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Sara was still talking when I opened my eyes back up. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. There was no way...

"Elle?" Sara said loudly. I spun around and looked at her blankly. She was waiting for me to answer.

"Okay?" I said and waited for her reaction. I had no clue what she was talking about or what she even asked me...She smiled.

"Good. I'll see you later." She said as she walked out. What the fuck was that all about? I blew it off... I was so fucking hungry again too. I decided not to go to English class and to go back into the cafeteria for the second lunch period and try to eat lunch again. I took some chicken noodle soup this time and a muffin. As I was paying Frankie came up behind me.

"What the hell are you doing here? This isn't your lunch!" He laughed.

"I was hungry." I tell him softly. I didn't want the lunch monitor lady to hear and throw me out.

"You're ditching class to eat cafeteria food!" Frankie said shaking his head at me.

"Leave me alone Frankie. I don't feel so well okay. I just want to sit alone." I say taking a step away from him.

"Come on Elle." He said taking the tray from me. "You can sit with us." He said. I sighed but followed him over to a table where Bob was sitting with Chrissy.

"What are you doing here?" Bob asked and I made a face.

Frankie told them how I was ditching class. They both laughed.

"Come sit down honey." Bob said sliding over a little.

"Thanks Bob." I said as I sat. Chrissy was making a face.

"Hey do you know it's our one week anniversary." Bob says smiling at me.

"Shut the fuck up Bob." I say spooning the carrots out of the soup.

"What are you doing?" Frankie asked me watching. Chrissy was still giving me a look.

"They're orange." I say pointing at them.

"So I was going to get you a present." Bob says laughing a little.

I smile at Bob. "You don't have to do that." I tease. "Being with you is all the present I need." Bob laughs.

"You're not eating the carrots cause they're orange?" Frankie laughs. I look up and Chrissy is still making a face at me.

"Yes Frankie." I say nodding a little.

"You're wasting them." Frankie says like he gives a fuck about it.

"I'll eat them honey." Bob says taking the spoon from my hand. He fished a few out and ate them.

Chrissy looked at Bob then at me and frowned." What?" I snap at her.

"I thought you and Gerard were..umm.." She says looking over at me and Bob.

"What?" I say tapping my finger a little on the table.

"I didn't know you and Bob were dating now." She shrugged.

"I'm not dating Bob!" I laughed.

"Oh no... uh.." Frankie looked over at Chrissy and was trying to explain when Mikey walked up.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He says looking at me wide-eyed.

"Is it a crime to want something to eat?" I yell at him.

"This isn't your lunch Elle." He says sitting down next to me.

Frankie was whispering to Chrissy and she was frowning at me as she listened to him. I have to get out of here...Like I need this shit, from her no less... I stood up and Mikey grabbed my arm.

"Come on Elle. You're not still pissed about Lia." He said pulling me back down.

"What happened with Lia?" Bob interrupted.

"Did you talk to her?" I asked him. He shook his head no.

"I tried I waited for her at her house but she never came home and then I called her this morning and she said she'd uh... meet me after school- so we could talk...." Bob sighed a little. "Did you talk to her?" He asked me.

"No, you know she went to their house yesterday" I say nodding towards Mikey. Bob raised his eyebrows a little.

"Why?" He leant over and asked Mikey.

"Why?" I say sarcastically. "Cause she knew it would fucking hurt you-" I said sighing a little. "And hurt me." I add. Bob frowns. "But that's just Lia, Bob." I tried to explain. "When she gets upset or hurt she lashes out. And yesterday she was mad at you and at me so..."

Bob looked upset. I could tell he was thinking about what I said. He took a drink from his water bottle. He was looking across the room at someone. "Hey isn't that your consular." He says pointing to Mr. Samuel across the room.

"Uh yeah." I say as he walks towards us. He was looking at me like he was a little confused.

"Uh Miss Waller." He says standing in front of the table.

"Hey" I say nodding a little.

"There was an incident at lunch yesterday." He says frowning a little. "Do you know anything about that? He asks me.

I shake my head no. "I uh.. Didn't notice anything." I say plainly. "Um did you guys?" I ask the table. They all shake their heads no.

" I meant during your lunch." Mr. S said smiling a little. "You do know this is not your lunch period Elle." He said folding his arms.

"Yeah I know but I was still hungry though." I try to explain. He shakes his head at me.

"What class are you suppose to be in right now?" He asks.

"mmm English?" I say biting my lip a little.

"Lets go." He says motioning for me to get up.

"But I'm still hungry! I hardly ate anything!" I protest. Mr. S. doesn't say anything. I start to get up.

"Just let her eat man." Bob yells out.

"She is not going to starve, young man." Mr. S tells Bob. "You can bring your lunch to my office Elle." He says and I pick the muffin up.

