Categories > Anime/Manga > Full Metal Alchemist > Separation and Reunion
Separation and Reunion
Chapter 3: Held on Me
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Listening to: "My Immortal" - Evanescence
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If she'd have known he was watching, she surely would have kept a better hold on herself. "Great job...cursing him in front of Al...we don't even know where he is..." Winry scolded herself, walking down the hall. What did his little brother think of him now? Probably thought he was a terrible person. Abandoning a baby like that...when he came back...
Everyone said he was dead. Not in front of her, of course; but where else could he be? He'd been gone for six months. Six long, unbearable months, which she'd mostly slept away. She heard their whispers, and decided to turn a deaf ear. There was a part of him in her now, and there was nothing she could do about it. He'd made sure she could never get away, and then he'd gone...where, she didn't know. She supposed that she'd taken the responsibility on herself - she'd known the possibility that he wouldn't come back - but he'd promised.
He'd promised, and it was easier to blame him.
Now it seemed like there was nothing to do in life. She wished she didn't have the commitment; otherwise she could have left already, gone to join him or just to forget the whole thing. Funny, how he had this affect on her...only a few days together after confessing their love for one another, and already her life depended on him. She wasn't ready for this. She was reminded that she wasn't ready every time she looked at Al, recognizing that she had to be a mother. She loved the baby, yet...it was terrifying. And every time she looked at that child, she would remember what everyone else said she'd lost. Even she was starting to thing that she'd lost him.
Ed. Edward Elric.
The father of her child. The love of her life.
She picked up a piece of paper and started to write, careful to be quiet so as not to wake Al or Pinako. Al was staying with them for just a little while, but would soon go and study alchemy with Izumi, leaving Winry alone with just the old woman, her unborn child, and the ghosts that left soft kisses on her neck and wrapped their arms around her, one cold metal and the other warm flesh. That was all she felt, and all she heard was the constant hum of life, both just out of her reach.
She's been told to stop writing letters to him; it wasn't good for her, was what everyone said. Why write letters that would never be read by the one they were meant for. It was no good, and also a sure sign of insanity, that's what everyone in the little town of Risemboul said. Winry thought they might be right. Tonight she was surely feeling insane. Alone in her room, and suddenly feeling free.
Did she really want to raise a child without a father? That's how Ed and Al had grown up; look what had happened to them. And without the other to save them, both of them would be dead right now. Winry didn't want that to happen to her child. And right now, it was obvious which choice was the right one. End the pain. Just end it. It would be so easy, and then she wouldn't be dooming herself to a hard life, or her child. Just end it now.
She finished the letter, addressing it "to Edward", and opened the polished wooden box with all the rest of them in it, running her hands over the engraved flowers lovingly before closing the lid and putting it on her pillow. She numbly walked down the hall, not even feeling as the tears began to slide down her face, glancing at the bed where she and Ed had last been together in that house and then picking up the big lamp and walking out onto the porch, gazing out at where the Elric house used to be. Even the ruined pieces of that burnt house and been blown away, as if it never existed. Winry wanted to feel like that; to be blown away with the wind and feel like she never existed. She sat on the railing of the porch and pulled the lamp onto her chest, closing her eyes and slowly leaning backwards.
Finally.
Chapter 3: Held on Me
----
Listening to: "My Immortal" - Evanescence
----
If she'd have known he was watching, she surely would have kept a better hold on herself. "Great job...cursing him in front of Al...we don't even know where he is..." Winry scolded herself, walking down the hall. What did his little brother think of him now? Probably thought he was a terrible person. Abandoning a baby like that...when he came back...
Everyone said he was dead. Not in front of her, of course; but where else could he be? He'd been gone for six months. Six long, unbearable months, which she'd mostly slept away. She heard their whispers, and decided to turn a deaf ear. There was a part of him in her now, and there was nothing she could do about it. He'd made sure she could never get away, and then he'd gone...where, she didn't know. She supposed that she'd taken the responsibility on herself - she'd known the possibility that he wouldn't come back - but he'd promised.
He'd promised, and it was easier to blame him.
Now it seemed like there was nothing to do in life. She wished she didn't have the commitment; otherwise she could have left already, gone to join him or just to forget the whole thing. Funny, how he had this affect on her...only a few days together after confessing their love for one another, and already her life depended on him. She wasn't ready for this. She was reminded that she wasn't ready every time she looked at Al, recognizing that she had to be a mother. She loved the baby, yet...it was terrifying. And every time she looked at that child, she would remember what everyone else said she'd lost. Even she was starting to thing that she'd lost him.
Ed. Edward Elric.
The father of her child. The love of her life.
She picked up a piece of paper and started to write, careful to be quiet so as not to wake Al or Pinako. Al was staying with them for just a little while, but would soon go and study alchemy with Izumi, leaving Winry alone with just the old woman, her unborn child, and the ghosts that left soft kisses on her neck and wrapped their arms around her, one cold metal and the other warm flesh. That was all she felt, and all she heard was the constant hum of life, both just out of her reach.
She's been told to stop writing letters to him; it wasn't good for her, was what everyone said. Why write letters that would never be read by the one they were meant for. It was no good, and also a sure sign of insanity, that's what everyone in the little town of Risemboul said. Winry thought they might be right. Tonight she was surely feeling insane. Alone in her room, and suddenly feeling free.
Did she really want to raise a child without a father? That's how Ed and Al had grown up; look what had happened to them. And without the other to save them, both of them would be dead right now. Winry didn't want that to happen to her child. And right now, it was obvious which choice was the right one. End the pain. Just end it. It would be so easy, and then she wouldn't be dooming herself to a hard life, or her child. Just end it now.
She finished the letter, addressing it "to Edward", and opened the polished wooden box with all the rest of them in it, running her hands over the engraved flowers lovingly before closing the lid and putting it on her pillow. She numbly walked down the hall, not even feeling as the tears began to slide down her face, glancing at the bed where she and Ed had last been together in that house and then picking up the big lamp and walking out onto the porch, gazing out at where the Elric house used to be. Even the ruined pieces of that burnt house and been blown away, as if it never existed. Winry wanted to feel like that; to be blown away with the wind and feel like she never existed. She sat on the railing of the porch and pulled the lamp onto her chest, closing her eyes and slowly leaning backwards.
Finally.
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