ray nods as Gerard comes up behind me wrapping his arms around me. "So where we going for lunch?" He says kissing my neck slightly.

"It's called the 'cafeteria'." I sigh and Ray smiles widely.

Ray saw Sara across the hall and ran over to her as Gerard and I walked slowly.

"Why are we going to the cafeteria?" Gerard whispers. I nod towards Ray and Sara. "Oh" he laughed a little. "So how did uh your guidance thing go?" He says opening my locker for me. I told him about how Mr. Samuel knew my mom and how he said he'd tell me about her. Gerard seemed a little hesitant. I couldn't understand why. I mean he's the one that said I should talk to somebody and now he's all- watch what you say- I don't really trust them. Go figure. Its not like I'm really gonna tell him the truth about everything... just enough to make him believe I am...

We got to the cafeteria and Gerard left me sitting at a table with Sara. He was gonna go up and get me something to eat since I wasn't feeling well. Ray went too. Sara brought her lunch. Her mom probably packed it for her... So here we are... me and Sara... Alone at a table in the cafeteria.. This was awkward. Sara seemed nice enough. I mean don't really know her. All I know is she's friends with Chrissy, she's a sophomore, and apparently she likes to eat... what is that carrot sticks? Yuck.. She sees me looking at them and offers me one.

"Oh no I don't eat um orange things." I sigh and look over my shoulder. What is taking them so long??

"You don't eat orange things?" She repeats like it's in another language and she's trying to figure out what it means.

"Yes." I nod. "They're orange." I say pointing to them. " I try not to eat orange food." I sigh.

"Oh." She says pushing them aside a little. She looked like she wanted me to explain but I really wasn't in the mood...

"So you're friends with Chrissy?" I say trying to change the subject.

"Yeah" she giggles a little. "You know you were in my gym class last year." She says. I wrinkled my eyebrows trying to remember.

"Oh yeah." I tell her. I didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. I look over again. What the fuck is taking them so long.

"I like your earrings." She says smiling at me fakely. "Did you get them at the mall? Cause I work there." She says trying to find something we have in common. I shrug.

"They were a gift." I lie...

"You don't usually eat in the cafeteria do you?" She asks me trying to make conversation...

"No." I say plainly.

"Why not?" She says... Damn she just wont give up....

"I um." I didn't get to answer her. A hand reaches over and rubs my back...Gerard! He's back! Sara had a strange look on her face; I look over as he sits. It's not Gerard. It's Paul.

"Hey, there its Sara right?." He says and Sara blushes. Oh god give me a break...

"Paul you better get out of here." I say sliding away from him a little.

Paul just laughed. "I just came to say hello to Sara." Sara blushed again. "You're in my uh computer class right?' He says leaning over the table and nodding at her.

"Yeah." She says nervously.

"Don't fucking talk to him." I snap at her. "And you leave me alone." I turn and say to Paul.

"I just wanted to talk." Paul says to me. He looked so... I don't know... pathetic? I know it sounds stupid but deep down I know he really does care for me... "I want to help you Elle, you know I love you babe." He says softly.

"If you want to help me then you can leave before Gerard gets back." I say softly looking into his eyes. He looked at me seriously for a moment, like he understood. Then his expression changed suddenly; He was looking over my shoulder and smirking a little. Fuck...

He stood up quickly and took a step back from the table. I look over and Gerard is standing right behind me now. I jump up and grab his arm and try to pull him to sit down. He was just staring at Paul.

"He was just leaving." I say tugging on Gerard's arm.

"Yeah uh- I'll catch up with you later Elle." Paul laughs a little, Gerard takes a step forward.

"Just ignore him, this is how he gets off- fucking with you... just let it go..." I whisper as Gerard pulls his arm away from me. Sara's looking at us all nervously.

"Is there a problem?" Ray says looking at me and then at Gerard and finally Paul.

"No." I say firmly. Just leave it alone Paul... Fuck... I look over at him and am practically begging him with my eyes to leave.

"You call me later Elle, and we'll talk." He says taking another step back.

"Go to hell Paul." I say sitting down and looking at the tray Gerard put on the table. It looked like a chefs salad. I started picking off the carrots on the top. Gerard looked like he relaxed a little, he started to say something to Ray, when Paul turned around.

"Oh one more thing." He calls out to Gerard grinning a little. "I was just wondering when you're fucking her- does she ever scream out my name by mistake?" He smirks.

I felt my heart stop beating for a second. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. And in the time it took me to blink. Gerard had lunged over and had slammed Paul on to the floor. Sara screamed.

I just sat there frozen watching Gerard pound at him. Ray just sat there too until some kid I've never seen, but I knew he was friends with Paul, ran over and grabbed Gerard off of him. Then Ray ran over and swung at that kid. And then someone else got up... The lunch monitor was screaming at them. A crowd was forming. I saw Mr. Bonner running in now, pushing his way through the crowd yelling at them.

Sara looked like she was gonna cry. I sighed and continued to pick off the carrots on my plate.

"And this Sara - is why I don't eat in the cafeteria." I tell her...