"Ill just take my muffin." I say and then I grab Bob's water bottle. "And this too okay?" I ask Bob and he nods. "I'll see you later." I say following Mr. S out of the cafeteria.

We were walking back down the hall towards the guidance office. Mr. S looks over at me. "Your friends really seem to care for you." He says and I shrug.

"I wanted to ask you something." I say as he holds the office door open. He nods. "Its uh about my mom." I say and he doesn't say anything.

"Lets talk about one thing at a time." He says sitting down at the desk.

"What?" I reply.

"I'd like to know what happened at lunch yesterday." He says leaning back into his chair.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I shrug.

"Well it seems the gentlemen you were with yesterday morning was involved in a scuffle during lunch." Mr. S says nodding at me.

I chuckled to myself. Paul? A gentleman? Ha... Mr. S was waiting for me to answer. "Id like to know what happened." He says firmly.

"Well shouldn't you be asking him what happened then?" I said roughly. " I mean he was the one fighting."
Mr. S sighed. " I did talk to him. And the others..." He says and I shrug.

"And?" I ask curiously

"And no one seems to uh...wanna give a reason of what happened." He says and I shrug again.

"So what do you want from me?" I say a little nastily.

"Okay Elle. Then I guess were done." He says picking up some papers from his desk and thumbing through them.

"I wanted to ask you about my mom." I say and he shakes his head no. "What the fuck!" I yell at him.

"Okay first." He says holding his finger up at me. "You need to watch your language." He says and I roll my eyes. "And second.- You agreed to cooperate completely with me." He said tossing the papers back onto the desk. "And you're not."

"Look Mr. S." I say taking a deep breath. "You ask me why is Paul fighting and I can honestly say I don't know what's wrong with him and I really don't care." I can feel myself starting to cry... "I have so many other problems that you cant even imagine okay and you wanna sit here and talk about Paul of all things!..." I sniffle a little.

Mr. S leans forward in his chair. "I can't help you unless you tell me then." He says softly.

"Was my mother a whore?" I blurt out wiping my eyes a little.

"What?" He says totally caught off guard.

"A whore." I repeat and he just looks at me blankly. "It means-" I start to say and he holds his hand up.

"I know what it means" he says laughing a little.

"Well then?" I ask again.

"Your mom was popular." He says. Can you be a little more vague!

"That means yes?" I say raising my eyebrows a little.

"Where is this coming from?" Mr. S says tapping his fingers on the desk.

"My dad." I say plainly. Mr. S nods a little. "He said she did drugs." I say and Mr. S looks away. Oh fuck.. Its true...

Mr. S stood up and took off his suit coat and hung it on the chair. I just sat there staring off into space. "When your grandmother died um" He sighed. "She took it very hard Elle." Mr. S said sitting back down.

"You knew her well." I said wiping the tears from my eyes.

He nodded. "We were very close for a while and then she uh... " He looked off into the distance and sighed. "Everyone deals with grief differently." He says leaning towards me. "Your mom chose to ignore it and it led her down the wrong path." He tells me. "I don't want to see that happening to you Elle."

I leant forward and put my head into my hands... It was too late.... Fuck... Am I destined to repeat her mistakes?

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" Mr. S says interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah." I sniffle.

"Sometimes its easy to get mixed up with the wrong crowd..." Mr. S said handing me the tissues.

"The wrong crowd?" I repeat a little confused.

"Elle the boys you're hanging around with... I've seen them. I've spoken to their teachers and I have to say that." Mr. S stopped talking and shook his head.

"That what? You don't know them!" I cry out.

"Elle...Paul is a good student. He's well adjusted and he's stable. I've spoken with his coach and I really think that your letting your grief affect your relationships-"

I cut him off. "You think that I should be with Paul!" I yell standing up. Mr. S just looked at me. Oh this was unbelievable... "Cause he's what the all American boy?" I laugh. "This is bullshit." I yell. "I don't know why I thought that you could help me." I continue to yell at him. "I thought you were suppose to give everyone a fair chance but fuck Gerard was right- if you're not 'one of them'... " I said picking up my bag off the floor.

"Elle." He called out as I slammed his office door.

I had to get out of here... I don't know where I was going but I knew I had to go... I ran all the way home. I unlocked the door and ran into the bathroom. I felt like I had to throw up again but I didn't. Probably cause I didn't eat anything to throw up... My mind was spinning...

I couldn't be pregnant... I counted the days on my fingers, again and again... Unable to accept it. I started to cry. And shake sitting on the cold bathroom floor. I couldn't do it... Id rather kill myself then have Brutus' baby...

I saw the razor I used to shave my legs still sitting in the soap dish in the tub from the morning. I grabbed it and snapped the plastic from it with out even thinking...

I held the small metal blade in my fingers and stared at it...

It was easy...

Too easy...